Coping with Bi-Polar

[Lemur]

That's tough stuff, Redleg. My thoughts are with you, and my prayers. I dated a bi-polar girl back in the 1800s when I was young, and it was ... memorable. I can only imagine how much excitement accrues to marrying a woman with that condition.

I'm truly sorry to hear she's messing with your finances in the ways that only a spouse can ...

-edit-

I'm sure this is nothing you haven't seen before, but just in case:

How to survive in a marriage when your spouse is Bipolar
Marriage & Manic Depression: Making It Work
Bipolar: Beating the Marriage Odds

[Redleg]

That's tough stuff, Redleg. My thoughts are with you, and my prayers. I dated a bi-polar girl back in the 1800s when I was young, and it was ... memorable. I can only imagine how much excitement accrues to marrying a woman with that condition.

I'm truly sorry to hear she's messing with your finances in the ways that only a spouse can ...

The finance thing I can handle, since working is not all that big a deal for me, been doing it pretty steady since I can remember - growing up on a farm with a father who had his own construction business, means he had cheap labor as soon as we were strong enough to lift a 50 pound bag of grain.

So well its troublesome to work your ass off to pay off a debt, only to have another pop up, its something I can handle without getting to upset.

Its the damn sucide attempts and self-medication crap that she does that really stresses me to my limit. You bounce from I wish she would just stop attempting sucide and actually accomplish it, to feeling guilty for having that tought, to wondering why did you miss the signs that she might be head down that path once again. So I end up with a whole huge parcel of guilt not of my own making that damnit keeps me from getting any real sleep.

Then what throws the icing on the cake is watching some rich dumb ass hollywood type blaming all their woes on depression or the current dejoure of hollywood, bi-polar. Over half of those dumb asses would not know what true bi-polar people go through on a daily basis if someone hit them over the head with it.

And what makes matters worse for my wife is she is a rapid cycle bi-polar ( its got a technical name to, but I never remember it) she goes through manic-depression cycles about 3 times a year. And I finally thought we finally found the right combination of medications to help her maintain some control over the manic and lessen the effects of the depression - but the weight gain from the meds set her mind into taking pills so she wouldn't eat.

[seireikhaan]

I'm sorry, Redleg. Bipolar is a really tough thing to deal with. My brother is bipolar too. Honestly, your wife's story reminds me of my brother before he got straightened out, only he swapped the credit cards for alcohol. However, I cannot say absolutely for certain what has gotten him on the straight path. This is mainly because I stopped living with him when I reached about 13, because my parents were divorced, and I lived with my dad while he was with my mother. Plus, we got along really poorly for a while, because he tended to vent his anger and frustration at smaller objects than himself, me being one of the primary targets.

However, I know for him, a few things helped. First, he stopped drinking truckloads of mountain dew(he used to just carry 2 liters around with him). Apparently large amounts of caffeine will render the meds inefficient. He also stopped hanging around with some of his friends who were poor influences on him, and he drastically cut his alcohol intake(though he by no means cut it completely). However, he'd also had years of counseling, so its quite possible that many of these things were simply results of the the counseling, and not actual behavioral causes themselves. A little after that, he managed to get a steady job doing what he love doing; fixing cars. I think that's what really has helped him out the most, being able to occupy his time with something productive that he loves doing. Does your wife have a job, Redleg?

[Redleg]

I'm sorry, Redleg. Bipolar However, I know for him, a few things helped. First, he stopped drinking truckloads of mountain dew(he used to just carry 2 liters around with him). Apparently large amounts of caffeine will render the meds inefficient. He also stopped hanging around with some of his friends who were poor influences on him, and he drastically cut his alcohol intake(though he by no means cut it completely). However, he'd also had years of counseling, so its quite possible that many of these things were simply results of the the counseling, and not actual behavioral causes themselves. A little after that, he managed to get a steady job doing what he love doing; fixing cars. I think that's what really has helped him out the most, being able to occupy his time with something productive that he loves doing. Does your wife have a job, Redleg?

Oh glad to hear your brother is doing well with the condition.

Unfortunely for my wife the best med combinations but her sodium and potasium levels at a life threatening point and the meds had to be changed after 3 years of great success. Then over the last 2 years we have been in the rapid cycle changes as we work with the doctors on getting the meds right again.

[Louis VI the Fat]

Sorry to hear about your wife, Red. Hope the two of you will be okay. My thoughts are with you.

Venting on the internet helps! Don't hesitate to get it all out over here!

the bad thing for me is that I still love the crazy woman....

Bless you. You've got a great heart.

[seireikhaan]

Oh glad to hear your brother is doing well with the condition.

Unfortunely for my wife the best med combinations but her sodium and potasium levels at a life threatening point and the meds had to be changed after 3 years of great success. Then over the last 2 years we have been in the rapid cycle changes as we work with the doctors on getting the meds right again.

Hmm. That's really unfortunate about the meds. I'm surprised at the potassium thing, I'd heard of sodium levels sometimes getting out of whack, but never potassium before. But as I said before, does she have a job? Is there some kind of activity that she enjoys that could occupy her time, so at the least she's not sitting around watching the lives of celebrities? Especially if that activity could help her manage her weight a little better, it could help kill two birds with one stone. Even extended walks, or going to the park or something simple, to help take her mind off things, minimize the influence of the tv, and keep her away from malls and stores with the credit cards.

[PanzerJaeger]

Sorry man, thats rough.

I don't know anything in depth about bi-polar, but I would suggest putting your wife on an allowance. I know finances are secondary right now, but debt can be a huge burden in itself.

[CountArach]

That is truly tough reading Redleg. I hope things work out for you and your wife.

[Divinus Arma]

At some point you have to ask youself, do I want to deal with this for the rest of my life?

You sholdn't be held hostage by her madness. Or in other words, you are in the relationship for the wrong reason if it is only to prevent her suicide.

You have come to a decision point my friend. You must make a decision one way or the other, to leave her or to seek remedies. If you fail to make a decision you will remain a victim and hostage.

[ICantSpellDawg]

That is a tough situation to be in. Im sure you'll do the right thing

[seireikhaan]

[quoted material removed by request of the original poster]

How so, Tuff? My experiences would say quite otherwise, that when diagnosing my brother, therapists literally explored nearly every other option before diagnosing him as bipolar. It was while trying to figure out what to diagnose and going through God only knows how many different meds that the situation was the worst. Only after the diagnosis did things actually start to improve; not that there weren't "rough spots" if you will, but it gave some kind of solid footing, which, after years of therapy, meds, and lifestyle changes, helped to make him a better person.

But please, by all means explain the reasoning behind your logic.

[seireikhaan]

sorry, double post.

[Samurai Waki]

Ok. For you and you're wifes sake.

Having lived with Bi Polar since I was fourteen, I've seen the many (quite often) scary corners that such a mental disease can bring, not only because it leads to self destructive behaviors that affect your own well being, but the well being of people around you. I'm very sorry to hear the trouble you've been going through, but I can offer you some tips, for both you and her.

1. It will NEVER go away. Actually, Mania is just a step below Schizophrenia. And the older you get, the greater her chances are of developing it. Frightening prospect, but treatable.

2. Medicate. But never self medicate. Bi-Polar disorder cycles between Depressed periods, normal "balanced" periods, and Manic Periods. You NEED to get her on something, I'm currently taking Depakote, which is old school, and causes some stomach irritation, but isn't as harmful as Lithium and is affordable. Keep in mind, that Bi Polar never goes away, often times people stop medicating when they hit their balanced periods, thinking "oh yeah! its over!" its not, it will hit again, and hit hard. So she should never stop taking meds, and she has to learn how to be responsible for it. But especially if she's going through a manic period, it can be hard, just make sure someone is reminding her constantly. If she's self medicating, she needs to stop IMMEDIATELY!!! Drinking seems to be the real killer for most Bi Polar people, and some people just have to be sober the rest of their lives. When I turned 21, I nearly drank myself to death, and then I got help and went sober for two years, gradually building myself back up to a point where I can drink once in a great while, and socially only.

3. She needs to acknowledge that she has incurable illness (treatable but not curable.) Its like deafness, blindness, tuberculosis, or any plethora of those out there. Once she has made that connection, usually you find a reason to defeat it, or cope with it at least, and stop being a burden on everyone around you. I wouldn't wish what we have on my worst enemy.

4. Get the Book "Bi Polar Survival Guide". Read it. Have her read it. It will change both of your perspectives on the situation.

5. as of 2006, Bi Polar Disorder was recognized as a Disability (in the US). If you're having trouble with bills, File for Disabilities. It can save you a bunch of money, and give her proper time and adequate treatment.

6. exercise! exercise! exercise! If I'm feeling manic, instead of waving a gun around the house, or yelling really loud, I go outside and chop wood, or take a long walk by myself until I'm so tired I can't think anymore. it does wonders.

7. She needs you man. There's been times, you know when I've really lost hope. and My wife and daughters have saved me every time. Thats even while taking and being completely faithful to my medication. Most people think that the Medication is a silver bullet that kills the Werewolf, and its not, it just helps you get through the day.

8. Reality is harsh. She needs to accept it, and deal with it. Nobody else but her can do that (and the meds help in this arena greatly).

9. She's not crazy. Just confused by chemicals triggering wildly in her head, she can't control it.

10. Don't become a Scientologist.

...And if I didn't get the help I needed. I would either be laying six feet underground, or possibly in a Prison Cell. Like my cousin.

[DemonArchangel]

*snip*
However, I know for him, a few things helped. First, he stopped drinking truckloads of mountain dew(he used to just carry 2 liters around with him). Apparently large amounts of caffeine will render the meds inefficient. *snip*

I learned this hard way. I drastically cut my caffeine intake in recent months. Never felt better.