Coping with Bi-Polar

[Redleg]

Here I was just looking through the backroom, doing a bit of trolling just to pass some time away before going to bed, after a long day working on the railroad. Stuck in the middle of nowhere Colorado, and my wife just called me and said she was on the way to the emergency room because she just took a bunch of pills because she was upset about her weight. My $$%%$# god how does one cope with a bi-polar wife after all these years. 6 times in the damn hospital over the last 4 years, 2 sucide attempts, (now possibily 3) and running up credit card bills to the point that I can't afford the crap. (oh yea the evils of the american credit system. No regard to the fact that she can't pay for the damn thing - and gets them anyway.......without me knowing about them until the damn things,...)

The bad thing is that if I divorce her, it will cause her to attempt suicide again, and the bad thing for me is that I still love the crazy woman....

Oh well guess no sleep for me tonight and a long tried day tomorrow trying to finish my job so I can leave and get home.

God how I hate this curse called bi-polar.

[Lemur]

That's tough stuff, Redleg. My thoughts are with you, and my prayers. I dated a bi-polar girl back in the 1800s when I was young, and it was ... memorable. I can only imagine how much excitement accrues to marrying a woman with that condition.

I'm truly sorry to hear she's messing with your finances in the ways that only a spouse can ...

-edit-

I'm sure this is nothing you haven't seen before, but just in case:

How to survive in a marriage when your spouse is Bipolar (http://www.ehow.com/how_2152936_survive-marriage-spouse-bipolar.html)
Marriage & Manic Depression: Making It Work (http://bipolar.about.com/od/familyissues/a/marriage.htm)
Bipolar: Beating the Marriage Odds (http://www.nami.org/template.cfm?template=/ContentManagement/ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentID=41636&lstid=275)

[Redleg]

That's tough stuff, Redleg. My thoughts are with you, and my prayers. I dated a bi-polar girl back in the 1800s when I was young, and it was ... memorable. I can only imagine how much excitement accrues to marrying a woman with that condition.

I'm truly sorry to hear she's messing with your finances in the ways that only a spouse can ...

The finance thing I can handle, since working is not all that big a deal for me, been doing it pretty steady since I can remember - growing up on a farm with a father who had his own construction business, means he had cheap labor as soon as we were strong enough to lift a 50 pound bag of grain.

So well its troublesome to work your ass off to pay off a debt, only to have another pop up, its something I can handle without getting to upset.

Its the damn sucide attempts and self-medication crap that she does that really stresses me to my limit. You bounce from I wish she would just stop attempting sucide and actually accomplish it, to feeling guilty for having that tought, to wondering why did you miss the signs that she might be head down that path once again. So I end up with a whole huge parcel of guilt not of my own making that damnit keeps me from getting any real sleep.

Then what throws the icing on the cake is watching some rich dumb ass hollywood type blaming all their woes on depression or the current dejoure of hollywood, bi-polar. Over half of those dumb asses would not know what true bi-polar people go through on a daily basis if someone hit them over the head with it.

And what makes matters worse for my wife is she is a rapid cycle bi-polar ( its got a technical name to, but I never remember it) she goes through manic-depression cycles about 3 times a year. And I finally thought we finally found the right combination of medications to help her maintain some control over the manic and lessen the effects of the depression - but the weight gain from the meds set her mind into taking pills so she wouldn't eat.

[seireikhaan]

I'm sorry, Redleg. Bipolar is a really tough thing to deal with. My brother is bipolar too. Honestly, your wife's story reminds me of my brother before he got straightened out, only he swapped the credit cards for alcohol. However, I cannot say absolutely for certain what has gotten him on the straight path. This is mainly because I stopped living with him when I reached about 13, because my parents were divorced, and I lived with my dad while he was with my mother. Plus, we got along really poorly for a while, because he tended to vent his anger and frustration at smaller objects than himself, me being one of the primary targets.

However, I know for him, a few things helped. First, he stopped drinking truckloads of mountain dew(he used to just carry 2 liters around with him). Apparently large amounts of caffeine will render the meds inefficient. He also stopped hanging around with some of his friends who were poor influences on him, and he drastically cut his alcohol intake(though he by no means cut it completely). However, he'd also had years of counseling, so its quite possible that many of these things were simply results of the the counseling, and not actual behavioral causes themselves. A little after that, he managed to get a steady job doing what he love doing; fixing cars. I think that's what really has helped him out the most, being able to occupy his time with something productive that he loves doing. Does your wife have a job, Redleg?

[Redleg]

I'm sorry, Redleg. Bipolar However, I know for him, a few things helped. First, he stopped drinking truckloads of mountain dew(he used to just carry 2 liters around with him). Apparently large amounts of caffeine will render the meds inefficient. He also stopped hanging around with some of his friends who were poor influences on him, and he drastically cut his alcohol intake(though he by no means cut it completely). However, he'd also had years of counseling, so its quite possible that many of these things were simply results of the the counseling, and not actual behavioral causes themselves. A little after that, he managed to get a steady job doing what he love doing; fixing cars. I think that's what really has helped him out the most, being able to occupy his time with something productive that he loves doing. Does your wife have a job, Redleg?

Oh glad to hear your brother is doing well with the condition.

Unfortunely for my wife the best med combinations but her sodium and potasium levels at a life threatening point and the meds had to be changed after 3 years of great success. Then over the last 2 years we have been in the rapid cycle changes as we work with the doctors on getting the meds right again.

[DemonArchangel]

*snip*
However, I know for him, a few things helped. First, he stopped drinking truckloads of mountain dew(he used to just carry 2 liters around with him). Apparently large amounts of caffeine will render the meds inefficient. *snip*

I learned this hard way. I drastically cut my caffeine intake in recent months. Never felt better.

[Louis VI the Fat]

Sorry to hear about your wife, Red. Hope the two of you will be okay. My thoughts are with you.

Venting on the internet helps! Don't hesitate to get it all out over here!

the bad thing for me is that I still love the crazy woman....Bless you. You've got a great heart.

[Evil_Maniac From Mars]

Good luck Redleg, and good luck to your wife as well.


I still love the crazy woman....

That's very touching, and very good of you. You have my sincere respect.

[seireikhaan]

Oh glad to hear your brother is doing well with the condition.

Unfortunely for my wife the best med combinations but her sodium and potasium levels at a life threatening point and the meds had to be changed after 3 years of great success. Then over the last 2 years we have been in the rapid cycle changes as we work with the doctors on getting the meds right again.
Hmm. That's really unfortunate about the meds. I'm surprised at the potassium thing, I'd heard of sodium levels sometimes getting out of whack, but never potassium before. But as I said before, does she have a job? Is there some kind of activity that she enjoys that could occupy her time, so at the least she's not sitting around watching the lives of celebrities? Especially if that activity could help her manage her weight a little better, it could help kill two birds with one stone. Even extended walks, or going to the park or something simple, to help take her mind off things, minimize the influence of the tv, and keep her away from malls and stores with the credit cards.

[PanzerJaeger]

Sorry man, thats rough.

I don't know anything in depth about bi-polar, but I would suggest putting your wife on an allowance. I know finances are secondary right now, but debt can be a huge burden in itself.

[CountArach]

That is truly tough reading Redleg. I hope things work out for you and your wife.

[ICantSpellDawg]

That is a tough situation to be in. Im sure you'll do the right thing

[Divinus Arma]

At some point you have to ask youself, do I want to deal with this for the rest of my life?

You sholdn't be held hostage by her madness. Or in other words, you are in the relationship for the wrong reason if it is only to prevent her suicide.

You have come to a decision point my friend. You must make a decision one way or the other, to leave her or to seek remedies. If you fail to make a decision you will remain a victim and hostage.

[seireikhaan]

[quoted material removed by request of the original poster]
How so, Tuff? My experiences would say quite otherwise, that when diagnosing my brother, therapists literally explored nearly every other option before diagnosing him as bipolar. It was while trying to figure out what to diagnose and going through God only knows how many different meds that the situation was the worst. Only after the diagnosis did things actually start to improve; not that there weren't "rough spots" if you will, but it gave some kind of solid footing, which, after years of therapy, meds, and lifestyle changes, helped to make him a better person.

But please, by all means explain the reasoning behind your logic.

[seireikhaan]

sorry, double post.

[ICantSpellDawg]

sorry, double post.

PM'ed you to avoid derailing the thread

[Samurai Waki]

Ok. For you and you're wifes sake.

Having lived with Bi Polar since I was fourteen, I've seen the many (quite often) scary corners that such a mental disease can bring, not only because it leads to self destructive behaviors that affect your own well being, but the well being of people around you. I'm very sorry to hear the trouble you've been going through, but I can offer you some tips, for both you and her.

1. It will NEVER go away. Actually, Mania is just a step below Schizophrenia. And the older you get, the greater her chances are of developing it. Frightening prospect, but treatable.

2. Medicate. But never self medicate. Bi-Polar disorder cycles between Depressed periods, normal "balanced" periods, and Manic Periods. You NEED to get her on something, I'm currently taking Depakote, which is old school, and causes some stomach irritation, but isn't as harmful as Lithium and is affordable. Keep in mind, that Bi Polar never goes away, often times people stop medicating when they hit their balanced periods, thinking "oh yeah! its over!" its not, it will hit again, and hit hard. So she should never stop taking meds, and she has to learn how to be responsible for it. But especially if she's going through a manic period, it can be hard, just make sure someone is reminding her constantly. If she's self medicating, she needs to stop IMMEDIATELY!!! Drinking seems to be the real killer for most Bi Polar people, and some people just have to be sober the rest of their lives. When I turned 21, I nearly drank myself to death, and then I got help and went sober for two years, gradually building myself back up to a point where I can drink once in a great while, and socially only.

3. She needs to acknowledge that she has incurable illness (treatable but not curable.) Its like deafness, blindness, tuberculosis, or any plethora of those out there. Once she has made that connection, usually you find a reason to defeat it, or cope with it at least, and stop being a burden on everyone around you. I wouldn't wish what we have on my worst enemy.

4. Get the Book "Bi Polar Survival Guide". Read it. Have her read it. It will change both of your perspectives on the situation.

5. as of 2006, Bi Polar Disorder was recognized as a Disability (in the US). If you're having trouble with bills, File for Disabilities. It can save you a bunch of money, and give her proper time and adequate treatment.

6. exercise! exercise! exercise! If I'm feeling manic, instead of waving a gun around the house, or yelling really loud, I go outside and chop wood, or take a long walk by myself until I'm so tired I can't think anymore. it does wonders.

7. She needs you man. There's been times, you know when I've really lost hope. and My wife and daughters have saved me every time. Thats even while taking and being completely faithful to my medication. Most people think that the Medication is a silver bullet that kills the Werewolf, and its not, it just helps you get through the day.

8. Reality is harsh. She needs to accept it, and deal with it. Nobody else but her can do that (and the meds help in this arena greatly).

9. She's not crazy. Just confused by chemicals triggering wildly in her head, she can't control it.

10. Don't become a Scientologist.

...And if I didn't get the help I needed. I would either be laying six feet underground, or possibly in a Prison Cell. Like my cousin.

[ICantSpellDawg]

Don't divorce her. Marriage was designed for just these types of situations, however difficult. If it was just designed for the good times, dating would have made it obsolete.

[SwordsMaster]

I second what wakizashi said about exercise. Take her out somewhere to channel her priorities. Coming to Nigeria was an eye opener for me, I don't think I'll ever complain about hot water again, so maybe it'll work to refocus her weight obsession, and exercise is key, man. The brain can't work when the body is exhausted, so get her to chop wood :yes:

/shameless self promotion/ Or visit the fitness thread in the frontroom /shamelesss self promotion/

[Kralizec]

I never knew a lot about Bi-Polar disorder, but from what I've read here it sounds rough. Good luck for you and your wife, Redleg.

[Redleg]

Ok. For you and you're wifes sake.

Having lived with Bi Polar since I was fourteen, I've seen the many (quite often) scary corners that such a mental disease can bring, not only because it leads to self destructive behaviors that affect your own well being, but the well being of people around you. I'm very sorry to hear the trouble you've been going through, but I can offer you some tips, for both you and her.

1. It will NEVER go away. Actually, Mania is just a step below Schizophrenia. And the older you get, the greater her chances are of developing it. Frightening prospect, but treatable.

Yep - she has become very parnoid over the last 5 years as the bi-polar begins to manifest into more cycles per year.



2. Medicate. But never self medicate. Bi-Polar disorder cycles between Depressed periods, normal "balanced" periods, and Manic Periods. You NEED to get her on something, I'm currently taking Depakote, which is old school, and causes some stomach irritation, but isn't as harmful as Lithium and is affordable. Keep in mind, that Bi Polar never goes away, often times people stop medicating when they hit their balanced periods, thinking "oh yeah! its over!" its not, it will hit again, and hit hard. So she should never stop taking meds, and she has to learn how to be responsible for it. But especially if she's going through a manic period, it can be hard, just make sure someone is reminding her constantly. If she's self medicating, she needs to stop IMMEDIATELY!!! Drinking seems to be the real killer for most Bi Polar people, and some people just have to be sober the rest of their lives. When I turned 21, I nearly drank myself to death, and then I got help and went sober for two years, gradually building myself back up to a point where I can drink once in a great while, and socially only.


Well she understands to take the meds keeps her balanced. She was (before we were married) diagnosed with clinical depression back in the 1980's, and finally diagnosed with bi-polar back in 1996. The main problem she faces is indeed as she ages the condition gets worse not better, extremely frustating for her. So the typical response about staying on her meds really doesn't apply to her because she is very diligent about taking them. Self-medicating is indeed her problem because of the continued frustration of the condition and the fact that over the years she has not gotten better, but continues to slide down into the Schizophrenia often associated with the condition. As for achocol she rarely drinks because of the effects of achocol depression effects. Now for Medications Depakote she takes, prozac, and two others. One thing I have discovered about Bi-Polar meds talking with her current doctor - is that no two people react the same to the same type of meds,



3. She needs to acknowledge that she has incurable illness (treatable but not curable.) Its like deafness, blindness, tuberculosis, or any plethora of those out there. Once she has made that connection, usually you find a reason to defeat it, or cope with it at least, and stop being a burden on everyone around you. I wouldn't wish what we have on my worst enemy.

Oh she knows its incurable - her frustration is that its getting progressily worse for her since the beginning of her life.



4. Get the Book "Bi Polar Survival Guide". Read it. Have her read it. It will change both of your perspectives on the situation.

Read that one - and several others



5. as of 2006, Bi Polar Disorder was recognized as a Disability (in the US). If you're having trouble with bills, File for Disabilities. It can save you a bunch of money, and give her proper time and adequate treatment.

Well until just recently she was able to function enough to work, however now the condition has caused her to have the permanent shakes - could be a combination of the meds and her own mental condition, or just purely mental - but it prevents her from doing her normal type of work. We have started the disablity process, waiting on the Social Security Adminstration's first review. Got the Social Security lawyer lined up for the standard first rejection given by the SSA for any disablitity claim.



6. exercise! exercise! exercise! If I'm feeling manic, instead of waving a gun around the house, or yelling really loud, I go outside and chop wood, or take a long walk by myself until I'm so tired I can't think anymore. it does wonders.

When I am home with her - we go for long walks. Sometimes my son is able to get her out when I am not there to take a walk with him.



7. She needs you man. There's been times, you know when I've really lost hope. and My wife and daughters have saved me every time. Thats even while taking and being completely faithful to my medication. Most people think that the Medication is a silver bullet that kills the Werewolf, and its not, it just helps you get through the day.

Yep, current job is tough on her,



8. Reality is harsh. She needs to accept it, and deal with it. Nobody else but her can do that (and the meds help in this arena greatly).


Unfortunately she knows reality is harsh - so this is not the issue with her. Her problem deals with the inablity to cope with some aspects of reality.



9. She's not crazy. Just confused by chemicals triggering wildly in her head, she can't control it.


actually the way I termed it was not delt toward her condition - just her gender. I find all women slightly crazy.



10. Don't become a Scientologist.


Sorry don't believe in cults, nor do I blame religion for her condition. Its part of the human condition.



...And if I didn't get the help I needed. I would either be laying six feet underground, or possibly in a Prison Cell. Like my cousin.

Glad you got help. Bipolar is indeed a life long condition. It sounds like you have gotten a good handle on your condition along with your family. I primarily had to vent to some type of audience last night because I found myself 700 miles from my wife unable to do a damn thing to help or even prevent the self-medication that she did last night. Most people have no clue about what Bi-polar does to a person or the family that loves them. I figured someone here would have at least a clue about what I am dealing with along with my wife.

like I said before its not her unwillingness to deal with the condition - its the fact that because of the dangerous levels of sodium and potasium in her body from her previous meds, they have had to change the medications and the dosage. After 18 monthes, the doctor might have finally found a combination that works, unfortunately we are still in the fine tuning stage, and she slipped into self-medication because of the weight gain. The rational part of her being could not control the manic part of the diasease. The rational part of her brain got her out of her room and to the emergancy room as soon as she realized what she had done.

Well got news last night that they gave her charcoal to inactivate the drugs remaining in her stomach. Under observation because of the possible liver reaction to the combination and amounts that she took.

[Redleg]

To all others thanks for the replies, it helps me to cope with the condition to vent on the board and thanks for your understanding.
Thanks Wakizashi for sharing.

[Husar]

You and your wife have my best wishes Redleg.
And I applaud you for staying with her.

[Adrian II]

I am very sorry to hear all that, Redleg. I hope you and your wife will find a way to deal with this latest episode. Keep that love flowing, mate.

[Geoffrey S]

There are too many people who have carry that burden alone, and suffer all the more for it. It's all to easy to misunderstand.

I for one am glad that your wife has you helping her through the rough patches, Redleg, and truly admire the fact that you keep loving her. :bow:

[Lemur]

At some point you have to ask youself, do I want to deal with this for the rest of my life?

You sholdn't be held hostage by her madness.
I remember somebody saying something about "Until death do you part" when I was getting hitched. And there was further blather about "in sickness and in health," but I wasn't really paying attention.

I'm a big believer in sticking with the person you married. Especially if they're in distress and pain. Hmm, maybe we should spin this off into a different thread ....

[ICantSpellDawg]

Redleg is a good guy. Everybody on this board has faith in him to do the right thing.

[Ser Clegane]

My best wishes and the hope for brighter times to you and your family, Redleg.

Feel free to use this place to "vent" as people here care for you

:bow:

[Don Corleone]

You're in my thoughts and prayers, Redleg. My biological father had bipolar disorder. Things didn't work out for him, because he got misdiagnosed and his psychiatist put him on a medication for schizophrenia (this was in the 80s). I've also had a couple of friends who've dealt with it (and chemical depression) over the years. Sometimes I wonder if my own moodiness isn't the precursor, but I know it's leagues different.

As for the running up the credit cards, I'm not certain, but I think you can have them shut off and put a lock on them that it would take both of you turning them on to open any new accounts.

[Uesugi Kenshin]

Man Redleg that's tough. I hope you two figure this out, or rather continue to manage her condition.

My brother was diagnosed with bipolar a while back. I really don't know if it was a false diagnosis, or if he grew out of it, if that's possible. But he had a rough 5-6 years and continues to have a lot of issues. I'm pretty sure he isn't on any meds anymore though, and he does seem to be doing better, but I don't really know what's his deal. I was young when he got diagnosed and hospitalized a couple of times so I don't know exactly what happened. From that experience I know that bipolar is really tough and I wish you the best of luck in dealing with your wife's condition.