Court of the Caliph: BC Hotseat Council Thread

[Askthepizzaguy]

In keeping with my Sultan's commitment to peace, we have offered the Romans a sizeable pact filled with terms of peace. It is most fair, in the Sultan's opinion, and if the Roman were to disagree on that judgment, the Sultan has left all the terms of the treaty open for discussion, debate, and reason. Indeed, all the terms are negotiable.

The Romans who most threaten the Turks, who claim all the lands on our borders, we have offered them peace.

If this is so, then why can there not be peace between the Georgian and the Seljuk? Truly we value our Georgian neighbors as trade partners, and we value the lives of our Muslim brothers even more so.

Since I am not an involved party, I cannot offer terms. I would merely suggest that the Georgian expand his territories north and to the west, while the Seljuk spread his armies into rebel lands, and respect the territorial claims of other nations. For the lives lost in this struggle, reparations would seem to be in order as well.

Due to the misunderstanding, such reparations should be light. Perhaps a bulk sum of 1500, or 4 payments of 500, whichever the Seljuk prefers.

In the scheme of things, the lives of the men lost should be worth more than that, but as your friends and as a student of history, I know that excessive reparations will only lead to resentment and hostility. These reparations are not to be taken as payment for lives, but symbolic of peaceful intentions and goodwill only.

I do not wish to insult either side with this humble suggestion. If such advice is unwanted, please consult my ambassador privately and I will refrain from making such comments in the future.

[The Lemongate]

The Roman delegation's empty seat stares angrily at anyone who insults the magnificence of Rome. Most courtiers nearby feel they need to take their distances for fear of being bitten...


OOC: Just a friendly reminder that no Romans are actually here, they just send envoys and messangers from time to time. The Roman ambassador can however be contacted in his estate in an upscale neighborhood of Baghdad reserved for visiting dignitaries.

[phonicsmonkey]

OOC: the Caliph assumes that the Romans will be monitoring events at Court even if they are not represented in person - let me know if that's not the case and I'll make sure to pm you when I need you to hear something I also say in public

[phonicsmonkey]

The Caliph has returned to Court - he instructs the Vizier, who stands and announces:

All hail the mighty Caliph of Baghdad who has defeated the rebellious curs of Ahvaz and brought that place back into the loving embrace of the Caliphate!

The victors of Ahvaz now march on Shiraz with the intention of capturing that town for the Caliph.

In the north the castle at Mosul is under siege by the armies of the Caliphate who will assault and take it next season. That army will then march on Mardin, Inshallah to restore our rule over those lands.

[Askthepizzaguy]

The Sultan of the Rum Turks would like to stake a claim to Malatya and Diyarbakir, up to the point equidistant of the borders between the Rum Turks and the Caliph's mighty armies.

Diyarbakir, however, is much open for negotiation if the Caliph so desires.

I propose a border establishment between myself and the Caliph at these provinces, and would consider ceding claims to territories north or south to any who negotiate with us in good faith.



If these proposals are unacceptable, please contact the Sultan directly, that he might barter with your emissaries.

We also wish to celebrate the Caliph's great victories over the rebels at Ahvaz, who insulted the Caliph with their independence. Let the Council know that the Sultan approves and applauds the actions of the Caliph in bringing law and enlightenment to these backward people.

[rossahh]

Late as you were to arrive at the council, Turk, we would remind you of Jerusalem's desire to reclaim the city of Edessa for Christendom. As Edessa borders the region you are concerned with, it is only fair that we give warning of this impending conquest. If you object to this, take it up with the Caliph, as he has already graciously accepted the proposal.

[Askthepizzaguy]

No thats perfectly acceptable. You did rightly claim it first.

[TheFlax]

The georgian emissary rises, scroll in hand.

Georgia would like to announce to all that we have reached a peaceful understanding with the Seljuks and that there will be no further bloodshed on this matter.

We would like to praise the Seljuk for their peaceful ouvertures, although they had a certain advantage on us they were fully open to peaceful talk. Since our exchange with the Seljuks, we are now convinced that this whole conflict started on a misunderstanding. We recognize that in their point of view, our army might have constituted a threat, even though we never intented an attack on the Seljuks. Both sides have made mistakes and acted rashly at some point or another. Finding the faulty party in this conflict is counterproductive to the peace effort and so we have both accepted the other party's position and the misunderstanding of this position.

We would also, both of us, praise the Caliph for his effort in finding a peaceful resolution to the conflict opposing the Seljuks and us. The fairness and understanding the Caliph has demonstrated should be an example to us all.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Praise be to the Georgian ambassador for negotiating a peace settlement! Allah's infinite mercy and forgiveness will redeem us all our sins, for he smiles upon peace.

I look forward to continuing trade and negotiations with our friends and neighbors the Georgians. I hope that very shortly the Romans will respond to our peace deal as well, and we can all focus on trade and strengthening our economies at home. We have hungry people who would rather have peace than be dragged off to war anyway.

[Zim]

As per our ally Georgia's wishes, we retract our declaration of war against the Seljuks. However, Shah Khusrau does not believe the Seljuk invasion resulted from a misunderstanding, unless that misunderstanding wa the extent to which his other neighbors would react to such naked aggression. We would advise the SUltan to think twice before starting another such war.

[barcamartin]

Rising from his seat next to the Ayyubids, the Seljuk emissary addresses the Georgian.

' I am glad to hear that you and your people have shown an understanding far beyond that of other nations represented here in the council. Even though it was your people that suffered from this misunderstanding you have been open to peace talks. I regret that not all men of this world share the Georgian wisdom and sense of justice. Who are you, Ghazni, to speak of matters which you know very little of ? "Naked aggression" you say ?! We have admitted that our attack was wrong doing on our behalf, but we have asked for and recieved the Georgians forgiveness. That leaves you in no position to further judge us, since this conflict hardly concerns you in the first place. Lastly, I too should thank the Caliph for opening the negotiations and enabling this peace treaty. May Allah be with him. '

Bowing to the Caliph, and nodding at the Georgian, he takes his seat.

[Askthepizzaguy]

OOC-

Perhaps an amusing diversion is needed after the recent hostilities:

https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?t=100487

[phonicsmonkey]

A gong is sounded and a troupe of slaves enters the chamber bearing dishes overflowing with delicious foodstuffs from the Palace kitchens.

The Vizier stands.

Let all present join the Caliph in rejoicing at the peace treaty signed between Georgia and the Seljuks!

Eat and be merry my brothers for the needless war is at an end!

The Caliph praises the King of Georgia and the Sultan of the Seljuks for their wisdom in putting aside petty rivalries and pride and finding a solution to their dispute.

All hail the King of Georgia!

All hail the Sultan of the Seljuks!

And all hail Caliph An-Nasir the Peacemaker!

[Askthepizzaguy]

The Turkish Ambassador slurs his words while attempting unsuccessfully to stand:

"...And all hail the Romans for supplying the celebratory booze... did you hear what happened to the Sultan last night? That was freakin hilarious..."

Just then the Caliph claps his hands and armed guards advance towards the Turkish emissary. They draw their swords and impale him through the stomach. Then the poor drunk is dragged from the Council floor never to be seen again. Another Turkish emissary is promptly dispatched. This time with a promise to respect the Islamic custom of abstaining from alcohol.

[Banzai Kamikaze]

The Ayyubid ambassador glares uneasingly at the dying Turkish ambassador. He looks horrified and is about to stand up when his attention is diverted towards a fruit cake larger than him, presented by twelve of the Caliph's slaves. The ambassador drools over this admirable work of art and forgets about the terrible scene unfolding nearby.

[00jebus]

The shahdoms ambassador has been staring at a christian emassary for the past 5 minutes with a look of utter disgust on his face, closer inspection of the man he's looking at shows he's got a large chunk of lamb clinging to his beard, which has been rising and falling with every breath

"eugh, Europe really must be a barbaric place".... he anounces to his aid, "hey where'd that cake come from?" he ponders...

[Askthepizzaguy]

ooc- Gah! I grow tired of waiting for my turn... I think I'm going to crank up a single player Broken Crescent campaign and attempt to blitz all over the map on VeryHard/VeryHard.

Meanwhile, the new Turkish delegate sits and enjoys a fine meal prepared by the Caliph, though the man is clearly uneasy as the seat has not been cleared of the mess left by the previous delegate.

[Askthepizzaguy]

OOC- The Sultan's turn has finally arrived. Still no war in Anatolia... good.

I am however growing distressed that the Romans still have yet to respond to our offers of peace, and are massing thier armies on our borders. My sword is most restful in it's scabbard, and I would not wish to draw it so quickly. If the terms of my treaty were unacceptable, I am willing to hear a counter-offer.

By the way, those who distrust the Sultan because of his reputation as blitzmaster should not... I have recently started a single player campaign to satisfy my bloodlust.

I destroyed all of the Eastern Roman Empire (I didn't forget about Trebizonid) and lay seige to their capital with two full stacks of gold and silver chevron units in 8 short turns. Yes, even destroyed their spawned armies of doom. With a single stack. All that remains is their little pathetic island territory, and that's only because I don't have any boats yet. I was listening to Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody during the senseless carnage. I consider myself an artist of death.

If anyone is interested in the AAR, please let me know. Not convinced of the excitement?


I destroyed Armenia as well.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Sneak peak of the AAR

Apologies for the off-topic. Back to topic.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

I conquer not just with my armies, but my merchants. This one makes more than your better cities do.



Defend yourself with large garrisons all you want. They ALL crumble before my might.



And don't you dare tell me that light cavalry cannot capture cities.



Die, you Roman dogs... Notice the date. Yes, it's accurate.



Armenia is next to fall... the only reason I didn't conquer them sooner was because I decided to retrain my vast armies in castles along the way. That takes time. If I went all-out on the blitz, I would just send replacements for my lost units rather than retrain them. But you dont get fancy gold chevy units that way.

PS- Thanks be to the Romans who responded to our diplomat, if not our offer.

[Askthepizzaguy]

The new Turkish Ambassador rises to speak in calm, even tones:

The Sultan of Rum would like to politely remind all parties that threats of aggression against our neighbors and peaceful trade partners will not be tolerated. We have made a committment to peace and will challenge any empire or empires conspiring to destroy smaller states.

I warn the provocateurs not to invade the sovereign territories of Rum or Armenia.

I am awaiting confirmation from Armenia that they have been attacked. I pray that this is not so, in the name of peace. For now, I accuse no party.

[Askthepizzaguy]

The Rum delegate issues a proclamation:

To all the honourable delegates of the council:

Jerusalem has sworn that they are not engaged in, nor about to engage in acts of aggression. Therefore, I wish to state publicly that the position of the Sultan of Rum is that they are our friends and neighbors, and will continue to aid them if they come under attack from any power.

I just wish to clarify that the Sultan has no hostile intentions, nor wishes any hostilities from our allies, towards Jerusalem so long as they remain neutral towards our friend, Armenia. Peace be to all who respect Armenian territory.

I would offer our public apology towards Jerusalem for any misunderstanding on this matter, and to the council if my words have been ambiguous. We also unilaterally condemn any aggression towards them so long as they are our friends. I hope to resolve this crisis diplomatically, before there is bloodshed.

There remains no peace treaty with Rome, but they have offered one. We shall see if it is genuine when their diplomat makes contact with the Sultan. To all nations who have offered aid or are planning to offer aid, we will honour our pledge to repay you, no matter what the status of Rome or Jerusalem is.

[rossahh]

The representative from Jerusalem stands up and glares at the Turkish delegate


We have sworn nothing yet. But that does not mean that a peaceful solution is not in sight.



In that regard, we have reiterated our pledge that we shall not attack the Turkish Sultanate. We have shown no aggression nor made any threats towards them. Nor have we attacked Armenia.

[Askthepizzaguy]

I will then reiterate that an attack on Armenia, at this time, is the same as an attack on the Sultan. It would be a clear act of aggression, and we will not tolerate aggressors, be they Roman, Jerusalem, or Armenian. I have reminded Armenia that my pledge to defend him is not valid should he wage an aggressive war against anyone.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Edit: retracted

[_Tristan_]

A mail-clad rider, all grimy with dust, enter the Caliph's chambers in haste.

My Lords, I am an emissary of the King of Armenia.

I am hear to inform you of the treachery of the Roman dogs...

See how their are besieging one of our cities and have even gone as far as building some military fortifications to prevent us from moving freely on our own land...

We ask the assistance of the assemble Lords in resolving this conflict. We have asked the Romans to compensate us with 2000 gold for their agression.

We do not think our demands will be met.

Moreover, we would like to warn the King of Jerusalem to stay out of the conflict unless he comes to our aid. His masing of a large army right on our border does not calm our fears that the conflict might escalate in full-fledged war.

What have done to deserve such hatred ? (OOC : I'm hearing Skunk Anansie on this...)

With this the messenger falls to his knees out of sheer exhaustion.

[rossahh]

We have not yet decided on our next course of action.

All will be made clear soon, which ever way we sway.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Edit: Rum declares war on Rome.

[phonicsmonkey]

The Vizier stands, a sombre expression on his face.

The Caliph is much pained at the news that the noble Armenians, who sought only to offer peace and prosperity to their own people, have been needlessly attacked by the Romans.

Let the Romans stay their blades and be not aggressive towards the peoples of Anatolia.

His expression hardens as he catches the eye of the Turkish emissary.

Although it is clear that the Romans are the first movers in this war, the Caliph is not inclined to favour those who use the wars of others as a pretext for their own aggression.

Let the Turks reconsider their hasty declaration of war against the Romans, and follow the example of their cousins the Seljuks, who came to an arrangement with their Georgian neighbours.

Indeed it would seem the Armenians have no trouble defending themselves, and hardly need the assistance of the Sultanate.

On another topic, the Caliph is pleased to announce that the rebellious dogs of Mosul have been brought back into the loving embrace of the Caliphate - the Caliph's armies now hope to persuade the residents of Mardin to accept his rule with equanimity.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Honourable Caliph, I must protest.

It is not "aggression" to defend an ally who has been attacked. Those who declare wars without any pretext at all, valid or otherwise, only to be slapped down like mewling infants, are the true aggressors here.

Should the Mongolians storm through this land, and we were to ally together to stop them, would that be considered "aggressive" or defensive?

[Ramses II CP]

The Maharaja wishes to make a public appeal for peace between all men. Surely though, if what we have seen is true, there can be no question of which nation was the aggressor, and thus which nation's actions should be decried. The matter is far from my lands, and quite beyond my control, but I urge the men of this Council to make their disapproval of any unprovoked attack known!

The emissary of the Rajputs returns to his seat with a pained look upon his face.