A serious question that needs to be discussed...

[Askthepizzaguy]

Should Gay vegetarian anti-fur protesters who believe in the right to life seek to engage in hand to hand combat with a pack of lesbian wolverines in the dreaded Commie-Nazi uniforms on Saddam Hussein's birthday, while having their own clones aborted in front of the Pope while burning the American flag?

My vote is yes, but only if they do it on Pay-Per-View.

[PershsNhpios]

They are both communist and Nationalist?

How?!

I would vote yes, but I don't see what these two groups of living beings do not have in common.

[Lemur]

Wait ... um ... maybe?

[Askthepizzaguy]

They are both communist and Nationalist?

How?!

I would vote yes, but I don't see what these two groups of living beings do not have in common.

They are also invaders from Nebulon-27, armed with Freem Cannons. And they revived Reagan and turned him into an evil zombie who eats babies. Plus something about circumcision and Islam.

Let's make this one absolutely absurd.

[KarlXII]

Kittens.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Kittens.

HOW DARE YOU PROFANE KITTENS THIS WAY? Don't you understand that saying kittens is BLASPHEMY???




People should not even have the RIGHT to own kittens. They are dangerous and spread hairballs everywhere.

[Lemur]

[Askthepizzaguy]

All I am saying is that people get along just fine without owning dangerous objects like "kitties". I cannot say Kittens because that's offensive to my people.

Oops!

Who where thinks that owning kitties is NOT a fundamental right? I say we ban kittens. Kitties. Maybe even assault cats.

[Crazed Rabbit]

CR

[Yoyoma1910]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... well, what would Mr. T say?

[KarlXII]

All I am saying is that people get along just fine without owning dangerous objects like "kitties". I cannot say Kittens because that's offensive to my people.

Oops!

Who where thinks that owning kitties is NOT a fundamental right? I say we ban kittens. Kitties. Maybe even assault cats.

Give me Kitty Cats or give me Death!

Every mna, woman, baby, fetus, grave and cat should have a cat.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... well, what would Mr. T say?

THIS!!!


Now, stop avoiding the question. Do we, or do we not, ban assault cats? It is a well known FACT that domestic deaths due to assault cats are approaching 10,000 people per YEAR!!! Also, allergies.

But there's one argument that will trump all others!

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

HITLER!!!!

[KarlXII]

Godwin is clapping in his grave.

[Seamus Fermanagh]

But there's one argument that will trump all others!

Bollocks!


er, I hope I was quoting that correctly.

[KukriKhan]

Give me Kitty Cats or give me Death!

Every mna, woman, baby, fetus, grave and cat should have a cat.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Hitler: The argument to end all arguments.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Hitler hitler hit ler; Hitler, Hit. Ler. Hitler, Hitler hitler hitler Hi Tler, Hitler hitler Hitler hitler Hitler. Hitler hitler Hitler hitler. Hitler: Hitler, or Hitler? Hitler. Hitler Hitler Hitler, hitler. Hitler, plus Hitler and Hitler equals Hitler. Funky mustache, Hitler hitler hit..... ler..... Hitler hitler hitler hitler was for animal rights Hitler. Gun control Hitler, funky mustache, Hitler hitler hitler. Nazi liberal conservative gay republican democrat Hitler. Hitler hitler hitler abortion Hitler.

And THAT is why we should ban assault kittens.

I rest my case.


Oops I meant kitties. Apologies, Dog.

[Crazed Rabbit]

Wait, kitten-kittens or sea-kittens?

CR

[Askthepizzaguy]

Wait, kitten-kittens or sea-kittens?

CR

Well of COURSE not sea-kittens. That's obvious. How else are we going to get our fish?

[KarlXII]

Well of COURSE not sea-kittens. That's obvious. How else are we going to get our fish?

We ask them politely to hurry up the dying process.

[Marshal Murat]

Elizabeth Bennet and her four sisters live on a countryside estate with their parents. Mr. Bennet trains his daughters in martial arts and weapons, molding them into a fearsome zombie-fighting army. On the other hand, Mrs. Bennet plans to marry the girls off to wealthy suitors. When the wealthy Mr. Bingley purchases a nearby county house, Mrs. Bennet spies an opportunity and sends the girls to Bingley's first ball. The girls defend the party from a zombie attack, and Mr. Bingley and eldest daughter Jane begin a relationship. Elizabeth, meanwhile, spars with the haughty monster-hunter Fitzwilliam Darcy, a friend of Bingley. Although Elizabeth and Darcy strongly dislike each other at first, their common interest of zombie-killing draws them closer together.

Answered.

[Strike For The South]

The common scorpionfly has a black and yellow body, with a reddish head and tail. In the male has a pair of claspers at the end of its tail (for holding the female during mating), giving it a scorpion-like appearance, although there is no stinger. It has a wingspan of about 35mm. The head is drawn into a prominent, downward pointing beak, with the mouthparts at the tip. The eyes are large. The wings are mostly clear, but have many dark spots or patches.

...

[Seamus Fermanagh]

So come with old Khayyam and leave the wise to talk
One thing is certain -- time flies
One thing is certain -- the rest is lies
The flower, once blown, forever dies.

[Askthepizzaguy]

That does it. I am now handling this thread like John McLaughlin does. Next issue!



Announcer: From the nation's capital, "The McLaughlin Group", an unrehearsed, hastily assembled program presenting inside opinions and forecasts on major issues of today. With Jack Germonde of the Baltimore Sun, syndicated columnists Pat Buchanan and Eleanor Clift, and Morton Kondracke of the New Republic. Now, here's the moderator, John McLaughlin.

John McLaughlin: Issue number 1: the commander-in-chief in Mexico. Bush wants a free trade agreement, what does President Salinas want? Pat Buchanan!

Pat Buchanan: John, Salinas is playing up his recent economic success and steering his..

John McLaughlin: Jack Germonde!

Jack Germonde: I don't think it's so much what Salinas wants, it's what..

John McLaughlin: Eleanor Clift!

Eleanor Clift: John, this is just another case of President Bush trying to push a policy..

Pat Buchanan: I'm not sure Bush has a policy..

John McLaughlin: Excuse me Pat, I believe Eleanor has the floor.

Eleanor Clift: Thanks, John. The hard truth is that Bush needs Salinas more than Salinas..

John McLaughlin: Morton Kondracke!

Morton Kondracke: I think this agreement talk is basically a..

John McLaughlin: Wrong! There will be a free trade agreement; it will take place within one year. Issue number 2: Maggie out, Major in. The new British prime minister, some believe he's a Thatcher clone. Will he carry out her policies? Jack Germonde!

Jack Germonde: Well, Thatcherites are privately rejoicing..

John McLaughlin: Wrong Mortone.

Morton Kondracke: See, Thatcher endorsed..

John McLaughlin: Wrong! On a scale of 1 to 14, 1 being lowest degree of unlikelihood, 14 being absolute metaphysical certitude, what are the chances of Major continuing Thatcher's alliance with Bush, vis-a-vis the Iraqis? Eleanor Clift!

Eleanor Clift: I'd say about a 12.

John McLaughlin: Pat Buchanan!

Pat Buchanan: Hold it, 14 is most likely?

John McLaughlin: Yes.

Pat Buchanan: I would have to say about a 9.

John McLaughlin: Jack Germonde!

Jack Germonde: Lower, like 5.

John McLaughlin: Mortone!

Morton Kondracke: 8!

John McLaughlin: Wrong! The actual degree of likelihood is 6.5. Issue number 3: life after death. Some pundits say it doesn't exist. Theologians disagree. Is there an afterlife? Jack Germonde!

Jack Germonde: I.. uh.. really don't know.

John McLaughlin: Mortone!

Morton Kondracke: Well, it's not my field..

John McLaughlin: Pat Buchanan!

Pat Buchanan: I'd like to believe, but it's not..

John McLaughlin: Wrong! There is life after death. The soul does not ascend to heaven but rather rests in a limbo state that varies depending on the karma of the spirit. Issue number 4: Intellegent beings on other planets, yes or no? Pat Buchanan!

Pat Buchanan: I would think so.

John McLaughlin: Eleanor Clift!

Eleanor Clift: Don't know.

John McLaughlin: Jack Germonde!

Jack Germonde: Me, either.

John McLaughlin: Mortontown!

Morton Kondracke: Well, no one really knows..

John McLaughlin: Wrong! There is intellegent life in the 11th galaxy on the planet Neptar, which will conquer Earth in the year 5482, utilizing us for slave labor in their Chellonian salt mines. Issue number 5: what number am I thinking of? Pat Buchanan!

Pat Buchanan: Geez, uh, 82?

John McLaughlin: Wrong! Eleanor Clift!

Eleanor Clift: Is it between 1 and..

John McLaughlin: Don't skirt the issue!

Eleanor Clift: Uh.. 40!

John McLaughlin: Wrong! Mortontyne!

Morton Kondracke: 212?

John McLaughlin: Wrong! Jackareeno!

Jack Germonde: 2?

John McLaughlin: Wrong! The correct answer is 134. 134. Issue number 6: what did you have for breakfast today? Eleanor!

Eleanor Clift: Some cantaloupe.

John McLaughlin: Mortontown, USA!

Morton Kondracke: I had poached eggs and toast.

John McLaughlin: Jack Germondo!

Jack Germonde: Bacon and eggs.

John McLaughlin: Patty Patty Buke Buke!

Pat Buchanan: I'm thinking waffles, maybe a little..

John McLaughlin: Wrong! You all had Special K with banana. Issue number 7: what is issue number 14 going to be? Some say it will deal with economic matter, others believe it will involve Germany. Morteeny-tiny-tabletop!

Morton Kondracke: Acid rain?

John McLaughlin: Wrong! Eleanor-gee-I-think-you're-swelleanor!

Eleanor Clift: I have.. no idea..

John McLaughlin: Wrong! You know quite well, you're just shy. Mondo-jackalo-gee-mon-mania-jack..

Jack Germonde: Well, it might be..

John McLaughlin: I'm not finished with your name, Germonacle-jack-o-lantern-gee-gi-jummy-jummy-jammy-mayhem!

Jack Germonde: You're insane, John!

John McLaughlin: Wrong! I'm perfectly sane. Everyone else, however, is insane and trying to steal my magic bag. St. Patrick of Buchananomics!

Pat Buchanan: I think I'm gonna leave, John.

John McLaughlin: Wrong! You can't leave; all the doors are locked from the outside. Next issue! What motivates me? Why do I conduct my show in this manner? Mondo!

Jack Germonde: You're a jerk?

John McLaughlin: Eleanor!

Eleanor Clift: Really large ego?

John McLaughlin: Wrong! I was neglected by my parents and I overcompensate to shadow my feeling that I have an inadequate intellect. Next issue!

Morton Kondracke: So, you didn't know your parents very well?

John McLaughlin: Wrong!

Morton Kondracke: Wrong?

John McLaughlin: Wrong!

Morton Kondracke: Right?

John McLaughlin: Wrong! Next week: the S&L probe continues. Is my money in a safety loan? If so, what's my account number? Bye-bye! [ theme music plays; superimposed title appears; McLaughlin points around ] Wrong! No! I told you, no..

[Marshal Murat]

Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

[Gregoshi]

Should Gay vegetarian anti-fur protesters who believe in the right to life seek to engage in hand to hand combat with a pack of lesbian wolverines in the dreaded Commie-Nazi uniforms on Saddam Hussein's birthday, while having their own clones aborted in front of the Pope while burning the American flag?

My vote is yes, but only if they do it on Pay-Per-View.

That could be expensive. I counted twelve different views represented in the scenario.

[Askthepizzaguy]

That could be expensive. I counted twelve different views represented in the scenario.

You see, I work very hard on mine, but they come so naturally to you that I will never be the funniest member here.

in respect.

[HoreTore]

Kittens?

I do love a nice pussy....

[Banquo's Ghost]

As for any restrictions on kitten ownership, the Second Amendment is very clear: "..the right to bear arms..."

That means that all furry mammalian limbs are permitted, without soft-skinned liberals trying to take away our tigers on the pretext it just says bears.

Liberals, I remind you, who shave and even depilate because they don't have the moral fibre to cope with fur of any kind. Why can't you see that this moral decline is unstoppable while we let swimmers, gay men and the wrong kind of woman have access to waxing? Hitler only had the tiniest of facial hair (and this was just to deceive the masses who thought maybe he was going to be a hairier conservative later on) which conclusively proves my point.

And when did you see Arafat with a kitten? Huh? See! And Obama has a dog!!!!1!

[a completely inoffensive name]

Can someone point me to the group that is pro kitten but anti pay-per-view?

[Askthepizzaguy]

Kittens?

Just remember to keep the carpet clean, it does tend to get furballs on it from time to time. I recommend a strict regimen of gently brushing the kitty at least once a day, feeding it whatever kind of meat it likes, making sure it gets plenty of water and sunshine, and keeping it away from noisy environments with large barking dogs or other big animals. Not many like being on a leash, but if you're going to bring your kitty out in public, you should keep a tight rein on her, and don't let her wander off too far; she might end up mating with one of the neighborhood strays, and then you've got a whole litter of problems on your hands. As for disciplinary action, for say making a mess of your furniture or your bed, I would recommend not using a rolled up newspaper because that hurts and it's not pleasant for either one of you. Much better is just rubbing her in her special spot, and telling her very seriously how much you care for her. Eventually she will be in a more playful mood, and she will forget all about making a mess, and spend more time on your lap, purring. Make sure you keep her nails trimmed, and it never hurts to keep some catnip around and some toys for her to play with.

If you take good care of your kitty, she will always love you, and there's nothing better in this world. Though I must say, I still think that they are wild and sometimes dangerous, and if they sink their claws into you they can just tear you to pieces and leave you feeling rejected and very hurt. That is why I think owning kitties should be illegal, it is very hazardous to your health.

By the way, there are hairless kitties out there, and while some find their appearance unusual, I love the feel of their warm, soft skin on my face. I loves to give them kisses.