HRE- Blitz All Provinces

[Askthepizzaguy]

Ok you are pretty.

Do you know that at the com there was a discussion about you. Most of them didn't believe that it was possible to complete the Grand campaign within nine turns let alone to conquer the known world in 28 turns. The best thing is that the thread was started by someone who thought that completing the grand campaign within 100 turns was an accomplishment.

Now that is pretty neat!

It should be noted that although I have completed the 9 turn long campaign, SirRethCir beat me to it, and it is now my burden to finish the long campaign in 8 turns in order to reclaim the title. SirRethCir deserves the recognition in accomplishing this feat, not me.

Hey, if someone beat entire map in 70 turns on Lands to Conquer, that would be a sight to see. Although in vanilla it's not that much of a challenge, it's still a good starting point for Blitzmasters in training.

Now is this on page two finally or what?

EDIT: YES IT IS!!! YAYYYYY I CAN NOW MOVE HALF OF THE PHOTOS!!!

[Askthepizzaguy]

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Promote my pawn to a knight, please.



Attack!



Promote my pawn to a knight, please.



Another Wenzel?



Heading to Portugal.



Papal Perfection.



My crosses are bigger than your crosses.



48 by turn 12... not bad!



Let's go for more.



diplomacy? What?

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I slay fools in the name of the Holy Reich.



More to kill, mein Kaiser?



Run fools.



More must die.



Only 8 lost.



Turn 13... checkmate of the French.



Check.



56 by turn 13... now we're talking.



The moors attack Marrakesh.



The gates have fallen. Be ready...

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Ready to kill in the Kaiser's name. Die fools!

My general killed your general.



I admit, they gave me a hard time. But I gave them their sweet, sweet deaths.



I backstab thee, "ally".



Slay the schwein!



The enemy King runs!



His bodyguards have been slain. Press the attack!



Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. I pin him up against the wall.



And with a mighty charge... my cavalry runs him through and smashes his broken body against his own walls.

His death was quick and painful.



Perhaps sensing enlightened rule by the Empire, the Hungarians resign.



And another general. More to come.

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Another Teuton house.



Budget nearly balanced...



Another sudden backstab...



Another slain royal family...



Another faction destroyed.



All quiet in the Holy Land. Jerusalem doesn't revolt.



And another backstab.



Another slain King.



Another slain Heir.



Another victory. All in a day's work.

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Here is a fun bit of frame-by-frame battle for you to save and then flip through, thus creating the illusion of animation.



I've got Germans to the left of me, Germans to the right. Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.



Time to fight.



Charging...



Lances meet flesh and bone...



Charging...



Charging...



Charging...



Charging...



Aaaaand... dead general.

[Askthepizzaguy]

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Troops are routing...



Another Victory.



Here's some stats for ya.



You rebel scum...



Now let's finish off the Danes.



The crusades are over... and we still have public order, and we're still turning a profit. Not bad!



General Von Saxony becomes a noble in line for the throne.



Pushing back the Polish and Hungarians...



And now, Senor Pope, you will hand over control of your precious Rome to the knowledgeable and wise rule of the German people, lest you die!



Very well... if you will not cooperate peacefully...

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Victory by turn 14 is not bad... it's no 9 turns, SirRethcir, but it's fairly impressive!



Plus, hey, 61 regions controlled.



More nobles join the royal dynasty.



A foreign princess renounces her people and joins the Reich.



And now you English pig-dogs... taste German steel.



We have you completely surrounded. Do not resist, or we will destroy you.



We will take the castle quickly, mein Kaiser.

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Faster, men! The enemy approach!



This castle is nearly ours.



Into the breach, once more, men!



These walls belong to us, now.



Take the town.



Their leader is slain. Good.



The enemy approaches, but it is far too late.



My ally did not fare so well... but what can you do? Computers are stupid.



Dusseldorf should not have charged the enemy without the support of his men. He is a fool, and the Reich will not be led by fools.

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Now... destroy what's left of them.



Very gutt. Brilliant leadership is rewarded, while foolish leaders die.



To Pamplona and Zaragosa.



Yes, soften up those rebellious knaves... we will slaughter the victor.



The game is lost, your Holiness... why not surrender to the Reich? Don't make me destroy you.



At last, Knud the barbarian is dead.



Another faction falls to the might of the empire.



To the British isles...



These arabs think they can resist the Empire...



They have failed.

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And now, Egypt will fall to the might of the Reich.



Our former brothers in the eastern Roman empire will rejoin us. By force.



There are more of them than I predicted... perhaps a less direct confrontation is prudent here.



For defeating more rebellious uprisings, this man becomes a general of the Reich.



More fools for the chopping block.



Barely worth mentioning.



More cattle are slaughtered.



This brave knight is worthy of lands and title.



The English are many... but the Reich is unstoppable.



King William should have invested in some more troops. Now he dies.

[Askthepizzaguy]

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The rest of these idiots will perish as well.



Another fool lacking in bodyguards...



A fool and his life are soon parted.



Good night, my enemy.



Another valuable province of the Empire.



The Spanish will not resist the Reich.



Nothing worth dying for... just surrender to the Reich, or perish.



Accept the Kaiser's rule.



Charge to your doom...



"Uh, captain... they are behind us!"

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"Uh captain... they have impaled you!"



Not a bad offer of death.



Did Egypt forget about soldiers?



You could not have asked for a more glorious victory.



Mr. Perfect joins the noble Riech.



A King, this man? No, a fool, this man.




Now scurry off to your boat.



We have crushed the heretic Pope who dares question the Kaiser.



The fool is dead. Gutt... the Kaiser will select a new Pope.



Begin manufacturing the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.

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These rebellious Turks are not worthy of being called German, but we will take their lands anyway.



The Poles think they can expand their empire.




Our fresh faced captain will triumph over these Spanish.



They resist helplessly.



Slain by the headless horse man.



A feast for the crows is all that remains of them.



Our Teutons have slain their leader.



We leave none alive.



This captain has earned his lands and title.



A magnificent castle for the conquering hero!

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What is it, my general? More lands for the Reich?



This ancient city will become a part of the glorious Empire.



Soon they will be unable to resist the Kaiser.



More cattle to be butchered.



Charge them, men!



Slain.



Another great victory.



Leaving your people undefended, fool?



I slay another English Cracker.



King Fido and Queen Fifi will perish at nottingham.

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Pwned.



These fools will surrender to the Riech's forces.



None shall escape.



Another hero.



And his companion is also promoted.



I am the MASTER of captain promotion. And don't you ever forget it!!!



Guess who gets a promotion?



Good night.



I slay rebels for fun and profit.



71 regions... turn 17. Only 11 more turns.

[Askthepizzaguy]

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Another guild.



They will fall.



The last hiding place of the Spanish schwein.



Never leave your Royal family unattended.



And never have them board a ship that will soon sink.
A rare naval victory for the Reich.



Oh, Zbiggy... will you ever win?



Oh, Tobiaszczczsz, will you ever win?



Mein lord, we have emerged the victors on this day.



Never leave your Constantinople unattended.



Destroy what's left of them.

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Shall we die together?



Fine. Die alone then.



A fine example of nobility.



A guild for Rome, too.



We hold a large percentage of the college of cardinals now... soon the Papacy will be ours.



The Spanish princess will no longer be royalty.



We have reached the coast. There are rumors of more people to kill over here. Not bad for turn nineteen.



And a cardinal makes the Reich the superpower of all Christendom.



Resistance is futile.



Yeah, that's right. I really am that cocky.

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Die, schwein!



A magnificent city... for the Riech.



They surrender without a fight.



I promise not to butcher all of them.



To Dongola, Jedda, and beyond.



The rebels are becoming a minor nuisance, and nothing more.



I crush the last of the Italians.



Good night, knight.



Soon I will be the master of all Africa as well as Europe.



Wilhelm makes another man his heir.

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And our new Pope has decided to... join the Reich.



Pope Vitalis is a pawn of the Kaiser, the true ruler of Europe.



The hungarians and the Poles are all that remain.



The others don't even have cardinals.



By the shores of Tripoli...



Slay them, men.



Arguin, at last.



Too exhausted to fight again, I simply calc the remainder of Spanish resistance.



Good night.



And good luck.

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Another noble.



Almost time for another crusade...



Eliminate all Scottish resistance.



This is the last stronghold of England.



Things fare poorly for our enemies... we will triumph.



Wallachia will be another German province.



The Reich fears nothing.



The economy is prospering... but wait until the crusade begins...



81 provinces by turn 20



I am the incarnation of death, reaper of souls, sacker of cities... you are my next victim.

[Askthepizzaguy]

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Farewell, mein enemy.



The Roman empire has risen from the ashes of death... we have returned.



The fools left their only province unguarded... let's press the attack, then.



More nobles to rule the empire.



Time to exterminate the pests in this rat-hole.



So ends the British empire. All that remains is one final seige.



Closer and closer...



Vitalis dared question his master. I put that dog to his death.



I never forget to eat my Bran flakes.

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Promote my pawn to knight.



Moorish Algeria will become a German colony.



Sooner than you think.



Our new puppet has seen fit to reconcile us to the Catholic name. Do not betray me or I will slay you as well.



Don't let the name fool you. This man is no Saladin.



King Calamari is about to sleep with the fishes.



Good night, mein enemy.



They continue to resist... why? Have the millions who died in vain fighting the Kaiser not spread word of our inevitability and the futility of resistance?



I slay more Poles.



Soon I will exterminate the remainder.

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Too little resistance, too late.



Why can't you JUST DIE???



I wipe their entrails off of mein sword.



The Scots fall that same day.



The Pope will declare a holy war against the Turkish vermin.



Surrender now or forever hold your breath.



To Georgia!



I trample some rebels on the way.



Hans will join the holy war.

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The last of Tripolian resistance.



The rest of the map falls at lightning speed.



Oh, I could soooo just take thier last city and auto-resolve against the rebellious remainders... but isn't it more fun to KILL THEM YOURSELF???



Much blood will spill today.



Charging their flanks.



This battle goes well for the Empire!



They can run, but there is nowhere to hide.



Slay them all!



Another pig is slain.



A brutal extermination... not a battle, but a slaughter.

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Now I take their last rat-hole.



Join me... and together we can rule the galaxy.



THIS IS WHY TURTLING IS INFERIOR TO BLITZKRIEG... NO FOOLISH TURTLE COULD EVER HOPE TO GAIN SUCH A MASSIVE ECONOMY! BOW BEFORE THE MIGHT OF BLITZ MASTERY!!!

There, I've said it. You know I am correct. Stop resisting.

You know you want to become a blitz warrior too.



More teutons... too late to be of any use. This campaign is over.



I surround the enemy.



Butcher them all.



Poles should all end up dead anyway.



Take them all down.



Surround and pound.


Wither goest, vile knave? Turn around and fight like an honourable knight!

COWARD!!!

[Askthepizzaguy]

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Slay them all next time, men...



Let's retry that battle to perfection. Slay every last man.



And their King goes down for the last time.



Resistance remaining: 0.000



Sometimes I just feel like perfecting my art...



That battle leaves their final city undefended, with reinforcements a day late.



Like cattle.



I join the crusade in progress.



I've got a Hummer for Humer.



Not even worthy of mention. A fitting end for an unremarkable band of idiots.

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Now witness the final destruction of the alliance... and the end of your insignificant rebellion.

No Catholics remaining. No Orthodox remaining. Now all that is left is the final extermination of the Muslim rats.



The oneness of the Riech cannot be questioned.



Another band of loyal, noble knights.



Cairo is the only province losing money. Reconstruction efforts will begin.



I DID say resistance was futile. Weren't you listening???



"I myself was once president of Algeria."

Look, pal, I don't wanna hear your life story.



The Kaiser has gone insane from the desert heat... he craves the taste of human flesh.



All of Africa bows to me.



Why won't you just DIE???



Got a present for you.

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Those Irish Kerns come in handy.

Ok, they don't really ever come in handy.



Onward to victory.



The wave of darkness sweeps the continent.



Quick deaths will follow.



Needless to say, we are number one.

'

This loathsome man will be another pawn of the Kaiser.



SURPRISE FOOLS!!!



Perfect relations, after 3 excommunications in 24 turns. Killing has its rewards.



All available troops ship off to war.



Attila the Hun must die.

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Death to Smoochy.



Jalal the Malevolent has nothing on Emperor Heinrich the Batsh*t Insane.



More than a full stack of the highest quality Rebel forces imaginable. All will be crushed.



I wipe their entrails off of my boot.



I thirst for blood.



More meat... more blood...



I hunger for human flesh.



Death... death... death...



I order you to begin randomly slaying people in the most brutal and senseless fashion. I am the incarnation of evil.



With the lord's blessing, of course.

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from Ireland to Baghdad.



BUTCHER THEM!!!



Snapping necks and crushing skulls in my path.



You dare oppose me? YOU WILL DIE!!!



I am the bringer of doom and destruction.



Surrender and you will be slain anyway.



Victory is imminent!



I have but a few short battles to go.



Outnumbered two to one. WHO WILL LIVE AND WHO WILL DIE???



I want to feast on their flesh. Bring me every fresh victim and burn them alive.

[Askthepizzaguy]

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Crushed.



Everyone report to the battlefield, to the battlefield. Everyone report to the battlefield. Ok stop.

Killing time!



Time to slay what's left of the rebels.



Took the town, and the cowards didn't even want to fight for it. They gave up...



Which eliminates them from the game.



The vultures are circling!



The eastern steppes will become part of the Reich... LONG before the Mongoloids arrive.



Captain Sillyman dies today.



Hiding in the mountains, eh? You yellow bastards.



Sofia falls.

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The final resting place of Captian whats-his-face.



I slay the last of the Byzantines for good measure. Just because I can.



Promote my pawn to... Queen! You big silly!



I grow tired of looking at your ugly face. Get off my land.



Another anonymous henchman foiled by the great Austin "Danger" Powers. Look, you haven't even got a nametag. You've got no chance. Why don't you just fall down?



Judo Chop!



I take my faith very seriously.



Kiss your butt goodbye... Captain Limburger? You stink!



No, really, you think???



Batter down the gates, men!!!

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Bwahaha!!!



Time to put this dog to sleep.



CHAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!



The idiots are retreating!!!



You can't run. You can't hide. I OWN THIS CONTINENT. YOU WILL DIE BY MY OWN HANDS!!!



DIE YOU WORTHLESS PIG!!! DIE!!!



Saving the best for last. You are the captain of an army that's been destroyed, of a faction that's been destroyed, which is the sole remaining faction besides my own. Care to surrender?

TOO LATE!!! I DONT TAKE PRISONERS, I BURY THEM!!!!



HELP ME!!! HELP ME!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SOMEONE HELP MEEEE!!!!!



Limbaugh's throat has been cut open. He spews his right-wing hate no more, and my horses trample on his broken body and feast on his flesh.



Our final victory.

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The last of a long line of fools.



I left none alive. Then I burned down the entire settlement, with the women and children barrackaded inside. I'm just plain evil.



Let me think.... EXTERMINATE THEM!!!!



The smell of burning flesh travels all the way to India and beyond. None dare oppose me now.



The Pope is most pleased with my brutal butchering.



The Winner, and still CHAMPION...



I'd slay you, Pope, but you're my *expletive deleted*. So what's the point?



You love me, don't you? That's a good little dog.



Turtling cannot grant you a fraction of the economy that Blitzing can. I own everything.



Final score

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Switch my capital to Rome...



My 49 generals take up several screen lengths, obviously I can't fit them all here.



My original Faction leader, sole ruler of a vast empire and the greatest dynasty on earth.



6 generations of heirs... alive. I think my crown is safe.



Got Territory?



Got Money?



Got Slaves?



Got Milk?



Got Troops?


I can outproduce any of you. How'd you like my campaign?

And that's how you do that.

Hey, can you guys see all the images now? Or do I have to wait for a page number 3 for them all to be viewable?

[8igdave]

Ive not read any opf the above posts, but why is it that non of your armys disbanned on the crusades? On my crusades if i dont go straight to the target they all disband. Your going in the total oposit directions and they arnt disbanding?

[CynicalP]

Wow, very impressed! I 'm so stuck in the turtle mentality I can't even comprend the blitz tactics. Obviously far superior to the slow turtle approach I take. Using your approach I did try to use crusader stack but it wouldn't allow me to attack any catholic factions until they were excommunicated. I also lost the majority of the force to disbanding.

[Eikon the Magistrate]

Dam thats alot of loading time for the pics... and Im on broadband at work...I feel for those with 56k hehehe... I do have 1 question tho ATPG .. I noticed that from turn 27 to turn 28 your florins increased by nearly 50k but ur income was under 10k profit.... is that due solely to looting cities/rewards for crusades? If so perhaps Ive been attacking the wrong areas of the map... omw to those turks first nexxtime I suppose...

[Askthepizzaguy]

Dam thats alot of loading time for the pics... and Im on broadband at work...I feel for those with 56k hehehe... I do have 1 question tho ATPG .. I noticed that from turn 27 to turn 28 your florins increased by nearly 50k but ur income was under 10k profit.... is that due solely to looting cities/rewards for crusades? If so perhaps Ive been attacking the wrong areas of the map... omw to those turks first nexxtime I suppose...

Exactly. Sacking cities, especially large ones, will net you 10,000-20,000. Also, losing a LOT of troops in battle conquering your enemies can result in huge differences in your annual budget. I also love to pillage and destroy things, which also nets you cash.

Ive not read any opf the above posts, but why is it that non of your armys disbanned on the crusades? On my crusades if i dont go straight to the target they all disband. Your going in the total oposit directions and they arnt disbanding?

You can prevent all loss to desertion by leaving the crusade and then joining the crusade again in the same turn, but it only works for the first 10 turns, because then you cannot rejoin.

Wow, very impressed! I 'm so stuck in the turtle mentality I can't even comprend the blitz tactics. Obviously far superior to the slow turtle approach I take. Using your approach I did try to use crusader stack but it wouldn't allow me to attack any catholic factions until they were excommunicated. I also lost the majority of the force to disbanding.

You can use two tactics to attack the Catholics who arent excommed:

1. take a rebel or noncatholic settlement and then move your general (still on crusade) out of the city. The entire army still inside the city will become a "garrison" next turn, and officially leave the crusade. Your general can continue on by himself, or leave the crusade too and lead the stack. But it's a great way to earn new generals... have captian led stacks attack your foes.

2. Have your crusader general leave the crusade, while all your troops are still on the crusade. Now move next to a city as if you were to beseige it. Now leave the crusade, click on your stack, select ONLY YOUR NON CRUSADER GENERAL and beseige the city with him. It will work, and you will have the entire crusader stack "backing him up"

Next turn, take the city (warnings will appear that the troops will disband this turn...)

Now, rejoin the crusade and move where ever you want. Rinse and repeat.

This is so cheap, I didn't even do it for this campaign. But YOU can.

[8igdave]

i didn;t know you could do that with crusades. But i dont think i will. It just doesn;'t seem right having cusades marching in the oposit direction. Especialy not attacking catholic factions who arnt excomunicated.

What is the fastest amount of turns the game can be completed with out using these two exploits? I was quite happy with my self currently playing HRE with 30 villages in 26 turns lmao. I dont play much, tis on vh vh.