Have you ever crapped your pants?

[Major Robert Dump]

I have

I feel the flu coming on but I go out to Oktoberfest anyway about 5 years ago. Its at a crappy amusement park and I eat beer and drink sausages and watch people vomit on roller cosaters all night long.

Next morning I have full blown flu. Go to Wal-Mart pharmacy for flu medicine. Forgot about new law that makes you show license and sign stuff to get drugs with 'pheddy, so theres a long, long line. 20 minutes later, still not medicated, I think I have to make a little farty and try to squeeze one out all ninja like. Uh-Oh, its wet and cold! Nooooooo! Luckily not enough to show through the khakis or run down my leg, but enough to make me walk funny so no spillage occurs. I had to manuever sublty to the big m,irror where they hang the glasses so I could see if I there was any evidence on my rear.

Even worse, I can smell it so I guess the fart was legit as well. I get my medicine and crop dust out of there (crop dusing = brisk walk to spread fart smell around, so no one can pick the perpetrator) and I head straight to the wal-mart bathroom, go to the handicap stall and clean up.

A small part of me wanted to take the boxers off there and leave them hanging on the toilet handle, but I was worried I might scar some little kid who came in and saw Winnie The Pooh boxers with skid marks.

You are the only people I've ever told