Originally Posted by
A Modest Proposal
In this great nation of ours, I've met many people, of many creeds, races, religions, and mothers. Now, as we progress through this century, we cannot refrain any longer, from the terrible issue that confronts us today. Today, ladies and gentlemen, we can see the very devil before us, his glittering black eyes sparkling between two slices of rye or wheat. We face an issue that has faced many citizens of this nation since the Earl of Sandwich did create such an object. Yes, I am talking about an abomination on this green Earth. An ill-made sandwich.
Ah! I see you cringe at the very thought of such a concoction touching your taste buds! I did think so to, as I feared the deli and Subway. Who knows when such an event could strike? I think we all remember the "French 'wich Fiasco" of 1977 when several ill-made French dips caused riots and violence. Or, need I remind you of the "Moscow Incident" earlier this year, when two deli workers decided to make some very terrible sandwiches for their customers. They still, yes, still, are cleaning the blood from the very walls of that establishment.
Now, you may fear this terrible creation, and so you should. I was a sanwichophobe for several years after I got an order mixed up with someone else's. Then, I found the magical wonder of, what the Americans call, a burger. You all may wonder why this is such a unique creation. Have we all not had a burger before, and felt the same apprehension at the thought of chewing into such a meal? I did too, before I met a very interesting Floridian, who proposed a 'Cheeseburger in Paradise', a most delicious meal. I have been informed, by this same Floridian, of other restaurants that provide 'Whoppers' and 'McBurgers'. No, as you sit there, shaking your head, you'll understand my enthusiasm. For, as I listened to him talk on, I realized that a burger would suitably replace a sandwich.
Now you may ask the obvious question, why replace a sandwich with a burger? It's quite simple, actually.
They both have buns that compress the meal between them. Like a sandwich. A burger has meat in the middle, like many of our favorite culinary sandwiches. But a burger is warm, and moist, and juicy, and can be enhanced, ladies and gentlemen, by lettuce, tomato, or ketchup. While I have no idea what we have to catch-up with, I can assure you that once you've found it, it is a delight. But you are all asking how can I provide you with such a delicious meal. It's quite simple.
First, you go to you nearest 'McDonalds', 'Burger King' or 'Wendys'. They have any variety of 'burgers' that are fresh and warm. Do not fear the bright signs or the 'Americans' inside, but embrace it as your own. You will not again be disappointed at a deli, disenfranchised at a Subway, or hurt by the missing ingredient. Go for a burger, ladies and gentlemen. Get them a Whopper!
Bookmarks