The Thing Mafia [Concluded]

[[MAFIA] Emilio]

I gots a god feeling abouts dis bandwagon. Everyone vote Vito!

OK! Vote: Vito

[[MAFIA] Paulie]

Poor GH...

Or Tratorix.

[[MAFIA] Sonny]

I gots a god feeling abouts dis bandwagon. Everyone vote Vito!

No you!

Vote: Salvatore

Need to save my scum buddy, please ignore the fact that there's only one thing.

Or Tratorix

Probably GH

[[MAFIA] Vito]

I dare everyone to keep me alive and The Thing to doppelganger-kill me. Are you man enough to be me???

[[MAFIA] Salvatore]

I dare everyone to keep me alive and The Thing to doppelganger-kill me. Are you man enough to be me???

Want us to keep you alive so you can switch bodies huh? Give it up meatbag.

[[MAFIA] Luciano]

qual è il bottino?

[[MAFIA] Silvio]

I wrote a poem explaining myself, but the only rhyme I could think of for Nick isn't appropriate.

This man of ours this man called Nick
appeared to be a little thick
He called for no lynch
which could have being a cinch
except for the fact it's not possible

Vote Sal

[[MAFIA] Luigi]

Vote: Salvatore
Because I hate that country

[[MAFIA] Rocco]

Unvote
vote Silvio

I would like the thing to be man enough to become Vito.

Silvo must die for no reason.

[TinCow]

Tally:
Vito: 4 (Luciano, Bobby, Salvatore, Emilio)
Salvatore: 4 (Paulie, Sonny, Silvio, Luigi)
Nick: 2 (Vito, Bugsy)
Bugsy: 1 (Fat Tony)
Silvio: 1 (Rocco)

Abstain: Nick, Frank
Not Voting: Johnny

[TinCow]

Round over.

[TinCow]

Day 1

CR and Kage sat on lounge chairs and drank sambuca while the henchmen (Bertha's dead, it's accurate now!) deliberated. They were generally bored and did not pay much attention, instead focusing their interests on the scantily clad waitress who brought them their drinks and olives.

One of the henchmen thought it was odd that a woman was walking around in a bikini serving drinks in Antarctica, particularly since no such woman had traveled with them. "Hey, where'd she come from?" he asked.

Another henchman glared at him. "Why do you want to know? Sounds like you're trying to distract us from the vote."

"ENOUGH!" roared CR. "This bickering must end!"

"Uh, sir, we weren't actually bickering," said the second henchman. "I just thought that was one of those smart, analytical things we're supposed to say. I don't actually think that guy did anything. I mean... where did she come from anyway?"

CR pull a gun and pointed it at the second henchman. "SILENCE! We cannot continue in this anarchic manner! There must be rules, there must be order!" He turned to the bikini-clad woman. "Bring forth the lirpa." The woman bowed low, showing ample cleavage, and left the room. She returned within the minute, carrying two odd-looking stalves. Half metal Q-Tip, half Mezzaluna. CR smiled.

"We shall settle this according to law and tradition," said Kage. He tossed the lirpa in front of the two henchman. "Vito, Salvatore, you shall prove your innocence with a battle to the death!"

Salvatore hesitated. "Do we have to? I kind of like Vito; he and I played shuffleboard on the ship over here and..." Vito punched him in the face and picked up a lirpa. Salvatore staggered back, reeling from the blow, but managed to grab his weapon as well.

"Kroykah!" shouted the bikini clad woman. Salvatore looked up at her, "Yes, ma'am! Let this fight end, let us be friends once more." The woman ignored him, grasped her throat, looked at Kage and gasped "Kroykah" once more. Kage sprang to his feet and gave her the Heimlich maneuver. Out popped an olive. "Oh, my hero!" the woman cooed, and jumped on his lap.

Salvatore was still looking at the evil overlords when Vito grabbed him from behind and started choking him. Salvatore struggled and tried to break the iron grip, but he could not get hold of Vito's fingers. After several long moments of flailing, Salvatore went limp and fell to the floor. Vito stood triumphant over his corpse, panting heavily with a ripped shirt. He gave the bikini-clad woman a smile and raised his eyebrow. She giggled and blushed.

CR clapped. "Now let that be a lesson to the rest of you. Follow orders or you shall live to regret it." He glanced at Salvatore's body. "Well, minus the live bit." He looked back at the assembled henchmen. "Now, get back to work! We want both a nuclear reactor and a bowling alley completed this evening!"

"Not necessarily in that order," added Kage.


Night 2 will end in:


Alive: (15/17)
[MAFIA] Bobby
[MAFIA] Bugsy
[MAFIA] Emilio
[MAFIA] Fat Tony
[MAFIA] Frank
[MAFIA] Johnny
[MAFIA] Luciano
[MAFIA] Luigi
[MAFIA] Nick
[MAFIA] Paulie
[MAFIA] Rocco
[MAFIA] Silvio
[MAFIA] Sonny
[MAFIA] Vinny
[MAFIA] Vito

Killed:
[MAFIA] Bertha (N1)

Lynched:
[MAFIA] Salvatore (D1)

[[MAFIA] Nick]

[[MAFIA] Bobby]

Well we should really get this going. I mean after tonight there'll probably 3 of us who are dead.

[[MAFIA] Luciano]

Se i combattimenti era zoppo, come i combattimenti nel video, poi Salvatore è morto dal ridere troppo.

[[MAFIA] Frank]

lol auto-translation sure is funny XD

[[MAFIA] Johnny]

I regret not voting this past round. I regret many things, in fact. Most of all I regret joining Kage and CR on this expedition. Also, you all need to brush your teeth. Your breaths all smell like stale coffee.

[[MAFIA] Nick]

Huh, well, your breath stinks of rotting flesh, THING.
Noticed when you opened your mouth to sing.
Why this mournful melody do you ply?
Surely you don't expect us all to die?

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

When shields become crutches, and swords become canes,
some hearts are put to rout.
When wives become plunder, and foes become thanes,
all hope has guttered out.
--Anonymous "Lament for the Conquered"

[[MAFIA] Luciano]

lol auto-translation sure is funny XD

What-a you-a saying? Makinga fun of my-a, um accent, que? Quindi perché non mi hai corretto allora?

[TinCow]

Night 2

Due to time constraints, the henchmen had made a communal decision to propose construction of a combination nuclear reactor and bowling alley. While such an arrangement did pose certain recreational hazards, it also provided interesting new options for secret agent torturing. As such, Kage and CR gave their approval to the design.

It did not take long for the team to unload the portable nuclear reactor and install it in one of the facility's sub-basements. The real challenge was laying down, and waxing, the bowling alley floor. While this was going on, one of the henchmen got to work on the pin recycling system, which was to have an optional switch that would send the pins through the nuclear reactor itself before standing them back up. He was working on some wiring when another henchman approached him from behind.

"Need some help?" asked the other man.

"Actually, yes," said the wirer. "Could you hand me the wire strippers from the toolbox over there?" He gestured vaguely at a nearby corner.

"Sure thing," said the other man, and walked over to the box. He returned a moment later. "Here you go."

The wirer turned around to take the tool, and got a good look at his assistant. The man was wearing the usual orange jumpsuit and the standard-issue combination fedora/hardhat. There was something odd about him though. "Hey, how'd you get seven eyes?"

"Oh, these?" replied the assistant. "They were all the rage on Arkintoofle Minor. It's been a while since I was there, but they just look so good I like to put them on whenever I can."

"Was that, uh... a mission for another evil overlord?" stammered the wiring henchman.

The assistant grinned, showing row after row of sharpened teeth. "Something like that."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Superb! Bravo! Well Done!" CR was very pleased with the evening's work. The base now had more than enough electricity to power a gigantic super laser, and the bowling alley even had one of those arcade-grabber machines for winning fuzzy dice. "What do you think, Kage?"

Kage was in the middle of hurling a ball down one of the lanes. He tilted his head to the side watching his roll slam into the pins. It came up a seven-ten split. "Could use some more work," he replied.

CR waved his hand at his partner. "Ignore him, my good toadies, ignore him. He always gets grumpy when he goes more than a day or two without killing someone. You really did do an excellent job. We are very pleased."

Kage grunted.

"Now that we have sufficient power," continued CR, "the next step will be to erect the pleasure gardens and menagerie. Don't forget the river filled with piranhas. We want each one hand-painted with a different design, for maximum aesthetic effect."

"Maximum effect," echoed Kage.

The two evil overlords started to walk off, but CR turned back around as he reached the door. "Oh, and one more thing. Kage noticed a bit of ear on his bowling ball during his second frame. Turns out there's a whole lot of someone smeared on the walls back behind the ball return. Based on the sheer quantity of flesh, it looks like Fat Tony. Do try and figure out who is causing this mess as soon as possible, it would be somewhat inconvenient if we had to order more henchmen. Antarctica isn't covered by free shipping."

"Even with Amazon Prime," complained Kage.


Day 2 will end in:


Alive: (14/17)
[MAFIA] Bobby
[MAFIA] Bugsy
[MAFIA] Emilio
[MAFIA] Frank
[MAFIA] Johnny
[MAFIA] Luciano
[MAFIA] Luigi
[MAFIA] Nick
[MAFIA] Paulie
[MAFIA] Rocco
[MAFIA] Silvio
[MAFIA] Sonny
[MAFIA] Vinny
[MAFIA] Vito

Killed:
[MAFIA] Bertha (N1)
[MAFIA] Fat Tony (N2)

Lynched:
[MAFIA] Salvatore (D1)

[[MAFIA] Luigi]

I worked very closely with myself last night and can reasonably vouche that I am, in fact, not The Thing. Unless I am lying to me, but I just don't see me doing that.

[[MAFIA] Frank]

Ugh, yet another write-up with no clues what-so-ever...

Vote: Abstain

[[MAFIA] Nick]

The rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain.
And so I must Vote: Abstain once again.

[[MAFIA] Vinny]

Vote: Frank

Who needs writeup clues? Only the mafia.

Yeah, that works... somehow. But yeah, I'm sensing you don't want to club your fellows over the head. For shame.

[[MAFIA] Bugsy]

To be honest I'm amazed nobody has accused me of being the thing yet, seeing as two of the three fatties I suggested are now dead. Luigi, I don't rate your chances very highly. I'll vote: Abstain in the interim and see if anybody makes a good case (or any case, for that matter) this afternoon.

[[MAFIA] Bobby]

Here's a good case: Bugsy has suggested to kill the fatties, now two of them are dead. vote: Bugsy

Hah! He also currently has 48 posts, a clear indication of being scum.

[[MAFIA] Vito]

Good riddance, Amazon Prime is a ripoff anyway.

Bobby, what are you trying to do with the big number thing?

Vote Frank

[[MAFIA] Emilio]

To be honest I'm...the thing..., seeing as two of the three fatties I suggested are now dead.

Woah! we have a confession! Vote: Bugsy

[[MAFIA] Vito]

Unvote Frank
Vote Bugsy

This logic is flawless.

[[MAFIA] Johnny]

vote: Nick
Abstinence may help prevent the spread of apathetic types such as yourself, but it will do us no good here!