Court of the Caliph: BC Hotseat Council Thread

[Askthepizzaguy]

My memory isn't what it used to be, or ever was. Feel free to remind me. It is only because everything public is on record that I can even engage in this kind of debate.

But I do agree that what agreements we might have had were special all right... I think it might have included something along the lines of destroying Rome together... attacking the Cilician settlements when they were under Roman control... something to that effect. I didn't see the need to bother with that unnecessary step, seeing as how the settlements were prone and Rome could have sacked them again.

And I do recall why they were left undefended, and that business has long been cleared up. No accusations there. But at the time I found it rather curious.

Looking back on all that has transpired... I find it amusing that there had once been proposals to attack Armenia... to ally with Jerusalem... and the Ghorids... my what tangled webs we weave. In the end, all my enemies can say that they were once offered peace and alliance, and that they were foolish not to take it, I suppose.

At times I am thankful my memory isn't what it should be, because going back and reading the record from the beginning is quite entertaining. Like an alzheimer's patient, I can enjoy the same bit of reading anew every few months and delight at the bickering.

[rossahh]

To the Turk

Yes, that one. By breaking the deal, you created Rome's staunchest supporter.





Addressing the Armenians

Ask your allies for the loan - you have many. Though we would build the fort for you across the river, any noblemen we sent into your lands would be captured and executed, no doubt, so I do not think it would be possible for us to construct it. Nor would we be willing to pay the necessary money - there would be no way to garuntee that the money would be spent on the fort. It is not our problem if you are too poor to defend yourself.

Also, your army at Tarsus is just as equally able to march into the Levant as ours at Antioch is to march in Cicillia, so you are not the only ones that fear a sudden strike by their neighbor. The forts are there for our defense, and will not be removed whatever your wishes. We, quite reasonably, suggest you build your own in your own lands. I cannot understand your reluctance to do so.

[_Tristan_]

OOC : being more than 10000 into the red doesn't make it anywhere possible for me to build a fort...

The Armenian diplomat slowly rises, mimicking the Latin accent of his opponent.

"It is not our problem if you are too poor to defend yourself"

It might not be your problem but it is your fault if our treasury is in such a sorry state...

Only desperation comes from where we stand now... And you are the witness of what desperation leads us to do, claiming forts that belong to our enemy for our own defence either througn negociation or by force of arms.

So, I will not allow for Armenia to appear in the Caliph's court as unable to make concessions in order to achieve peace.

Allow us to retain that northern fort... It threatens none of your cities and merely acts as an insurance against any treacherous maneuvers from men such as Tripoli, may his soul rot in Hell...

I would take you up on your offer of building a fort for us... Only the building site remains to be determined. The river crossing you proposed is too far inland on Armenian soil. Were you to build it facing right on your own fort at your border, I think a deal could be reached between our Kingdoms...

I perfectly understand that a nobleman of Jerusalem will certainly put his life at risk for the task. So mark my words : should anything happen to that nobleman coming or going to the building site of said fort, Takavor Hetum I swears before this court that before the man is put to rest, he will have mounted his horse and ridden to the nearest Latin outpost to surrender himself and be tried and disposed of as seen fit by King Baldwin.

Is that enough guarantee for you ?

I personnally think this is more than you deserve...

The man sits back down, a clear look of disgust upon his face.

[Askthepizzaguy]

I personally think that speaking the language of diplomacy to the festering rat Baldwin is more than he deserves. He only understands THIS!

The Turk pulls out his sword and whips it across the chamber, the weapon impacting dead center on the Jerusalem delegate's table, inches from the Latin diplomat who gasps in surprise and alarm.

I will meet you on the battlefield. I can see talking with the likes of you is pointless.

The Turk exits the chamber with his entourage.

[rossahh]

Slighty confused, the old man asks


Just where do you want the fort to be built?

I suggested that you build it on the actual border blocking the river crossing, while you want a fort opposite the present defensive line in OUR own territory, correct?

[Askthepizzaguy]

A messenger arrives bearing a scroll from the Turkish Commander:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

The Khwarezmids have offered most reasonable terms of surrender to the Ghazni and the Seljuks. I would urge them both to please consider these terms, as we have use for another ally and the war has been decided in the Seljuk/Ghaznis favor with no real threat in the long term from the Shah.

The Seljuks and Ghaznis are not commanded to do anything except consider his proposal, the terms are more than reasonable.

If it is his armed forces which trouble you, perhaps he could surrender/disband them. He asks for a turn of retreat only... surely that's reasonable.

Thank you for your time, honourable friends and allies.

I would advise the Shah that he might consider migrating his faction... he can keep what remains of his homelands of course, but what remains is too dangerous in the long term. I'd suggest moving west or east, but the Kypchak lands have been claimed already and the Ghorids are most unfriendly.

If you would be willing to put down the Kypchaks with what remains of your forces, there may be profitable exchanges of territory in your future.

[barcamartin]

' My leaders have considered the offer, and are mainly positive to it. We will have no claims to the Khwarezm lands west of Urgench. The only matter of dispute is the time for the hand-over. We will review the situation when the time comes (OOC: our turn :P) '

[00jebus]

In other words gentlemen, he's waiting to see if his team of spies that has infiltrated Urgesh can open the gates for his army.

The terms are more than in your favour, only a fool would risk the lives of his men on an attack when we offer to hand over control diplomatically.

[Askthepizzaguy]

The Turk chuckles at the Khwarezm delegate's rhetorical mastery, whose cutting words shame the Seljuk delegate almost as badly as the Seljuk armies shame the Shah's forces.



Well, he would chuckle if he were present, which he is not...

I also want to announce that I've renamed my faction heir inexplicably to:

Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nurnburger-bratwustle-gernspurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shonedanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft... of Ulm

The sad part is, he's not even German.

[Banzai Kamikaze]

I personally think that speaking the language of diplomacy to the festering rat Baldwin is more than he deserves. He only understands THIS!

The Turk pulls out his sword and whips it across the chamber, the weapon impacting dead center on the Jerusalem delegate's table, inches from the Latin diplomat who gasps in surprise and alarm.

I will meet you on the battlefield. I can see talking with the likes of you is pointless.

The Turk exits the chamber with his entourage.

The Ayyubid ambassador frowns at those words, and looks distressed by the spectacular exit of the Turkish delegation:

These...these are troubling news.

Dear ambassadors, have we stopped a war in Anatolia simply to start a new one in the Levant ?

We urge all parties to return to the negociating table and work toward a lasting peace.

We are sure there can be peace with Jerusalem.

The Ayyubids... must condemn any nation who would launch an assault against Jerusalem.

You may not trust him, but we believe King Baldwin could have crushed our Turkish brothers a few years ago, and could have pursued the Armenian survivors. They did not help the Romans militarily, and have made their intentions to reach peace very clear to this court.

Should the Coalition of Freedom launch an assault against king Baldwin in the current circumstances, we will consider their agenda aggressive in the future. We urge the members of this coalition to see reason in our words and not prepare for an invasion of the Levant.

Turning toward the Vizier:

We urge the Caliph to bring the Turkish delegation back to this court and help them negociate a lasting peace with Jerusalem.


Looking at the Seljuk delegation:

We are greatly distressed by the fall of the Shah's armies. We urge our Seljuk brothers to negociate fair terms of surrender, and avoid killing innocent women and children. We all are Muslim brothers after all.

[rossahh]

The Jerusalem delegation begins to pack their things. The old man stands and addresses the court for the last time


And so it has come to this. The Coalition's invasion of the Kingdom has begun, and every man of the Kingdom has been requested to help defend against the invaders. Already, despite the loss of Aleppo in Armenia's surprise attack, our armies have struck back, destroying two large Armenian armies with just a single one of our own. The King himself has ridden forth into the field to defend all that is precious to him.

We fully expect the other Coalition members to join the attack, and we are most distressed to see that at least one of the Coalition members, the Turks, is not moving across their ally Armenia's lands but rather is taking a northern routing, which can only lead them across the Caliph's lands. Surely the Caliph will not stand for this transgression?

To the Ayyubids, Rome, the Shah and the Ghorids, may you long resist against the tyrannical Coalition. Know that whatever the outcome, the Kingdom of Jerusalem will rise again.

Fare yee well, my brothers.

[Askthepizzaguy]

A turkish straggler watches the Latin delegation leave and laughs uproariously


Ah, you don't frighten us, Latin pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!

The turk makes obscene gestures, mocking the latin delegation in their own laughable accent.

So we Coalition folk outwit you dappy Latin kniggits a second time! Look at this so called Baldwin king with his silly, knees bent, running around advancing behavior. I unclog my nose in your general direction and call your feeble attempts at defending your nation a silly thing, you tiny brained wipers of other people's bottoms, Yes, depart a lot at this time and cut the approaching any more, or we fire arrows at the tops of your heads and make castanets out of your testicles already!

And now, remain gone, illegitimate-faced bugger-folk! And, if you think you got a nasty taunting this time, you ain't heard nothing yet, dappy Latin k-nnniggets! Thpppt!


I found a drawing of your mother, so called Baldwin king who has the brain of a duck!

See? le hamster.... hohohohoho

[rossahh]

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Since when do the Rum Turks have the same sense of humour as Pomes do?

[Askthepizzaguy]

It's all the Romans fault. They supplied the wine, and we supplied the drinking of the wine.

You know, after so many shots of Roman spirits, Baldwin slightly resembles Brooke Shields. Come here Brooke... let me show you my sword...

the drunken turk chases the remaining Latin knights out of the chamber, who are rightly fearful for their lives.

[The Lemongate]

OOC:

the drunken turk chases the remaining Latin knights out of the chamber, who are rightly fearful for their sanity.

fixed

IC:

The Roman delegation's chair, after a rather long silence, wonders out loud how come the spirit of the first Turkish emissary managed to take possession of the new Turkish emissary's body...?

[Askthepizzaguy]

I believe you know the answer to that question, keg boy. Don't play innocent with me.

to the entire delegation:

He's the one who got me smashed! Yes... he did it... bravo. I must say, excellent ale. The wine was a bit too tart for my taste though. Next time, bring some more of those sweet Roman girls to my casbah.

inexplicably, a donkey in a party hat wearing lipstick trots by.

Where's that Ghorid delegate? He's always good for a laugh...

[Zim]

A messenger in Ghazni colors rushes in and whispers something to Qiwam, who immediately looks alert for the first time since entering the Council. Briefly questioning the messenger, Qiwam stands to address the Court.

Gentlemen, I am proud to announce that a Ghazni army has taken the settlement of Bukhara with minimal losses. No civilians were harmed in the occupation, and the garrison was allowed to return home after laying down their weapons.

If the Kwarezhm delegate would offer any complain, we would remind him that no treaty has been finalized between him and the Ghazni Shah, and that his nation's expansion east gives the lie to his supposedly agreeing to retreat all forces to a position west of Urgench. Should he sign the treaty drawn up by the Seljuk Sultan and my Shah, we will gladly take hold of Samarqand and ceasefire next season. Otherwise hostilities will continue.

We would also like to inform all those here today that a Ghorid force outside Ghazni was vanquished, and as expected the Ghorid Sultan had spent all his money on alcohol and woman, and refused to pay a ransom for his men. We took pity on them and have decided to let them live peacefully in Ghazni as farmers. We would remind the Sultan, Qiwam's voice suddenly hardens, that once the Kwarezhm war ends, we will be coming for him, and that he'd be advised not to make another attempt to take our capital.

[00jebus]

With a sense of moral superiority, the Khwarezmani ambassador begins

Ah, I see I was right about the Afgans ability to read gentlemen!

Read your treaty again, you will see we did nothing wrong, and have complied with its terms, whereas you, and your bloodthirsty generals, have not.

[Zim]

Qiwam smiles at the Kwarezhm ambassador, trying so hard to keep his nation's dignity intact in the face of yet another defeat.

I have indeed read the Seljuk's proposed treaty, but have not signed it, and will not until your men have abandoned every settlement from Urgench eastward, to rendezvous at a point west of the aforementioned castle. Only then can peace be had.

[Banzai Kamikaze]

The Jerusalem delegation begins to pack their things. The old man stands and addresses the court for the last time


And so it has come to this. The Coalition's invasion of the Kingdom has begun, and every man of the Kingdom has been requested to help defend against the invaders. Already, despite the loss of Aleppo in Armenia's surprise attack, our armies have struck back, destroying two large Armenian armies with just a single one of our own. The King himself has ridden forth into the field to defend all that is precious to him.

We fully expect the other Coalition members to join the attack, and we are most distressed to see that at least one of the Coalition members, the Turks, is not moving across their ally Armenia's lands but rather is taking a northern routing, which can only lead them across the Caliph's lands. Surely the Caliph will not stand for this transgression?

To the Ayyubids, Rome, the Shah and the Ghorids, may you long resist against the tyrannical Coalition. Know that whatever the outcome, the Kingdom of Jerusalem will rise again.

Fare yee well, my brothers.

As the Jerusalem delegation leaves the court, the heavy Ayyubid ambassador tries to stand up, clearly shocked by the words from the old man. In an inexplicable and possibly miraculous surge of strength, the ambassador stands up without any help from his slaves:

These are unholy days. Allah will curse us all for eternity, for we allow another terrible war to grow in the Levant.

The Ayyubids stand neutral in this conflict, and will not intervene. We ask the belligerents to avoid bringing war to Damascus and Jerusalem's doors. These are holy cities who should not pay the terrible price of war.

We... We still hope the belligerents will see their folly and return to the negociating table.

[00jebus]

Qiwam smiles at the Kwarezhm ambassador, trying so hard to keep his nation's dignity intact in the face of yet another defeat.

I have indeed read the Seljuk's proposed treaty, but have not signed it, and will not until your men have abandoned every settlement from Urgench eastward, to rendezvous at a point west of the aforementioned castle. Only then can peace be had.

Whats the point of us bothering with this demand?
it was added on After we agreed to terms, as the Seljuk took the lead in the war, it was their perogitive to negotiate terms.
As Im sure everyone here will agree, you talk to the man, not his horse...
Lets ignore that for a minute.
You demand that of us, but your actions belie that, forts are at every crossing between Samarquand and Khiva... none of which we control.
How do you suggest we evacuate?
magic?
Or would you have us fly?

You try and sound reasonable, yet offer no course of action but blood, let all nations here, be warned, for we assure each of you, that, though we managed to kill many of them, the ghanzivids will use any weakness you show as an oppertunity to take your most prized posessions... and even then wont do most of the fighting.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

OOC

[Zim]

Qiwam lets out a small yawn before turning towards the Kwarezhm ambassador.

We placed those forts as a cautionary measure against a counterattack from Samarqand. If you had not chosen to expand east while negotiations were ongoing for your men to retire to your westernmost provinces such a measure would not have been taken. We feared an attempt to retrench your forces in the area around Samarqand. There is no point in berating me and my nation for actions you have made necessary.

As for the demand as far as we are aware it has always been part of the terms. No peace can be had while Kwarezhm armies wander the lands they are supposedly surrendering. You are the ones preventing a course of action that would avoid bloodshed. Agree to our and the Seljuks' demands and we will negotiate safe passage for your Shah through our newly won territory. Decide not to do so and the war continues. The choice is yours to make.

Whats the point of us bothering with this demand?
it was added on After we agreed to terms, as the Seljuk took the lead in the war, it was their perogitive to negotiate terms.
As Im sure everyone here will agree, you talk to the man, not his horse...
Lets ignore that for a minute.
You demand that of us, but your actions belie that, forts are at every crossing between Samarquand and Khiva... none of which we control.
How do you suggest we evacuate?
magic?
Or would you have us fly?

You try and sound reasonable, yet offer no course of action but blood, let all nations here, be warned, for we assure each of you, that, though we managed to kill many of them, the ghanzivids will use any weakness you show as an oppertunity to take your most prized posessions... and even then wont do most of the fighting.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

OOC

[00jebus]

Oh we do apologise, but, thats not going to happen, not now anyway, as you, so far have broken the ceasefire we made with the seljuks when you attacked Bakhura.

Equally, the treaty only demanded that Urgesh and Bakhura be surrendered, it made no mention of Samarquand or Temez...
read it yourself.

I propose a compromise.
We will surrender the city, though not to you, or the seljuks, to a neutral party, who will hand it over to you once our forces are safe.

the ambassador looks around for volunteers

[Ramses II CP]

The Rajputs would be happy to oversee the exchange, and will guarantee the honorable dispensation of said territories. (OOC: We'd need to flesh out the details and make sure that the cities aren't rebellion prone, but I don't believe anyone would trust the Ghorids to do it, so Oman and I are the closest possibilities)

[barcamartin]

' Any volunteers are most noble, but in my eyes highly unnecessary. The deal my nation proposed wasn't signed by any party, as a slight disagreement wasn't worked around. In any case, the terms in the document should have been respected and upheld by the Shah if they truly wanted peace. In vague forms, the treaty said that the Shah was to move their forces west from Urgench and Bukhara in order for them to be protected by the agreement. Any man with decent education and knowledge of the cardinal directions must understand that Samarqand can't be seen as west, from any of those regions. If you intend to make the Ghazni seem like the breakers of the unsigned-treaty, you are wrong, Khwarezmian. Your Shah moved forces east and if the treaty would've been active, which it isn't, you would've been the first to break it. So Khwarezm, just hand over the settlements to my nation or the Ghaznavids and be done with it. '

[00jebus]

I now quote this deal the seljuks proposed

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Originally Posted by barcamartin
These are our demands:

- Surrender Bukhara and Urgench immidiately. All armies marching west from these settlements will be spared, unless they are making hostile advances towards Seljuk or Ghazni settlements.

- You withdraw all claims to Sari, Amol and former Khwarezm lands (i.e. Urgench, Merv, Bukhara, Balkh, Tus, Mashad, Nishapur, Gorgon and Birjand) to the Great Seljuks and/or the Ghaznavids.

This means, that you in the current turn (which you haven't played yet?!) abandon Urgench and Bukhara, moving your troops towards your western city (Khiva is it?). Your future expansion will obviously be limited west into the Steppes (or if you find any other way to avoid Seljuk and Ghaznavid lands).

Your demand to get four turns of "transport" can't be met. Seeing as we are at war and will be until the final settlements are "handed over" we can't trust you to not use those four turns for war purposes.

Your future expansion will obviously be limited west into the Steppes (or if you find any other way to avoid Seljuk and Ghaznavid lands).

Well, we found a way to expand whilst avoiding both of you.
Stop complaining.
Stop this war.
When I have your assurances of both, then I'll hand over Urgesh.


ooc: there is a link between Khiva and Samarquand on the very northan edge of the map.

[barcamartin]

' You quoted it yourself:

- Surrender Bukhara and Urgench immidiately. All armies marching west from these settlements will be spared, unless they are making hostile advances towards Seljuk or Ghazni settlements.

So stop complaining about the Ghazni attacking you. As I said, if you truly want peace, give up. We will not. '

[00jebus]

Samarquand was neither Seljuk nor Ghanzi settlement.... I dont see why you want it... is your own greed that great?

I hope that the council notes the constant warmongering of these nations, the disrespect for their fellow muslims property and persons they show, and a general callousness the cruelty of which would make even the most sadistic tourturer relent in horror.



And, oh dear representative of the tratorous wretch that passes for a sultan these days, we were not complaining, simply pointing out that it happened, and pointing out that a true follower of islam, or in fact, anyone with a shread of honour or dignity, would not do such a thing.
Whereas you, on the other hand, moan because we found a way expand without crossing your borders.... which was allowed in your deal, which we agreed too.

[barcamartin]

' I was pointing out that you're troops wouldn't be protected by the deal either way. They were not moving west, were they? Since the peace deal has effectively been blown off by your actions, why should the Ghazni respect a deal they didn't even sign? Your nation is moving troops east, and our proposed deal made them unprotected by peace there. You expect us to honour a non-existing deal when you do not? '

[00jebus]

allow us to understand you correctly seljuk... we obeyed your deal.... but you changed it on your own, when it suited you?
Why does that seem overly famillar?

the deal made no mention of Samarquand, nor the east, nor Khwarezmani troops moving east.