So... What's the protocol when you find out via facebook that...

[Kralizec]

This is a bit of a surprise for me, but I think I can empathize with your feelings about this situation. (and I don't like to talk about personal feelings on the internet either, or even in real life for that matter)

My advice would be to simply wish her well with her marriage, in a polite manner that is - leaving a message on facebook is not going to cut it, so send a card or something like that.
She doesn't want you- at least, that's what you're writing here. If you have any grievances about what happened between the two of you, abandon them and let her go. If you're not able to be "just friends" with her, then don't- simply wish her well, show up at the wedding if invited and then move on without keeping in touch.

I'm not the best person for general girl advice; but I'll say this: the first girl that truly broke my heart was a fellow student who did not return my affections in the slightest. In fact, looking back I'm pretty sure that I freaked her out more than once when I tried to approach her under the guise of just making conversation (it must have been pretty transparant). I got frustrated, depressed at some point and held a long, long grudge. Eventually I managed to to mentally put that aside, because it was at the time easy to avoid her anyway. A year later however, we shared several classes and we'd run into eachother on a regular basis. Sometimes she would approach me for the obligatory "so, how have you been" kind of talk - in which case I did chat with her, but I never approached her myself again.
The point is that allthough I've been with other women since, the memory of that particular girl never really left me, and thinking back about the whole thing gives me a glimpse of the frustration and anger I felt back then. I have no idea what's she doing for a job right now or if she has a boyfriend or spouse; but if I knew right now that I had a realistic chance of being with her, I'd pursue it. But even if there ever was that chance, that ship sailed away long ago - so I don't think about her, and I'm better off for it. And she is, too.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

This is a bit of a surprise for me, but I think I can empathize with your feelings about this situation. (and I don't like to talk about personal feelings on the internet either, or even in real life for that matter)

My advice would be to simply wish her well with her marriage, in a polite manner that is - leaving a message on facebook is not going to cut it, so send a card or something like that.
She doesn't want you- at least, that's what you're writing here. If you have any grievances about what happened between the two of you, abandon them and let her go. If you're not able to be "just friends" with her, then don't- simply wish her well, show up at the wedding if invited and then move on without keeping in touch.

I'm not the best person for general girl advice; but I'll say this: the first girl that truly broke my heart was a fellow student who did not return my affections in the slightest. In fact, looking back I'm pretty sure that I freaked her out more than once when I tried to approach her under the guise of just making conversation (it must have been pretty transparant). I got frustrated, depressed at some point and held a long, long grudge. Eventually I managed to to mentally put that aside, because it was at the time easy to avoid her anyway. A year later however, we shared several classes and we'd run into eachother on a regular basis. Sometimes she would approach me for the obligatory "so, how have you been" kind of talk - in which case I did chat with her, but I never approached her myself again.
The point is that allthough I've been with other women since, the memory of that particular girl never really left me, and thinking back about the whole thing gives me a glimpse of the frustration and anger I felt back then. I have no idea what's she doing for a job right now or if she has a boyfriend or spouse; but if I knew right now that I had a realistic chance of being with her, I'd pursue it. But even if there ever was that chance, that ship sailed away long ago - so I don't think about her, and I'm better off for it. And she is, too.

Thank you for sharing.

I find it odd that everybody is so surprised, I supposed that everyone assumed I had sworn off women for a reason, it comes up often enough in my posts. I'm even more surprised that people seem to think contacting her is a good idea, so I'll just say it isn't.

Of course, if you guys didn't think I had some deep personnal Christological-related trauma driving me, what did you think it was?

[a completely inoffensive name]

Of course, if you guys didn't think I had some deep personnal Christological-related trauma driving me, what did you think it was?

Tbh, everyone here in the backroom is ******* weird in some way. I just took it for granted that someone would be that disconnected.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

Tbh, everyone here in the backroom is ******* weird in some way. I just took it for granted that someone would be that disconnected.

I reckon if you go back through my posting history you can see her there.

2005 - You Christians are all crazy, I hate you and your poxy God!

2006-mid 08 - You guys are all going to hell, but I love you so much.

Mid 2008 - PRIMAL SCREAM OF PAIN AND RAGE

2009 - Quiet dispair

....

And now here we are.

If we were still friends, she'd probably be reading the Gay marriage topic and laughing right now, and I'd be much more touchy feely.

[a completely inoffensive name]

Seems like you only went into religion because some cute girl talked you into it and then you used/are using it as a crutch for your complete mental breakdown.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

Seems like you only went into religion because some cute girl talked you into it and then you used/are using it as a crutch for your complete mental breakdown.

ACIN, I'm starting to think you don't like me.

You're wrong, as it happens. I was an angry man in 2005 because I didn't want to believe in God. She was the first normal non-creepy Christian with a genuine relationship with God I had met. She was also an important emotional crutch to me when my relationship with my family broke down after they found out I was a Christian.

The other important person was a second year theology student who introduced me to intellectual Christianity over the Officer Training Corps selection weekend (we both failed) and who I never saw again.

[a completely inoffensive name]

ACIN, I'm starting to think you don't like me.

I guess I should clarify something about myself and the way I conduct myself on here. I do not hate you in anyway. I don't feel any malevolence that you feel and think the way that you do. I hate the consequences though, of people who think in a way that I think is ultimately destructive to what I envision as a free and just society.

Take for example, Frags. Nice guy. Very good taste in movies. When he talks about global warming, I want to punch a wall because I envision people like him making decisions in positions of power. But you know, he thinks the way he thinks based on some principles about government and how it operates or has operated in the past, so I don't blame him for thinking the way he does and I don't hate him for thinking in such a way. I just would have him stick to telling me what movies are good or not. And who knows? Maybe he is right after all.

I like everyone here. Except for a few people, who I pity.

You're wrong, as it happens. I was an angry man in 2005 because I didn't want to believe in God. She was the first normal non-creepy Christian with a genuine relationship with God I had met. She was also an important emotional crutch to me when my relationship with my family broke down after they found out I was a Christian.

The other important person was a second year theology student who introduced me to intellectual Christianity over the Officer Training Corps selection weekend (we both failed) and who I never saw again.

I think young people are just angry in general. In times good and bad, youth always seem to have an underlying current of angst or anger. I think people try to place specific reasons on why they feel everything they do, when really humans just feel for the sake of feeling....I feel.

[Rhyfelwyr]

my relationship with my family broke down after they found out I was a Christian.

If you don't mind me asking, why did that happen?

Seems like you only went into religion because some cute girl talked you into it and then you used/are using it as a crutch for your complete mental breakdown.

A bit harsh don't you think. Ultimately personal experiences do shape the beliefs we hold at different points in our lives, to be moulded in such a way is part of being human. But that is not to say that those beliefs are nothing more than a blind reaction, most people will to some degree take something more meaningful from what they go through in life.

Who are you to say that PVC's beliefs were just a crutch? You don't know him, you don't know his thought process. Considering how complicated human beings are and how little you know about PVC in particular, I think it's ridiculous for you to go throwing that sort of psychoanalysis about.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

Doesn't really mean much though. You could just be experiencing Walter Sobchak syndrome.

True, but really you're just being a penis.

I was miserable because I wasn't a Christian, I don't expect you to understand that - but there it is.

If you don't mind me asking, why did that happen?

If I was an atheist from a Christian family, why would it happen?


We did sort it out though - after a couple of years.

[a completely inoffensive name]

A bit harsh don't you think. Ultimately personal experiences do shape the beliefs we hold at different points in our lives, to be moulded in such a way is part of being human. But that is not to say that those beliefs are nothing more than a blind reaction, most people will to some degree take something more meaningful from what they go through in life.

Who are you to say that PVC's beliefs were just a crutch? You don't know him, you don't know his thought process. Considering how complicated human beings are and how little you know about PVC in particular, I think it's ridiculous for you to go throwing that sort of psychoanalysis about.

If PVC wants to put himself out for everyone to take a glance at his life and take pity on him for a day or two while he finds the strength to stop e-stalking a girl, then he is going to get some uncomfortable questions. Especially if those questions are related to beliefs that I personally feel are harmful in the political sphere in regards to the legal recognition of some of my friends relationships with each other.

I never said "this is obviously what you are". I made a conjecture, and you are correct I don't know him. I don't know you Rhy, and you don't know me (I think). However, he started this thread as an "Ask Me Anything about how terrible and dysfunctional I am right now". I agree that the way I posed the question was overly blunt and aggressive and extremely rude. But that is how I talk a lot of the time and it wasn't coming from a source of meanness.

It's fine for Strike to call him an ass but heaven forbid someone question why he developed his religiosity. What do you want me to be? Mr. Nice guy like I was in the beginning where I was told essentially to bug off because I was giving the "wrong advise"?