Sultan Meliksah of the so-called Sultanate of "Rum", Thief of the good Roman name, more properly called the Sultan of Seljuk prostitutes, debauchers, fornicators, heretics, pederasts, zoophiles, and necrophiles, and the Sultan of the Sultanate of small aggregations of huts filled with equine feces, and the follower of the False Prophet Muhammad, whose teachings are a plague upon this world:
I, Makrianos Ampelas, Megas Logothetes of the Roman Empire, bid you, the offspring of a horse and an ass, though much less useful than your average mule, fair greetings. I wish to outline the grievances of the good Roman people against you:
1. You continue to defile God's Earth by your pestilent and irritating existence upon it.
2. Your followers, described above, do the very same.
3. You have, with no provocation, attacked our city of Trebizond. You may try to claim that the city was in revolt, and even claim that they invited your protection, but both of these are false. Trebizond was still our city. We were having some differences, but the man we sent for peaceful negotiation with the city leaders personally witnessed your violent attack.
4. You spread the heretical teachings of your False Prophet, whose lunatic delusions you have taken for a religion, among the good, God-loving Greeks of Anatolia.
We have entertained the false pretense of peace for long enough. It is the sacred duty of the Roman people to drive you back to the barren steppes from which you came. There you may worship any devil, and engage in any acts you wish with your comrades, family, and horses, but our Anatolia you may not sully any further.
The Roman Senate, reinstituted by the great Basileus Alexios Komnenos, has authorized a declaration of war against you in the session of 1095. I am prepared to make that declaration, but in the interest of civilized diplomatic negotiation, I will offer an ultimatum. In light of the serious grievances listed above, I believe these demands are most reasonable:
1. You will immediately hand over Trebizond, Iconium, Caesarea, and Adana to the Roman Empire.
2. You will immediately abandon Armenia, which will be put under the traditional protection of the Roman Empire.
3. You will pay 60,000 florins in reparations for occupying our lands.
4. You will immediately convert to Christianity.
You have exactly two weeks to respond favorably to these most reasonable demands. Failure to do so will result in war. Do not expect a second letter, if you fail to comply, the next thing you will see will be our armies.
Markianos Ampelas, Megas Logothetes of the Roman Empire
Μαρκιανος Αμπελας
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