The Shores Of Tamaro

[The Stranger]

Since ancient times on the Delthelos islands. Our people now rule and live in peace on all six of them. But it hasnt always been this way. Listen, as i'll tell the tale of your ancestors!

I looked over my shoulders and saw ships everywhere. All sailing out to Tamaro, our neighbouring island. Our orders were quite simple. Secure a beachhead and hold it till reinforcements arrived. Simple orders, but though. That was why only the best were good enough for this task.

My hart started beating faster as we neared Tamaro. This would be it, point of no return. The moment our feets would hit the beaches of Tamaro it would be killed or be killed. And i wouldnt be killed without a fight.

I looked how the waves gently rolled over the beaches of Tamaro. Palms, blue sea and white beaches all to be drained in scarlet blood in minutes. The enemy opened fire. With disturbing sounds a vicious rain of arrow, rocks and dead animals rained upon us. Loud cries marked each casualty. I didnt moved my feet and straigthened my helmet and braced for the confrontation.

Some men already reached the beaches. I ordered the slaves to row faster, I wanted blood. Within seconds we hit the beach and i jumped out, my feet gently hit the sand. I felt the adrenaline rush through my veins.

[Ludens]

Interesting opening, but if you want to get the reader's attention, you really need to post more.

[The Stranger]

I saw the Tamaroans dug in, in the dunes. Firing volley after volley of deadly arrows. "Follow me," I shouted and a few answered my call. together we charged through open terrain to the Tamaroan trenches. Some fell, but most made it to the first trenches. I jumped in as one of the first, most followed my example.

I stared into the eyes of young man. I saw a glance of terror appear on his face. "Gah! Weakling," I cried out and i thrusted my spear in his neck. Warm red blood gulped out his gaping wound. I hate weaklings i thought as i stabbed the dying man in his chest. A flash of pain on his face...and then nothing.

I turned around to attack again. I raised my spear. A Tamaroan jumped infront of me and bashed me with his shield. I fell on the ground. A shock of pain went through my body.

[Ludens]

In response to what you posted before editing in the last part: what I am trying to say is that it's too short. You only give us fragements and stop every time it gets interesting. Stopping at a pivotal moment is a very popular technique that is known as a cliff-hanger (as you probably are aware), but overusing it is very annoying. Imagine a good action movie that is interrupted every five minutes for a commercial break.

I am very interested in what is going to happen on the Shores of Tamaro, but please try to give us more than fragments, even if it takes you longer to write.

[The Stranger]

i'm currently writing a dutch story wich i already extended to 20 pages, my heart is more into that story, causing me to have a slight writingblock when i'm on this one. i can write a few senteces but i get bored with it pretty fast.

I quickly tried to rise again. i had too fight, it couldnt be over now. My eyes opened and the man that smacked me against the ground was looking at me with his sword swining above his head. It suddenly dawned on me, the saddistic bastard was smiling at me, or wasnt he.

His eyes distended (sp?) and he uttered a cry. i braced for the deadly blow, and closed my eyes. I firmly kept my eyes tight for 5 seconds but nothing happened. when i opened my eyes, i saw another man standing infront of me. it was one of ours, his hand reached and i grabbed it. I nodded at him as a token of apreciation and our ways separated.

I cursed at myself for my cowardise as i strolled through a oasis of violance and death. I looked around and saw some Tamaroans fleeing. were we winning?

I stepped over a dead body, the stench of death hanging freshly above him. i stared at his eyes. a mix of fear, hatred and pain. I despised myself, this was how i would have looked when i would have been killed today. Gah! Cowards i thought, and i sat down.
the battle was won, that was the easy part as our commander told us. The hard part had yet to come.

We had done what we were ordered to do. Establish a beachhead on Tamaro. But at what terrible cost. many soldiers lied dead on the beaches. it was a funny thing though, I saw the man who's hand i reached. His body was terribly mangled, his chest was pierced by a missile of a ballista and only god knew what else the Tamaroans had done to him. Life's ironic, war is hell!

At dusk we were firmly dug in on the beaches. Great fires were lit to burn all casualties. no proper funeral in wartime. It was burning them or die like rats tomorrow from the diseases they spread.


more coming today!!! i swear Ludens

[Ludens]

I think you misunderstand me. I did not mean to hurry you, I am trying to say that if you post here, please make it worth our while to read. If you want our interest, post functional chapters, not just three-paragraph fragments.

I do not want to sound harsh, though. If that other story is more important to you, than continue with that one.

Good luck with writing!

[The Stranger]

no problem ll...

i like writing very much, but i dunno my english stories always stop abrubtly cuz i cant really bring it they way i want it. i cant find the words i like to say it with cuz i dont know m...when i wright in dutch it just keeps coming, i have to stop myself otherwise it could go forever. while i really have to do everything to get a good english story...and strange enough...i like to wright in english more than in dutch