Dating a Japanese Girl

[Shahed]

All women do it to some degree, subconciously. They all do it to make sure they are attracting a suitable mate. I don't want to go into alpha male and all that but essentially that is what it is. If you can't take her crap how can she expect you to protect her from the crap of the world. Asians, and East Europeans often do it well into the relationship. Some women do it very conciously.

Projecting and being, it's preferable to BE the man rather than project it.

I should also say perhaps the best objective is just a kiss or a make out session at the end of the date. Best not to expect too much but once the session is done suggest something else, another date (be prepared beforehand) while she is in the moment and enjoying it she'll accept and it will get her thinking that you ARE the man, you're stable. Ofc if the make out session gets wild then forget the rest and just carry on.

[Vladimir]

I've been to Japan numerous times. And oh boy! You won't see a girl without a miniskirt, high heel shoes, and all that stuff that make men drool. Fashion is very crazy in japan so don't dress up like Bill Gates. Be cool, dress fashionably. But I'm assuming that shes still very young.

Also pretend you don't know how to use chop sticks, fumble with it. Make her hold your hands to help you. That would be sure to start some magic.

Almost the most important. Manners man! Japanese people are the worlds most kind, generous, funny, polite people you will ever meet. At McDonalds in Japan they serve you like your're a God. And that's McDonalds for crying out loud. So remeber if shes a typical japanese she'll be very polite so use your manners. Don't be a slob.

Since I tend to move every two or three years I have no clue what's fashionable here (fissionable, yes). I'll have to look like a real smooth Bill Gates.

Too late on the chop sticks. I already told her that I'm very proficient at them. She seemed surprised and I'm hoping to use that to my advantage; good finger dexterity and all . I even learned some of the etiquette. But I suppose I could fumble once in a while.

The manners thing is what I'm hoping for. Being polite, considerate, and attentive without looking like a wuss. I just hope the restaurant is quite enough for a decent conversation. I really do want to learn about where she is from.

A real problem is that my voice changes dramatically depending on mood. I can go from Mr. Rogers to SGT Slaughter depending on the situation (and what I'm wearing). Usually end up sounding gender neutral when happy, not good!

[RabidGibbon]

Bah! Too much information in this thread, the only real way to impress a Woman (any culture) is no tie, shirt open to the third button and a chest wig that would make a gorilla envious (unless of course, nature has already provided).

I dont charge for further advice if anyone wants to PM me...

[Shahed]

Roadkill has some great suggestions there. You might want to register and post here: http://www.japanlair.com/ must be guys there that can help you out.

[Subedei]

Relax, be gentle & kind, lil bit of humor & a couple of ambiguous comments placed right should do....

As far as I can tell, you still don't know her very well, right? So you should have a close look at her too. She knows that & will be a bit nervous because of it. So being the calm part of the date is close to always a good deal as a man. Which does not mean you should not go into "conquering mode" if things look good!

It is always the right mix. Like Muhammed Ali saidf "Fly like a butterfly, sting like a bee!"

[Peasant Phill]

You can still make her laugh (and possibly score some almost innocent physical contact) by totally missing the scrambled egg bit (is catching the egg with your mouth something done all over in japanese restaurants?).

Acting cool or educated is all good but making her laugh or feel good about herself will make her like you much more. Letting her help you on something innocent can really pay off although advertising your finger dexterity isn't a bad way either.

Perhaps i'm no expert in dating. Do you call somebody who made some kids jealous by riding a shoppingcart with the date in it down the parking lot an expert in dating? My alleged expertise aside (I'm still with that girl after 9 years), remember my words: make her feel good by letting her help you in a small and innocent matter and by making her laugh once in a while.

[Beefy187]

Im not sure if im the right guy (Still in high school and never dated) but im Japanese.

If your going to sushi bar then I suggest you master how to use chopsticks (Get the shape right and stuff. Try moving peanuts from one plate to another)

Learn all the other stuff from the girl but it will be messy if you cant use chopstick in the sushi shop.

Like other peoples said dont bother about how much wasabi you put in and stuff.. That might make a good laugh

[Peasant Phill]

Vladimir, how did the date go?

[LeftEyeNine]

*watches news of a hostage video tape in which an American in pretty bad shape is repeatedly mocked and beaten for his inability to say "Itadakimasu"*

[Rodion Romanovich]

"Itadakimasu"*

which means...?

[LeftEyeNine]

which means...?

[ICantSpellDawg]

Girls of all persuasions like to experience new things on dates. If you meet a girl who doesn't like sushi, offer to take her out to sushi. If she likes you enough, she'll go, if she doesn't move on.

I dated a girl from Taiwan for over 2 years. She liked strong guys. Guys who did what they wanted to do. She loved to experience new things.

I broke up with her because she was crazy.

My new girlfriend said she didn't like sushi (means they haven't tried good sushi), so I said "great, lets go out to sushi". She loved the place and it went down in her history as the most "magical" first date she's had. 2 1/2 years later she still loves it when I show her new things.

Show her what you like - that usually leads to her experiencing something new.

If you like sushi that much, who cares, take her to a modern sushi place anyway. Never kow-tow to what a girl wants unless it is also what you want. Be funny, but be funny in the questions that you ask of her. Keep her talking.

That's all i've got.

[Papewaio]

Sorry I was in KL when this was posted. I am curious to how well the date went?

As for women you date them, not their family and not their culture. They are women first. Which ironically means that showing interest in their family and culture will get you brownie points, as will telling them you are dating them not their family or culture. Confused yet?

First rule, be yourself. It really isn't worth being someone else as the longer it goes on the worse it will get. That is not to say stay in your box, at some point you have to grow and become more. So it by dating you are being YOU then do so, but if you are just projecting something that you don't intend to be then you will only find pleasure and not happiness.

Second rule, they ain' that much different but appreciate those differences. Women are complex and simple. The simple part is they like new shiny things be it hand bags, shoes, haircuts, experiences and men who can give them those and be nice and shiny too. The complex bit is they often don't know what they want from day to day and even if they do know it changes. And even if they think they do know they want you to read their mind.

3rd rule Be a boyscout in at least one way 'Be prepared'. Plan, prepared and be prepared to change course. She (all people) want a leader who looks after them. Worst thing to respond to 'What do you want to do?' is shrug your shoulders and go 'What do you want?' (I do it, I'm married, and I still figuratively smack the side of my head going you schmuck when I say that). It shouldn't even get to that stage, you should have a plan (and a fallback) and have said it before she gets to the bored stage of asking 'What do you want to do?'.

4th Rule, don't be repetitive unless she specifically asks for it. In the long term think of what a boring life would be. Getting up everyday to go out the door to learn the same thing and do the same action again and again. Well that is work for a lot of people. Women what men to take them away from that as much as men what women to do so. So remove the repetitiveness, the only time going to the same place is really good is for nostalgic reasons ... and that takes a long time before it gets like that, the other reason to repeat something is convenience (which quickly translates to boredom).

Dating is exciting because it is new and shiny. So turn up for a date in a likewise manner, smart, comfortable and in control. Be the irresistible shiny object that the magpie wants to unwrap. And just remember you are that shiny gift and if she doesn't want to unwrap you, find the next one that does. Wealth is about having choices, give her plenty and if she declines go and chose from the wealth of options available.

[Vladimir]

Vladimir, how did the date go?

Sorry, THIS Saturday. I've been told lately that I intimidate people so we'll see. That chick who worked at the CK store looked really nice though, and there's this other one I met yesterday...

[Vladimir]

I dated a girl from Taiwan for over 2 years. She liked strong guys. Guys who did what they wanted to do. She loved to experience new things.

I broke up with her because she was crazy.

I'm DOOMED!

[Shahed]

She's flaking already ?

[Vladimir]

She's flaking already ?

Who, me? No.

We were trying to arrange a group date before. That fell through and she pursued me asking if I wanted to still go out with her. Asked me to take her to my school's open house too.

I was commenting about McGruff's girlfriend. Sounds like the type of women I like.

[Vladimir]

Thanks everyone. Tonight went well. Was it worth ~$70? My penis says no, brain says probably not, and my wallet says ouch. Let's see what date two has to offer. This one will involve wine.

[Mouzafphaerre]

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"Wine is the elixir of playing crow in the hole." - Anonymous
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[Beefy187]

Thanks everyone. Tonight went well. Was it worth ~$70? My penis says no, brain says probably not, and my wallet says ouch. Let's see what date two has to offer. This one will involve wine.

So it didnt go to far?

[Vladimir]

So it didnt go to far?

Sorry, I was tired. It actually went well. She seemed to loosen up as dinner progressed and we had a nice hug as she ran to get on the metro bus. I don't know if it's a cultural or individual thing but she was an odd mix of assertive and passive. The language thing might have been a problem. She said her classes growing up focused on written and not spoken English. Now I'm not sure whether to e-mail or call tomorrow.

[Peasant Phill]

She said her classes growing up focused on written and not spoken English. Now I'm not sure whether to e-mail or call tomorrow.

You made me chuckle with that one. In all seriousness, you should call her. Make the second date cheap but entertaining. Take her out to do some sporting activity or something. Squach could be great as she probably hasn't done that a lot and you stay quite close to her.

[Beefy187]

She said her classes growing up focused on written and not spoken English. Now I'm not sure whether to e-mail or call tomorrow.

Japan are coming 47th out of 48 country in english They concentrate too much and grammer which doesnt make sense at all..

I vote calling although e-mail might be easier option

[Tachikaze]

I have dated a number of Japanese women and have been in two deep relationships with Japanese, one came within one month of marriage, the other has been a marriage since 2004.

Both went from holding hands to waking up in the morning together in one 12 hour period, though I had known each of them to varying degrees before.

I have found with most women (of the cultures I know) that they either like you early or they don't. You can't do a lot to alter it, short of deception or shooting yourself down. There is something to the chemistry cliche that is true and women might sense it first.

It seems that much of the time, Japanese women don't like someone who is overly nice, but shows interest in them. There are many who seem to prefer silent, tough guys who say little and have a lot of mystery about them. I'm not interested in that type of woman.

While Japanese women are indeed different from US women, it's really hard to type them all. I teach English and have met thousands, here and in Japan. They come in a huge variety.

But I have one tiny piece of advice. Leave at least a touch of mystery. Don't open up your whole life to her for quite a while. In fact, let her ask about you; you ask about her (i.e. major listener).