Like a complete mug I purchased a second copy of Fable II.

My female hero got chased through the marketplace by a flock of little old lady lesbians, all of whom were shouting propositions.

I got married, and half of the men in the neighbourhood turned up in my house on the wedding night and refused to get out. The crowd blocked the way so my new husband couldn't get near the bed.

The town crier has taken up semi-permanent residence in my marital home and propositions me every time I'm within earshot. My husband seems ok with this.

I had a baby (that husband needs to do something in exchange for the money I give him!), left town for a bit, and came home to find the town crier standing over the cot and spouting pick up lines. Some confusion ensued, and baby and town crier both got fireballed. The baby doesn't hold a grudge, and appears flame proof. Phew! The town crier ran off screaming. Sadly he soon came back, ardent as ever.

I can kick chickens 11 feet.

I survive entirely on celery. It's giving me a halo.

A scummy peasant told me I should get nicer clothes. I slapped him. He liked it. He's an employee of mine, working at a fruit and veg stall I own, and I now earn more cash from that stall.

My dog is becoming a bleach blond due to heroic rays emanating from my body. I hope they don't cause cancer ...

I'm a cross-dresser, wearing multiple items of clothes tagged as men's. Loads of people tell me how good I look. Must be the tight breeches and tailored coat.

I picked up an apple. The description said that there was a single worm living in it, and that this was a bug, not a feature.



I do rather love the game. It's too unreal. Wallace and Gromit style comedy English accents, Discworld-esque humour, so many digs at gaming lore and Molyneux's own work, bright and pretty fairytale graphics coupled with subjects most games refuse to tackle.