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Thread: A warning to all

  1. #1
    Resident Pessimist Member Dooz's Avatar
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    Default A warning to all

    Summer, 203 B.C.

    Macedon.

    The Macedonian empire reigns supreme. All Roman factions except the Senate have been destroyed. Rome itself has been saved for last, after the rest of the world has been conquered. The Gauls pose a formidable threat from the west, due to many generous donations by yours truly early on, to keep them in the game against the Julii. Nothing the fiercome phalanx can't handle though. To the east, Egypt has built an empire worthy of Ra himself. The only thing seperating our borders is the Aegean sea. War is inevitable. The Numidians have held their own against all opposition to the south, and now control all of Northern Africa. Thrace sends the occasional army led by a fairly well experienced general from the North, only to be denied the joy of victory by heavily walled and garrissoned cities.

    A huge project has been undertaken. Spent the better part of the last 20 years building up the supreme Macedonian army at Thessalonica. 4 archer units, 7 companion cavalry units, 8 royal pikemen, and with a stroke of luck, a military genius general, freshly come of age at 16. Transferred all major ancilliaries of nearby generals to him, forging the near perfect young general. Entire army has silver shield and sword upgrades, and at least 2 bronze experience ranking. Alexander himself would have revelled at the opportunity of controlling an army of this magnitude.

    The island of Sicily is controlled solely by Carthage, whome I generously offered my alliance and gave more than a fair share donations to in order to help them against their numerous enemies. All that said though, their only remaining forces are that which occupy the three cities on the island.

    That is untill of course, they foolishly started amassing troops on the southern tip of the Italian peninsula near Croton, which as you may know by now, is under my control.

    With a well seasoned army, under the leadership of Apisaon the Mighty, the greatest general the world had seen till then, en route to Sicily from the north, the need for another army to punish the ambitious Carthigians arose. In comes our fine young general, Areithous. I decided the best course of action would be to bring him through Apollonia, boarding him onto a fleet and crossing the Mediterranean from the Macedonian mainland to reinforce Croton, make easy work of the Carthaginians, gain a few more stars to his already great starting position of 5, then move on to Sicily to join his glorious father in wiping out the rest of Carthage becoming the next great saviour of Macedon. Then of course many more conquests would follow, perhaps even taking on the mighty Egyptians? Only time will tell.

    Ah, but what's this? All my glorious navies of Triremes and Quintremes are busy elsewhere, far from Apollonia. Take the time of bringing one over, perhaps a couple of years? Or the quick fix of building a unit of biremes at Apollonia itself? I chose the latter. Surely the quick voyage across the Mediterranean will prove to be unhazardous. After all, there are no enemy navies in site, and most have been crushed by mine anyways. And so, the precious cargo loaded up, and set sail.



    Halfway through the trip, I was attacked by a measly fleet of two triremes of the Roman Senate! My ship sunk, my soon to be legendary general and army lost...

    Was all hope lost? No. Was a significant portion of my resources, manpower, energy, and enthusiasm gone in an instant? Yes. Was I pissed off as hell? Most definately.





    The point my friends is simply this; toast is better left unbuttered, if the butter has been left to rot.

  2. #2

    Default Re: A warning to all

    I burst out laughing at this point
    Halfway through the trip, I was attacked by a measly fleet of two triremes of the Roman Senate! My ship sunk, my soon to be legendary general and army lost...
    Im sorry but thats legendary, i to have suffered not sending a navy ;arge enough to ensure it gets through but never have i lost so many men on it, usually the ship survives though regardless of the enemy fleet and isnt usually sunk in one battle so you were extremely unlucky.

    Macedon survived without alexander so it can survive without Apisaon the Mighty :-)

  3. #3
    Actual Person Member Paul Peru's Avatar
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    Default Re: A warning to all

    I would have played no more on that day, methinks...
    Quote Originally Posted by Wonderland
    The point my friends is simply this; toast is better left unbuttered, if the butter has been left to rot.
    I don't know if this works for toast, but if batter is bitter due to bitter butter, putting better butter in the bitter batter apparently makes the batter better. I'll check the source if you're interested.
    Sono Pazzi Questi Romani
    Paul Peru: Holier than thy bucket!

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    Magister Vitae Senior Member Kraxis's Avatar
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    Default Re: A warning to all

    That is painful... But such is war. I'm we have all suffered such cases.

    For instance I managed to get myself a Decere quite early as the Scipii (I couldn't build it yet), and I needed to transfer my most experienced army yet away from Sicily (yup very early). My fleets were fighting the Greeks, and winning fairly easily. So naturally the army boarded the Decere at Syracuse (my capital) and I proceeded to go to sea to join up with a fleet near Tarentum. But as it happened a rouge fleet of Carthies intercepted it (blocked it). I refused a fight, butthe Carthies attacked and won (but the Decere put up a valiant show killing almost 2:1). So my now rather depleted Decere fled right into the arms of another Carthie fleet who also attacked it. Same result. This time my Decere had ventured all the way to Thermon and was promtly beset by Greek ships en masse. I felt like my Decere had become a rubberball.

    Goodbye Decere and mighty army (which included a merc War Elephant). Luckily I hadn't sent my newest member to join it, I thought he would be a rather good governor of Lily.
    Last edited by Kraxis; 01-28-2005 at 13:58.
    You may not care about war, but war cares about you!


  5. #5
    Date Harumune Member Herakleitos's Avatar
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    Default Re: A warning to all

    I reckon you didn't quicksave just before you send that boat away...? IMO the best way to deal with this is to conquer and exterminate Rome, give it away to the senate (if they're still around) and conquer and exterminate it AGAIN (repeat until satisfied, razing all buildings is optional)...
    'ho polemos pater pantoon'

  6. #6
    Resident Pessimist Member Dooz's Avatar
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    Default Re: A warning to all

    Quote Originally Posted by _Aetius_
    Macedon survived without alexander so it can survive without Apisaon the Mighty :-)
    Indeed it will... but he was so young... so full of potential... *tear*

    Quote Originally Posted by Paul Peru
    I would have played no more on that day, methinks...
    It is at that point I pressed Esc, followed by pointing the mouse cursor on exit, then quit. In the heartbreak, I managed to scrap together this post.

    Quote Originally Posted by Paul Peru
    I don't know if this works for toast, but if batter is bitter due to bitter butter, putting better butter in the bitter batter apparently makes the batter better. I'll check the source if you're interested.
    Sounds like it's straight out of Alice In Wonderland...


    Quote Originally Posted by Kraxis
    That is painful... But such is war. I'm we have all suffered such cases.

    For instance I managed to get myself a Decere quite early as the Scipii (I couldn't build it yet), and I needed to transfer my most experienced army yet away from Sicily (yup very early). My fleets were fighting the Greeks, and winning fairly easily. So naturally the army boarded the Decere at Syracuse (my capital) and I proceeded to go to sea to join up with a fleet near Tarentum. But as it happened a rouge fleet of Carthies intercepted it (blocked it). I refused a fight, butthe Carthies attacked and won (but the Decere put up a valiant show killing almost 2:1). So my now rather depleted Decere fled right into the arms of another Carthie fleet who also attacked it. Same result. This time my Decere had ventured all the way to Thermon and was promtly beset by Greek ships en masse. I felt like my Decere had become a rubberball.

    Goodbye Decere and mighty army (which included a merc War Elephant). Luckily I hadn't sent my newest member to join it, I thought he would be a rather good governor of Lily.
    Join the club of the damned my friend... On a side note, don't you wish naval warfare was a bit more refined?... at least to the point where we could choose where we retreat our defeated fleets...


    Quote Originally Posted by Herakleitos
    I reckon you didn't quicksave just before you send that boat away...? IMO the best way to deal with this is to conquer and exterminate Rome, give it away to the senate (if they're still around) and conquer and exterminate it AGAIN (repeat until satisfied, razing all buildings is optional)...
    Revenge will indeed be sweet. But I shall stick with my plan of saving Rome for last. Forts shall be built all around the borders, with supreme armies in each! All remnants of their navy shall be exterminated! When the entire world lies in my hands, Rome will tremble! Then the moment of truth... perhaps as many as 8 stacked armies... each led by a valiant general... besieging Rome... and on it's last half-year of survival... a massive onslought... oh yes... revenge will be sweet indeed.... bitterbatterbutter... no margerine for me...

  7. #7
    Resident Pessimist Member Dooz's Avatar
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    Default Re: A warning to all

    Oh woops, _Aetius_ it wasn't Apisaon the Mighty, it was Areithous, his son... and the NEXT mighty one of Macedon...

  8. #8

    Default Re: A warning to all

    Oops silly mistake, oh well avenge this outrage LEVEL ROME IN HIS NAME bwahahahahaha!

  9. #9
    Senior Member Senior Member Vanya's Avatar
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    Default Re: A warning to all

    GAH!

    That is what happens when your youthful prodigal son steps up high on the bow of his ship and does his best Leo Di Caprio yell... "I'm da king of da world!".

    Sad thing is... if Hollywood (or Bollywood) ever makes a movie about this great warrior snuffed out at such a tender age, it will probably be Leo Di Caprio playing the role.

    And it may even be a Scorsese film with a script adapted by Mario Puzo... with Bronson Pinchot playing the lad's aloof popsickle (er, cold-hearted daddy).



    GAH!
    [Sips sake, eats popcorn]

  10. #10
    One of the Undutchables Member The Stranger's Avatar
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    Default Re: A warning to all

    very stupid did the same thing yes it definitly makes you mad

    We do not sow.

  11. #11
    Resident Pessimist Member Dooz's Avatar
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    Default Re: A warning to all

    Quote Originally Posted by Paul Peru
    I don't know if this works for toast, but if batter is bitter due to bitter butter, putting better butter in the bitter batter apparently makes the batter better. I'll check the source if you're interested.
    So where's that from Paul? Paul Peru.

  12. #12
    Member Member Ar7's Avatar
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    Default Re: A warning to all

    *laughs*

    Thank you for making my day more enjoyable, I had a good laugh As it goes, one's misery makes another one happy....now you'll now better when trying to stick an army aboard of a single ship

  13. #13
    Actual Person Member Paul Peru's Avatar
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    Wink Re: A warning to all

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonderland
    So where's that from Paul? Paul Peru.
    Well, actually it was from a secondary source which I can't find at the moment. (a vox pop in the britcom series "A bit of Fry and Laurie")
    Finding what appears to be the primary source, it seems that my source was slightly mistaken, and that the bitter butter probably never have made it into the batter at all. The buttered toast may therefore be unsalvageable.
    http://www.mamalisa.com/house/betty.html

    Here's a bit that explains how to have children without without recourse to cannabis and government handouts:
    http://www.geocities.com/mmemym/bits1/fal0017.htm
    Sono Pazzi Questi Romani
    Paul Peru: Holier than thy bucket!

  14. #14
    Actual Person Member Paul Peru's Avatar
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    Default Re: A warning to all

    According to this version, better butter can actually help even if bitter bum butter has made it into the batter:
    Betty Botter bought bum butter.
    "Blah!" said she, "Bum butter's bitter!
    But it's blended in my batter and it's made my batter bitter!
    But if I blend some better butter, better than the bitter butter, it'll make my bitter batter better!"
    So, Betty bought better butter
    Better than the bitter butter
    Blended it in her bitter batter, and
    Now her bitter batter's better!
    Sono Pazzi Questi Romani
    Paul Peru: Holier than thy bucket!

  15. #15
    Resident Pessimist Member Dooz's Avatar
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    Default Re: A warning to all

    Quote Originally Posted by Paul Peru
    Here's a bit that explains how to have children without without recourse to cannabis and government handouts:
    http://www.geocities.com/mmemym/bits1/fal0017.htm
    That was... quite possibly... one of the funniest reads... ever.

  16. #16

    Default Re: A warning to all

    I think i will copy this and print it.
    the only thing i think of that can equal this
    is when my elite principes army got trapped by egyptians.
    foolish really
    fought two heavy duty egyptian armies and won
    thought they would be depleted (since my advance army practically fall to pieces after get batterred by numerous egyptian armies before i withdraw it and sent this army in)
    then suddenly THREE egyptian armies appeared.
    not very smart though since they don't surround me.
    end result? left with only one and a half principes cohort, a splatter of velites, drops of equites, and two triarii.
    i do commend their bravery though. They lost their general in the second-to-last battle and yet manage to win the battle.

  17. #17
    Lesbian Rebel Member Mikeus Caesar's Avatar
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    Default Re: A warning to all

    I hate it when that happens. I had turned on the fog of war cheat so i could make sure there were no meanies out on the ocean, so i could transport some generals from sparta to sicily. I had three boats, and sailed off. Out of nowhere this massive brutii navy appears, and my generals are lost forever. Is it me, or do the AI navies have more movement points than us?
    Quote Originally Posted by Ranika
    I'm being assailed by a mental midget of ironically epic proportions. Quick as frozen molasses, this one. Sharp as a melted marble. It's disturbing. I've had conversations with a braying mule with more coherence.


  18. #18
    Resident Pessimist Member Dooz's Avatar
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    Default Re: A warning to all

    I think I should get into writing guides... I mean, there's plenty of guides out there telling you what to do... I'll focus mine on what NOT to do based on my foolish mistakes
    I'll show everyone it pays to suck. (please refrain from all illegal solicitation jokes )

  19. #19
    Member Member hoom's Avatar
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    Default Re: A warning to all

    Closest I've had was as the Thracians I built myself a grand army to attack the Macedonian capital to buy some breathing space.
    Not wanting to lose the army to an enemy fleet, I built a full stack navy to transport what was about half my military.
    All was going well until the fleet got beachwrecked (ie stuck) on the way there
    I've since learnt how to fix that but oooh how frustrating that was.
    Ended that campaign.
    maybe those guys should be doing something more useful...

  20. #20
    agitated Member master of the puppets's Avatar
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    Talking Re: A warning to all

    one question Paul Peru, why are you looking up nursery rymes? did someone forget to tell you Sexual intercourse can often bring about
    pregnancy in the adult female?
    A nation of sheep will beget a a government of wolves. Edward R. Murrow

    Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. —1 John 2:9

  21. #21
    Actual Person Member Paul Peru's Avatar
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    Default Sorry for the thread necromancy

    I found my original source for butter advise:
    Quote Originally Posted by Hugh Laurie
    Then Betty took a bit of better
    butter and put it in her bitter
    batter and made her bitter
    batter better. Something like
    that. It was before the next war
    of course.
    Quote Originally Posted by mastodont of muppets
    one question Paul Peru, why are you looking up nursery rymes? did someone forget to tell you Sexual intercourse can often bring about pregnancy in the adult female?
    I've heard that disgusting rumour. I'm getting married in 3 months, so I'll keep the rhymes for next year.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonderbra
    I think I should get into writing guides... I mean, there's plenty of guides out there telling you what to do... I'll focus mine on what NOT to do based on my foolish mistakes
    In the 5. book of Douglas Adams' well known trilogy (oh dear) there is a woman who has written a book like that on life in general. Due to her current circumstances, she finds that doing the opposite of what she's done in every situatiuon would be a good idea. One piece of her advise is to buy a beach house.
    Sono Pazzi Questi Romani
    Paul Peru: Holier than thy bucket!

  22. #22

    Default Re: A warning to all

    Serves you right for not doing a quicksave.

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