Chess - Game Thread [Concluded]

[Montmorency]

Won't help, I will just end up fitting the same content into fewer posts and spacing them out.

Then the posts become even less effective because they're walls. I never mastered doing more with less, and it's because I can't.

I try roleplaying, I've played under alts (rarely), and eventually, if I'm town, the same patterns emerge. I have to be outside of my wolf game, I have to find the scums, I have to stop townies from being lynched, I have to get people to see the correct answers, I have to keep checking in case my own answers are incorrect, I have to.... have to have to have to.

It's in my nature.

Logic has a nature, Xiahou has a nature. I used that to make reads on them that were accurate and unique, what others didn't see. We all have a nature. My nature is not something I can change, once the compulsion triggers.

The only way to stop it is to not start it.

I don't even care that this compulsion leads me to suspecting the lovers for the latter bit of the game. Don't care. Even if I lynch Csargo and Monty dies and I was half right and right enough to win and successful in my endeavours, I still drained my body and mind and put my health at risk over a game where you guess things at people. And for what?

What is the point?

I don't have to see to be able to know, even if I succeed, that's still not winning. I've started to become a bad player by my own definition of what a bad player is. Hence, I can't see the dead quicktopic or scum quicktopic or chat.

I know what's in there, I can take a wild guess.

It's not worth it to me, or anyone else, for me to keep this up. I let the game get to me. I can't keep doing that.

My unsolicited observation: what you're describing are general personality or psychological issues that need to be addressed as such, outside the scope of the gaming community. IIRC you once mentioned being affected by bipolar disorder, and how this influenced your play, and sometimes detracted from your enjoyment.

It would be selfish of us to want you sticking around all for the sake of our amusement; admittedly you are right. You shouldn't return to Mafia until you feel you have managed to get your worst excessive compulsions under control, and that surviving another game past D1 won't cause you to spiral out in a destructive or guilt-inducing way. If you decide the community can play some role at any time, I think we will be here for you.

I hope you succeed and return. All the best to you and Sooh.