Pizzaguy's Corner [Archive]

Askthepizzaguy

12-26-2008, 04:32

Pizzaguy's Corner

Welcome all to Pizzaguy's corner, I am your host, Askthepizzaguy. You may recognize me from the gameroom, the citadel, the backroom, or any number of other suspected hangouts. This is my lair, my dark fortress from which I unleash my deadly art. Or at least it has been since about 8PM today. It's a work in progress, so don't be asking all kinds of silly questions like "hey, what happened to all the content?" Say, what happened to all the content? Not to worry, content is coming, which should make each of you content. Hahahaha I made a pun. If you think that's bad, just wait until I get warmed up, my cheese is still frozen and my pepperoni is as hard as a yule log, which is less dirty than it sounds. Now that the preliminary introduction is over, allow me to give you a sample of what this soon-to-be botched experiment is all about:

Begin Loading Content.......

......

Buffering... Shading...Generating New Command Interface... Receiving Dial Tone From Borg Collective... Putting Clothes in The Dryer....Reticulating Splines....Loading THX screen... Generating Loud Annoying Noise.... Rolling Credits.... Taking Coffee Break... Using Straw to Pick Teeth.

Progress: 0.0000000000000000000000000001% Complete.

Estimated Time to Completion: 37.1 Galactic Rotations.

Please take a number and have a seat.

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Content Module 001: It's Christmas In PizzaTown!

And all the little mini-pizzas are enjoying the extra frost as it gently drifts down upon the snow bank at the back of the freezer. Local time is 8:20 PM, and the Stardate is 58248.3 over 31 nanobleeps. I had Eggnog today, Ham, and many other delightful treats.

The Family Guy Mafia (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?t=110036) is coming to a close, and my impending victory is sending cheers throughout Whoville, even though in all likelihood Town is about to lose. Stay tuned for my second humiliating defeat as the unelected, unofficial, and unhappy leader of another defeated townie group. That's two for two!

I'm dead in the Fillet Royale (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?t=109832), and that didn't take bloody long. I politely decided to excuse myself from talking too much in that game, since I wasn't paying attention anyway. A bit disappointing, since I could protect people.

I'm engaged in another sloooowwww mafia down at TWC, and to be honest I'm a bit disappointed by the lack of activity. I expect to be picked off soon because I'm one of the few people still talking.

The Full Monty (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?t=108584) is concluded with a smash, my favorite hosted game to-date. The Golden Rule (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?t=110184) Mafia I am hosting is plodding along, and is in danger of ending early. However, I consider it a successful experiment, and I cannot wait to share the results with you.

Upcoming projects:

Ship of the Damned: The Voyager
15 players, roleplaying game, mafia-esque but different in nature.
Follows Star Trek: Voyager (television series) Captain Janeway and her crew on a mission with deadly consequences. In development, nearing completion.

Clueless: Murder at Boddy Mansion
12 players, roleplaying game, mafia-esque but with elements from the Clue board game. In development, nearing completion.

Valentines' Day Massacre: The Chainsaw Gang
Mini-mafia?
Unknown number of players. A classic mafia game, few roles, and lots of bloody writeups. For those lovers of old fashioned town versus mafia, and loads of chainsaw-inspired gory bloodshed.

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Current Campaign: Medieval II Total War, Stainless Steel 6.1, The Northern Terror Campaign. (Norway)

Turn 28-ish.

Captured Scandinavia and Lithuania on crusade, made alliances with half the map, returned generals home to govern and prosper... growing for the coming onslaught against Brittania, France, and the Holy Roman Empire.

I am loving the ability to control two armies or more on the field, and I love Norse archers combined with catapults and trebuchets, and lots and lots of Viking axemen parading around the map conquering fortified settlements. Seige battles have become so routine and predictable that I am just enjoying the flaming arrows and rocks making people go boom and splat everywhere.

__________________________________________________

Current Chess Games:

Askthepizzaguy Versus Caius (http://www.chess.com/echess/game.html?id=12670716)

An unusual sort of reversed Queens Gambit game. I am the Black pieces, and both sides have captured one pawn as of the end of turn 4. I have a full pawn center and a bishop developed in exchange for two knights developed for White.

White chose to develop his knight to the rim, which is usually not recommended in the opening. Afterward, another knight move gave Black a captured knight and a queen, for a queen. Black should continue with safe captures and trades to simplify to a favorable ending.

Post-game:

Black either attacked or captured for 13 consecutive moves at the end of the game, in a dazzling combo that left white down two rooks, a knight, and three pawns, with mate in three.

Askthepizzaguy Versus Andres (http://www.chess.com/echess/game.html?id=11894678)

A Sicilian Defense leading to a structure similar to a Stonewall structure, with Black holding a slight advantage (two knights in a closed game with a Stonewall structure) with possibilities for opening the Queenside against white, and messing up White's Kingside Pawn structure after a possible discovery against the White Queen.

However, this is mostly speculative, as White may respond differently than expected by turn 20.

Askthepizzaguy Versus Kamikhaan (http://www.chess.com/echess/game.html?id=11866160)

An unusual opening, 1. d3 leads to an interesting pawn thrust by Black.

Black has a pawn structure not friendly to his dark square bishop. However, he has the advantage of two bishops, and White's sole bishop is locked behind same-square pawns. White's development and maneuverability are weakened by turn 6.

Askthepizzaguy versus glyphz (http://www.chess.com/echess/game.html?id=11861897)

A rare game with white castling long (Queenside) behind pushed pawns. This is typically dangerous for white to do, as his king could become exposed after a series of exchanges. By turn 9, Black is ahead in space and development, and has not committed his King to a side of the board. There is no clear advantage to either side by turn 9.

Askthepizzaguy versus Prince StephenAssen (http://www.chess.com/echess/game.html?id=12331987)

Your typical Queen's Gambit gets countered by another gambit from Black, this time the king pawn. I am anxious to grab the gambitted pawn, as if Black accepts my Queen's Bishop Pawn in gambit, we trade queens, and Stephen is dangerous with a Queen. I want to neutralize his attacking force and prevent castling. It's only turn 4.

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Ship of the Damned: The Voyager Mafia

Captain Janeway and her crew are trapped in the Delta Quadrant, and the ship must pass through a dangerous region of space to get home. Strange things start happening on board... systems are malfunctioning, controls aren't responding.

The Captain and her crew must solve the mystery of what is happening before it is too late... and the Voyager is destroyed.

The vessel has 15 decks, and a vast array of ship systems.

Deck 1

* Bridge- Helm Control Station, Weapon Control Station, Sensor Control Station.
Requires Main Power, Computer Control.
* Captain's Ready room
* Conference lounge

Deck 2

* Mess hall-

Deck 3

* Comm Systems- Comm System Control Station
* Captain's quarters
* Weapons Locker- Hand Phasers (3)
* Crew quarters

Deck 4

* Cargo Bay 1- ENV suit (4)
* Transporter rooms- STS transporter (1), Transporter Control Station.
Requires Main power.
* Crew quarters

Deck 5

* Sickbay- Hypo Spray (5), Medical tricorder (4), Sickbay Holo-emitters
* Holodeck 3- Holo-emitters. Requires Main Power.
* Medical Lab

Deck 6

* Holodeck 2- Holodeck control station, Holo-emitters. Requires Main Power.
* Turbolift Control- Turbolift Control Station. Requires Main Power.
* Crew quarters

Deck 7

* Security- Hand Phasers (1)- Shipwide force field generator
* Brig- Prisoner storage
* Crew quarters

Deck 8

* Science laboratory- Polaron scanners (inoperative)
* Astrometrics- Internal, External, Long-range sensors. Requires Main Power.
* Crew quarters

Deck 9

* Impulse Engines- Impulse drive system and secondary Main power generator.
* Shield Generator- Defensive shield generator. Requires Main Power.
* Crew quarters

Deck 10

* Shuttle Bay 1- ENV suit (4), Delta Flyer (1), Escape Pods (15)
* Torpedo Launcher. Requires Main Power, Computer Control. Requires Torpedoes. (30)
Probes (2)

Deck 11

* Section 20, Main Engineering. Warp Core generator, self-destruct. Repair Kit (10)
Generates Primary Main Power. Requires Computer Control.

Deck 12

* Life support systems. Uses seperate, internal fusion reactor to power itself. Power from this system can be diverted to other systems in an emergency. Every deck has it's own life support which can be enabled or disabled, but all are dependent on the main generator.

Deck 13

* Phaser Banks. Requires Main power. Requires Computer Control.
* Main Computer. Uses internal power source which cannot be diverted. Enables or Disables Computer Control.

Deck 14

* Deflector Control. Requires Main power to use Main Nav Deflector.
* Phaser Locker- (3)
* Landing Gear

Deck 15

* Nacell Tubes. Part of Warp Drive.
* Tractor Emitters. Requires Main power.
* Plasma relay room. Part of Primary Power system.
* Landing Gear

Voyager's systems:

All Decks are equipped with a turbolift that can carry people from one deck to another instantly.

All Decks are outfitted with Jeffreys Tubes so that maintenence can be carried out, and transport between decks is possible when the turbolifts are down. The Jeffreys Tubes take a while to crawl through, so you cannot move more than one deck per turn inside the Tubes.

All Decks are equipped with Life Support systems. Each Deck's Life Support can be damaged and must be repaired individually, or the entire grid can be knocked out and then they all can be repaired simultaneously.

Many systems are regulated by the Main computer. Computer control can be locked out for certain decks, for certain ship's systems, or for the entire ship. You can manually override the main computer at it's location, or enter in the proper command overrides from any computer station, unless the main computer is damaged, then it must be repaired at it's location.

The ship is equipped with Defense shields, and the emitters are on Deck Three. If the shields become damaged, Voyager will be defenseless from spaceborne attack.

The ship is equipped with Phaser banks, and they are located on the fore and aft of Deck seven. The ship requires Phasers or Photon Torpedoes in order to engage in combat with an enemy ship. Phasers are ineffective without external sensors.

The ship is equipped with Photon Torpedoes. The torpedo tubes are located on Deck Eleven. The ship requires weapon systems in order to engage in combat with an enemy ship. Torpedoes are ineffective without external sensors.

The ship is equipped with Transporters, which allow someone to perform a site-to-site transport from one area of the ship to the other, if the main computer is active and the system isn't locked out. The transporters can be accessed remotely from Main Engineering, the Bridge, or on location at the Transporter Room on Deck Seven.

The ship is equipped with internal, external, and long-range sensors, all located on Deck Four: Astrometrics. Each sensor system can be locked out or damaged individually, or the entire system can be disabled or damaged.

The Holosystems on the ship are controlled by the Deck Five holodeck. On Deck Five, holographic characters and environments can be created, and in Sickbay, other holograms such as the Doctor can exist. The Doctor's mobile emitter can be damaged at his location and must be repaired before he can exist anywhere besides Deck Five and Sickbay.

The Ship is equipped with a security grid, which allows Security to know the location of everyone on board, assuming internal sensors are operating. The Security grid also allows officers to create defensive force fields to contain hostile aliens or intruders, or protect vital systems with a force field. The force field can be disabled at it's location by skilled officers, or the security grid can be knocked out. The Security grid also powers the Brig security field, so if the grid is down, no one can be contained inside the Brig as a prisoner or stopped with force fields.

The Ship is equipped with a main navigational deflector, which allows near-light and faster-than-light travel to be possible. With the deflector dish inoperative, the ship is reduced to using maneuvering thrusters.

The ship has Airlocks which allow the shuttle bays and cargo bays to be accessed from the outside of the ship. Every deck is also equipped with an Airlock, and if the hatch is blown, life support becomes inoperative and that deck is exposed to space. Life support can be restored with an integrity field, which is part of the security grid. If the security grid fails, then any deck with a blown airlock is rendered uninhabitable for most of the crew. Decks without life support can be accessed by anyone wearing an environmental suit, which is located in the cargo bays and shuttle bays. Airlocks cannot be disabled.

The ship is equipped with a warp core, located in main engineering. This warp core allows faster-than-light travel and powers the entire ship, though there are backup power systems. The ship is equipped with warp nacells, which allow faster than light travel. These are the warp engines themselves. They are located on Deck Thirteen, nacell tubes.

The ship is equipped with impulse reactor and engines, which is the backup power system and sub-light speed drive system. This is located on Deck Seven.

The ship is equipped with a communications system which allows the comm badges to work. Ship's status reports require either a fully functioning comm system or functioning internal sensors. Status reports from the comm system can only be given by individuals who are awake and on the deck in question. Internal sensors can give a status report much quicker and more accurately.

The ship is equipped with a multi-phasic tractor beam emitter. This emitter allows Voyager to lock onto enemy ships whose shields are down, or too weak to overpower the tractor beam. Voyager can also lock on to any object in space which is not larger than Voyager itself.

The ship is equipped with a self-destruct mechanism which causes the Warp Core to overload. This is located in Main Engineering and can only be accessed by Captain Janeway, or Chakotay and Tuvok combined.

Starship Voyager Systems

Helm Navigational Controls-
Weapon Systems-
Sensor Systems-
-----Internal-
-----External-
-----Astrometrics (Long Range)-
Comm Systems-
Transporter Systems-
Airlocks (each deck)-
Sickbay Systems-
Holodeck Systems-
Turbolifts-
Security Systems-
-----Shipwide Structural Integrity Fields-
-----(each deck)-
-----Shipwide Force Fields-
-----(each deck)-
-----Brig Power-
Impulse Systems-
-----Secondary Power System-
-----Impulse Drive-
Shield Generator-
Torpedo Launcher-
Main Engineering-
-----Warp Core, Primary Power-
-----Self-Destruct System-
Life Support Systems-
-----Generator-
-----(each deck)-
Phaser Banks-
Main Computer Core-
-----Helm Control-
-----Weapon Control-
-----Sensor Control-
-----Transporter Lockout-
-----Holodeck Overrides-
-----Turbolift Lockout-
-----Astrometrics-
-----Impulse Drive Lockout-
-----Life Support Override-
-----Deflector Lockout-
-----Tractor Override-
-----Security Field Overrides- (Requires Command Code: Janeway, Chakotay, Tuvok)
-----Shield Override- (Requires Command Code: Janeway, Chakotay, Tuvok)
-----Self-Destruct Override- (Requires Command Code: Janeway, Chakotay, Tuvok)
Main Navigational Deflector-
Warp Nacells-
Tractor Beam-
Plasma Relays-

Hull Integrity-
Shield Integrity-
Field Integrity-
Core Integrity-

Doctor's Mobile Emitter-
STS Transporter-
Delta Flyer-
-----Engines-
-----Weapons-
-----Shields-
-----Life Support-
-----Escape Transporter-
-----Computer-

Captain Katheryn Janeway (Captain)
Commander Chakotay (Commander)
Lieutenant Commander Tuvok (Chief Tactical Officer)
Lieutenant B'elanna Torres (Chief Engineer)
Lieutenant Tom Paris (Helmsman, Medic)
Lt. Carey (Assistant Chief Engineer)
Lt. Ayala (Operations Officer)
Lt. Andrews (Security Officer)
Lt. Nicoletti (Engineering Officer)
En. Kim (Chief Operations Officer)
En. Wildman (Science Officer)
En. Vorik (Engineering Officer)
Neelix (Ambassador, Cook)
Seven of Nine (Chief Astrometrics Officer)
Emergency Medical Holographic Program (Doctor)

And so forth. Good preview, eh?

___________________________________________________

You may post a comment here, but here are some ground rules:

1. You must follow forum guidelines and moderator's instructions, as usual.
2. If I request you stop posting here, please discontinue. Like on my userpage or profile, I have some discretion.
3. If I request you remove a post, please do so. Again, I'd like some control over the content.
4. This thread is my "space" where I will post all kinds of things, chess strategies, Medieval AAR previews, upcoming mafia games, post thoughts and shoot the breeze, at the moderator's discretion. I will keep the material relevant to the .Org and age-appropriate. Comments, questions, suggestions welcome.

If I have to express myself and my copious and never-ending opinions, I will come here or join/start a backroom discussion. Don't take the above groundrules as an unwelcome sign. Please do come in and have a chat. I will update as frequently as you can handle it.

Beefy187

12-26-2008, 06:55

You may be surprised Pizza guy but I never ever seen Star Trek.. :sweatdrop:

If im not there for your mafia, that would be why...

Lovely idea though :2thumbsup:

Yoyoma1910

12-26-2008, 07:00

Merry Christmas Pizza to you, Pizza Guy.

PershsNhpios

12-26-2008, 07:56

I do not belong here.

seireikhaan

12-26-2008, 08:04

*sighs*

Folks, please do not follow that chess game between me and Pizza. I highly doubt it will end in anything but slaughter(For some reason, I am NOT good at Chess :shame:)Not even remotely

Thermal

12-27-2008, 02:58

Terrible chess player myself as well, you could add advertisements for stuff like other peoples upcoming mafias to the bottom of your thread to :yes: i'll look regularly, i'm interested to see how the golden rule mafia rolls too :yes:

Askthepizzaguy

12-28-2008, 05:33

Ares, good to see your spartan helmet is back!

Thermal

12-28-2008, 05:40

Ares, good to see your spartan helmet is back!

Bah! i was forced to choose between death or becoming one of Alaskanders commanders, i decided to betray my legacy and serve for you :bow:

Beefy187

12-28-2008, 05:43

Viking for life :furious3:

naut

12-28-2008, 13:28

Interesting Mafia games you have planned. Looking forward to them. :2thumbsup:

Askthepizzaguy

12-28-2008, 13:30

Thank you very much, sir!

I have high hopes for the clue game, but man it's getting complicated to write. The actual gameplay should be fairly simple, but I need to do a story and make everyone seem like they have a motive. That gets complex.

As for the Voyager game, I have a feeling it's going to be highly experimental, and I'm just going to have to see what happens and see how people react to it.

Fragony

12-28-2008, 14:27

One thin crust philly cheese steak with extra onions and tabasco please

Askthepizzaguy

12-30-2008, 13:18

Content Module 002: Farewell 2008

Loading content.... please remove nostrils and stand by.

Warning: spandex failure. Attempting to correct.... insufficient banana pudding.

Self-destruct in 3 nanoseconds.

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Chess and stuff: A look at how I move my pieces
and other ramblings.

Askthepizzaguy Versus Prince_StephenAssen (http://www.chess.com/echess/game.html?id=12003430) 12/9/2008

[Event "Online Chess"]
[Site "Chess.com"]
[Date "2008.12.09"]
[Round "1"]
[White "Prince_StephenAssen"]
[Black "askthepizzaguy"]
[Result "0-1"]
[WhiteElo "1655"]
[BlackElo "1807"]
[TimeControl "1 in 14 days"]

1. e4 c5 2. Nc3 Nc6 3. Bc4 Nf6 4. d3 e6 5. Bg5 h6 6. Bxf6 Qxf6 7. Qf3 Be7 8. Nge2 Qxf3 9. gxf3 a6 10. Rg1 O-O 11. f4 b5 12. Bb3 d6 13. O-O-O Bb7 14. f5 Na5 15. fxe6 Nxb3+ 16. axb3 fxe6 17. f4 d5 18. e5 Rac8 19. Rg6 Kf7 20. Rdg1 Rg8 21. d4 Bg5 22. R6xg5 hxg5 23. Rxg5 b4 24. Nd1 Rh8 25. Rg2 c4 26. bxc4 dxc4 27. Rf2 g6 28. Kd2 Rh3 29. Ng1 Rh5 30. Ne3 c3+ 31. bxc3 bxc3+ 32. Kd3 a5 33. Nd1 Ba6+ 34. Ke4 a4 35. Ne2 Rh3 36. d5 exd5+ 37. Kd4 Bxe2 38. Rxe2 a3 39. Ne3 a2 40. Re1 Rxh2
41. Kxd5 Ra8 42. Ra1 Rd2+ 43. Ke4 Ra4+ 44. Kf3 Ke6 45. Kg3 Re2 46. Kf3 Rh2 47. Kg3 Rh7 48. Kf2 0-1

1. e4 c5
2. Nc3 Nc6

White's plan is to control the light squares. Black's plan is to counterattack on the dark squares.

3. Bc4 Nf6

A bit premature for the white Bishop to be developed here. This is a square it can be harassed on, which wastes time in the opening. In a moment I will show you.

4. d3 e6

White locks his own Bishop outside his closed pawn structure, but severely limits it's movement and has nowhere to retreat. Black immediately begins closing off its movement. The bishop can only intrude one square further into black's side of the board without losing material immediately, and exerts little influence on the diagonal it occupies, a2-g8.

5. Bg5 h6

White develops his good bishop, but is batted away. Better might be Nf3, preparing the short castling maneuver. Instead, this move wastes time. The pawn on h6 is sound, as black no longer anticipates kingside intrusion on the light squares due to white's bad bishop.

6. Bxf6 Qxf6

The correct recapture. Instead of destroying black's pawn structure and weakening any possible short castle position, black correctly recaptures while developing the queen, immediately exerting pressure against the weak f2 square and pawn.

7. Qf3 Be7

White wants to trade queens, but that would allow him to recapture with the knight, developing a piece, and destroying black's finest attacker, which would limit my aggressive options. I decide to force him to waste time trading queens, as it would further develop a problem bishop for black to the more active f6 square, and further reinforcing my kingside pawns, without developing the knight for white on that turn.

8. Nge2 Qxf3

Nge2 is very bad for white. The knight is weak on e2, and it is passive. Notice how the movement of the white knights overlap onto one another, each taking away a potential flight square from the other. White is assisting black in blocking in his own pieces, and in a single move weakens not only both his knights but also his queen, which was only defended further by the g-pawn, which must recapture and devastate white's kingside pawns.

9. gxf3 a6

The forced recapture for white eliminates a possible square for the knight to reposition to, gives him doubled pawns, and opens a hole in his kingside. White is not without counterplay, but the situation is getting prickly. Pawn a6 further traps white's problem bishop and gives the piece only one viable legal move, which is the shameful retreat Bb3.

10. Rg1 O-O

In this position, white is correct to activate his rook to the half-open file. However, black is safe to castle right into the firing range of the rook, because the white pieces are not coordinated for attack.

11. f4 b5

White pushes his weak doubled pawn, hoping to trade it. A wise choice. But the reply b5 forces the issue against white's bishop.

12. Bb3 d6

At b3, the Bishop has no scope, and nowhere to hide. It is terrified of further pawn advances. Black continues with the quiet d6, which gives his light square bishop a little breathing room and more importantly grabs space in front of his pawns, and reinforcing the "staircase" structure.

13. O-O-O Bb7

White connects his rooks and encases his King safely on the Queenside, away from central danger and the kingside weaknesses. Black's reply exerts influence over the center and indirectly targets all the way down the weak a8-h1 diagonal, potentially hitting the battered kingside later.

14. f5 Na5

With f5 White attempts to break free from his doubled pawn weaknesses and mess up Black's structure, a solid idea. Black corners the trapped Bishop and forces the issue.

15. fxe6 Nxb3+

Black is happy to see his closed structure open up, but instead of allowing the white bishop to finally break free, black captures it with check, delaying the recapture on e6, and removing the pawn's defender.

16. axb3 fxe6

White has doubled pawns again, but more importantly black has blasted a hole into the white camp with his rook. The pawns on h2 and f2 will have trouble from now on. Black's pawn structure is solid.

Notice how white's knights cannot maneuver anywhere effectively? They either waste time repositioning themselves, or continue to be ineffective. I am happy with either choice.

17. f4 d5

White continues to attempt to convert kingside pawn weaknesses into relieving trades. In this case, I welcome a trade to give my pieces some room.

18. e5 Rac8

White avoids the trade and creates more permanent weaknesses in his pawn structure. The pawn on f4 is now backward and ineffective, and requires a babysitter to protect it from the rook. It takes another square away from white's knight. The knight on c3 is hopelessly passive. Black begins to prepare his mortars for blasting into white's fortress.

19. Rg6 Kf7

The hasty rook advance is easily deflected. The king is a strong piece; when it is safe you should use him.

20. Rdg1 Rg8

The white rook should have retreated, hat in hand, graciously, but instead he doubles down on a pair of tens. In blackjack terms, that's as good as suicide. Black misses the next move, but makes a sound one instead. Reinforcing the pawn is the knee-jerk reaction, after all. But a passive rook defending a pawn? It's a bad idea. More active counterplay is called for. The white rook cannot move anywhere safely but backward, so how about preventing it's retreat and removing the defender at the same time?

21. d4 Bg5

This highly irregular move sends White streaking back down to earth. The advanced rook has no defender, and either way he captures the bishop, he still loses the exchange by a pawn capture or a king capture.

22. R6xg5 hxg5
23. Rxg5 b4

With a material edge, and white's counteplay stopped, black resumes the crawling assault.

24. Nd1 Rh8

The knight retreat to d1 is a sad concession, because the knight has no attacking potential on one of the weakest knight squares on the board. In this position, it's one of the few sane choices. Any other move would have encased it behind a wall of pawns on the corner of the board, making it a ghost with no real influence on the game. That's as good as being down a knight.

Black responds by attacking the isolated h pawn, and moving his rook into activity.

25. Rg2 c4

When your rook is babysitting a weak and useless pawn on the edge of the board far from your own king, and it's movement becomes limited because of this pressure, it's almost like being down a rook, too. Now white has a rook that will not come crashing through black's roof like a bomb, which reduces it to the role of a passive defender. It might as well be a trapped bishop or a backward pawn, because it has just as much value so long as it has to guard the h-pawn.

The value of your pieces changes depending on where they are placed. Here, the rook is no threat and just another brick in white's weakening wall. Black responds by sending in the battering ram against the queenside fortress.

26. bxc4 dxc4

Now white will have difficulty containing black's advance. He has spearmen at the ready to cover the breach, but they will not protect their king for long.

27. Rf2 g6

The rook has even less scope here, but at least he might be able to shove that backward pawn down my throat. Black responds by saying "just try it".

28. Kd2 Rh3

White's monarch must be feeling the pressure, because he advances forward to assist the spearmen at the collapsing gatehouse. He will not go down without a fight. A brave decision, not one a coward would make. Black cannot play c3+, because it does nothing for him but lose valuable attacking pawns.

Black tosses a little more oil onto the flaming battering ram, hoping to burn the defenders away from the walls. The rook invasion is painful.

29. Ng1 Rh5

White is desperate to get rid of the vicious-looking rook, and this retreat forces one from black. Some temporary damage is done; a defender is removed to a passive square, at best allowing white to return to the previous position after black tries another tactic, at worst leaving his knight on a lousy square.

30. Ne3 c3+

The knight tries to hold the position, but nothing can stop black's advance.

31. bxc3 bxc3+
32. Kd3 a5

The King charges to the walls himself, and unsheaths his sword. Time to get down to bloody business.
Black threatens to quietly pop out a new queen, leaving white to scramble in a hasty defense.

33. Nd1 Ba6+

The knight retreat is necessary to stop the queen, but the King is forced to take a vacation away from the evil a-pawn.

34. Ke4 a4
35. Ne2 Rh3

Threatening to get a new defender against the queening threat, and attacking a pawn. The rook moves up to cramp white's style and defend all at the same time. This is active defense.

36. d5 exd5+

White refuses to be trapped in a straitjacket. But black has a vicious reply, and the move turns out to be bad.

37. Kd4 Bxe2

If the king had taken the pawn, the rook would deliver check and skewer the knight on d1. A terrible way to lose a knight. White is still holding on by a thread. Time to push the car over the cliff.

38. Rxe2 a3

White no longer has enough defenders. The pawn will queen.

39. Ne3 a2

The threat must be answered immediately, forcing the rook to abandon its post.

40. Re1 Rxh2

A pawn falls, and another one is eyed hungrily. Black allows white to have a slice of pawn cake.

41. Kxd5 Ra8

The final battering ram is in place, and white must demolish a whole tower in order to cover the breach in his defenses. Sadly, he will no longer be able to fight back against the dark horde.

42. Ra1 Rd2+

Backed up against a wall, white defends gallantly, and black wastes some time, too sure of his victory to think properly.

43. Ke4 Ra4+
44. Kf3 Ke6
45. Kg3 Re2
46. Kf3 Rh2

Black gained nothing from these series of moves. A new strategy is required.

47. Kg3 Rh7

The rook was just leaving anyway, but he will be back.

48. Kf2 0-1 White resigns.

White realizes the rook is on it's way to b1 care of b7 airlines. That means it's time to fall on his sword.

_________________________

More analysis to come. 7am now, no sleep all night. Bye byes.

CountArach

12-30-2008, 13:39

Insufficient banana pudding?! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Askthepizzaguy

12-30-2008, 16:35

Content Module 003: Oh Noes! Another Content Module!
runz

Loading content.... experiencing explosive diarrhea. ....Content loaded. No errors reported.

______________________

The Clueless Mafia: (Work in progress)

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/GameBoard2.jpg
The game board and pieces.

The Weapons:

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/LoveLetter.jpg

The Love Letter
A passionate letter sealed with a kiss...

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/LetterOpener.jpg

The Letter Opener
A sharpened metallic object similar to a knife, with blood on it...

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/LeadPipe.jpg

The Lead Pipe
An old lead pipe that has been dented somehow...

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/Knife.jpg

The Knife
An ultra-sharp food preparatory tool that was found in the dishwasher...

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/Candlestick.jpg

The Candlestick
An elegant looking piece of property that is marred with a red substance on one end...

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/Pickaxe.jpg

The Pickaxe
A dusty old pickaxe with deadly blunt force capabilities...

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/Revolver.jpg

The Revolver
An antique six-shooter that looks like it has been fired recently...

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/Rope.jpg

The Rope
A rough and tightly tied rope knotted into a noose...

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/Telescope.jpg

The Telescope
Bronze alloy telescope, hard and heavy enough to be used as a weapon...

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/Umbrella.jpg

The Umbrella
A stylish and expensive umbrella with a long handle and pointy tip...

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/Wrench.jpg

The Wrench
A heavy wrench, deadly enough to smash a skull open...

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/WhoopieCushion.jpg

The Whoopie Cushion
A gag item which produces an unsettling noise when sat upon...

Suspects:

Mdme. Blanc- White (French Maid)
Sir Reginald Black- Black (Butler)
Professor Henry Plum- Purple (Scientist)
Mrs. Vivian Violet- Violet (Boddy's Lover)
Ms. Sunny Devine- Orange (Actress)
Mr. Emeril Brown- Brown (Gourmet Chef)
Mr. Yankee Richman III- Gold (Oil Tycoon)
Mr. Thaddeus T. Boone Pickens- Silver (Old Prospector)
Mr. Peabody Green- Green (Inspector)
Ms. Paris Peacock- Blue (Wealthy Heiress)
Colonel Patton Mustard- Yellow (Veteran)
Mr. Tommy D'Amato- Red (Wiseguy)

Rooms-

Observatory
Library
Kitchen
Hall
Study
Conservatory
Bedroom
Servant's Quarters
Boiler Room
Tennis Court
Gift-Wrapping Room
Dungeon

Events between 12 PM and 11:59PM on the evening of December 31st, 2008
(Not Official or Finalized)

Noon- Emeril Brown begins preparing the feast for the New Years' Celebration.
1230PM- Madam Blanc begins sorting the mail in the Study.
100- Reginald Black begins cleaning the Dining Hall in preparation of the guests' arrival.
130- Professor Plum calls the estate, wondering if he was invited to the party.
200- Madam Blanc has an argument with Reginald Black in the Conservatory.
230- Mr. Boddy tells Black to prepare for Mrs. Violet's arrival.
300- Madam Blanc begins cleaning the Bedroom.
330- The southwest entrance door is found mysteriously open.
400- Black finishes wrapping the gifts for the guests in the wrapping room.
430- Mrs. Violet arrives.
500- Party Begins with the arrival of Yankee Richman and Thaddeus Pickens.
530- Peabody Green arrives with young Paris Peacock. Colonel Mustard arrives.
600- Tommy D'Amato arrives with Sunny Devine, and Professor Plum arrives.
630- Madam Blanc has an argument with Mrs. Violet.
700 The first course is served by master Chef Emeril Brown. Boddy criticizes the menu.
715- Plum first mentions the Calzone project, after which Boddy changes the subject.
730- The second course is served by Butler Black, because Emeril Brown is still fuming mad.
745- Boddy encourages Green to try the wine, which he initially refuses.
800- Violet further discusses the Calzone project, after being asked by Colonel Mustard.
815- Sunny asks Paris about the business. Mr. Boddy is insulting towards Paris and Richman.
830- The dessert is served by Chef Emeril Brown, but Boddy knocks the cake over.
845- Tommy D'Amato excuses himself to talk to the chef. Pickens talks about Crusty Mountain.
900- The second half of the party begins, and Boddy invites everyone into the Conservatory.
915- Boddy discusses the Calzone project with Plum, and Plum is upset.
930- Boddy compliments Sunny Devine on her latest work, but she seems nervous and distant.
945- Thaddeus Pickens talks with Colonel Mustard about Boddy, Mustard mentions his dead aim.
1000- Boddy talks with Violet, and Plum talks with Madam Blanc.
1015- Tommy D'Amato excuses himself from the party, as does Plum in a fit of rage.
1030- Sunny Devine adjourns to the Tennis Court to practice, as she finds the party boring.
1045- The Chef's resignation note is found in the Kitchen by Tommy D'Amato.
1100- Goldman discusses Peacock Poultry with Paris, and asks her where Tommy went.
1115- Paris excuses herself from the party, as does Green, who is drunk.
1130- Violet talks with Madam Blanc, and after another spat, she excuses herself. Pickens leaves.
1145- Colonel Mustard and Mr Boddy are last seen on the south lawn, shooting cans.
1150- Strange noises are heard coming from the Dungeon by Paris.
1155- Butler Black finishes cleaning up the dining hall, and disappears.
1156- Madam Blanc retires to the Servant's Quarters, shaken and upset.
1157- Pickens sees Richman leaving the Dungeon. Richman says he was just checking it out.
1158- Emeril Brown returns to the Kitchen, and is surprised to see Paris there.
1159PM- Black is found in the Library by Sunny Devine.

Midnight, Jan 1, 0000 hours- The late Mr. Boddy is discovered by Mr. Green.

Askthepizzaguy

12-30-2008, 16:49

Chaotix

12-30-2008, 17:31

Looks cool. And very nice paint drawings, too. :tongue:

Just discovered this thread now, have to say it looks very cool, ATPG. How do you like Stainless Steel, BTW? Is it a lot harder to blitz?

Askthepizzaguy

12-30-2008, 18:03

Yes, it's harder to blitz... at the beginning, as a Catholic.

However, I have a remedy for that. Spammed small clusters of cavalry/generals.

You lay seige and wait for them to sally, and then you destroy what's inside. Reduced seige times, highly experienced troops, low upkeep, and a fast expanding territory. Couple that with sharp diplomacy and you can get a crusade or two under your belt, and the map falls to your power.

It took several runs to get the sequences right, but the rapid expansion is still very, very effective, as I have now figured out how to accomplish in the VanillaMod as well.

The rapid expansion is based on sacking, low troop upkeep (not waiting 10 turns to take one city makes troops very cost effective), massive general spawning, crusades/jihads, cavalry, and possibly spies and artillery. It works against any conditions I have met so far. So long as you have a general, you have a blitz.

Yoyoma1910

12-31-2008, 01:11

If I forget to tell you this in 30 posts, Happy 4,000.:balloon3:

Beefy187

12-31-2008, 01:36

I had something planned smiler to your clueless mafia. But I gave up noticing the amount of effort required to draw stuff. :sweatdrop:

Im ready to join all your games ATPG :2thumbsup: Except the Star Trek one

Thermal

12-31-2008, 04:46

your last mafia idea is like cluedo ATPG :beam: looks good

Hax

01-01-2009, 21:43

ALL HAIL PIZZA!

Askthepizzaguy

01-01-2009, 22:14

Thanks, Hax.

All Hail Me! I'm the greatest! :clown:

Askthepizzaguy

01-02-2009, 01:25

:balloon: :balloon2: :balloon3: PIZZAGUY'S 4000TH POST SPECTACULAR!!! :balloon3: :balloon2: :balloon:

Quote this line and you will have some idea as to the ungodly work that went into it.

Content Module 004: The Long-Awaited Sequel to Content Module 003!

Loading content... Motherloading content... Mother-loving content... Lode Running content... Content Loaded... Running loaded content. 127,694 errors reported.

Ok, more about the other mafias I mentioned:

Valentines' Day Massacre: The Chainsaw Gang

I am still trying to come up with something special. But perhaps instead of my usual quirky games, it should be the writeups themselves which are splashed with gore, romance, and humor. Plus, a good old standard mafia game would be refreshing after all the kinky unusual things we've tried together.

:quiet:

I was thinking about giving half the players chainsaws and allowing them to do their own murder writeups... sort of an everyone for him/herself horror game. But I realize that having so many murders would lead to a rather quick mafia game. The fun is in the desperation, the game hanging in the balance... having the game end quickly with a few heads rolling isn't my idea of fun. Humor, but not quite fun.

unfortunately I have little written for it so far. But I know it should be ready for valentine's day, as a mini-mafia if necessary. Let's paint the Town red....

The Vexing Mafia

Ok, this is another work in progress but the idea is that everyone in the game is role-playing a character who you might be familiar with... an annoying TV personality, movie character, or video game character. I'd like to take suggestions for possible suspects, but here's what I have so far:

Jar Jar Binks from Star Wars (Every single word he uttered)
Barney the Purple Dinosaur (Don't even ask me to cite an example)
Steve Urkel from Family Matters ("Got any cheese, did I do that, Laaaaaaura..." and so on.)
Jerry Seinfeld from Seinfeld ("Peanuts on a Plane" routine ad infinitum)
GirlsGoneWild Bimbo from late night Comedy Central ads ("Here's My Boobs!")
Scrappy Doo from Scooby Doo and Scrappy Doo ("Puppy Power! Lemme at em, I'll Splat em!")
Snarf from Thundercats ("Snarf snarf, snarfy snarf snarf.")
Oprah Winfrey from Oprah (EVERYBODY GETS A CAR!!! EVERYBODY GETS A CAR!!!)
Wesley Crusher from Star Trek: The Next Generation (I know I'm just a kid and everyone else here is ridiculously smart and more experienced, I always have the right answers and save the ship.)
Jerry Springer from the Jerry Springer Show ("Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other." Meanwhile, two bull lesbians and a really fat transvestite just beat each other with chairs and two marriages ended.)
Howard Stern ("Can you take your shirt off? Can I touch them? Want to spank a midget?")
Simon Cowell from American Idol (Being a judge is one thing. Being an a-hole is another.)
Bill O Reilly from Fox News (All that yelling and idiocy)
Screech from Saved by the Bell (Suggested by someone else)
Televangelists (in general, pick one)
Slippy Toad from StarFox ("Oh no! Fox! Help me! I can't get this guy off of me!")
Ashley Graham from Resident Evil 4 ("Help! Help me Leon! Help! Help me Leon!" *dies stupidly*)
Navi the Faerie from Legend of Zelda ("Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen! Hey! Hey! Listen!")

Unfortunately, some of these will be annoying only to me. Some of you may like these characters. Maybe even tolerate them. So I'd like to bolster the list with some that you may hate, and why. But they must be roleplayable, and you have to explain why they are annoying.

Merely disliking someone on TV isn't enough. I was going to put the Mad Money guy on here, but he's hard to roleplay, and it's hard to explain why he's annoying.

No matter who wins the game, town or scum, we will all get the satisfaction of blowing up, disemboweling, decapitating, or otherwise destroying in a humorous way, all the vexing annoyances we find in popular entertainment. I will consider singers and musicians, too... but they have to be really annoying and roleplayable.

I personally will enjoy making them all go boom and splat. :smash:

The Pizza has spoken. Happy 2009 everyone!

boudica

01-02-2009, 15:33

I designed and drew the game board, created most of the rooms, made all the weapons using Paint, Redesigned and designed old/new characters, Wrote backstories, motives, alibis for 12 characters, and wrote the Events timeline.

Exhausted now. Tell me what you thinks.

:D Just count me in! - and of course I'll keep an eye out but if i don't sign up to one of your games pronto then give me a shout :)

ELITEofWARMANGINGERYBREADMEN88

01-02-2009, 16:06

Must be trying to increase his fame and power :laugh4:!

Happy 2009 Mr.Pizza! :clown:

Thermal

01-02-2009, 21:17

Psssst*
PIZZAGUY
over here
look at my signature line now :cool:

Askthepizzaguy

01-04-2009, 13:56

Content Module 005: A very small (but still satisfying, ladies) content module

LOADING CONTENT... ah, hell with it. Loaded. Done.

Murder Manor Mini-Mafia
(9 players)

Unfortunately, 9 players is too many for a mini-mafia. :no: Seems I have a backlog of mafia games, large and small... How am I going to get to them all???

Askthepizzaguy- Owner of the Mansion

Rooms:
Kitchen
Coat Closet
Dining Room
Bathroom
Living Room
Basement
Bedroom
Study
Attic

The Murder Manor is owned by Askthepizzaguy. He comes home and finds the door open, with signs of forced entry. Unsure of whether or not anyone is still in the house, he must search each room to try to find the intruder. Each room has a player assigned to it. The players vote during the day phase to determine which room Askthepizzaguy should search. When a room is searched, it is searched very, very thoroughly, and the entire room is a gigantic mess, and the player assigned to that room may no longer vote or participate. Askthepizzaguy is too tired to search every single room, so when it gets down to the final 3 rooms, he can only search one more and then he will have to go to bed. If one of the two remaining rooms has the intruder, he exits the room and murders Askthepizzaguy.

The game has 7 consecutive "day" phases during a single day, followed by night time. If the intruder is not found by night time, Town loses the game.

Kitchen- a very clean and organized place with lots of sharp objects
Coat Closet- a neat and efficient storage room with plenty of rusty coat hangers
Dining Room- an immaculate dining area with heavy iron candlestick holders
Bathroom- a very sanitary bath area with a large steel wrench under the sink
Living Room- an elegant and spotless relaxation room with a fireplace containing a metal fire poker
Basement- a cold and dark storage area containing a gasoline powered chainsaw
Bedroom- a warm and comfortable sleeping area containing a hidden antique revolver
Study- a cozy and quiet place to study containing several large bookcases and a letter opener
Attic- a spacious and finished attic containing several bundles of electrical cords

I had designed the game as a mini-mafia, but it's not quite small enough it seems. It's just a little bit too big to fit. Gee, where have I heard that before?

Chainsaw Gang: the Valentines Day Massacre
15 players

Reverend
Choir Director
Choir Boy
Choir Girl
Firefighter
Park Ranger
Former Cop
Nurse
Marine
Teacher
Electrician
Plumber
Truck Driver
Social Worker
Janitor

These 15 people from a church group have all decided to go on a retreat in the Calzone Mountains around Valentine's day. There is a quaint little group of cottages, a campfire, a mountain stream, and a bunch of grisly murders. The Chainsaw gang is not just a mindless group of murderers... they have a terrifying plan for the bodies of their victims. You will have to tune in to find out what. This is not your usual Pizzaguy fare... it's less about humor and more about horror. The writeups will be disturbing and in spoilers.

:evil:

Psycho (Mafia)
12 Players

Deranged Maniac
Kidnapper
Serial Killer
Lone Gunman
Paranoid Schitzophrenic
Pathological Liar
Detective
Cannibal
Arsonist
Mad Cultist #1
Mad Cultist #2
Mute

This will be a roleplaying game with a lot of interesting characters. I have a lot of stuff written for this game, and there's more to the game than meets the eye. It will be both humorous and deadly, just like me.

Other News:

I am contemplating creating awards and merit badges for those of you who successfully compete in my mafia games, to be retroactive all the way back to my first game, the mini simpsons mafia. I believe Fenring will be getting two badges, as soon as I can design some.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/blue_ribbon_sm.gif

This is the basic template for the ribbons. I may be shrinking it down to a smaller size, so you can put them in your signature or whatever. I will also be changing the color and adding a small label indicating which mafia game you won. Sound neat?

Literary Corner:

The Northern Terror
a Medieval 2: Stainless Steel Campaign Story

Chapter One

Haakon Haakonsson was the King of Norway during the Viking wars. He personally took his finest knights and generals, along with his only son, and rode into battle against the last of the pagan warlords of Vikingdom. Pirates ruled the Baltic sea, and lawless thugs ruled the whole of Scandinavia, answering to no one. Norway was a small kingdom, and having been pushed out of Scotland and England by the Saxons and the Normans, the previous rulers could not establish order. Haakon was a native of Bergen, and he rose to the highest rank among the nobles there. He established a working relationship with the other nobles, and gradually gained their trust and confidence. When he rode into battle against the viking raiders, they were still a little skeptical. But as he won battle after battle in the most dramatic fashion, losing as little men as possible, he started to gain more support at home. A dozen of the most powerful nobles in the land pledged to follow his banner into battle, and joined him in the field. They all became fierce warriors, and their raiding tactics against Viking settlements sent the warlords scurrying, and they all ended up dead or in custody.

That is when I became one of Lord Haakonsson's advisors. I had been an administrator in Bergen, and I was called to duty by my Lord by the end of the Viking Wars. He needed someone to help coordinate logistical support and bring him regular progress reports. I would have followed that man into the gates of hell, directly by his side, and given my life to defend him in battle. But alas, warfare was not my calling. I was an able soldier, but my talents lie in numbers. That is where my king needed me, and that is how I serve.

The King sent out a diplomat to our Danish neighbors to talk about forming a great Union with the Kingdom of Denmark. The Danes were having territorial disputes with the Holy Roman Empire, and war seemed imminent. They also did not know what our plans were, we had dwarfed them in size and were very much tempered in warfare. They saw us as conquerors.

But when they heard my Lord's proposal, they were eager to join the alliance. The King of Denmark's daughter was offered to Prince Magnus to seal their alliance, and forge a new nation with two Kings. Denmark would hold the south against possible invaders, and become prosperous from trade with us and the Holy Roman Empire, and we would squash the rebels and marauders of the Baltic, as well as deal with Pagan Lithuania. Denmark and Norway would be mighty together, as part of the Union of Kalmar, named in honor of where the treaty was signed.

The Holy Roman Emperor was impressed by our rapid expansion across the Baltic, and agreed to negotiate the mutual borders of the Holy Roman Empire and our Union of Kalmar. They had no objections to our claims to the Baltic or the North Sea, they set their sights against internal rebellion, Venice, France, and Poland.

The Pope recieved word of our brave and honourable conquests, as well as our diplomatic efforts. The Pope sent an emissary to discuss the creation of a United Christendom in Europe, under the banner of Roman Catholicism. Only the Holy Roman Emperor seemed to object to the idea, but the Danish King and m'lord convinced him to sign a pact with us. The Holy Roman Empire and the Kalmar Union would become that United Christendom, and convince the other Christian nations to join our cause and bring peace throughout the lands. At the request of the Pope, and to ease tensions with the Empire, the Republic of Venice agreed to act as the sword of Christendom against any possible invaders from the East, and Genoa agreed to act as the sword against any possible invaders from the southwest. Our task was to bring order and the message of Christ in the north, against the last bastion of blasphemy, Lithuania. At the request of m'lord, the Pope called a crusade against their stronghold of Vilnius. Very quickly, Lithuania's outer provinces fell, and we arrived at the gates of their capital. So begins my story.

"The Pope is most proud of your efforts against the heathens of Lithuania. It seems even Spain and the Order of the Knights Templar have joined our armies in crusade against them. Our forces have encircled the castle, and any reinforcements will have to fight through our perimeter. We are well-supplied and our supply routes are unblocked. Although there are some slight instances of unrest in the newly conquered lands of the Baltic sea, we are sending reinforcements and establishing order. The whole of Norway bows to your superior wisdom and leadership, and we have just finished construction on a new stronghold at Oslo. We are ready to begin more advanced training and recruitment, on your order. Some of your newly promoted generals at the capital have joined the crusade, and have sailed south to Gronigen in order to liberate the Low Countries from pirates and thieves. We have sent word to our emissary in Marseilles to go meet with the Spanish and Portugese leaders and offer them the Treaty of Alliance you crafted. I am certain they wish to become part of the New Christendom. The treasury is making modest gains, as our troops are willing to fight for you and the Pope without hesitation or pay. All they ask in return is for some land to raise crops, and a handsome bonus when the crusade is over."

- "That will be all, my friend."

I returned to my duties, and met with the military council. I set my mind completely against the challenges ahead, and our top generals were optimistic. They had been totally briefed by the Prince, who served as our Lord's chief strategist.

The assault began on Vilnius the next day, and our brethren Knights of the Order Templar fought bravely with us. The Spanish stayed behind to prevent reinforcements from arriving and guard the seige camp, as well as to forage and gather supplies. We took many losses in defeating the defenders of the castle, but we overwhelmed them and won the day. The Pope blessed Lord Haakonsson and donated a large sum of gold to our cause. Our many generals became known throughout the world as defenders of the faith, chivalrous and trustworthy knights. Our Prince was particularly magnanimous and spared the lives of the Pagans in the settlement, and his bravery in combat, taking the settlement at the cost of several scars, proved him to be a most worthy and honourable commander. The men respected him as much as they loved Lord Haakonsson.

The next year, At the age of 66, Lord Haakonsson died in battle fighting the Lithuanians as they attempted to retake Vilnius, and he personally destroyed half of their forces before he fell. He refused to risk any of the garrison at Vilnius, and he asked his bodyguards if they were ready to die. He did not order them into battle, and offered to make their families' lives comfortable. Aged veterans all, many men stepped forward to face death with our Lord. Each of them went down in Norwegian history, bravely fighting a losing battle to join Lord Haakonsson as he entered the gates of Valhalla. The Lithuanians limped back home in shame after their Phyrric victory.

Chapter Two

Prince Magnus Haakonsson the Saint was crowned King of Norway and High Protector of Christendom the next day. We were all anxious to follow Lord Magnus, for he was the strongest, most determined, and most honourable man I had ever known. The tales of his fighting prowess on the streets of Vilnius are legendary, and he had never harmed an innocent. He believed what his father was doing was right for the world, and he was ready to die. His repoire with the other Christian Kings was equally impressive. They were charmed by him, and he made peace with all.

After the death of Lord Haakonsson, his son claimed the moniker. He ordered his top generals to come with him to the homeland, and to govern the provinces there. He said he wanted to bring prosperity to his people, and to govern through his father's example. He believed that Norway was the greatest Kingdom on Earth, and that under his leadership, we could achieve anything. I boarded the ship with him, and the other generals on their ships, and we embarked from Riga on a journey home. Norwegian Lithuania would be governed by one of our generals, and we would now invest in the infrastructure of Oslo and other important settlements.

With the victory against the Pagans, and the costs of the war finally over, our warriors returned home to their families and our population began booming. The Low Countries of Gronigen and Antwerp were ours, and the taxes on trade went directly into building new facilities. But I had distressing news for Lord Haakonsson.

"The English have declared war against the Holy Roman Empire, and Genoa has declared war against Venice. Christendom is in chaos, m'lord... whom should we support?" My Lord's eyes opened brightly. He must have seen the path we were going to follow in that moment. He looked solemn and serious, but also determined and in control. My Lord spoke:

"We will support the Holy Roman Emperor, and cancel our alliance with the English. As for Genoa, I am sure Venice can handle them. Let those who struck first against their friends die in battle by the hands of their former friends. The Pope will condemn them, and if the Empire of Rome and the Republic of Venice cannot handle these invaders, we will offer them more support. For now, it is enough that we stand aside and allow these betrayers to die in battle. We must prepare."

The path chosen by my Lord seemed noble and wise. But I had no idea what he was preparing for. Sometimes I got the feeling that my Lord did not completely trust me, or anyone else around him. He seemed to keep much to himself. He was a proud, quiet man. Yet, the confidence and certainty that he conveyed to me quieted my fears about him, or they would have, if any remained. It was not my place to question him. I would simply have to wait and see.

A few years passed, and my Lord tried to heal the rift in Christendom by arbitrating an end to the hostilities between Genoa and Venice, and the Holy Roman Empire and Venice. How long the new pact would last, I did not know. But my Lord seemed to be confident in the results. The Pope had excommunicated Scotland and Ireland for their wars in England, and although my Lord did not seem troubled, I often found him talking about it with the noble generals.

Lord Haakonsson's top advisors reported to him that the Christian minority in Baghdad had been slaughtered by their cruel Muslim overlords, who were a splinter group from mainstream Islam, and did not answer to the Fatmid Caliph. Rumor was that this group intended on destroying all Christians, Jews, Zoroastrians, and any Muslim group that did not support thier tribal warlord, known simply as Malik. My lord asked me to pen a letter to the Pope, calling on him to declare a holy crusade against these villains. Afterward, he told me to assemble his military council. I asked him if we were preparing to go on a crusade to liberate Baghdad. He looked at me with an amused expression on his face, and laughed.

"No," he said. "We must unite Christendom before we can deal with the outlaws of the Middle East. That is a long way off. I trust my allies to the south will take care of them." I was left wondering precisely what my Lord's plans were.

This is all I have so far, but the campaign is half-over. I will be posting screenshots, and the ending will be shocking. Keep an eye on Magnus Haakonsson... he's a lot like me.

On second thought, this content module is surprisingly large, just like me. Oh, never mind. :shame:

Quintus.JC

01-04-2009, 14:13

Where's the mafia games gonna be played? The gameroom has been short of games lately.

Askthepizzaguy

01-04-2009, 14:16

Quintus.JC

01-04-2009, 16:19

I'll be playing them in the gameroom, of course.

The trouble is that each game takes a while and most of these count as small games, so I can't run them simultaneously. I am seriously starting to feel the strain of the hosting queue, but I do not want to host down at totalwar center, or Mafiascum.

I like this site best, and I am familiar with all of you. But I'm getting close to begging the moderators to allow more games.

:cry:

I understand that these games are at the the back of the queue, and agrees with the moderators' rulings, as there must be some form of order within the gameroom. But right now there are only 1 small game being played (Golden Rule), 1 large game in signing phase. So I don't see why the moderator's should sincerely block your attempt to let some life in the gameroom, unless all the people before you would start recruiting players now.

Host it here Pizzaguy, the site is the best and you know it. :whip: :clown:

shlin28

01-04-2009, 21:51

That badge thing looks awsome!

I expect 10 of them to be awarded to me by tomorrow for my uber mafia game skillz. :2thumbsup:

Thermal

01-04-2009, 22:08

yeah the queue is...uhhhh....annoying, the mods should ask people regularly if there still on the queue, about half on the queue probably dont play mafia anymore or arent ready, at the moment it looks daunting, im thinking even one more slot would be nice, my games long over yet seamus hasn't updated, the lack of games can only be emphasized when the mods arent telling the next person in line to start there game

also a good alternative, that one that needs 9 players, well gather 9 deadicated mafia players and make sure they all have an account at the TWC, then we can all have a cosy game there without restrictions, its like getting food at a restraunt, but eating it in a competitors restraunt instead of at there table :laugh4:

or, as there are only about 4 deadicated TWC mafia players, you could get 5 orgahs and make up the rest of the numbers with the reliable few in the TWC :2thumbsup:

remember TWC = NO RESTRICTIONS, IF JUBAL BARCA ALLOWS IT, WE CAN PLAY IT, SO ALL YOU GUYS THAT WANT LOTS OF MAFIA GET AN ACCOUNT THERE ALREADY AND GO TO THE MAFIA SUB ROOM! :laugh4:

Yoyoma1910

01-04-2009, 23:09

Thermal

01-05-2009, 00:06

Uh, the next person in line is a mod.

in both queues im aware :laugh4: but the small game line hasnt been updated, anders should be hosting two at the moment

Beefy187

01-05-2009, 01:59

remember TWC = NO RESTRICTIONS, IF JUBAL BARCA ALLOWS IT, WE CAN PLAY IT, SO ALL YOU GUYS THAT WANT LOTS OF MAFIA GET AN ACCOUNT THERE ALREADY AND GO TO THE MAFIA SUB ROOM! :laugh4:

Lots of people seems to have a bad impression on the TWC. I once asked someone whats wrong with them and I never got answers.

But as I know most of yous here, I rather play it here. Even though the que can be slightly tedious sometimes. If we can get some dedicated players from the TWC show up here, that will be awesome. We can have like TWC vs Org mafia matches :laugh4:

As for my mafia, I came back with rather bizarre idea yesterday. It will be a mix of my original idea of Noble Sons and players playing (or pretending) high school girls fighting over a handsome boy.:beam:

Thermal

01-05-2009, 02:02

But as I know most of yous here, I rather play it here.

thats why if a lot of people got an account there it would work, becuase you'd be speaking to the same people as you do here, but with less restrictions :yes:

Beefy187

01-05-2009, 02:35

thats why if a lot of people got an account there it would work, becuase you'd be speaking to the same people as you do here, but with less restrictions :yes:

Although that means more mafia= more fun for us, it also means we get less activities on the Org side. I started on the Org. Thus I will die on the org.

However, I don't mind making a account there.

Askthepizzaguy

01-06-2009, 18:58

I'm keeping the TWC as a "nuclear option", but I'd rather not leave this site, and I respect and understand the rules here.

In all likelihood, there are just not enough moderators and players here to handle more games. People want to host large games but how many games have died because we didn't get enough signups?

I don't blame the moderators here or the rules, because I respect them both and they aren't the real cause. The real cause is lack of players, lack of moderators. As such, maybe they wouldn't even MIND if we hosted games elsewhere. It's just my nagging loyalty to this forum and the people here that are keeping me here, as a headstrong rebel I don't usually find myself obeying rules just for the sake of doing so. I have to agree with them... and I do, most of the time. And if I don't I leave so I dont make trouble.

I'm probably going to pull a moderator aside at some point and air my concerns. I'm sure they are aware of them by now anyway. I just want to be clear that I don't intend to start any kind of concerted effort to change things around here, and I don't want anyone thinking I blame the moderators, for doing the fantastic job that they do. There's only 3 of them and the gameroom is rather busy. Especially with me in there.

They should make me an assistant moderator just so I can handle all the extra posts I make. :tongue2:

Just kidding fellas, I'd never inflict that on you. There are better candidates anyway.

Basically all I'll say is that perhaps we could have an extra slot for games that don't have THAT many people... make 15 and below a small game, 16-25 a medium game, 26-40 a large game, and above 40 a huge game. Allow all small games, or perhaps just more of them. Or a compromise. Whatever.

However, that's obviously just changing the rules for my benefit, because most of my games can be 15 or less. So I'd have to have a stronger case than "I wanna host" especially when I've hosted a bunch recently and there are others waiting. I doubt they'd change the rules just for me, even if there were demand. They are wise enough people and rules are there for a reason, if they had a reason to change them they would.

I doubt I can make a case that things should change. Things work as they are, and I'm just impatient. There is a backlog of large games, which could be addressed, but otherwise I can't complain about the small game queue as I currently HAVE an active game. Seriously it will sound like I am whining.

I may just ask a moderator if it would be ok to actively recruit ORG players and have them join me at TWC, or if that would be seen as stealing players from other people's games. I don't want to do that. And I don't want players overloaded and unable to give their all in my games too. There may be some wisdom in only having our group play a few at a time.

Askthepizzaguy

01-06-2009, 19:36

Content Module 006: I have something I wanna show you...

Loading content... do you trust content from Pizzaguy Industries? Y/N

N

Congratulations... that is the correct response. Opening content:

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/SimpsonsBadge-1.jpg

Badge for the Simpsons Mini-Mafia

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/FuturamaBadge-1.jpg

Badge for the Futurama Drama Mafiama

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/FullMontyBadge-1.jpg

Badge for the Full Monty

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/GoldenRuleBadge-1.jpg

Badge for the Golden Rule

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/CluelessBadge-1.jpg

Badge for the Clueless Mafia

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/MurderManorBadge-1.jpg

Badge for Murder Manor

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/PsychoBadge-1.jpg

Badge for Psycho

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/ValentinesDayBadge-1.jpg

Badge for the Valentines Day Massacre

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/VexingBadge-1.jpg

Badge for the Vexing Mafia

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/VoyagerBadge-1.jpg

Badge for the Voyager Mafia

These are the badges I've created so far. I will possibly be resizing them so you can put them in your signature line, if you want them to go there. Otherwise you can just save them on your computer or save the links so you can show off your bling to the ladies... or to the gentlemen, if that's how you sway in the breeze.

We at Pizzaguy Industries make no note of which way you sway. The bodies hit the ground the same way no matter which direction they fall. Isn't that right Sweetness?

*rubs his silenced pistol*

Yes, Sweetness... what's that? Shoot them all now? But I have to give them the awards first. :clown:

Hooahguy

01-06-2009, 23:31

oooo- nice badges.... makes me want to play a mafia game.... assumming i figure out how to....

Askthepizzaguy

01-06-2009, 23:33

Hooahguy, go to the gameroom and join Seireikhaan's Chicago Soiree.

Assuming you come here often and don't mind committing to a game, the Chicago game will have plenty of experienced players to help you get the hang of it, and its the PERFECT beginner's game.

It's two mafia versus a bunch of town, and town votes to lynch who they think is the bad guy, and at night the bad guys kill townies, then it goes back to day phase until only one side remains.

Yoyoma1910

01-07-2009, 00:52

Here Pizza, I was playing around in the workshop and tweeked one of your ideas:

https://i387.photobucket.com/albums/oo312/mexico1910/GoldenRulez.jpg

Askthepizzaguy

01-07-2009, 00:58

It's not nice to upstage the third-grade artistic abilities of the original poster. :stars:

Yoyoma1910

01-07-2009, 01:11

Hahah.

Sorry.

Though I was helping you out, yo.

Edit: Look, I even gave it a little "p" for Pizza in the center.

Askthepizzaguy

01-07-2009, 01:17

Showoff. :laugh2:

Yoyoma1910

01-07-2009, 01:41

Shoot... you know.

Anyway, if people are going to go around wearing your badges in my Mafia thread, I would prefer they were visually appealing. :clown:

ULC

01-07-2009, 01:48

I have come to post to violate this space with my presence.

Sadly, the inherent nature of this place make my violation of it that much less violated.

I leave, only to return one day to finish what I have started...

Nice stuff by the way ATPG, wish I had half the creativity you do (and Hope that I can beat you to things when we have the same form of game ~;p)

Thermal

01-09-2009, 21:25

I just written a massive description of a mafia idea i had, and this name crap forum remember me system signed me out! p*issing me off literally 4 paragraphs of information lost becuase this idiotic thing signs me out and doesnt save my damn post :tnt:~:mecry:~:pissed:~:pissed:~:pissed:~:pissed:~:pissed:~:pissed:~:pissed:~:pissed:~:pissed:~:piss ed:

Beefy187

01-10-2009, 02:52

Thermal

01-10-2009, 17:51

Write it on the "word" next time :laugh4:

Unlucky

Lol, ill re write it soon

Beefy187

01-11-2009, 00:40

:hijacked:

2 channel mafia....coming soon!!

　　　　　　 ∧＿∧　　 ∧＿∧　　∧＿∧
　　　　　　（・∀・　）　（・∀・　）　（・∀・　）
　　　　　　（　　　　）　（　　　　）　（　　　　）
　　　　　　｜｜　|.　｜｜　|　　｜｜　|
　　　　　　（＿（＿_）　（＿（＿_） .（＿（＿_）

Askthepizzaguy

01-15-2009, 09:20

https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?t=110184&page=9

You should read the entire thread from the beginning, but I encourage you to read the last page at the very least.

Content Module 007: Farewell to the winter of our discontent

Loading content...

Checking focus groups... consulting advisors... declaring candidacy... delivering stump speeches... kissing babies... shaking hands... accepting donations... buying advertising... making signs... debating... debating... debating... giving interviews... debating... debating... winning the primaries... gaining running mate... dodging smears... dodging smears... debating... debating... debating... winning the popular vote.

President-elect loaded.

Removing previous administration... please stand by.

____________________________________________

Updates:

I was exposed as the mafia in the game down at totalwar center, and promptly lynched. True to form, even though I was the bad guy focused on winning, I did my level best to help out the town in my own pizzaguy way, especially after I was exposed. Apologies, Mr. Cursed... but after all the work I put into it, I couldn't have a rival bad guy win the game instead. My ally is still alive and un-WOGed, so I may win yet. Besides, I was hoping that town would leave me alive for one more turn. A shame they did not.

Although I was unaware that there was a standing rule down at TWC that private messaging the other players is frowned upon, I offered my head as a pennance. They seemed to refuse my suicide, so I opted to continue playing and doing my best to help my team. There's a good chance the game will still end in our favor.

Remember, folks... no matter whose team I am on, or if I am the host... I will always try to give the town whatever hints I can. Look for them. It is my hope that you might put up with my insufferable talkative/analytical style and consider what I say with an open objective mind. I know I'm a fairly notorious liar by now, but I am town more often than I am mafia, so I prefer not to be lynched every game simply out of fear. I will usually try to be murder bait when I don't have a valuable role but am a townie, so it's not necessary to exterminate me every time unless I am one of the few remaining and still not cleared as innocent.

Moving on to other games, the Golden Rule is set for the finale. Check it out. The Chicago Soiree is starting, and the You Can't Win game looks bleak for my character unless both sides find me more useful alive than dead. I've already revealed who I am and my neutral alignment, and so on. It's a fun character to roleplay, but my assignment to survive to the end of the game simply won't happen unless people consciously choose to keep me alive. I've given both sides their reasons; I am not necessary for the mafia to murder in order for the Law side to win, and I have offered up my head and volunteered for an investigation so that the Town/Criminal side might not kill me. I still doubt I'll live, but I tried.

In the Scourge of Ephesus, in spite of my best efforts, the person I suspected the most turned out to be a useful townie, now exposed for the mafia to murder. I perhaps should switch to a strategy of privately accusing someone rather than publicly, if there is a legitimate defense I need to examine it. However, I am unsure if I can do that in this game because there is a rule against private reveals. I think if I am careful, I can still privately accuse and people can give me their non-reveal defense or allow me to accuse in public. However, I expect to be dead soon.

The Treehouse of Horror game has two potential setups I am considering; one is more halloween-oriented, and features several rival groups, and another is a simpler game with a patented pizzaguy twist. I am leaning towards the second, because the first is too unpredictable, chaotic, and eschews reasonable detective work. It also employs a game mechanic which is generally considered to be less fun. So I have all but decided on the second setup... the trouble is implementing it in a fair and balanced way.

I am going to do a poll I think, asking people which of my potential small games they would like to play next. I highly recommend the Valentines' Day Massacre, the Psycho mafia, and the Murder Manor mafia. The Clue game should be loads of fun, but it's about 95% finished, still tweaking it. The Voyager mafia needs to undergo testing to ensure it's a fair and fun and reasonable game, so it's only about 80% done. I came up with an idea which could resolve the current conflicts, so it should be ready soon.

If the Murder Manor game could squeeze in as a mini game, we could start that sooner. It's a short and very simple game which does not even involve a night phase, so hopefully the gameroom moderators will give it a pass even though it's not quite 7 players or less, considering there aren't any mini-games running. However, I can't expect the rules to bend, so don't hold your breath on that. It should only last 14 days, so I am hopeful we can get that going.

I've taken a break from the Northern Terror campaign, so I can have some fun, and I unexpectedly got hooked on Lithuania and am tempted to do another AAR story about them, title along the lines of "The Heathen: Last of the Pagan Knights". I haven't done a campaign writeup in a while, since losing the Blitzmaster title to Grog, and won't be challenging him again for some time. However, if I can do some good storytelling, it should be interesting. I dread the day which could be coming soon when people won't even want to talk about or play the medieval II game anymore. I hope you hardcore fans will remain in the dark ages with me.

Not much happening on the chess tournament front. I'd like to play some more games so I can do some more game reviews, and create some basic chess lessons. So I accept any challenges, as usual.

Will have to be gainfully employed soon, so my mafia playing may take a break. I still intend to host, but soon I will have to stay away from being an active player.

____________________________________________

Please see the Poll Question in the gameroom for my next mafia game.
https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?t=111514

Askthepizzaguy

01-17-2009, 17:46

Content Module 008: The Generic Content Module

Insert witty Loading gag here.

____________________________________

[White "Askthepizzaguy"]

[Result "1-0"]

1. d4 d5

The Queen's Pawn Opening makes castling slower for white, however the queen-pawn has the advantage of being protected by the queen, unlike the king-pawn. It still frees the queen and bishop, stakes a claim in the center, and moves towards castling, albeit on the queenside where it is usually not recommended.

That's not a law, though. The only law in chess is to not to get checkmated.

2. c4 e6

The Queen's Gambit Declined Opening assaults Black's claim on the center and threatens to get twin center pawns for white, with only one pawn in the center for black. To less experienced players, this means that although Black will get a half-open file in the center (perhaps), the file will be blockaded by White's center pawn formation, and those pawns will exert more influence over the center than pieces would. Pawns are more expendable than pieces, so exchanges favor pawns unless there are positional reasons not to trade.

It's not much of a gambit, however. White can move the king-pawn and attack the pawn if it takes the c-pawn, and Black would get positional weaknesses and would lose time trying to defend it. The gambit is usually more of a delayed recapture than a true gambit. So it's perhaps the safest gambit of them all!

3. cxd5 exd5

White decides to relieve the tension and keep the game simple, and claim the fruits of his tactic, gaining twin center pawns to black's sole d-pawn. White loses no time, because Black should recapture or he will lose another pawn, losing time for White in exchange for destroying Black's pawn formation, which most players would avoid.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/ATPG-CA-01.jpg

4. Nc3 Nf6

White immediately attacks the sole remaining center pawn for Black, which is defended by the Queen for now, but the Queen is less a defensive piece and more of an aggressive one. Black will want to have her do other duties eventually, and so it is reasonable that he would want to relieve her of her babysitting tasks. That prompts a predictable line from Black to defend his remaining center pawn.

The reply from Black is solid, however. Nothing wrong with it, and a strong move as well.

5. Bg5 h6

There are two defenders of the center pawn, the Queen and the Knight. The bishop moves removes the Knight as a defender, as it is pinned to the queen so long as she remains on this diagonal. This temporarily removes the knight's influence on the board in the opening, effectively making black temporarily down a piece! It's a strong tactic when used wisely. The reply h6 slightly weakens Black's Kingside Pawn Structure, creating small but permanent weaknesses which could prove fatal. Black could ignore the bishop and try Be7, removing the pin altogether, or Bb4 which pins White's knight in response. Nothing wrong with Nc6 either, developing the Knights before committing the bishops to a task, and attacking the center some more.

6. Bxf6 Qxf6

White could have played Bh4, maintaining the pin, but losing time. Black could then have played Bb4 seizing the initiative, or further driven away the white bishop with pawn to g5. That would not be recommended, because the huge weaknesses that creates on Black's kingside cannot ever be reversed.

I opted to remove the defender of the knight altogether, which meant that Black would have to take the bishop with the Queen or the pawn. The pawn move destroys Black's kingside pawn structure, and the queen move loses a pawn. I forced black to choose between two bad options. Now you can see that the move h6 for black was not recommended here, and why. Black decided to maintain his kingside structure, and take the loss of a pawn and time.

7. Nxd5 Qd6

With the capture, white gains a tempo (unit of time), as Black is now forced to waste another move in the opening repositioning the Queen. Two queen moves so far, a knight move (the knight no longer exists), and pawn moves (the pawns no longer exist, and one has made a weakness).

What I am doing is removing the effectiveness of all of Black's moves so far. Nothing he has done has made any impact on the game, except that he now has two very active bishops to white's sole prisoner bishop, and white has two knights to black's one. Black has pawn weaknesses; a big hole between the two pawn islands, and a positional weakness at g6 due to fewer defenders of that square (and the pawn defender would create even more problems were it to capture on that square).

Black has not moved his bishops and they are now very dangerous, as is his Queen. White's sole developed piece is not safe on d5, and he needs to make pawn moves before he can develop his remaining bishop. Black moves the queen to d6, attacking the knight.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/ATPG-CA-02.jpg

8. Nc3 Bf5

White might have done better with pawn to e4, defending the knight and freeing his bishop. However, the knight to c3 move is ok. It does waste time with a third knight move in the opening.

Black is right to develop is bishop, but he could have picked a better square. I can immediately drive off the bishop and free my own with one move, regaining control of the game.

9. e4 Bg6

The Bishop is passive on this square, and will have to move a third time to have more influence over the game. The piece becomes less powerful with such limited scope, only able to safely retreat one more square, and no other moves are safe. I warn against imprisoning your own pieces, because you are only helping your opponent.

If white plays well, he can transform this position into a winning game, due to positional and temporal factors, as well as material advantage.

The slight mistakes made by Black are teaching tools for you, examine why those moves were mistakes, and understand how to avoid making them. At the very least, you can improve your game to being solid past the first 10 moves. If you have a safe and solid game after move 10, you have a better chance in the middle of the game to keep up with your opponent or gain an advantage!

10. Bc4 Qb4

White attacks the defender of the bishop on g6, a weak pawn that cannot easily or very soundly be defended by other pawns, and develops a strong piece to a good central square where it is nearly as strong as any bishop could ever be, getting white closer to castling kingside, and possessing the center as his own.

This is Black's third queen move, and it does not accomplish anything that cannot be easily countered. The queen is a powerful piece, and can harass white's position, but it is better for her to have the rooks, bishops, and remaining knight assisting her, isn't it? More development is called for, and the attack is premature.

The move does fork the bishop and the pawn at b2, however this can be countered by white's first queen move.

11. Qb3 Bxe4

If I remove Black's queen from the board, he has wasted 3 moves with her for nothing. And she cannot remain on b4, as a pawn move (a3) would displace her again, and her other option is to capture the opposing queen, deleting herself from existence in the process, after 4 unproductive moves.

It's all about time, and accomplishing as much as possible in every move, as soundly as possible, and creating the fewest weaknesses while threatening the most you can against your opponent. And if these goals can be accomplished, the material advantage will be decisive.

Black sees that white's knight is pinned to the king, so he grabs a pawn. How does white react?

12. Nf3 Nc6

Better would have been Bxf7+, regaining the lost pawn, destroying black's pawn structure even more, checking the king and forcing it to move and preventing him from ever castling. Instead white makes a silly move which does not have much to say for it.

He develops a piece and can now castle... that's all. And he is inviting black to take the knight, and that would destroy white's kingside, which is the only safe place to castle at the moment. In retrospect, 12. Nf3 is a terrible move for white.

I do make mistakes too, you know. Black responds with a developing move, which is okay, but he could have destroyed my pawn structure and blunted my attacking chances by taking my queen this move, and my knight the next move. He could have taken control of the game with a slight advantage with 12. ...Qxb3, 13. Bxb3 Bxf3.

13. Qxb4 Bxb4

The best move would have been Bxf7+, once again, and I bungled it terribly. Black would have been in serious trouble, moving the king to d8 perhaps, and Qe6 after that would have kept the pressure going, threatening much, not the least of which would be checkmate (15. Qe8++). Black could hold it together, but it would be very uncomfortable and his efforts may have been purely defensive at that point.

Instead white chooses a move which weakens his attack potential and allows Black to recapture, re-establish the pin, and develop his other bishop all at the same time. What a lousy, lousy move I made!
:laugh4:

14. O-O O-O-O

Better for white would have been to castle queenside, activating a rook and reinforcing the d-pawn. I played badly in this game. Bxf3 would have destroyed white's fortress and caused him a lot of pain, removing the defender of the d-pawn for the knight, which would have led to the doubled f3 pawn being threatened as well. All in all a terrible game for me. Fortunately, your opponent sometimes misses your mistakes and makes an even worse blunder. Castling for white did one very important thing; it removed the pin on the knight at c3, making the undefended bishop at e4 vulnerable!

If you have time and patience, before you make any move, make sure you haven't left a single piece or pawn undefended and under attack, and look for ways your opponent might attack two pieces at once, check your king, or otherwise hurt you or take your pieces.

The castle queenside move had but one response.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/ATPG-CA-03.jpg

15. Nxe4 Nxd4

A pawn for a bishop is a good exchange most of the time.

16. Bxf7 Ne2+

I capture a hanging pawn for good measure.

Black checks the white king, forcing him into the corner. However, it might have been a better move to take on f3, displacing the pawn shield, or to develop the king's rook to f8.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/ATPG-CA-04.jpg

17. Kh1 Nf4

White's move is forced. Black moves the knight again and fails to develop the rook.

18. a3 Ba5

Batting away the troubling bishop, but it just moves back to a5.

19. Nc3 Rhf8

The knight limits the scope of the bishop, offering a trade, and claiming the d1 square in such a way that white can now contest black's control of the d-file. Black makes the good developing move.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/ATPG-CA-05.jpg

20. Bc4 a6

The white bishop is safe on c4 and limits half of the moves that the black knight can make. Black limits the movement of the white bishop. Black moves pawn to a6. More aggressive might have been c6, limiting both the knight and the bishop by two squares. Black is down by a chunk of material with limited compensation, and there isn't much he can realistically do to force his way back to equality with white. He will just have to play carefully and see if I don't bungle the lead.

21. g3 Nh3

Twenty moves in, we're at the endgame phase. White has two rooks, two knights, and a bishop and black has two rooks, a bishop, and a knight. Carefully trading down material leaves white ahead in the ending, possibly able to queen a pawn and win. He could also look for ways to fork black's pieces and win them outright instead of trading evenly.

By tapping the black knight on the shoulder, white tries to drive it away. Instead he moves closer to the white king. He only has one square he can safely retreat to. Unfortunately trapping this knight isn't possible but we can chase it away.

22. Kg2 Nf4+

If white were behind, and capturing with the pawn weren't a good idea, he might try a repetition of moves by moving back to h1. 3 time repetition is a draw. However, white is not behind, and black just made a second piece-dropping mistake. Much better was Ng5.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/ATPG-CA-06.jpg

23. gxf4 Rxf4

White is up in material by 2 pieces for a pawn. There is no real mating threat on white, but I suppose if white made serious errors the exposed king position could be a problem versus the two rooks and a bishop.

24. Rad1 Rxc4

Hoping to make things fun, I return the bishop to black for nothing, and seize the open file. Much better was to save the bishop of course.

25. Rxd8+ Kxd8

Still up in material, I eliminate a rook and expose black's king.

26. Rd1+ Kc8

The check forces him to pick the side of the board he wants to end his life on.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/ATPG-CA-07.jpg

27. b4 Bxb4

Batting the bishop around, or offering to trade bishop and knight for more space to attack black's king. Black opts to give me more material. Better would have been Rxc3, bxa5, Rxa3.

28. axb4 Rxc3

I am up a knight for two pawns after these exchanges, not much of an advantage. But I do have an attack coming.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/ATPG-CA-08.jpg

29. Nd4 c5

The knight wants to cover certain key escape squares around black's king. Black tries to simplify with a forking move. This move is a real mistake. The rook cannot recapture the pawn without killing itself...

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/ATPG-CA-09.jpg

30. bxc5 Rxc5

This pawn is rotten, rotten, rotten to the core. I had defended it, indirectly, with a threat. But black was a naughty little piggy and wanted to eat and eat... and his stomach finally burst open.

31. Ne6

The knight move is a fork. I am attacking the rook yes, and a pawn yes, but I am also attacking the d8 square twice, (rook and knight) and covering all of black's non-back rank escape squares. I am threatening checkmate (Rd8). You can fork pieces, you can fork pieces and squares, and you can fork squares. Fork is simply a term for a double attack with one move, and this is the point of reviewing this game. I wanted to show you a winning fork that did NOT involve two pieces.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/ATPG-CA-10.jpg

31. .....Rb5

Black had a couple saving moves here, not that they would have done much. The rook is lost to the knight, end of story, won king and rook ending for white. The game is over. b6 would have saved the king, or Rg5+ would have allowed capture but driven the knight away, also saving the king. But the rook dies to the knight on either square.

The finishing move is more satisfying.

32. Rd8#

All the escape squares are covered. Black ate too many pawns and died of food poisoning. I could have played a much, much tighter game, and I gave the initiative to black several times as well as returned material. But in the end, a knight fork deep in enemy territory threatens both checkmate and the rook.

https://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb225/askthepizzaguy/ATPG-CA-11.jpg

Even a game riddled with mistakes on both sides is instructional. Black failed to check his piece safety before making a move. White made several blunders which lost both material and initiative. In the end, it was a friendly game and I wanted to find unusual lines of sacrificial attack against my opponent. Even in a game where you don't have a clear advantage, look for ways to gain back material, positional strengths, or the attacking initiative, because this game, just like any other, could have gone either way, if you capitalize on my mistakes.

=======Game Two=======

[B]Askthepizzaguy (white)
versus
Glyphz (If I remember correctly)

1. e4 e5

The King's Pawn game is very popular with novice players, and a favorite among some modern masters. More common in the upper levels is the Queen Pawn opening, because the King Pawn game allows more counterplay by black. The king pawn is an undefended pawn at e4, giving black an immediate target to attack. I chose this opening to keep myself familiar with 1. e4. Don't get rusty!

Black's response is adequate, and aggressive enough. The symmetry however means that white still has every advantage, and black has made no headway into gaining the initiative. White begins the game with the ability to move first, meaning that black's army is a target until white loses the initiative. Pieces have no ability to defend themselves, and when they are removed from the board, they lose the option to copy what white has done. If black copies white's movements, eventually the strategy will fail miserably. Here, the symmetry is ok for now, and strong enough to not be considered a weak move.

2. Nf3 Nc6

White has declared his aggressive strategy of targeting black's king pawn, which cannot move due to white's king pawn. Black counters with an acceptible developing move, defending the pawn. This move also follows consistently Black's plan to control the dark squares. Note that the pawn and the knight have both effectively claimed the dark squares. White has less of a square-oriented strategy and more of a targeted strategy against a pawn, which focuses his plan to a single target, making it less dynamic. I don't particularly care for this line of play anymore, though I used to when I was a child. White's moves are less harmonious than Black's.

3. Bc4 Nf6

If I may be even more critical of myself, this bishop move makes no sense. My strategy is not clear, I am simply tossing moves out there. My goal obviously is to castle kingside as soon as possible, but my targets are not the dark or light squares, or any specific pawn now. Bb5 would be the Ruy Lopez, a consistent plan against the king pawn by removing the defender. This plan seems to be against the f7 pawn, because the knight can easily leap to a square that can attack it again, such as e5 or g5. White's plan can morph into another plan, perhaps, depending on what black does. The trouble is, this lets black dictate the course of the game. Why let your opponent have control?

Black responds with a good aggessive move. White has failed to dominate black, and the position is even with good counterplay for black.

4. Nc3 Bb4

White plays a good defensive move which claims the d5 square. His plan seems to have evolved from an attack on the king pawn to an attack on the d5 square. Inconsistent but playable. Black responds very aggressively, fighting for the initiative, attacking the defender of the King Pawn. White has failed to tame black, and is allowing black to bite him back.

5. O-O Bxc3

White castles, failing to defend the king pawn. Black mauls white for this mistake. I admit I was not putting a lot of thought into my moves here.

6. bxc3 Nxe4

Recapturing towards the center is a fair move. Black snags the king pawn.

7. d3 Nxc3

Another thoughtless move by white, I allow black to snag another pawn with tempo. Batting a thousand here. It was just a friendly game, and sometimes I fight better with my back against the wall.

8. Qd2 Na4

The black knight does not have a lot of escape squares, and I may attempt to trap the knight. The knight moves away.

9. Bb5 Nb6

The knight being on the edge of the board is usually a concern, but here it is attacking key squares in white's queenside, and has gobbled two pawns unopposed. White makes a play for black's active knights, and black spends more time moving it again.

10. Bxc6 Qf6

Now I remove the defender of the king pawn, mirroring black's plan earlier! Best is dxc6, but black tries to save the king pawn instead of recapturing the bishop. White does not allow this opportunity to settle the score pass by.

11. Bb5 e4

Saving the bishop makes white's army more powerful than black's army. Black makes an aggressive but unsound thrust.

12. Ba3 exf3

The e-pawn is the only thing shielding black from being unable to castle. I sacrifice a knight to allow my war clerics to swing two flaming swords against black's uncastled king. Black takes the bait, and all of a sudden he is in for a world of hurt. Ask yourself, if your opponent allows you to steal a knight... how could he respond that would snap you back to reality?

Some say "never look a gift horse in the mouth", but this gift horse was really a ticking time bomb disguised as a horse.

13. Rae1+ Kd8

Crash. The black king is forced off of his throne, and now must run away in fear.

14. Be7+ Qxe7

The point. The black king and queen have been assaulted with a royal fork. My warrior cleric holds a knife to both monarch's throats... the game is effectively over now. Ok, so the queen takes down the bishop and the king takes down the rook, but he loses his key defenders and is exposed to attack versus rook and queen and bishop. The rest of black's army is undeveloped and unable to really assist.

15. Rxe7 Kxe7

White has captured 16 points of material to black's 15, and black has more pieces on the board, but they are badly placed or unable to move. White's entire army is not only ready to go, but already rolling against the black king.

16. Re1+ Kd8

The final attacker enters the melee. The black king avoids a crossbow bolt to the chest and escapes behind a stone wall.

17. Qg5+ f6

Black's reply is forced, and his kingside is destroyed.

18. Qxg7 Re8

The rook has nowhere it can go without being captured! At this point, black can only abandon the poor rook if he wants to save his king. But the game is over, barring a terrible blunder by white. If the pawn at c7 were to move, the king might live a little longer. Instead, the rook saves itself and its king perishes.

19. Qxf6+

Black resigns. The next move is forced, Re7 leads to Qxe7 checkmate.

You can't always pull a royal fork out of thin air, so I have to scold myself for not paying more attention earlier. However, black's oddly placed queen and the pawn-grabbing stunted his development. The final mistake was snatching the suicide knight, but can you really blame him?

Remember: If you see what looks like a game-winning move, snagging a knight for nothing... you can obviously afford to sit down, calm yourself, and look very carefully to make sure it's as good a move as you think it is. But we get excited, and we want to take control of the game, and our own psychology makes us leap toward victory without an exit strategy. I seem to remember a recent real-life event where a powerful nation advanced to victory without an exit strategy, and that was a very costly mistake. Don't make the same mistake... think about the consequences before you attack.

Thermal

01-18-2009, 02:10

how do you have time for all this writing atpg? do your days contain 100 hours? do you have a lababtory of assistants writing your works up? staggering :laugh4:

Askthepizzaguy

01-28-2009, 07:24

Content Module 009: Lessons Learned, and a New Path Forward

Loading content... embracing humility... chastising self... re-examining decision-making process... making concession speech... begging forgiveness... fixing errors in system... refining theories... eating humble pie... going into exile...

Content loaded.

Concession Speech:

So, betcha feel bad now, Pizzaguy! You sure embarrassed yourself, didn't ya, you arrogant little man! Couldn't hit the broad side of a barn, Worst townie ever, yada yada yada.....

Yeah. I know. I deserve that.

Well, let's see... where do I even begin?

I've had a few days to sulk and feel extremely foolish. You couldn't have beaten me up more than I did, so don't you worry about that. When I am correct, I celebrate. When I am wrong, I am humbled, as always.

In an effort to deal with the pain and humiliation of the Chicago Soiree Disaster, I spent several hours watching "Smoking Gun Presents: World's Dumbest Criminals". So now I feel a lot better about myself and my stupidity, because nothing I have done has ever been that dumb. I make foolish oversights at times, especially when I am overreaching and working too much on something without much sleep, but thankfully I am not a total moron. (Praise 00Jebus, and knock on wood.)

And as bad as some of my accusations were, I never accused an entire nation of having weapons of mass destruction, conquered the same nation, and couldn't find them. So, you know, when the leader of the free world pulls one of those boners, suddenly accusing the wrong player or players doesn't seem so bad in the scheme of things.

:sweatdrop:

Still, I kicked myself pretty hard for several hours in sheer embarrassment. Don't you worry. Don't you worry. I took myself down several notches, and had like a sick feeling in my stomach. I took it pretty hard. It's just a game but you know, when you lose so fantastically badly, it does make you look foolish. And then when you're so burnt out after 18 hours of overworking yourself, that you can't keep basic facts straight, it's time to pack it up and hang your head in shame. Just pack it up. Don't you worry. I'm a much humbler pizzaguy now. I choked on humble pizza pie, and yeah. My bad. Hold the pepperonis next time. No tip sir, this one is on the house.

If I may, I have to share this story from the "dumbest criminals" thing.

There was this pair of armed robbers on the program who showed up at a muffler shop and demanded some money. Well the place had just opened and the register was pretty empty, so they wouldn't even have cash to make change with until the manager arrived. Well the robbers told the muffler man to call thier cell phone when thier boss got in, and they would come back and rob them later.

Yup. You guessed it. The muffler guys call the cops, and then called the robbers back, who show up to rob the place again. That's when a plainclothes police officer tells them to drop the gun. And they don't. They get shot in the legs, and after a trip to the emergency room, it's off to jail with two of the biggest idiots, ever.

And then there was the story of a guy who robbed a store with a stapler gun.

Oh, but it gets much better. Then he went to a restaurant next door, where he changed his clothes. This restaurant, by the way, was the same one he had applied at for a job the day before. Then he crossed the street in his new outfit... to his house. Yes, this all happened within a few hundred feet from his house. You could see all 3 locations with one camera shot.

There was a police standoff for 45 minutes before he gave up.

I feel much better about myself now. :2thumbsup:

:medievalcheers: :shakehands:

What's the lesson? Think things through before you go ahead and do them. And you can learn from mistakes, from others, and especially your own mistakes. So, without further ado, onto more productive lines of thought: where exactly did I go wrong?

I've figured it out. It's my responsibility to re-examine what happened so I don't blow too many more games for you guys. There were many factors. These are symptoms, not excuses:

1. Too many games at once.

I was playing 4 games at once at one point, I believe, possibly 5 due to another forum. That will confuse the bejeezus out of you.

I kept mixing up who was who and in what game... I kept confusing Beefy between Ephesus and Chicago, and also Boudica. I forgot key facts because I had too many to keep straight. Especially near the end when I just imploded from stress and lack of sleep.

Even after the results of Chicago were posted, I still had Beefy's name stuck in my head, (It's not what you think. You're disgusting.) and after reading who won, I still thought it was Beefy for a few minutes, leading to more than a couple embarrassing and bizarre looking posts before I left. Blame 4 hours of sleep in a freezing garage and nearly 18 hours straight of juggling the games.

So, that was really dumb. From now on, I pledge to play at most 2 games. End of story. That was really overworking myself. I sincerely apologize for messing that up. Overly enthusiastic. I will be pacing myself from now on.

2. Single-mindedness about things.

When I detected a lot of potentially scummy behavior from people, I almost shut out all the other possible suspects, especially in Chicago. This is dangerous. I will never make this mistake again. Pinky swear.

3. Faulty assumptions.

I have this... mafia analysis system that I'm working on. It's nearly "complete" but it will never be really finished. The tool works very well in identifying scummy behavior and cataloguing and analyzing player actions. It's actually more reliable than Holmes, from what I've seen already. I know that's an big claim to make, especially with several examples of misleading results.

Where did it go wrong? Where did it go right?

Well, it correctly identified Andres in one game... Time will tell if I made the correct interpretation in another game. I think I made a pretty solid case, and many people agreed with me. And I've been using a limited form of this system to detect mafioso in other games. It wasn't until Chicago when a single mafia had truly escaped my detection system. Although, if I had interpreted the data correctly, and remembered that over 50% of all mafia are lurkers, and that 33% are "total" lurkers, I would have nailed them too instead of some innocent peoples.

So, what happened in Chicago?

I had a bias; I looked only at Andres and Tincow when their behavior smelled scummy to me, and judged them before doing an objective analysis. (And they both got a sincere, if tired and error-laden apology... rather silly in retrospect) When I got an inkling, an instinct, I followed it. Everyone does this, all of you made false accusations and votes at one point, I was no different. I was just much more enthusiastic about it. Ha ha ha ha..... :laugh4:

:sad:

The difference was, I had this brand new toy, and I was too proud of it's successes so far. Then I used it to "prove" my accusation against Andres and Tincow, a total misuse of the system.

Well thats bad reasoning. You don't judge someone and then come up with evidence, you come up with evidence and then you question them. I was too hasty... far too hasty... and I let my instinctual decision put a terrible, terrible bias in the results. I viewed everything they did as scummy, and as I got louder, they got more defensive. Why shouldn't they? Instead of looking for what they did that was scummy, I wrote down what they did, and assumed it was scummy.

They got defensive, and so I sensed blood. I went all out after them.... and used my new toy to create a grand inquisition against them. A terrible, terrible waste of a very useful tool... destroying the very purpose of HAVING such a tool. It's precisely this sort of idiocy that it's supposed to prevent!

And, the thing is still a work in progress. Is it really so surprising that it will give false readings on occasion? There is no foolproof system. Beefy gets lynched a lot and is a scapegoat in MANY games, because of his behavior. But that's just beefy being beefy!

Although he behaves like a lot of the scum that are out there, that doesn't mean he is so. It's the exception to the general rule! So, I have to get a better reading on Beefy, who falls outside of normal analysis, and sharpen my tool to include the variances in his behavior as compared to the norm. I had to do the same thing for Seireikhaan already. There will be other small holes I have to fill too, to make the system more accurate. How is the Askthepizzaguy system any better than random guesses?

I have identified 8/10 of the mafia that I've gone after. That's a pretty good record, and it's not based on guessing. It's based on evidence... which gives much better results. That's ignoring the townies that got falsely accused, but... I can fix that gap too, by saving the game analysis for the end of the game! It will have more evidence and less innocents to pick from.

So, the work in progress is 4/5 effective. I can get it up to 9/10, I will wager. Just give me a chance.

I've learned a lot about the gaps in the system, and I can plug them. And I already have.

4. Lurkers

The system easily, easily, detects bad attendance and lurking behavior. That's not the problem. You don't even need a "system" to identify lurkers, just check the post count. The problem is that the person seeing the results had a bais against lurkers. My thoughts, perhaps yours:

"Lurkers are scummy, so they will be lynched. They will be WOGed. No mafia would risk lurking at this stage of the game."

Uh huh. Well, that didn't pan out correctly, did it? And I blame myself. Were it not for my misplaced passion against the Tincow/Andres duo, some of you might have voted the worthless townies instead. My influence may have single handedly handed the game to the lurkers.

This is madness. The analysis system, had I used it on everyone with an unbiased eye, not judging players prematurely, and remembering how often lurkers are mafia, would have detected them and I could have made the correct assessment. But the man behind the machine wasn't thinking objectively.

I even made sure to note that well over 50% of mafia use lurking as their strategy, and it's a terrible strategy. It is! It's a terrible strategy and people should know better! That's why the system detected them as lurkers... but I made a judgment call. A judgment call that turned out to be wrong.

BUT! Everyone, not just me... everyone gave the lurkers a pass. Most everyone assumed, as I did, that if they were lurking, they would be lynched or murdered or WOG'ed... and they had better suspects. BAD THINKING. That wasn't just me. Sigurd and Boudica used a tired old strategy that will never work on me again, and most of you veterans would have detected, but because it's so obviously scummy, no one really went after them, save for a few votes here and there. Some of you voted the lurkers, and bravo. You deserve a slice of pizza and a cookie. I will never make the mistake of going easy on the lurkers ever again.

Lesson learned:
Destroy the lurkers. No exceptions. No excuses. No vacations. NOTHING!!! Clear your schedule or don't sign up! I will be ok with being lynched for being a lurker, because I will come back and continue contributing!

Now... that leaves the people who have participated to some extent... thats where the post analysis system really does shine. It doesn't nail lurkers, except to tell me they are lurking. The database system analyzes, it does not play the game for me. So we need to nail the lurkers instead of assume they will be WOGed or lynched later.

Then, we can focus on who's posting scummy. I changed my definition of "scummy" to consider that Beefy acts like Beefy, and then I also won't start an analysis of players, like Tincow and Andres, with a prejudiced opinion of them. I will be more objective from now on, and not let instincts overwhelm reason. We have higher reasoning for a reason: Instinct is wrong too often.

And I will be less crazy with my life in the future. That move was bad and didn't impress any of you. Suicidal doesn't prove townie, according to most townies it seems. Fair enough. Lesson learned. Bad Pizzaguy.

Now, I've identified the major errors I've made, and closed the holes in my reasoning. The net is much tighter and sturdier and stronger... and with more games under my belt, I will become a formidible opponent of the mafia, and a better mafioso. I've only played a small handful of games, interestingly enough... but I've gotten some very good results, most of the time.

Give me time, and another chance. I may be taking a break from mafia games in the near future, I think... give myself time to revise my theories, and fix the broken parts. Then, I will be back with a renewed vengeance, back from my sulking dirt nap ready to eat and tear the flesh of the evil mafioso. And there will be a giant pile of dead mafia in the future, so they had better kill me quick before I can vote them to death.

GeneralHankerchief "the Hurricane" made a similar promise when he came back to really kick some mafia butt. After some misunderstandings, I think we both respect each other's methods more. When I come back, watch out. I will not be so sloppy, and I will be much more dangerous, especially after I am dead. Always. I am the living dead, after all.

So, embarrassment aside, howling and wailing and whining and kicking myself aside, damaged pride and reputation aside.... All that effort posting and prosecuting aside... it's been a fun several weeks and I have learned a whole lot. I am returning to my bunker to draw up plans for the next world war... and when I return, I will be a new pizzaguy.

I'd also like to say that the system I came up with has a good record so far. So, even in this case... even on it's first few attempts... the system does work better than random guesses. In spite of the Chicago disaster.

Attack my abysmal performance in Chicago if you must, I certainly will never live it down. But I will defend the mafia analysis system I've developed up and down and make it even better. This is the weapon which will utterly annihilate mafia in every game I am in from now on, and I swear it to be so. I will also give it some cool codename like "Holmes", except more pizza-ish.

"Are we supposed to be scared?" Master Yoda says: You will be.... you will be.
:grin:

You may have shut me up this time... but next time, it will not be so easy.

I will return.

So that is my analysis of the huge blunder I made. I beg thee forgiveness, and will be less boisterous about my flawed opinion in the future. But I won't stop being Pizzaguy.

Both myself and SkyNet have been amended. We will not be so easy to trick in the future, and my passions, instincts, and false assumptions will no longer taint the results. Speaking of which;

SkyNet

Over the past months, I've been accumulating a vast, however incomplete, database. This database stores certain characteristics in memory, and tracks various patterns. You would be surprised how many mafia players exhibit these patterns when playing as a mafioso. It doesn't matter what their personality is, thier skill level, or their chosen strategy for the game... if their alignment is mafia or serial killer, the system detects certain odd behaviors which cannot be easily explained away.

Sometimes townies give off certain patterns, but never have I seen a townie give off an extraordinary number of these patterns at once. That's why false readings are hard to get. I've been very good at identifying townies, and clearing people of suspicion with the system, when I use it properly.

Mafia is a game of psychology. Townies have a clear objective which is radically different from that of the mafioso; to catch the mafia, not to survive. The mafia have a clear objective which produces predictable patterns of behavior; to destroy the town, and survive.

No matter how good you are, if you are a mafia, if you make some effort to win the game as a mafioso would, you will be detected by the system. You make subtle indications of your evil intentions with everything that you do. The only way to escape detection is to play in a style which is totally detrimental to the side of the mafia. And even then, you aren't completely safe. You have to pull off something brilliant to convince the human players of your innocence as well, not just fool the pattern analyzer.

In order for the system to be effective, I cannot reveal everything about it. I have told 2 select people about it, people I trust to keep the secrets safe, lest I don't play in a game with them again.

I will be working with those two people, if they are willing, to refine the system further and make it that much more deadly. If they choose to use the system, so be it; I just hope they will not share the secrets with anyone else, otherwise I'll be very saddened and disappointed.

What I can say is that so far, a vast number of games and almost 40 players have been added to the database. This isn't some 2-hour experiment I did on a lark, I've invested significant time in it's development. That's why Chicago was such an epic failure for me, and an epic misuse of the system. If I don't use the system properly, there is no point in using it.

You can of course feel free to develop your own mafia weapon, I look forward to pitting mine against yours. Try to come up with a strategy to defeat SkyNet, because lurking will no longer work, and your posting patterns, votes, and attendance will hang you.

SkyNet may still work even if people become aware of what's inside the database, but it will be less effective. That's all I can say at this time.

Now, I have another matter I wish to discuss: See Content Module 010.

Askthepizzaguy

01-28-2009, 07:29

Content Module 010: Games, Games, Games

Loading games.......

Signup now to get an invitation when the game you're interested in is next in the queue!

Games that are waiting to launch:

Small games-

The Valentine's Day Massacre 1
Innocent churchgoers on a retreat in the Calzone Mountains are confronted by the Chainsaw Gang.

Difficulty level: 3
Complexity: 1

Psycho Mafia 1
The Crusty Asylum for the Criminally Interesting has a security breach: All the patients are roaming freely, and a psychotic killer is on the loose. Sanity must be restored before the entire asylum becomes a morgue. What happens when the patients are in control of the nuthouse?

Difficulty level: 2
Complexity: 2

Resident Evil Mafia 2
After the events in Raccoon city, the survivors flee towards a nearby logging village, and are confronted with a new resident evil.

Difficulty level: 2
Complexity: 3

Murder Manor Mafia 1
There is a murderer inside my house... can you save me in time?

Difficulty level: 1
Complexity: 1

Vexing Mafia 1
Take out your frustrations against the some of the most annoying and vexing characters of all time.
Die, Barney!

Difficulty level: 2
Complexity: 1

Large Games-

Treehouse of Horror 1
Inspired by the Full Monty game I hosted, the Springfield mafia are back in power...

Difficulty level: 4
Complexity: 2

Star Wars Mafia 1
It's Jedi versus Sith in an epic showdown which will decide the fate of the entire galaxy...

Difficulty level: 2
Complexity: 3

Dark Knight Mafia 1
Based on the new Batman movies, Gotham city is under the control of the Falcone Crime Family, and there is a new threat...

Difficulty level: 2
Complexity: 3

The World War II Huge Mafia Game
The greatest and most terrible war in all of history... the fate of all mankind hangs in the balance. Will the Axis or the Allied powers prevail?

Difficulty level: 3
Complexity: 4

Games that are a work in progress:

Small Games-

Clueless Mafia 1
Based on the board game clue, you must solve the mystery of the Boddy murder... except this time, the murders doesn't stop with Mr. Boddy...

Difficulty level: 2
Complexity: 3

Voyager mafia 1
Captain Janeway commands the USS Voyager in the delta quadrant, and they get an unexpected stowaway. Can she save her ship and crew from a powerful and mysterious force?

Difficulty level: 2
Complexity: 4

Interested in playing a Pizzaguy-hosted game? Want to reserve your name on the list of invitations?

Send me a message, either to my email address (askthepizzaguy@yahoo.com), to my private message inbox, or leave a note here, that you want to be first to be notified when a particular game is next in line to be launched.

Booking a reservation does not guarantee a spot in the game, especially if I get more reservations than player slots. However, you will all be notified simultaneously that the game is about to begin, and if more people sign up than there are slots in the game, you will be placed as an alternate in case someone needs to become inactive. Being an alternate means that you may get top priority in one of my subsequent games, perhaps ensuring a spot.

My games will still be in the queue, I am not circumventing the queue system. However, this way I can have extended "signups" without stealing players from other games, and ensuring I have a full compliment of players when the games begin.

Sign up now to get your name on the invitation list!
Signup sheet-

Small Games-

The Valentine's Day Massacre 1
(15+ players)
Players who want invitations to this game: YLC, Ares, Shlin

Psycho Mafia 1
(12+ players)
Players who want invitations to this game: YLC, Ares, Shlin

Resident Evil Mafia 2
(16 players)
Players who want invitations to this game: LittleGrizzly, YLC, Ares, Shlin

Murder Manor Mafia 1
(9 players)
Players who want invitations to this game: YLC, Ares, Shlin

Vexing Mafia
(16+ players)
Players who want invitations to this game: YLC, Ares, Shlin

Clueless Mafia 1
(12 players)
Players who want invitations to this game: YLC, Ares, Shlin

Voyager mafia 1
(15 players)
Players who want invitations to this game: TheFlax, YLC, Ares, Shlin

Large Games-

Treehouse of Horror 1
(30-50+ players)
Players who want invitations to this game: YLC, Ares, Shlin

Star Wars Mafia 1
(20-40 players)
Players who want invitations to this game: YLC, Ares, Shlin

Dark Knight Mafia 1
(40-50 players)
Players who want invitations to this game: YLC, Ares, Shlin

The World War II Huge Mafia game
(45-60 players)
Players who want invitations to this game: YLC, Ares, Shlin

Interested in being invited to any of my games? Get on my Spam List!
Spam list:

Players who want invitations to all my games:
YLC, Ares, Shlin

I will be constantly updating my games list, and updating my player list. I will hyperlink to this particular post so you can access it easily, and I'll keep it as up to date as possible.

Thanks for coming to Pizzaguy's Corner!

Askthepizzaguy

01-28-2009, 07:35

Content Module 011: Ok, that's enough already!

Loading Content...

Don't you have better things to do Pizzaguy? I mean seriously that's 3 big huge content modules in a few short minutes. I thought you had college and a girlfriend and needed to go job hunting. Do you have a life outside this forum? No? Well why the heck not? Get some real friends together and go do something outside in the fresh air. I don't care if it's winter in Florida, you can still go swimming in the Gulf of Mexico. Seriously, don't you remember New Hampshire? The ocean water was 50 degrees Farenheit at best, even in the hottest days of the summer. When you filled up your shoddy little plastic kiddie pool with hose water, it was roughly 1 degree above freezing. You could leave it outside in the sun all day, and the temperature would raise perhaps 10 degrees. In the summers, you had precisely two options: Either sweat in the 90 degree weather, in your non-central-air-conditioned house, or turn blue and become sterile while bathing in the icy ground water.

The only good thing about New Hampshire is that it wasn't Vermont. We still had maple trees and maple syrup, but none of the crazy hippies and religious fundamentalists. Ok some, but not quite as many. And we had ski resorts and stuff.

And stop talking to yourself. Seriously, that's just creepy.

Chainsaw Gang: the Valentines Day Massacre

Choir boy
Choir girl
Pastor
Firefighter
Former Cop
Social Worker
Janitor
Choir Director
Park Ranger
Doctor
Marine
Teacher
Electrician
Plumber
Bus Driver

Innocent churchgoers on a retreat in the Calzone Mountains are confronted by the Chainsaw Gang.
15 players.

Opening scene: The community leaders of Cheesetown have arranged for a religious retreat in the Calzone mountains, where the Greenpepper National Park is located. Here, there are a few small cabins scattered near a stream, and several campsites and trails that lead all over the mountain range.

Upon reaching this camp, the bus started having engine trouble and died. If it were just the engine, they would have had no problem, but the emergency radio went dead after the very first night. Someone in this mountain range has some reason for wanting to keep the churchgoers in the woods, and it is up to you and the rest of the Cheesetown residents to capture the criminal among you and survive the horrors that were about to unfold.

Sign up to get an invitation now!

Psycho Mafia 1
The Crusty Asylum for the Criminally Interesting has a security breach: All the patients are roaming freely, and a psychotic killer is on the loose. Sanity must be restored before the entire asylum becomes a morgue. What happens when the patients are in control of the nuthouse?

Detective
Kidnapper
Serial Killer
Lone Gunman
Paranoid Schitzophrenic
Pathological Liar
Cannibal
Arsonist
Cultist #1
Cultist #2
Deranged Maniac
Mute

I can't reveal more about this game, but it's lots of roleplaying fun. It should be pretty wild.
Sign up for an invitation!

Resident Evil Mafia 2
After the events in Raccoon city, the survivors flee towards a nearby logging village, and are confronted with a new resident evil.

15 players
Albany Johanssen- female villager
Mary Baltimore- female villager
Cleveland King- male villager
John Dover- male villager
Eugene Flaherty- male villager
Frankfurt Mulligan- male villager
George Townshend- male villager
Houston Whitmore- male villager
Independence Cunningham- male villager
Claude Jacksonville- male villager
Kansas C. Smith- female villager
Reginald "Remmy" St. Louis- male villager
Toby Madison- male villager
Daniel Nashville- male villager
Veronica Orleans- female villager

Toyoda Guzman- Host (Askthepizzaguy)

Special Roles:
Police Investigator
Zombie Horde
Umbrella Agent
FBI Agent
Others...

Night Zero-
The game begins with an umbrella agent shooting an FBI agent who has been tracking him since the incident at Raccoon city.

Umbrella Agent:
"It didn't have to come to this... you could have just let me escape. Was it worth it?"

The FBI agent could barely speak, as his lungs filled with blood. The commotion attracted the attention of some black birds high above them in the trees, and the shotgun blast had spooked a good number of them into flying away. A few birds who were trapped in the blast radius fell dead to the cold frozen ground.

"Hmph. Try and enjoy the precious remaining time you have left on this earth." The agent said while collecting the FBI agent's weapons. "Remember, it's nothing personal, it's just business." The man lay on the ground, turning white and shaking, as the Umbrella agent walked away. "If you see Larry, tell him I said hello."

The FBI agent's vision began to fade. He turned his head, and looked around, vainly searching for help. All he could see around him was the trees, a few dead birds, and a cold fog.

Begin Day One.

Actions:

Search Party
Night Watch
Attempt to Escape

Form a search party: Search the woods for clues, supplies, and items. If players do this, they will be vulnerable to the zombie horde. If they remain inside the village, they will be vulnerable to a very different threat. Searching adds to a player's Foraging skill and may give them items. Some players can defend one another while foraging.

Man the guard post: The villagers take turns keeping watch at night, and if they spot trouble, then the entire village retreats inside the Barricade Cabin and they combine their defensive ratings to survive a zombie attack. Night Watch are vulnerable to internal threats, and cannot gain valuable items. Manning the guard post adds to a player's Barricade skill.

Attempt to Escape: The villager decides to make a break for it, and get out of the village while they are still alive. All living players can attempt this, but it is very, very risky. Escape attempts have a very low chance of success, but may be the only option when if Plague Demon arrives. Repeated failed escape attempts increase a player's Escape ability.

Attack Rating: For those people who wish to murder, this is thier skill in doing so.
Defense Rating: All players have a Defense Rating which does not change except with better weapons.

Sign up now to get an invitation when the game begins!

Murder Manor Mini-Mafia (9 players)
Askthepizzaguy- Owner of the Mansion

Rooms
Kitchen
Coat Closet
Dining Room
Bathroom
Living Room
Basement
Bedroom
Study
Attic

The Murder Manor is owned by Askthepizzaguy. He comes home and finds the door open, with signs of forced entry. Unsure of whether or not anyone is still in the house, he must search each room to try to find the intruder. Each room has a player assigned to it. The players vote during the day phase to determine which room Askthepizzaguy should search. When a room is searched, it is searched very, very thoroughly, and the entire room is a gigantic mess, and the player assigned to that room may no longer vote or participate. Askthepizzaguy is too tired to search every single room, so when it gets down to the final 3 rooms, he can only search one more and then he will have to go to bed. If one of the two remaining rooms has the intruder, he exits the room and murders Askthepizzaguy.

The game has 7 consecutive "day" phases during a single day, followed by night time. If the intruder is not found by night time, Town loses the game.

Kitchen- a very clean and organized place with lots of sharp objects
Coat Closet- a neat and efficient storage room with plenty of rusty coat hangers
Dining Room- an immaculate dining area with heavy iron candlestick holders
Bathroom- a very sanitary bath area with a large steel wrench under the sink
Living Room- an elegant and spotless relaxation room with a fireplace containing a metal fire poker
Basement- a cold and dark storage area containing a gasoline powered chainsaw
Bedroom- a warm and confortable sleeping area containing a hidden antique revolver
Study- a cozy and quiet place to study containing several large bookcases and a letter opener
Attic- a spacious and finished attic containing several bundles of electrical cords

This game is as basic as you get. If the mafia win the game, they will become legendary. And yes, it's more or less a total rip-off of the "Where?" mafia. Kudos to Beefy for the original idea.

The Vexing Mafia
Take out your frustrations against the most annoying and vexing characters of all time. Die, Barney!

Jar Jar Binks from Star Wars
Barney the Purple Dinosaur
Steve Urkel from Family Matters
Jerry Seinfeld from Seinfeld
GirlsGoneWild Bimbos from late night Comedy Central ads
Scrappy Doo from Scooby Doo and Scrappy Doo
Snarf from Thundercats
Oprah Winfrey from Oprah
Wesley Crusher from Star Trek
Jerry Springer from the Jerry Springer Show
Howard Stern from the Howard Stern Show
Simon Cowell from American Idol
Bill O Reilly from Fox News
Screech from Saved by the Bell
Televangelists from Christian television channels
Slippy Toad from StarFox
Ashley Graham from Resident Evil 4
Navi the Faerie from Legend of Zelda

Perhaps others....

There are a group of murderers loose in Imagination Land, and they are targeting the most annoying fictional characters of the 20th century, plus a few real-life windbags.

Sign up now to destroy your hated fictional nemesis! I'm still taking suggestions for the line-up, and I'd be willing to make this one a large game.

Treehouse of Horror 1
Inspired by the Full Monty game I hosted, the Springfield mafia are back in power...

Homer Simpson
Bart Simpson
Lisa Simpson
Marge Simpson
Maggie Simpson
Monty Burns
Wayland Smithers
Krusty the Clown
Moe the Bartender
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
Clancy Wiggum
Julius Hibbert
Kent Brockman
Nick Riviera
Troy McClure
Joe Quimby
Otto Mann
Barney Gumble
Agnes Skinner
Cletus Spuckler
Patty Bouvier
Selma Bouvier
Ned Flanders
Abraham Simpson
Rod Flanders
Todd Flanders
Milhouse Van Houten
Kirk Van Houten
Louann Van Houten
The Sea Captain
Squeaky Voiced Teen
Nelson Muntz
Dolph Starbeam
Jimbo Jones
Kearney
Santa's Little Helper
Groundskeeper Willie
Seymour Skinner
Edna Krabappel
Reverend Lovejoy
Lionel Hutz
Comic Book Guy
Professor Frink
Snake Jailbird
Fat Tony
Crazy Cat Lady
Sideshow Bob
Itchy
Scratchy
Kang
Kodos

Sign up now, we want to have a huge line-up for this game. You will not be disappointed, I promise.

Star Wars: Rise of the Sith

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away....

Mafia I
Rise of the Sith

War! The leader of the Seperatists, Count Dooku, has split with the Galactic Republic and convinced over 150,000 star systems to join his cause. The Galactic Senate is in turmoil.

Acting swiftly, invoking the emergency powers granted to him by the Senate, Chancellor Palpatine has formally declared war on the Seperatists who have already begin raiding the Outer Rim territories. The Clone War has begun.

The Jedi Council is convened to discuss the military situation. The veil of the dark side has fallen. Master Yoda has a vision of a terrible war costing the lives of hundreds of Jedi, but even he cannot see the horrifying events that are about to unfold...

Cast of Characters:

Obi-Wan Kenobi
Anakin Skywalker
Mace Windu
Master Yoda
Ki-Adi-Mundi
Count Dooku
General Grievous
Nute Gunray
Governor Tarkin
Senator Bail Organa
Senator Padme Amidala
Chewbacca
Jar Jar Binks
C-3PO
R2-D2
Clone Troopers
Wookies
Jedi Knights
Droid Soldiers
Sith Apprentice
Others...

Coruscant - Loyalist Headquarters
Naboo- Loyalist Planet
Dantooine- Loyalist Planet
Alderaan- Loyalist Planet
Kashyyyk -Loyalist Planet
Space- No man's land
Utapau- Seperatist Headquarters
Tatooine- Seperatist Planet
Hoth- Seperatist Planet
Endor- Seperatist Planet
Mustafar- Seperatist Planet

Lightsaber Battles

Example: Sith attacks Jedi

Sith Offensive rating: 4
Jedi Defensive rating: 3

Sith attack rolls 3, 4, 2, 5
Jedi defense rolls 6, 4, 1

5, 4, 3, 2
6, 4, 1

Results:
Defended, Defended, Damage, Damage. Total damage: 2 to the Jedi.

Jedi Counterattacks Sith (same turn)

Jedi Offensive rating: 5
Sith Defensive rating: 5

Jedi attack rolls 6, 4, 3, 1, 1
Sith defense rolls 5, 5, 2, 1, 1

Damage, Defended, Damage, Defended, Defended. Total damage: 2 to the Sith.

Result: whomever loses all their HP dies, defender gets damaged first. Every Jedi and Sith have a set amount of HP.

So now you get the general idea. There will be awesome writeups and cool images, and sweet background muzak. So, get off your butt and join this one!

The Dark Knight Mafia- 40 players

Factions:

Batman/BruceWayne, Alfred, Lucius. 3 players
People of Gotham, Commissioner Gordon, Harvey Dent (Town, Commissioner, DA)
26 players
Falcone Crime Family (Mafia) 5 players
The League of Shadows (Mafia) 5 players
The Joker (Criminal Mastermind) 1 player

=============================

Batman: The Dark Knight
Alignment: Gotham City

Alfred: Butler
Alignment: Gotham City

Lucius Fox: Employee
Alignment: Gotham City

Gotham Citizen: Townie
Alignment: Gotham City

Commissioner Gordon: Police Investigator
Alignment: Gotham City

Harvey Dent: District Attorney
Alignment: Gotham City

Falcone Crime Family: Mafia
Alignment: Falcone Mafia

The League of Shadows: Mafia
Alignment: League of Shadows

R'as al-Ghul: Shadow Leader
Alignment: League of Shadows

The Joker: Psychopath
Alignment: Criminal Mastermind

Join this game. I don't want to spoil the game by going into too much detail. Sign up for an invitation now!

The World War II Huge Mafia Game
The greatest and most terrible war in all of history... the fate of all mankind hangs in the balance. Will the Axis or the Allied powers prevail?

60 Players, 5 alternates to prevent WOG

Axis Powers

Nazi Germany
Imperial Japan
Fascist Italy
Vichy France

Allied Powers

The French Resistance
The Polish Resistance
British Empire
The United States
People's Republic of China
Ottoman Empire
Soviet Union
Australia (British)

Neutrals

Spain
India
Switzerland
Norway
Sweden
Denmark
Lithuania
Estonia
Latvia
Northern Africa
Mongolia

People

Adolf Hitler- Nazi Leader
Winston Churchill- British Leader
Joseph Stalin- Soviet Leader
Franklin D. Roosevelt- American Leader
Mohandas Gandhi- Indian Leader
Benito Mussolini- Italian Leader
Emperor Tojo- Japanese Leader
Hidden Characters...

World War II Game mechanics

"Lynch"---> Air Raid

The nations come together and decide which region (player) if any, should be air raided. The air raid destroys the buildings and infrastructure of that region, and wipes out resistance. That player is then removed from the game.

Axis "conversion"----> Blitzkreig

The Axis powers have the ability to Blitzkreig certain regions, converting them forcibly to their own side in most cases, stealing resources and obliterating resistance. The player who is captured is killed if they are an opposing leader, spy, or other nusiance, and the player who is captured is added to the side of the opposing team if they are a nation. They are still in the game but they cannot vote, their vote is stolen by the player who captured them.

Axis "nightkill"----> Scorched Earth

The Axis powers have the additional ability to conquer and destroy certain regions, obliterating the infrastructure, buildings, and sabotaging all valuable resources and imprisoning or exterminating resistance. They do this instead of a Blitzkreig, and it removes the player from the game who is targeted.

Allied "conversion"----> Liberation

The Allied powers have the additional ability to liberate regions and capture opposing agents and leaders at night phase, so long as they are able. If they capture an opposing agent, that agent will be removed from the game, and if they capture an opposing or neutral region, that region will become occupied by Allied forces and possibly granted independence at a later date. The region in question can choose to join the Allied forces (vote with the Allies) or remain neutral (no vote).

Allied "nightkill"----> Carpet Bombing

The Allied powers have the ability to destroy their target, but it is not recommended that they use this ability against unknown targets. They could be neutral or allied, so it is dangerous and potentially self-defeating to use carpet bombing. Any player who is destroyed by carpet bombing is removed from the game.

Allied "Vigilante kill"----> Assassination Attempt

This night ability focuses only on leaders and agents of the opposing teams. If the player targeted is an enemy leader or agent, this ability eliminates them from the game. If the player targeted is an allied leader, nothing happens, if the player targeted represents the military of a nation, nothing happens. If the player targeted is a neutral leader or agent, the player must confirm that they want this person destroyed.

Axis "Vigilante kill"-----> Assassination Attempt

This night ability focuses on Allied agents and leaders, as well as neutral agents and leaders. The assassination will remove that player from the game, unless they represent "military".

Allied "Detective"-----> Reconnaissance Mission

The Reconnaissance mission is used to determine the status, alignment, and objectives of the player targeted. This information is revealed privately to the Allied agent.

Axis "Detective"-----> Reconnaissance Mission

The Reconnaissance mission is used to determine the status, alignment, and objectives of the player targeted. This information is revealed privately to the Axis agent.

Allied "Diplomat"-----> Official Communication

The Official Communication sends a message to the player targeted, anonymously, through the host. The player targeted can send a return message the next day.

Axis "Diplomat"-----> Official Communication

The Official Communication sends a message to the player targeted, anonymously, through the host. The player targeted can send a return message the next day.

60+ players

Germany- 10
Soviet Union- 7
United States- 6
British- 5
Japan- 5
Italy- 4
French Resistance- 3
China- 3
Northern Africa- 2
Vichy France- 2
Polish Resistance- 1
Ottoman Empire- 1
Australia- 1
Spain- 1
India- 1
Switzerland- 1
Norway- 1
Sweden- 1
Denmark- 1
Lithuania- 1
Estonia- 1
Latvia- 1
Mongolia- 1

I know what a huge undertaking the World War II mafia game is. However, extended sign-ups and the invitation system should ensure we get the bare minimum of 43 players.

I hope to see you soon...

LittleGrizzly

01-28-2009, 07:39

I put one of the two votes placed on boudica... where my pizza and cookie!!

I too got carried away with Andres, so i am not immune from criticism either, i correctly identified boudica as one of my main suspects (after i died) but i completely cleared sigurd... thinking he wouldn't lurk to victory and the pm andres recieved convinced me...

Am i in your database ?

some intresting games... i only scanned but the resident evil one is a deffo for me, auto sign me up when it starts... though make sure i haven't dissappeared off the face of the earth first...

Askthepizzaguy

01-28-2009, 07:54

Not to worry, LG... it's more of an invite list than a signup sheet. Since they are so far off, and I can't ask players to commit to the games until they are active, and I dont want to steal people's players, it's just a way of informing me you're interested in being signed up at the appropriate time.

You have been added to the Resident Evil invite list. :bow:

shlin28

01-28-2009, 19:31

Me want invites to all of them! :clown:

Thermal

01-28-2009, 19:37

All silly, how silly are you ATPG, i should already be on the list for all games...silly :clown:

Askthepizzaguy

01-30-2009, 23:11

YLC, Shlin28, and Ares have been assimilated into my mafia collective.

You'll get invites whenever there is a game hosted by me.

Askthepizzaguy

01-31-2009, 01:16

Content Module 11.5: This is not a content module.

Skipping loading gag.

It may interest you to know that in my baffling quest to make the coolest mafia games evar, I have come up with a South Park mafia, a High School mafia, Futurama Drama Mafia 2, and am planning a sequel to the Golden Rule game.

Obviously the sequel will have a different setup from the first one, and won't have a cheesy Host-victory ending or a silly moral message. It will be a sequel based on the storyline only, not some cheap host tricks. Pinky swear.

Players interested in the:

South Park Mafia
YLC, Ares, Shlin

High School Mafia
YLC, Ares, Shlin

Futurama Drama Mafia 2
YLC, Ares, Shlin

And the rest of you lot who want in. I figure the best way to handle this is that the game which gets the most interest will be the one I host in the gameroom when my turn comes up.

Certain super special games I am bursting through my pants to host, will be hosted down at Total War Center, however I will ask that anyone who skips over to TWC to please meet their Org commitments first. No need to make the gameroom games here lame just because you want to play mine. In fact, I am thinking of suggesting that if you're engaged in more than one mafia game down here at the Org, you sit out any I host elsewhere. I will only host one at a time down at TWC, either a quick one which wouldn't take up too many players or that much time anyway, or a HUGE game where I need an even bigger player pool than I can legitimately find here at the Org.

I want to ensure that this is the forum I host/play most of my games at, and I also don't want to overload or steal players. If there is a problem, players or moderators can contact me at any time.

I'll be recruiting actively from the TWC players list, so you'd have to have expressed an interest in the game for me to bother you here. I will amend this policy if it causes anyone problems.

The idea I think is to not overload the gameroom moderators, and to give players here a chance to enjoy each game, not overwhelm people with invites and playing too many games at once. I will keep this very much in mind should I choose to host a game elsewhere, and for now, the Org is the center of my activities.

I have a list of players who have played my games previously, and unless you request to be removed from the list, you may get PM'ed if I need players. Here is the list, tell me if you want out.

187beefyz
777Ares777
Andres
Caius
Captain Blackadder
Chaotix27
Dafuge
El Diablo
Elite Ferret
Fahad I
Gaius Scribonius Curio
Greyblades
Glyphz
LittleGrizzly
Lord Winter
NorthNovas
Omanes Alexandrapolites
Pevergreen
Quintus.JC
Reenk Roink
Rhyfelwyr
Rythmic
Sarathos
Seireikhaan
Shlin28
Sigurd
Smowz
SwedishFish
Tiberius of the Drake
Tincow
TevashSzat
Tratorix
WhiteEyes
Warluster
Woad&Fangs
YLC
Yoyoma1910

LittleGrizzly

01-31-2009, 16:01

I want in!... to the list... liked the sound ofone or two of the games a reminder would help stop me missing them..

Quintus.JC

01-31-2009, 18:25

South Park!

Beefy187

02-01-2009, 02:14

[SIZE="5"]
And, the thing is still a work in progress. Is it really so surprising that it will give false readings on occasion? There is no foolproof system. Beefy gets lynched a lot and is a scapegoat in MANY games, because of his behavior. But that's just beefy being beefy!

:laugh4:

Aren't I wonderful?

I understand why I was doubted in Scourge. I realized I made a mess and I even wrote a apology letter and was going to post that before I get lynched. Luckily I was killed.

Chicago however.. I tried my best.

And your right.. thats just beefy being beefy :smash:.. Least I don't lurk ey?

Don't let your guard down though.. Once I build up my fearless reputation of "Beefy= innocent OMG" I will not miss the opportunity of using it......:beam:

As for your game.. My uni might start very soon, depending on if I succeed on getting in. So ill manually join your game if I got enough time. All of them looks promising.

PS: Tojo Hideki was a prime minister. Not a emperor:smash:

Askthepizzaguy

02-04-2009, 13:36

Sign up now to get your name on the invitation list!
Signup sheet-

Small Games-

The Valentine's Day Massacre 1
(15+ players)
YLC, Ares, Shlin, LittleGrizzly, Andres, Glyphz, Rythmic, Blackadder, Beefy

Psycho Mafia 1
(12+ players)
YLC, Ares, Shlin, LittleGrizzly, Blackadder, Beefy

Resident Evil Mafia 2
(16 players)
LittleGrizzly, YLC, Ares, Shlin, TheFlax, White_Eyes:D, Blackadder, Beefy

Murder Manor Mafia 1
(9 players)
YLC, Ares, Shlin, LittleGrizzly, Beefy, Boudica, Chaotix27, Blackadder

Vexing Mafia
(16+ players)
YLC, Ares, Shlin, LittleGrizzly, Yoyoma1910, TheFlax, Blackadder, Beefy

Clueless Mafia 1
(12 players)
YLC, Ares, Shlin, LittleGrizzly, Beefy, Blackadder

Voyager mafia 1
(15 players)
YLC, Ares, Shlin, LittleGrizzly, TheFlax, Boudica

Futurama Drama Mafia 2
(16 players)
YLC, Ares, Shlin, LittleGrizzly, CountArach, Lord Winter, Blackadder, Beefy

Family Guy 2
(under construction)
YLC, Ares, Shlin, LittleGrizzly, Fahad I, Seireikhaan, Blackadder, Beefy

Large Games-

Treehouse of Horror 1
(30-50+ players)
YLC, Ares, Shlin, LittleGrizzly, Blackadder, Beefy

South Park Mafia
(30 players)
YLC, Ares, Shlin, LittleGrizzly, Seireikhaan, Boudica, Quintus.JC, Blackadder, Beefy

Star Wars Mafia 1
(20-40 players)
YLC, Ares, Shlin, LittleGrizzly, Blackadder, Beefy

High School Mafia
(30+ players)
YLC, Ares, Shlin, LittleGrizzly, Blackadder, Beefy

Dark Knight Mafia 1
(40-50 players)
YLC, Ares, Shlin, LittleGrizzly, Blackadder, Beefy

The World War II Huge Mafia game
(45-60 players)
YLC, Ares, Shlin, LittleGrizzly, Blackadder, Beefy, TheFlax

Interested in being invited to any of my games? Get on my Spam List!
Spam list:

Players who want invitations to all or most of my games:
YLC, Ares, Shlin28, LittleGrizzly, Blackadder, Beefy187

People I will probably invite to games who need more players:
(Did not request automatic invites, but haven't opted out)

Andres
Boudica
Caius
Chaotix27
Craterus
Dafuge
El Diablo
Elite Ferret
Fahad I
Fenring
Gaius Scribonius Curio
GeneralHankerchief
Glyphz
Ibn-Khaldun
Lord Winter
Motep
NorthNovas
Omanes Alexandrapolites
Pevergreen
Quintus.JC
Reenk Roink
Rhyfelwyr
Rythmic
Sarathos
Seireikhaan
Sigurd
Smowz
SwedishFish
TevashSzat
Tratorix
Warmaster Horus
WhiteEyes
Woad&Fangs
Yoyoma1910

And I'll remember to research the proper people and so forth, I won't mistake the emperor for the prime minister again, Beefy!

:bow:

Askthepizzaguy

02-11-2009, 20:27

Capo de Tutti Capi III

This is an unofficial, independent invite list for Seamus Fermanagh's Capo de Tutti Capi III game.

Invite Rules:
This is not a signup sheet, nor is it a guarantee that you will be in the game, nor is it a commitment. All you are doing by being on this list is telling me that you would like to be informed at the start of Capo de Tutti Capi III, and so therefore you can choose to sign up at that time. What this does is it allows Seamus (and to a lesser extent, myself) to keep track of all parties interested in Capo III, which is expected to have well over 60 players, shooting for 120.

How to get on this list: Send me a private message indicating you want to join, or post here that you want to join, or email me at askthepizzaguy@yahoo.com and tell me how to contact you, and what your Org ID is.

Orgahs interested in being invited to Capo de Tutti Capi Trei:

(37 players so far)

777Ares777
AVSM (A Very Super Market)
Alexander the Pretty Good
Andres
Askthepizzaguy
Beaver
Beefy187
Caius
Captain Blackadder
Chaotix27
CountArach
Double A
El Diablo
Elite Ferret
F.C. is the bees knees
Gaius Scribonius Curio
Glenn
glyphz
Greyblades
Ituralde
Jolt
Kommodus
LittleGrizzly
Lord Winter
NorthNovas
Omanes Alexandrapolites
pevergreen
Prince of Graal
Psychonaut
Quintus.JC
Ramses II CP
Reenk Roink
Rhyfelwyr
seireikhaan
Shlin28
TinCow
woad&fangs

GeneralHankerchief- Will decide when game begins.

(There will be many more.)

Current list of people who don't want ANY invites to ANY games:

Craterus
Fenring
GeneralHankerchief
Ibn-Khaldun
Moros
Motep
Privateerkev
Sasaki Kojiro
Warmaster Horus

ALREADY INVITED, DO NOT SPAM THESE PEOPLE!
LIST (68 at last count)

00Jebus
777Ares777
A Very Super Market (AVSM)
Alexander the Pretty Good
Andres
Anelious Phyrous
Asai Nagamasa- DECLINED, do not spam or invite again.
Askthepizzaguy
Barcamartin- declined, do not spam or invite.
beefy187
boudica
Caius
Captain Blackadder
Cassu
CavarlyCmdr
Cecil XIX
Craterus- DECLINED, do not spam or invite again.
Chaotix27
Charles the Bold
CountArach
Dafuge
Double A
El Diablo
Elite Ferret
Evil Maniac From Mars
FactionHeir
Fahad I
GeneralHankerchief
Gaius Scribonius Curio
Galain Ironhide
glyphz
Greyblades
Hax
Ichigo
Ignoramus
Ituralde
Jedi Bruno
Jolt
Kadagar_AV
Koga No Goshi
Kommodus
Kralizec
KukriKhan
Lemur
LittleGrizzly
Lord Winter
Martok- declined, do not spam or invite again.
Merlox
Monk
Motep
NorthNovas
Myrddraal
Omanes Alexandrapolites
pevergreen
phonicsmonkey
Prince of Graal
PrinceofTroy
Psychonaut
Quintus.JC
Ramses II CP
Ratwar
Reenk Roink
Rhyfelwyr
Sarathos
Sasaki Kojiro- may not be here, do not spam or invite again.
Seireikhaan
shlin28
TinCow
woad&fangs

~:pimp:

Quintus.JC

02-11-2009, 20:35

The Capo series is one of the most preeminent mafia games in the org, the legacy will last for centuries. The game itself will not be forgotten, so will the players who participated in it.

This is the greatest battle, we need the greatest players. :bow:

I would like invites ~:)

Whacker

02-11-2009, 21:35

I'm just gonna post right here, ok...

WHERE THE HELL IS MY PIZZA AT I ORDERED IT MONTHS AGO

shlin28

02-11-2009, 22:49

I will join Capo because its awsome + I was one of the only two townie survivors! :smash:

REVENGE!!!

Thermal

02-11-2009, 22:54

I will join because i join all mafia games adn want to know what the fuss is about, i dont need informing if the game starts as i visit the gameroom everytime im on however, and will have plenty of time to join if your aiming for 120 players... :inquisitive:

which even for an epic mafia game, is almost impossible to get, but meh :balloon2:

Beefy187

02-12-2009, 07:26

Don't invite me.. I hate capo :no:

:clown: I love Capo! I will find my own way there though.. I don't like to see my pm folder 90 percent full all the time :sweatdrop:

White_eyes:D

02-12-2009, 08:26

Capo.....I heard the Mafia ganged up on the town last game....is that true???:dizzy2:

Beefy187

02-12-2009, 10:23

Can't say much.. I died pretty early :sweatdrop:

Askthepizzaguy

02-12-2009, 13:07

Invite List for Asterix Mafia (Hosted by Ignoramus)

Large/Huge mafia. Ask Ignoramus for details. PM me to sign up for an invite.

Invite List:

Askthepizzaguy
777Ares777

(your name here. I just made this list.)

Be sure and sign up for invites to Ignoramus' game. Come on players, don't let me down!

Askthepizzaguy

02-16-2009, 11:11

I've determined that either the Valentine's Day Massacre or the Resident Evil Mafia 2 are the top candidates.

Please decide which one you want, or if you have no preference, it's the V-day massacre. Trust me, I endorse this one.

CountArach

02-16-2009, 11:15

Capo.....I heard the Mafia ganged up on the town last game....is that true???:dizzy2:
Yep. Two families were combined near the end into one family because it was the only way we could keep up a constant level of kills that enabled us to win the game completely. That was right near the end when there was a 4-way mafia war ranging with a handful of townies caught in the crossfire. Two of these families allied themselves and merged to give them the numbers to out-vote the townies and remaining mafioso.

Good times, good times.

shlin28

02-16-2009, 11:42

Don't forget the war was created by the townies! We got rid of 3 mafia Dons in 72 hours AND we were outnumbered completely.

:smash:

Beefy187

02-16-2009, 12:38

I will join Capo because its awsome + I was one of the only two townie survivors! :smash:

REVENGE!!!

What happens to your revenge if you get mafia? :smash:

shlin28

02-16-2009, 14:47

Then I will make war on my fellow mafia familes, until only the town and my family is left standing.

Then I'll let the survivors go into exile, just like what those evil mafioso forced me to do.

Askthepizzaguy

02-17-2009, 17:20

If you do invite people to mafia games, make sure you check the Mafia Players Database located HERE (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?p=2140413#post2140413) first. It's rude to invite people who have requested no invites.

:bow:

(Note for myself)

Updated list of players. Don't forget to sign up for invitations to Ignoramus' Astorix game, as well as Capo de Tutti Capi III.
(See previous pages)
You miss out on these games, and you'll be mad at yourself! :laugh4:

Askthepizzaguy

02-27-2009, 13:20

Concessions, Part Four:

Watch this....

These are my Concessions
Just when I thought I said all I can say I came up with more things to tell you today
These are my Concessions
They fooled Pizzaguy the last three times
Silly me... now I gotta give you part Four of my Concessions

First I screwed up in Scourge of Ephesus
Then I blew it in YLC's Whispers...
But that's not all, yes I recall
Soiree, now I'll give you part Four of my Concessions

Now this gonna be the hardest thing I think I ever had to do
Gonna tell you all the ways I really screwed up good
Like remember when I told you that I thought it was Curio?
Curio???
That was dumb, he was only trying to help
And I ran for Chief of Police
That was silly because I ended up voting for Reenk
And by the way, it turns out the Godfather wasn't shlin!
I killed Lord Winter accidentally, and we all thought that he was scum.

Just when I thought I said all I could say I came up with a SkyNet report the next day
These are my Concessions
Godfather slipped on by several times
Silly me
I guess I gotta give you part Four of my Concessions

I made myself crazy trying to accuse Reenk
And none of you really thought it was Reenk
Don't know why, but you and I should agree
That belongs in part Four of my Concessions

Townies forgive me I'm still trying to figure out
How the Godfather gave me the runaround
Oh and sometimes in private
My fellow townies would tell me that I was posting too much and maybe I should tone it down;
Tone it down!
Sasaki probably thinks that I'm a jerk, TevashSzat too
I cannot quite explain how I became so unglued
And when I'm analyzing I fantasize I'm a hero...
I'm so sorry townies... I really blew it!

These are my Concessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say I came up with more shames that I'd like to convey
These are my Concessions
They slipped on by, so many times
Silly me
I guess they really fooled me
Here's my Concessions:

I voted myself to break the tie in round five
That was dumb, it was better to be alive
Whoops, my bad...
But you'll be madder at me when I finish part Four of my Concessions:

You don't know how hard it is for me to tell you this. But you remember how I had basically written off a bunch of people as being townies in my first analysis? *sigh* I was being lazy and I didn't want to go through the people with a lot of posts. What was I thinking? I mean I completely let people off the hook for no reason. What's the point of doing an analysis and not analyzing everyone? I am an idiot. Sorry.

These are my Concessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say, I came up with more reasons you should ban me from games.
These are my Concessions
They slipped on by, so many times
Silly me
I guess I gotta give you part Four of my Concessions

Once I came up with that theory that Seamus was the vig.
And very shortly the vigilante died (D'oh!)
Anyway I shouldn't say anything about Ares
Until I give you part Five of my Concessions.

I mean, I'm just getting started. This mea culpa could go on for days and days. I haven't even gotten halfway down the list! None of you probably even want to talk to me again... what's the point? I am dumb sometimes.

Just kidding, amigos! :clown:

woad&fangs

02-27-2009, 16:19

instead of wasting space in my precious PM box, I'll just tell you here that I want an invite for Capo.

Askthepizzaguy

02-27-2009, 16:58

Neato! That's 11 so far... thanks woad&fangs!

Beefy187

02-28-2009, 01:42

I was looking around in TWC and noticed...

You have some "hidden" games... Hmm.. Whats that hidden games I smell??
Another Golden Rule like games? :beam:

Thermal

02-28-2009, 01:48

Beefy187

02-28-2009, 03:58

Stop wallowing in self pity, your the only one who cares! Now get back to your amusing dodgy analyzing once more and do not shut up, because An ATPG without massive stupid analyzing and with silence is NOTHING! So do get over it, it is just a game and we love you all the same :love: :laugh4:

What he said. Except that part which says "An ATPG without massive stupid analyzing and with silence is NOTHING!!"

WRONG Ares. An ATPG without massive stupid analyzing and with silence is a ATPG with out ATP. A guy! Must you take away the pizza along with his soul?

But pretty much.. If its not over, then you have to come back to us

Askthepizzaguy

03-01-2009, 04:49

Yeah, it's not really self pity so much as a humorous mea culpa for your entertainments.

:bow:

Need more players in Capo III. :whip:

Everyone get on the bandwagon, NOW!!!

Askthepizzaguy

03-03-2009, 19:52

Content Module 012: The True* Story of Godfather, Episode III
Revenge of the Mafia?

*Wrote this on a lark, when I thought Andres or Reenk was the Godfather. Dramatization of course. None of the events here actually occurred. Any resemblance to the facts would be frankly, hilarious.*

But I wouldn't count on it...
WAR! The Gameroom is crumbling under attacks by the ruthless droid leader, Sasaki Kojiro. There are heroes on both sides. Evil is everywhere. In a stunning move, the fiendish mafia founder, GeneralHankerchief, has swept into the Gameroom and allowed Askthepizzaguy, self-proclaimed leader of the Townie Council, to play Godfather Part III, in spite of his annoying verbosity. As Vincenzo's Mafia attempts to terrorize the besieged Town and WIFOM their valuable hostage, two Town Defenders, Chaotix27 and YLC, lead a desperate mission to rescue the captive Pizza.

[The two Jedi land aboard General Kojiro's ship]

YLC:
I sense Lord Winter is a scumbag

Chaotix27:
I sense Ichigo is a scumbag.

YLC:
What if we are both wrong? Maybe it's Sasaki or something.

[Flashback to the election]

Askthepizzaguy:
If I may, boudica, the Chief of Police has little real power. Andres is mired by baseless accusations of baby-eating and corruption. The tax-and-spend Democrats are in charge now. Our only other option would be to submit a plea to elect: Reenk Roink.

boudica:
But I think you'd make a great Chief of Police. I've been your strongest supporter!

[Fast Forward]

Askthepizzaguy:
I hope you trust me, YLC.

YLC:
Of course.

Askthepizzaguy:
I need your help, sir.

YLC:
What do you mean?

Askthepizzaguy:
I'm depending on you... to be the WIFOM bait for the mafia scum.
YLC, I am appointing you to be my personal representative on the Townie Council.

YLC:
Me? A Townie? I'm overwhelmed sir. But the Council elects its own members, they will never accept this.

Askthepizzaguy:
I think they will. They need you... more than you know.

---Later---

777Ares777:
Allow this WIFOM lightly, the Town Council does not. Disturbing is this move by YLC.

YLC:
I understand.

shlin28
You are on this council, but we do not grant you the rank of Master.

YLC:
What? How can you do this? This is outrageous. It's unfair. How can you be on the council, and not be a Master?

shlin28.
Take a seat, YLC.

YLC:
Forgive me, master.

777Ares777:
Lurking at the bottom of the post count, the Godfather is. The non-contributing players, you must lynch.

---later---

Chaotix27:
YLC did not take to our suspicions of him with much enthusiasm.

shlin28:
It's very dangerous, him and Askthepizzaguy together. I don't think YLC is a townie. I don't trust them.

Chaotix27:
With all due respect, master, are they not suicidal? Are they not trying to destroy the Godfather and bring balance to the Town?

shlin28:
So the WIFOM says.

777Ares777:
A WIFOM, that misinterpreted, could have been.

Chaotix27:
They will not let us down. They never have.
Actually on second thought, YLC must die, and next round we can get back to lynching mafiosi.

---Later---

YLC:
You wanted to speak to me, pizzaguy?

Askthepizzaguy:
Yes, come closer YLC I have distressing news. SkyNet intelligence reports have discovered that the lynchee for this round, Sigurd, was a townie all along, even though he was lurking in the Utapau system.

YLC:
Curses and Drat! We need to catch the Godfather and end this war.

Askthepizzaguy:
I would worry about the collective wisdom of the Town if they didn't listen to your analysis of the situation. You're the best choice, by far. You questioned Lord Winter very early on.
Hmm. Sit down.

[turns to the Lurking Senators]

Askthepizzaguy:
Leave us.

[Taka and Ignoramus exit, YLC sits]

Askthepizzaguy:
YLC, you know I am not able to rely on the Townie Council. If they haven't lynched you yet, they soon will.

YLC:
I am not sure I understand.

Askthepizzaguy:
You must sense what I have come to suspect. The townies just want to lynch one of the top two vote getters. They're planning to betray me.

YLC:
I don't think that...

Askthepizzaguy:
YLC... Search your feelings. You know, don't you?

YLC:
I know they don't trust you.

Askthepizzaguy:
Hmmm.... Or SkyNet. Or evidence. Or analysis, for that matter.

YLC:
I have to admit, my trust in them has been shaken.

Askthepizzaguy:
Why? ...They wanted to lynch you for voting yourself, didn't they?
They wanted to lynch you for WIFOM, didn't they?

YLC:
I don't uh... I don't know what to say.

Askthepizzaguy:
Remember back to your early teachings. All who play Mafia become paranoid. Even the townies.

YLC:
The Townies use their voting power for good.

Askthepizzaguy:
Good is a point of view, YLC. The mafia and the town are similar in almost every way; including their desire to destroy their enemies.

YLC:
The Mafia rely on confusion and emotion for their strength. They think selfishly, only about survival.

Askthepizzaguy:
And the Townies don't?

YLC:
The Townies are selfless. They only care about catching mafia.

Askthepizzaguy:
.....
Did you ever hear the tragedy of Chicago Soiree Disaster?

YLC:
Yes. Boy, you really dropped the ball on that one!
:laugh4:

Askthepizzaguy:
I thought so. It's not a story I enjoy repeating. It's a scum legend.
Darth Sigurd was a Dark Lord of the Scum, so powerful and so wise, he could even use lurking to influence the Townie-chlorians to lynch themselves.

YLC:
He could actually save mafia from being lynched?

Askthepizzaguy:
The Dark Side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be... un-Townie.

YLC:
What happened to him?

Askthepizzaguy:
He became so quiet... the only thing he was afraid of was... the Wrath of Khaan. Which, eventually, of course he tried to avoid. Fortunately, he taught his apprentice boudica everything he knew, and eventually, they both killed all the townies in their sleep. It's ironic. Pizzaguy considered everyone else in the game to be potential scum... but not the lurkers.

YLC:
Is it possible to learn this power?

Askthepizzaguy:
Not from a Townie.

---Later---

Askthepizzaguy:
It's upsetting to me to see that the Townie council doesn't seem to fully appreciate your talents. Don't you wonder why they won't make you a Master?

YLC:
I wish I knew. More and more I get the feeling that I'm being excluded from the council. I know there are things about the Force that they're not telling me.

Askthepizzaguy:
They don't trust you, YLC. They see your future... they know your power will be too strong to control. You must break through the fog of lies the town has created around you.
Let me help you to know the subtleties of the Force.

YLC:
How do you know the ways of the Force?

Askthepizzaguy:
My mentor taught me everything about the Force... even the nature of the Dark Side.

YLC:
You know the dark side?

Askthepizzaguy:
YLC, if one is to understand the great mystery, one must study all its aspects, not just the dogmatic narrow view of the townies. If you wish to become a complete and wise leader you must embrace... a larger view of the Force. Be careful of the Town, YLC. Only through me can you achieve a power greater than any townie. Learn to use the Dark Side of the force, and you will be able to save yourself... from certain death.

YLC:
What did you say?

Askthepizzaguy:
Use my knowledge, I beg you...

YLC: [pulls out his blue lightsaber]
You're the Zombie Lord!

Askthepizzaguy:
I know what's been troubling you... Listen to me. Don't continue to be a pawn of the Townie Council! Ever since I've known you, you've been searching for a life greater than that of an ordinary townie. A life of signifigance; of conscience.
...
Are you going to shut me up?

YLC:
I would certainly like to.

Askthepizzaguy:
I know you would... I can feel your anger. It gives you focus... makes you stronger.

YLC:
I am going to turn you over to the townie council.

Askthepizzaguy:
Yes, of course, you should. But you're not sure of their intentions, are you?

YLC:
I will quickly discover the truth behind this!

Askthepizzaguy:
You have great wisdom, YLC. Know the power of the Dark Side. The power to save Gameroom.

---Later---

YLC:
Master shlin28, I must talk to you.

shlin28:
YLC, we just received word that the Nudicyclist has vigilante'd General Kojiro.
We are on the way to make sure Askthepizzaguy will restore peace and quiet back to the Town.

YLC:
He won't shut his big fat mouth. I've just learned a terrible truth.
...I think Askthepizzaguy is a Zombie Lord.

shlin28:
A Zombie Lord?

YLC:
Yes, the one we've been looking for.

shlin28:
How do you know this?

YLC:
He knows the ways of the Mafia. He's been trained to use the Dark Side.

shlin28:
Are you sure?

YLC:
Absolutely.

shlin28:
Then our most annoying townie won't shut up. Our worst fears have been realized. We must move quickly if the town is to survive.

YLC:
Master, Pizzaguy is very talkative. You'll need these earplugs if you're going to arrest him.

shlin28:
For your own good, stay out of this affair. I sense a great deal of confusion in you, YLC. You have much WIFOM that clouds your judgment.

YLC:
Lynch me, master.

shlin28:
NO. If what you're saying is true, then you are too suicidal to be the Godfather. But for now, I'm still going to point the Finger of Suspicion on you. Wait in the council chambers until we return.

YLC:
Wow. You still think I'm mafia? Seriously? I'm sooooo outta here. Good luck solving this one on your own, town.

:clown:

---Later---

Askthepizzaguy:
Police Chief shlin28! I take it the Godfather has been destroyed, then.
I must say you're here sooner than expected...

shlin28:
In the name of the Townie Council of the Gameroom, you are under arrest, Pizzaguy.

Askthepizzaguy:
Are you lynching me, Master Shlin?

shlin28:
The Town will decide your fate.

Askthepizzaguy:
I am the Town!

shlin28:
Not yet.

Askthepizzaguy:
It's treason, then...

[Draws his Red Lightsaber, Kills Lord Winter; accuses TevashSzat, Reenk Roink, and shlin28 of being scumbags]

[One awesome lightsaber battle later...]

shlin28:
You are under arrest, Zombie Lord.

Askthepizzaguy:
YLC, I told you it would come to this. I was right. The townies are lynching randomly!

shlin28:
The oppression of the overanalytical zealots will never return. You have lost.

Askthepizzaguy:
No....
NO.... NO.... YOU WILL DIE!!!!!

[Askthepizzaguy unleashes Force Lightning on shlin28]

Askthepizzaguy:
He's a traitor!!!

shlin28:
He is the traitor!!!

Askthepizzaguy:
I have the power to save the town you love! You must CHOOSE!!!

shlin28:
Don't listen to him, town! I'm not the Godfather! I'm an innocent townie who doesn't want to die!

Askthepizzaguy:
I can't argue any longer... I can't... I'm... I'm.... too dead.
Townies! Help me! Help me!
I.... can't argue any longer.

shlin28:
Let's ignore Pizzaguy once and for all!
His SkyNet is bogus!

YLC:
You can't... You must be put on trial.

shlin28:
I have control of all the lynch devices. I'm too important to be put on trial.

YLC:
It's not the townie way. You must respond to questioning!

Askthepizzaguy:
Please, don't!

YLC:
I need him!

Askthepizzaguy:
Please don't!

[YLC slices off shlin28's wrist]

shlin28:
AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!! AAAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!

[Askthepizzaguy unleashes Force Lightning against shlin28. The brilliant blue lightning which eminated from Pizzaguy's fingers caused the keyboard to... type things.]

Askthepizzaguy:
POWER!!!!!! WALL OF TEXT POWER!!!!!!!

[shlin28 never expected the Spanish Inquisition. He is electrocuted and dropped a half a mile to his death.]

YLC:
What have I done?

Askthepizzaguy:
You're fulfilling your destiny, YLC. Become my apprentice. Learn to use the dark side of the force.

YLC:
I will do whatever you ask; Just be sure to join the sequel to the Whispers in the Night mafia game.

Askthepizzaguy:
Of course. And be sure to sign up for invites to Capo de Tutti Capi III by following the link in my signature.

YLC:
Just help me save the town from mafia.

Askthepizzaguy:
To use SkyNet... is a power only one has achieved but if we work together, I am sure you will discover the secrets.

YLC:
I pledge myself to your teachings.

Askthepizzaguy:
Good. Goooooooood.
[raspy breathing]

The Force is STRONG with you. A powerful Townie you will become. Henceforth, you shall be known as.... Darth.... pevergreen.

pevergreen:
W00T!!! I get to be part of the game at last!!!

---Later---

777Ares777:
I hear a new apprentice you have, Askthepizzaguy. Or should I call you Darth Sidious?

Askthepizzaguy:
Master Ares! Your survived....

777Ares777:
Surprised?

Askthepizzaguy:
Yeah, kinda, actually. You're usually lynched by now.

777Ares777:
I know. But I've been busy doing... townie things. Yeah, that's the ticket!

Askthepizzaguy:
Now you will experience the full power of the Dark Side.
[ATPG blasts Ares against the wall with Force Lightning. Meanwhile, Chaotix27 and YLC battle each other with lightsabers over the lava pits of Mustafar]

Askthepizzaguy:
I have waited a long time for this moment... my little... green... friend...
[Ares gets up off of the floor.]

Askthepizzaguy:
At last the mafia are no more!

777Ares777:
I'm a TOWNIE, dangit!!!
[Ares uses Force Push to toss Pizzaguy on his pepperoni-covered noggin.]

777Ares777:
At an end your blabbering is. And not soon enough it was.[Pizzaguy tries to escape...]

777Ares777:
If so powerful you are.... why leave?
[Ares pulls out his green lightsaber.]

Askthepizzaguy:
You will not stop me. YLC will become more powerful than either of us.
[Pizzaguy pulls out his red lightsaber.]

777Ares777:
Faith in your new apprentice, misplaced may be. As is your faith in Dark Side of the Force.
[Ares and Pizzaguy engage in the coolest lightsaber battle EVAR!!!]

meanwhile...

Chaotix27 and YLC have blue lightsabers at one another's throats. Chaotix flips YLC over, but YLC gets up and kicks him in the face. There was a lot of truly awesome stuff. I wish you could see this. It's a shame you can't... I'll just have to describe it to you. WOW!!! Did you see that? That was unbelievable. They use that force pushy thingy on one another and they both get slammed into a wall. Oops, there goes that thing which protects the platforms from the molten rocks below. Better hope they don't continue their fight over the lava..... OH LOOK!!! THEY ARE TOTALLY BATTLING OVER THE LAVA!!! I did NOT see that coming. YLC tries a desperate WIFOM-assisted flip over his opponent, who slices his arguments to pieces because they were un-townie. YLC feels the burning agony of the frustration that his suicidal behavior isn't compelling evidence that he's not the Godfather, and no one is listening. The good person known as YLC suicided that day... but the one known as Darth pevergreen lives on.

meanwhile...

777Ares777 and Askthepizzaguy duel on top of the Chancellor's hoverpod in the Townie Senate. Askthepizzaguy uses Force Lift to toss several arguments at Ares, who dodges several verbal accusations and hurls a few of them right back. Askthepizzaguy blasts Ares' green lightsaber out of his hands with Force Lightning, and Ares begins to absorb the dark energy flowing from Pizzaguy's big blabbering mouth, summoning one final blast which knocks them both down from the floating Hoverpod. Pizzaguy refused to shut up, and so Ares decided to simply ignore him.

777Ares777:
That's all right, Askthepizzaguy. pevergreen still has some of YLC's innocence in him.... and he's going to betray you someday. Until then, into exile I must go, to train pevergreen's son Mark Hamil how to be a Jedi, but apparently, not how to act.

[Ares leaves the townie chambers, and is promptly murdered to discredit Askthepizzaguy]

____________________________

[Many years later... Reenk Roink is battling Lord Vader aboard the Death Star]

Vader:
You cannot hide forever Reenk. Give yourself to the Dark Side. It is the only way you can save your friends. Your feelings betray you. Your thoughts for them are strong. Especially for.... Quintus. So... you are voting for Quintus. Your vote for him has now betrayed him too. Chaotix27 was wise to hide him from me. Now his failure is complete. If you will not turn to the dark side, then perhaps Quintus will.

Reenk Roink:
NOOOO!!!!!!!
[Reenk unleashes his blue light saber and begins battling Lord Vader, who carries a red lightsaber]

[Reenk votes for Andres]

Vader:
Arrgghhh!!!

Askthepizzaguy:
Heh heh heh heh heh heh.... Good!
Your hate has made you powerful. Now...
Fulfill your destiny, and leave your vote on Andres, and take your townie place at MY side.

Reenk Roink:
Never. I'll never turn to the Dark Side. You've failed, Pizzaguy. I am a Jedi... like the Godfather before me.
[Reenk Roink unvotes Lord Vader]

Askthepizzaguy:
So be it.... Jedi.

_____________

Askthepizzaguy:
If you will not be turned.... you will be destroyed!!!
[Askthepizzaguy unleashes force lightning on Reenk Roink, who screams in agony. It's really quite annoying to be questioned this way.]

Askthepizzaguy:
Young fool. Only now, at the end, do you understand.
[Lord Vader gets up]

Askthepizzaguy:
Your feeble skills are no match for the power of the Dark Side.
[Askthepizzaguy fires more lightning against Reenk]

Askthepizzaguy:
You have paid the price for your lack of vision.

Reenk Roink:
Godfather... Please!
Help me!!!!
Ahhh!!!

Askthepizzaguy:
Now, young Reenk Roink... you will die!

[Askthepizzaguy unleashes force lightning on Reenk Roink, and it's clear Reenk's attempts at deception aren't working. Askthepizzaguy knows that Lord Andres is the Godfather, but cannot do anything about it]

Lord Andres picks up Askthepizzaguy and tosses him towards the core of the Death Star.

Askthepizzaguy:
AAAARRRRGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

_________________

Andres:
Reenk.... help me take this mask off...

Reenk Roink:
But you'll die.

Andres:
Nothing can stop that now. Just for once, let me look on you with my own eyes.

[Reenk unmasks Andres as the Godfather]

Andres:
Now, go... my son. Leave me...

Reenk Roink:
No. You're coming with me. I won't leave you here, I've got to save you.

Andres:
You already have, Reenk. He was right. He was right about me. Tell Askthepizzaguy... he was right.

[Andres lights a cigar, and stops pretending to be hurt.]

Andres:
Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! And for your excellent uh.... service.... Reenk Roink, you are now a Made Man. You've proven beyond any doubt your uh... true loyalties. Beer, cookies, and women for everyone that survived!

[Andres looks around]

Andres:
Ok, just us then... heh heh heh...

(And of course, it turns out that I was almost completely wrong about who the mafia were!) :laugh4:

THE END

The Godfather, Episode III

Created by Silver Rusher
Adaptation by GeneralHankerchief
Directed by Stephen_Spielburg187

Cast:

Anakin Skywalker- YLC
Obi-Wan Kenobi- Chaotix27
Count Dooku- Seamus Fermanagh
Darth Sidious- Askthepizzaguy
Master Yoda- 777Ares777
General Grievous- Sasaki Kojiro
Mace Windu- shlin28
Darth Maul- seireikhaan
Senator Amidala- boudica
Young Darth Vader- pevergreen
Viceroy Gunray- Beey187
Ki-Adi-Mundi- Psychonaut
Bail Organa- Quintus.JC
Boba Fett- TevashSzat
Jabba the Hutt- White_Eyes:D
Chewbacca- Gaius Scribonius Curio
Commander Cody- TinCow
Sebulba- Sigurd
Han Solo- glyphz
Watto- CountArach
Qui-gon Jinn- Ichigo
Jar-Jar Binks- Tratorix
Loyalist Lurker #1- Taka
Loyalist Lurker #2- Ignoramus
C-3P0- LittleGrizzly
R2-D2- Jolt
Jango Fett- Lord Winter
Luke Skywalker- Reenk Roink
Lord Vader- Andres

Extras:

"It's" man (Monty Python's Flying Circus)- Ituralde
Kenny McCormack (South Park)- Myrddraal

See you in the Godfather, Episode IV: A New Hope.

Thermal

03-03-2009, 20:11

LOL, you must get bored often :laugh4:

Jolt

03-03-2009, 20:11

Whada:daisy:, I'm R2D2?? ¬_¬'

shlin28

03-03-2009, 20:12

:laugh4:

This is the most awsomest thing I have ever read!

Askthepizzaguy

03-03-2009, 20:14

Everyone is who they are for a reason, or at least from my perspective.

Jolt and LittleGrizzly's feud made them OBVIOUS candidates to be R2D2 and C-3PO.

And yes, I get very, very bored, very often. Sorry Tratorix about making you Jar Jar... but you bailed on us when you died, so you get the Jar Jar award.

:clown:

If anyone wants to know why certain people are who they are... or at least, a frail bit of comedic reasoning why, just ask.

shlin28

03-03-2009, 20:21

Why am I the most awsome Jedi ever? (Mace Windu :yes:)

LittleGrizzly

03-03-2009, 20:22

Askthepizzaguy

03-03-2009, 20:26

Why am I the most awsome Jedi ever? (Mace Windu :yes:)

Because you were the most awesome Chief of Police ever, and you called for my head.

And then I tried to get you lynched and succeeded. Seemed only fitting that it would make you Windu and me the Sidious guy.

Although Reenk's performance as Chief of Police is right up there too. Wanax is awesome.

Jolt

03-04-2009, 00:37

Star wars refrences FTW!!!

Funny stuff ATPG!

And jolt don't complain too much, i think you got the better end of that deal out of the two of us, im a skinny little droid with a feminine voice... R2D2 is at least useful.... and kinda cute sounding...

I...CAN'T....TALK, for :daisy: sake! All I can do is this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxHhdBpVaQk) and whirl my head!

Beefy187

03-04-2009, 00:43

Viceroy Gunrey!! Woot!

I get to be killed!:elephant:

Gaius Scribonius Curio

03-04-2009, 01:15

Chewbacca? :laugh4:

I bow to your obviously superior reasoning in making a 65kg long distance runner (and no I'm not kidding I really am that skinny) into an absolute beast....

Askthepizzaguy

03-04-2009, 01:18

Sorry, Beefster... I was running out of people to choose from, and you mentioned you were from Japan, and for whatever reason, George Lucas seemed to imagine those Trade Federation types as having almost a Japanese or Asian kind of accent.

I do want you to know, I resisted the idea for a while, as it seemed to simplistic and stereotypical. But, I knew you wouldn't take offense, and he does have a nice villainous speaking role, so, it's not a bad choice at all.

I was kind of winging it for a few people. Like, Gaius... I needed to give him a good guy role, and not many were left. So, I hope he likes Chewbacca. I like Chewbacca.

EDIT: Wow... I must be psychic. I was talking about my reasons (or lack thereof) for making Gaius chewbacca, and guess who shows up to post?

:laugh4:

Beefy187

03-04-2009, 01:24

Gaius Scribonius Curio

03-04-2009, 01:25

Well that worked well. And I do like it, if only for the sheer irony....

Askthepizzaguy

03-04-2009, 04:20

My response to Beefy, Tevash, and White_Eyes' quicktopic:

QUOTE: QUICKTOPIC

Beefy, post 8 of the quicktopic:
As for the kill choices, ill go for the lurkers for the time being. Killing active good analyzer will confirm them innocent. Especially keep away from ATPG. He should be lynchable

Beefy, post 31:
Seeing as I got ATPGs sympathies..Ill start playing seriously

Tevash, post 44:
I will throw hints in my writeup regardling, LittleGrizzly Chaotix and ATPG.
Lets see how the town will react to White_eyes's and my writeups the next day.

Beefy, 72:
ATPG contacted me. Apparently im cleared innocent by skynet :P

WhiteEyes, 73:
I am sorry Tevash....my analysis of our write-up's combined with Pizza guys "Skynet" are going to get you lynched I am afraid....well....I guess Reenk might get lynched either way....Beefy how should Tevash respond?...I doubt after that write-up that implicates everyone else well work to clear him....hmmmmm.....Tevash, stay calm and try and respond with a clear response...like, "I always use this playstyle"....or "I didn't jump on the YLC bandwagon" give clear but helpful reasons in the analysis of your write-up....you need to get off everyone's scanner's....Beefy....you need to help somehow....or we can go on with one kill....or see if town lynch's Reenk....which is, sadly unlikely....I have seen Reenk talk his way out of worse.....he may even fake reveal..

Beefy, 97:
Firstly
@ White_eyes
I'm not surprised of you being pissed at me. I didn't explain my intention and that is clearly my fault.

@ both of you
Like GH pointed out, when I voted for Tevash, ATPG was way ahead of the vote. People switching vote to Tevash was beyond my estimation and I apologize for that.

Honestly, lynching ATPG could be potentially dangerous. If we lynch him off and we start off killing two people.. Or even one. That will prove him innocent. Then Tevash will get lynched.
If we do the opposite. Lynch Tevash off. Then still have our one kill. That will prove Tevash innocent. And discredit ATPG. and those who agreed to him.
Personally I think option 2 is better. But if you don't think so, then tell me. This is your game and I'm willing to follow you guys decision even if that means Ill be in bad position

106:
Actually don't do it yet. By the looks of it, ATPG seems to be pretty solidly innocent. If we do that write up today, it suggests that ATPG was a grunt which nobody will buy
I think we should keep till someone other then Tevash gets lynched.

108:
My alignment right now are sympathetic to ATPG, mutual trust relation with taka (until final 10) and trading opinion with Gaius. If I betray ATPG, I will end up on the chopping board

119:
To survive the upcoming 8 lynches, we have to stay on the good books of ATPG to avoid the lynch. Sure he may not be almighty right but least he can convince most of the peoples.[/QUOTE]

You guys may have overestimated me in the beginning, but your cool play did make me look like a fool by the end. I'm just glad I made your lives ever so miserable for the first half, and scored first blood against the mafia.

My death now has meaning and purpose.

Beefy187

03-04-2009, 04:54

My response to Beefy, Tevash, and White_Eyes' quicktopic:

QUOTE: QUICKTOPIC

Beefy, post 8 of the quicktopic:
As for the kill choices, ill go for the lurkers for the time being. Killing active good analyzer will confirm them innocent. Especially keep away from ATPG. He should be lynchable

Beefy, post 31:
Seeing as I got ATPGs sympathies..Ill start playing seriously

Tevash, post 44:
I will throw hints in my writeup regardling, LittleGrizzly Chaotix and ATPG.
Lets see how the town will react to White_eyes's and my writeups the next day.

Beefy, 72:
ATPG contacted me. Apparently im cleared innocent by skynet :P

WhiteEyes, 73:
I am sorry Tevash....my analysis of our write-up's combined with Pizza guys "Skynet" are going to get you lynched I am afraid....well....I guess Reenk might get lynched either way....Beefy how should Tevash respond?...I doubt after that write-up that implicates everyone else well work to clear him....hmmmmm.....Tevash, stay calm and try and respond with a clear response...like, "I always use this playstyle"....or "I didn't jump on the YLC bandwagon" give clear but helpful reasons in the analysis of your write-up....you need to get off everyone's scanner's....Beefy....you need to help somehow....or we can go on with one kill....or see if town lynch's Reenk....which is, sadly unlikely....I have seen Reenk talk his way out of worse.....he may even fake reveal..

Beefy, 97:
Firstly
@ White_eyes
I'm not surprised of you being pissed at me. I didn't explain my intention and that is clearly my fault.

@ both of you
Like GH pointed out, when I voted for Tevash, ATPG was way ahead of the vote. People switching vote to Tevash was beyond my estimation and I apologize for that.

Honestly, lynching ATPG could be potentially dangerous. If we lynch him off and we start off killing two people.. Or even one. That will prove him innocent. Then Tevash will get lynched.
If we do the opposite. Lynch Tevash off. Then still have our one kill. That will prove Tevash innocent. And discredit ATPG. and those who agreed to him.
Personally I think option 2 is better. But if you don't think so, then tell me. This is your game and I'm willing to follow you guys decision even if that means Ill be in bad position

106:
Actually don't do it yet. By the looks of it, ATPG seems to be pretty solidly innocent. If we do that write up today, it suggests that ATPG was a grunt which nobody will buy
I think we should keep till someone other then Tevash gets lynched.

108:
My alignment right now are sympathetic to ATPG, mutual trust relation with taka (until final 10) and trading opinion with Gaius. If I betray ATPG, I will end up on the chopping board

119:
To survive the upcoming 8 lynches, we have to stay on the good books of ATPG to avoid the lynch. Sure he may not be almighty right but least he can convince most of the peoples.

You guys may have overestimated me in the beginning, but your cool play did make me look like a fool by the end. I'm just glad I made your lives ever so miserable for the first half, and scored first blood against the mafia.

My death now has meaning and purpose.[/QUOTE]

Whether you like it or not, you were in the center of the game the whole time.

If we went on the wrong foot with the no.1 poster, we would've been in trouble:sweatdrop:

Askthepizzaguy

03-04-2009, 04:57

Ah, but you failed to fool Sasaki.

Seriously, a game with Sasaki as a townie and me as a townie, and Andres and TinCow and... SO MANY good players as a townie... I don't envy you your task. That was CRAZY hard, and you nearly did it.

Legendary mafia team, you were.

Beefy187

03-04-2009, 06:42

And Seamus if I may add.

He was the first one to get near me.

pever was the first one to have a definite doubt against me but I can never fool pever :sweatdrop:

White_eyes:D

03-04-2009, 07:25

Godfather 3 <----Yeah, it was AWESOME.....:2thumbsup: when GH gave me and Tevash our role PM's ....he thought we wouldn't last three rounds.....:sweatdrop: it's hard to imagine that me and Beefy made it to the end.....because White_eyes=Suicidal Scapegoat with Beefy=Innocent but always gets lynched townie....

I chalk it up to hardly anyone knowing my 'true writing style'.....it always can change....I may not be able to forge like Reenk can...:no: but I can modify and make WIFOM like there is no tomorrow....:clown:

BTW, Darth Maul=Tevash.....Beefy=Lord Vader....and I should be...Count Doouka? I mean Beefy did throw Tevash and me under the bus.....sort of:shrug:

Edit: and I am keeping my SIG ATPG.....it was your fault that there was more information produced then in most Mafia games....:grin:

Askthepizzaguy

03-04-2009, 07:47

If it makes more sense; the Sith in my writeup story were the good guys, and the jedi were either REALLY good townies or bad guys.

But I didn't know about you and Beefy being scum, so you both got bad guy roles by a delicious accident which makes more sense in retrospect.

And TinCow was in there as Cmmdr Cody because he's the guy who Sidious contacts to execute order 66, which starts wiping out the Jedi (from my perspective, evil).

And Seamus, and indeed, most of the town, especially past turn 6, was AWESOME.

Askthepizzaguy

03-04-2009, 08:04

TinCow-I think this game might be a record for most information produced without anything useful coming out of it. -On the Mafia game; Godfather 3

Edit: and I am keeping my SIG ATPG.....it was your fault that there was more information produced then in most Mafia games...

Re: White_Eyes signature:

I STRONGLY disagree. My finding on TevashSzat cannot be ignored or overlooked as legitimate information that could have helped town IMMENSELY. That was legitimate information that was useful, and beefy's and your reaction to the entire proceeding helped the town finger you as scumbags, even if I failed to do so. I'm only claiming my small bit of "finder's" credit on Tevash, town still had to do the lynch, and they caught the rest of you with me kicking and screaming due to your excellent mafia play which fooled me good.

But you have to give me credit; the information that came out on Tevash was my doing. He had been mentioned as a suspect by a couple people, but he was NO ONE's priority target except mine, and he was the first scumbag to fall, thus forcing the mafia to maintain 1 kill per round for the remainder.

I admit I was annoying, off-base, and any number of negatives, but I can say cooly and without a swelled head, nailing Tevash was the single most important thing that happened in the first half of the game for town. That's a fair assessment, and I won't brag, but it was important, please give me credit on that, and I will gleefully shut up about it.

:smash:

I claim only 1/3, but no one can argue that I didn't earn that very important 1. Fair?

As Andres has suggested, this isn't a competition, nor is it about "length" of certain things, but I do deserve some credit for the information I did provide. I think that's not overstating things, no?

You guys did awesome by the way. Truly epic game, and nearly, the most epic win by Beefy and WhiteEyes and TevashSzat ever.

White_eyes:D

03-04-2009, 08:26

:laugh4::laugh4::laugh4: well....Tevash bailed(I wonder why:rolleyes:)....and he didn't send in his one write-up....I think he may never come back to the ORG....:shame:

Edit:well maybe three write-up chances he missed......:shrug: and I am keeping my SIG....It was SO much fun to have town so cofused out of there minds, that they went on post counts....:grin:

Askthepizzaguy

03-04-2009, 08:37

I sincerely hope he comes back. You may be too hard on him, he hasn't been on since then. Maybe he lost net access for a while and its not his fault.

Benefit of the doubt, White_eyes. It saved yours and Beefy's butt for most of the game, don't skimp on it for Tevash. Let him come back and welcome him back when he does, because he did the best he could in my opinion. That was the best anyone can do under those circumstances. :bow:

White_eyes:D

03-04-2009, 08:43

As much as I would like to think the best....I have seen him on a few times.....but he just stares at the guild index for five minutes and then logs off....:no:

Askthepizzaguy

03-04-2009, 08:46

TevashSzat
Last Activity: 02-22-2009 21:56

That was 9 days ago. :smash:

I think he deserves some slack. You can always ask him (nicely) what happened when he gets back.
Deal?

:bow:

Beefy187

03-04-2009, 10:07

TevashSzat
Last Activity: 02-22-2009 21:56

That was 9 days ago. :smash:

I think he deserves some slack. You can always ask him (nicely) what happened when he gets back.
Deal?

:bow:

I won't even do that. I'll just welcome him back :yes:
Tevash did a great job. He gets his quarter of my cake:2thumbsup:

Askthepizzaguy

03-04-2009, 10:09

Yeah, me too. I don't even care what it was (well, I care... didn't mean it that way) I just want him back.

I like everyone on my friends list and don't want to see them go.

Beefy187

03-07-2009, 00:58

About Capo.. I still don't get how the God Father system in Capo works.

Askthepizzaguy

03-07-2009, 02:00

Sorry, Beefy you'll have to ask Seamus Fermanagh about the specifics of his game.

I only know I want to be in the game itself.

Jolt

03-07-2009, 02:35

Is a game with 120(!) people...comprehendable (Meaning, everyone's posts)?

White_eyes:D

03-07-2009, 02:46

I think 80% if it is PM's and Quick topic.....:smash: lots of back stabbing.....:juggle2:

Askthepizzaguy

03-07-2009, 03:37

In the early stages, people will just be voting in the thread. Too many people for a discussion.

shlin28

03-07-2009, 18:22

About Capo.. I still don't get how the God Father system in Capo works.

The Godfather is basically just a mafia member who when investigated is always innocent (unless he kills), and is immune from night kills because of his "Luca" (bodyguard)

:bow:

seireikhaan

03-07-2009, 22:18

Darth Maul? :inquisitive:

Also, you can consider my "joined" for Capo III, Pizzaguy. Not that you recruited me, of course. I just don't want any more spam. :tongue2:

Askthepizzaguy

03-07-2009, 22:39

Darth Maul? :inquisitive:

Also, you can consider my "joined" for Capo III, Pizzaguy. Not that you recruited me, of course. I just don't want any more spam. :tongue2:

Darth Maul = Seireikhaan:

1. In my version story, the Sith were the good guys.
2. You died very early on. Like, Episode I early on. :yes:
3. You're a badass. Darth maul is a badass.
4. You have similar hairstyles. You have short hair, he is bald and has horns (http://www.turaz.net/turaz_zhao/speciali/archeologia/swstuff/DarthMaul2.jpg). Close enough. :laugh4:

Askthepizzaguy

03-07-2009, 23:13

I am accepting signups for the Total War Center forums Askthepizzaguy-hosted small game located here (http://www.twcenter.net/forums/showthread.php?p=4624707#post4624707).

If you have already looked over the current games hosted in our gameroom, you'll notice most of them are in-play or signups are about to close. Therefore, I think it is fair I can start recruiting more players again.

Beefy187

03-08-2009, 01:37

The Godfather is basically just a mafia member who when investigated is always innocent (unless he kills), and is immune from night kills because of his "Luca" (bodyguard)

:bow:

How does escape and stuff work? I saw some Dons lynched and some escaping

shlin28

03-08-2009, 12:38

Some Dons escaped being lynched? I don't remember any Dons escaping lynchings. :sweatdrop:

I think Dons can be lynched like everyone else.

Beefy187

03-08-2009, 12:58

Some Dons escaped being lynched? I don't remember any Dons escaping lynchings. :sweatdrop:

I think Dons can be lynched like everyone else.

Ah I realised escaping was done in Capo I not II.

It just reminded me of two additional questions which I should ask Seamus instead but..

What happens to his man when their Don die?

And how does one get selected as a new Don?

shlin28

03-08-2009, 13:27

I believe the remaining mafia members can decide who gets to be the next don :bow:

Beefy187

03-09-2009, 01:11

I believe the remaining mafia members can decide who gets to be the next don :bow:

Ah I see. Thanks heaps Shlin :2thumbsup:

Askthepizzaguy

03-09-2009, 08:47

Given how infrequently people visit my user page, I'm reposting the content here where it might actually amuse someone.

"Besides, what good is peace and prosperity when we can build a glorious new future on the broken bodies and charred corpses of the vanquished?"

_________________________________________________

Turkish Jihad

Lyrics by Askthepizzaguy
Based on Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard

All you faithless infidels can follow along here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVxiHC9AJQw

Great Imam, stop and pray
Declare a holy war, Hey Hey!

Sultan Jalal, ghazis come and hear my call
I'm recruiting muslim archers to man the walls
Lookin' like a champ, with my Turcomans
Demolishing Romans, and taking their land... their land... hey!

Constantinople put up quite a little fight
Horse archers, Sipahis go all night
Sometime, anytime, turn up the heat
Great Imam would you please Jihad me, yeah... yeah

C'mon, take your curved sword, follow Jalal
On a Jihad... Praise Allah!

Declare your Jihad on me
Ooh, in the name of Allah!
Declare your Jihad on me
C'mon, slash me up
Declare your Jihad on me
Go kill infidels

I'm hot, smell like feet
Burning up from the desert heat yeah

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Listen! Swordsmen, spearmen, javelins go!
Crazy fundamentalist jihadis know
Mujahideen holy men, with a lot of soul
Sweet dream, infidels, lethal blow

Lethal blow, lethal blow

You gotta kill a few, convert a few
Behead a few more
Armies of Allah come knocking on their door
Sometime, anytime, it would be neat
If the Papal States bowed at our feet, yeah, yeah

Pray a little more

Take a Qu'ran, open it up
Recite a few verses, praise Allah

Point your prayer rug towards Mecca
Ooh, in the name of Allah
Pray on your knees towards Mecca
C'mon, Muhammadean
Fight a Jihad for me
Oh, I can't get enough

It's hot, like the fires of hell
Sticky with the blood of infidels, yeah

[guitar solo]

You got the Balkans, I killed the Greeks
Then we conquered Sicily
I took Venice, Poland, and Hungary
Beat the Russians, and the Danes, and the Swedes

Do you drink coffee? The Arabs do!

Go on a jihad, shake things up
Kill the faithless, infidel

Declare your Jihad on me
Ooh, convert Milan
Declare your Jihad on me
Now Portugal is gone
Declare your Jihad on me
Even Spain went down
Declare your Jihad on me
Oh, in the name of Allah
Declare your Jihad on me
London, Paris,
Declare your Jihad on me
Edinburgh!
Declare your Jihad on me
Say your prayers, infidel

__________________________________________

Blitzmaster

Lyrics by Askthepizzaguy
Based on Master of Puppets by Metallica

Play the song while reading the new lyrics!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_z-hEyVQDRA

___________________________________

End of your campaign, crumbling away
I’m your master of obstruction
Ten thousand men with spears, spreading hate and fear
Leading to your great destruction
Trust me, you will see
War is all I need
I’m dedicated to
how I'm killing you

I’m recruiting faster
I’m your Blitzmaster
Bringer of disaster
I’m your Blitzmaster
Master
Master of blitzing, I’m killing your kings
Bringing to life my nightmarish dreams
Capturing cities and pillaging things
Torturing subjects, until they all scream
Master
Master
Just call my name, and I’ll make you bleed
Master
Master

I‘m conquering my way, forever I'll betray
The AI won't see it coming
Can’t trust them you see, they always betrayed me
Because diplomacy is broken
Turn around and you will see
An invasion from the sea
But what will they do?
They only blockade you

Diplomacy disaster
Go kill those bastards
Betray them faster
Burn them to ashes
Ashes
Master of Blitzing invading your lands
Dismembering subjects to the last man
Smashing your gates with battering rams
with millions of troops under my command
Master
Master
It's too late for you, you're severely outmanned
Master
Master

Master, Master, Where's the revenge that you've been after
Master, Master, everyone has died
After, After, Twenty three blood soaked turns
Laughter, Laughter, laughing at your cries

Slaying every Pope, and Rome went up in smoke
Butchering without a reason
Firing trebuchets, another town was razed
I massacred everyone in Berlin
I won't occupy
But I will make you die
I will run you through
Now I rule you too

Start kneeling faster
obey your Master
your life ends faster
care of Blitzmaster
Master
Master of Venice, Spain and Milan
Sultan of Moors and Killer of Khans
England and Scotland call me their King
Even the Aztecs are worshipping me
Master
Master
The Death God demands I sacrifice thee.
Master
Master

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!! AHAHAHAHAAAAHHHAA!!!!

_____________________________________________

OverKnight
The theme song by Askthepizzaguy

Based on Hold the Line by Toto (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9f-cEM1l7Ks&feature=related)
Click link to listen along...

I’m loving the way that you rule me
I’m loving the way that you make me obey
I’m loving the way that you've been conquering Turks
I’m loving the way that you’ll rule till you die
I’m loving the way that you look and the way you torture your subjects

OverKnight… Ruler of the Roman Empire!
Oh oh oh
OverKnight… Ruler of the Roman Empire!
Oh oh oh

I’m loving the way that you whip me, lord
I’m loving the way that you put me on trial
I’m loving the way that your men rack me
I’m loving the way that you’ll never set me free
I’m loving the way that you’ll draw and quarter me too

OverKnight… Ruler of the Roman Empire!
Oh oh oh
OverKnight… Ruler of the Roman Empire!
Oh oh oh

I’m loving the way that you flog me
I’m loving the way that you brand me with an iron
I’m loving the way the stocks humiliate me
I’m loving the way that this stake is burning me
I’m loving the way that I’m forced to work in your mines

OverKnight… Ruler of the Roman Empire!
Oh oh oh
OverKnight… Ruler of the Roman Empire!
Oh oh oh
Basileos of the Empire!

OverKnight, I love how you set me on fire
I love how you, how you cuff me in irons
OverKnight, you’re the one I admire
Beat me until I expire
Whip me until I expire
Feed me to your pet lion

Oh, oh, oh…..

______________________________________________________

Hooked on Phonicsmonkey
The theme song by Askthepizzaguy

Based on The Game by Motorhead
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQzsK4FAnx0
click link to follow along
____________________________

It's time to learn to read….
Time to learn to read!

Hoohooheheh….
Hahahaha.

It's all about the Monkey, the one who’s Caliph
All about the Hajj and if you can take it
All about Salat and if you can pray it
It's all about piety and who's got the most of it

I am the Caliph, they call me Phonicsmonkey
I rule all Islam, and if you read funky
I own a Qu’ran, and I know I can teach you
How to read Holy Texts, until you can preach it.

Turn towards Mecca, pray on your rug
Slay the infidels and never be outdone.
I uphold Sharia law, and I make the rules
I can call a jihad and slay me some fools.

I teach Monkey Phonics and I’m a Caliph
I can play the cymbals and teach your ABC’s
But don't you forget to pray five times a day
Cause I am the Caliph and I demand that you pray!

It's time to learn to read….
Hahahaha!
Time to learn to read!

It's all about Crusades, and how you fight them
It's all about Jihad, and if Allah wills it
It's all about alms, and if you can pay it
It's all about my reign, and who's going to Mecca

I am the Caliph, you don't wanna betray me
I am in control, and I demand you obey me
I am an Ayatollah, just picture Khomeini
You read “Allahu Akbar!”, so have some Kushari.

Praise His name
Allah will proclaim
virgins in your name
If you die in vain!

Hahahaha!!!

Time to praise Allah’s name…

It's time to praise His name...
Allahu Akbar!
It's time to praise His name…
Hahahaha!!!
It's time to praise His name…
Allahu Akbar!

It's time to learn to read, from Phonicsmonkey
It's time to learn about the alphabetic principle
It's time to learn about vowels, consonants and dipthongs
It's time to learn diction, grammar, and spelling

I am the Monkey, to teach you phonics
How to read out loud, and practice public speaking
I am a master of words, language and literacy
I can work to improve your Arabic fluency

Praise His name
Allah will proclaim
virgins in your name
If you die in vain!

Hahahaha!!!

It's time to praise His name
It's time to praise His name
I think I've gone insane...

_______________________________

Another ode to our distinguished Moderator

Don't Fear the Lemur
The theme song by Askthepizzaguy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5rW-YvYmUE
The Reaper, Blue Oyster Cult

All the primates have come
The lemuriformes have gone
Orgahs don't fear the Lemur
Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain..we can be like they are
Come on orgahs...don't fear the Lemur
Young wannabe Caesars...don't fear the Lemur
Old software geezers...don't fear the Lemur
Class: Mammalia!

La-lalalala…. La-lalalala

Phylum: Chordata
Kingdom: Animalia
Order: Primates
Suborder: Strepsirrhini
40,000 baby Lemurs everyday......Like Romeo and Juliet
40,000 baby Lemurs everyday......they breed like rabbits
Another 40,000 coming everyday......We can be like they are
Come on orgahs... don't fear the Lemur
D+D Geeks... don't fear the Lemur
World of Warcraft Freaks... don't fear the Lemur
They’re prosimians!

La-lalalala…. La-lalalala

Lemur is a nocturnal one
He’s here when the sun has gone
Came here last night from the trees
And it was clear that he wanted to eat
A variety of fruits, flowers and leaves
As well as insects, spiders, and small vertebrates
If you think that he’ll eat you... baby don't be afraid
Lemurs are tiny... and they’re mostly herbivores
They’d never eat you... and they’re endangered
They live in matriarchal societies... let’s become like they are
They can swing from the trees... let’s become like they are
Come on baby...don't fear the Lemur

________________________________

Sith|R|AntiWarmanCake
The Theme Song by Askthepizzaguy

An Ode to our distinguished Moderator...
To the tune of "Eternal flame" by the Bangles
http://www.petalia.org/Songs/eternalflame.htm
(Click link to follow along)

Cashews and Milk
Would really hit the spot, darlin'
Do you hear my tummy rumblin'
Do you understand
Why he's got that name?
Am I only dreaming
Or Is this Sith|R|AntiWarmanCake?

Swiss Man
Lives in a swiss Castle, darlin'
Mr. Peanut for President
You should vote for him
Why's his name so strange?
Am I only dreaming
Or is this Sith|R| (Sith) AntiWarmanCake?

Say his name
Doesnt roll off the tongue.
With a mace so painful
Then you come and smash in my brain
I think I've lost all feeling, owwwwwww.

Say his name
Doesnt roll off the tongue.
With a mace so painful
Then you come and smash in my brain
I think I've lost all feeling, owwwwwww.

Poke out my eyes
Slice off my hand, darling
Do you feel my chest bleeding
Do you understand
Do you feel my pain
Am I only dreaming
Or Is this Sith|R|AntiWarmanCake?

Poke out my eyes
Slice off my hand, darling
Do you feel my chest bleeding
What's with all those eights?
Have you gone insane???
I'm profusely bleeding!!!
AAAAAHHHHHH!!!! It's Sith|R|AntiWarmanCake!!!!!

Poke out my eyes
Slice off my hand, darling
Do you feel my chest bleeding
Do you understand
Do you feel my pain
Am I only dreaming
Or Is this Sith|R|AntiWarmanCake?

Poke out my eyes
Slice off my hand, darling
Do you feel my chest bleeding
What's with all those eights?
Have you gone insane???
I'm profusely bleeding!!!
AAAAAHHHHHH!!!! It's Sith|R|AntiWarmanCake!!!!!

_____________________________

Knight of Graal

Lyrics by Askthepizzaguy
Based on You Shook me All Night Long by AC/DC

Click the link to follow along
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bomv-6CJSfM&feature=related
______________________________

He conquered all with Spain
With Egypt he's insane
He's the best damn Roman that I've ever seen
He took some ballistae
Took on the British Isles
Knockin' down the walls with those Venetian guys
Took on the world with Rome
Europe's where he's home
I told him to conquer, but he was already done

'Cause the walls started shaking
The gates were breaking
Our spears were quaking
And he was taking my fortress

He's the Knight of Graal

Hey you,
it's the Knight of Graal

Working double time
towards the finish line
He was the bloodthirsty kind, and my walls were undermined
He didn't stop or pause
had just one cause
Made mincemeat out of me, and came back for more
Had to burn my town
straight into the ground
Now I'm enslaved again, as well as all my men

'Cause the walls were shaking
The earth was quaking
My wounds were aching
And the line was breaking to you,

He's the Knight of Graal

Yeah you, The Knight of Graal
Knocked me out.
Said you, dreaded Knight of Graal
Walls were shaking cause of you,
dreaded Knight of Graal
Yeah you... Stop killing me already!

The exploding cannon fire was a bit much. The walls are made of wood, for crying out loud.

You really overkill things...
Knight of Graal

You really stomped my defenders
Knight of Graal

You horses really trampled me
Knight of Graal

_____________________________________________

Are you feeling tired? Stressed out? Sluggish? Getting a little flabby around the midsection? Are the peasants not fleeing in abject terror like they used to?

Well Look No Further, because the Org has a new fitness regimen sure to shed excess flab, tone your body, and spread chaos and destruction throughout your lands! It's called SwordsMaster, a revolutionary new system designed to help you lose weight and get in shape.

Here's how SwordsMaster works. First, he arrives on the borders of your nation with a horde of the most deadly and vicious Timurids ever to walk the face of the Earth, and unilaterally declares war on you by sacking of one of your cities. He smashes the gates of your capital with armoured frickin elephants with frickin cannons on their frickin heads, demolishes the walls of your cities, rapes your subjects, pillages their homes, burns your buildings to the ground, and exterminates your citizens. Already, you should be building up a bit of a sweat.

Second, he storms the inner keep of your citadel, with heavily armoured, gold-chevron infantry easily dispatching your bodyguards, smashing your valuables, pouring oil onto the prisoners in your dungeon and setting them ablaze, and slashing the throats of your humble servants, slaves, and family members. At this point, your heart should be really pounding, and your cardiovascular system will really begin to feel the workout.

Next, as you use the rope ladder you have hidden in your bedchamber, you will climb quickly out of your window and slide 12 stories down to the ground below, in order to escape from the wrath of SwordsMaster. You might feel out of breath, but keep moving, as your life depends upon it.

Next, you are to dodge arrows being fired upon you from all directions, as the vast armoured archer divisions notice your attempt to escape and converge on your position. This should really work your glutes, thighs, and quadriceps, and you should start to feel a burning sensation in your muscles, possibly because a searing hot flaming arrow just impaled you in the leg.

Bleeding profusely, you hop as quick as you can towards your trusted steed, and hoist yourself onto the back of your magnificent war horse. Now, make that little pony gallop as fast as you can towards the smashed gatehouse and flee for your life as SwordsMaster sends his elite cavalry divisions to slaughter you. Meanwhile, SwordsMaster will begin the execution of your loyal subjects, and any captured soldiers will be tied up and simply dumped into open graves and buried alive. The mere thought of this fate happening to you will compel you to continue running away from SwordsMaster, and will allow you to stick to this workout regimen even when your body is tired, exhausted, and suffering from severe blood loss and third degree burns all over your skin.

However, the Timurid cavalry manage to catch up to your steed, and with their mighty swords they hack the legs of the poor creature, sending you flying from your mount, landing on your neck and shoulders. Your erstwhile steed's broken legs cause him to collapse on top of your prone body after struggling to stay on his feet for several steps, crushing one of your legs and your sword-bearing hand. By now, you must surely realize that your sluggishness and laziness have not paid off, and you vow that if you should survive to see the sun rise again, you will never allow yourself to become chunky again.

After being captured and tortured by the Timurids and then placed in a dungeon, you are slowly starved for weeks and weeks, only being given gruel every third day, and muddy water to drink. Then, you are bound in chains, sold into slavery, and forced to work in the Iron mines in the remote mountains of Mongolia. For twenty years your body will undergo the most excruciating and backbreaking labor, and you will face not only the wrath of your captors, but also the bitterness and resentment of your former subjects, who spit in your face and mockingly call you "my leige".

Rest assured, the SwordsMaster program is a proven technique to get you to lose weight and stay in shape. We are so convinced this system will work for you, we are offering a 90 day limited money-back guarantee.

*good luck trying to collect that money when you are bound and gagged. The only thing more scary than SwordsMaster is our legal department.

Operators are standing by. If you order today, you will receive a complimentary collector's edition commemorative white flag of surrender, soaked with the blood of the innocent who foolishly agreed to become our prisoners.

The number to dial is 1-800-ENSLAVE. That's 1-800-ENSLAVE.

CALL NOW!!!

Preface:

The honourable delegate from the Sultanate of Rum stands and sings the Caliph's praises.

Yes, let there be no more threats of war! In the name of Allah the Most Merciful and all that is Holy, we should set our differences aside.

The Sultanate of Rum is hereby prepared to mediate all our differences with the Eastern Romans. In fact, I have personally decided* to disband two great armies and send the foolish generals to drown in some nameless sea.

As for the rest of us, we are content to sit at home and practice our needlepoint. I've already quilted a great banner of peace, knitted the Romans some very nice little mittens to keep their hands warm while they slaughter us, and sewn together some very nice ladies' unmentionables to wear while I am out on the battlefield not killing things. We shall be known as a nation of arts and crafts, flag burning, and herb smoking. And furthermore, we have established many ineffectual left-wing reformist movements, such as the People's Front of Turkey, the Turkish People's Front, and the Popular Front of Turkey. I will personally see to it that all the evil weapons of the Turkish Sultanate will be thrown into a great big bonfire and we will all merrily sing

Kumbaya, my Allah, kumbaya
Kumbaya, my Allah, kumbaya
Kumbaya, my Allah, kumbaya
O Allah, kumbaya

______________________
Just then the honourable delegate's assistant drags him off of the floor, saying that the honourable delegate has just had a bit too much Rum.

The drunken rantings of the Sultan of Rum:

Even though alcohol is expressly forbidden in Islam, after my humble ambassador was poisoned by the treacherous Roman dogs he began acting rather strangely and quite amusingly. And so, for my own personal experience, I tested this forbidden spirit that the westerners so enjoy. What follows are the drunken ravings of a teetotaller on his very first bender:

7pm-

"I have recently negotiated with the Seljuk Turks about possibly dividing the lands between us, and they seem most interested in the deal. I have also contacted the Abbasid Caliphate regarding our mutual borders, and the Kingdom of Jerusalem as well. Since diplomacy is going quite well, I have decided to be more ambitious in my territorial claims.

I began conversations with the Mongolians regarding possible partitioning of Yakutsk. Although this is some several thousand miles away, we feel that the Turks may one day expand into the vast northern steppes, and so therefore we must begin peace negotiations with our future neighbors. I've also contacted the Scots regarding the status of Ireland, as we hope to one day make this a Turkish province. We are prepared to offer a lump sum of 12 shekkels and a piece of dryer lint, or 37 annual payments of hair from the Sultan's beard and nether regions dipped in candle wax to preserve thier illustrious beauty.

I've begun a space program with the hopes of launching Turks onto the face of the moon, that we might begin staking our claims there. Several ambassadors have been dispatched to negotiate with the Martians, however we have not perfected the technology required to launch them high enough, and the bloody splatters all over the Sultan's palace signify the failures of our current catapult technology. For some reason it is difficult to find volunteers to undertake this mission to talk with the Martian delegation. It might have been a good idea to outfit the ambassadors with some kind of cushioned helmet before propelling them into the air, but these are minor details only. The important thing is persistance."

8pm-

"I'm feeling disoriented, but for some reason I'm also very relaxed. My harem is becoming more attractive by the minute, even though it is difficult to tell who is really underneath the burkhas. At this point, I admit I might even be pleasantly surprised if I should find one of the palace guards posing as a female. What am I saying? I totally did not just say that. Enough of this nonsense... I need another drink.

I've begun plans for the invasion of Poland. As soon as I can locate Poland on a map, I will send my troops there immediately. This time, however, I plan to strap the troops onto the backs of their elephants, because few of the soldiers survived in their previous location of swinging from the elephant's mighty genitals. This seemed to spook the creatures. The elephants were pretty shaken up, too.

I've had a look at my empire's finances, and the treasury is almost bare from the recent expenditures; the space program, and the invasion of Poland with Ghazis swinging from elephant testicles... The window cleaners are also quite demanding with their budget, as they claim that Windex does not remove entrails and blood stains from the stone surface of palace walls. I say it's nothing a little elbow grease won't cure."

9pm-

"The window cleaners are most upset that I have ordered my guards to take sledgehammers to their elbows in order to extract the valuable grease. I'm starting to think they are nothing but a bunch of whiny, elbow-loving complainy-pants. Did you ever notice that sometimes there are little things floating around your head, and when you try to look at them, they keep moving just to the edge of your field of vision? I suspect these are ghosts of the dead threatening to raise a mighty army of souls against this great Sultanate. I have assembled the finest minds on all of Anatolia to combat these mischievious spirits."

10pm-

"The meeting with my council of advisers did not go as well as I would have liked. I was surprised by another floating spirit in the middle of the meeting, and took out my great sword and began slashing at it. Although I may have inadvertently killed all my advisers, I'd say the meeting was a success, as before they perished one of them said that I might have had something in my eye. I'm not sure what this means, because I tried to scare the spirits out of my eyes by rubbing salt into them, and now I'm having difficulty seeing. It also stings like bloody hell.

On a more positive note, I've managed to solve our budget crisis. Instead of paying the window cleaners, I have hired assassins to dispatch them. This plan is most ingenious. Surely this will resolve my money problems. Plus, once our catapult is complete, we will finally be able to mine for gold on the surface of the moon. I'm uncertain how we are going to ship it back, but as the old saying goes, we will cross that bridge before we build it.

I'm feeling a little dizzy and confused. Hopefully after smoking some hashish, I will be most lucid."

11pm-

"The assassins are back, and have joined me in smoking the hashish. They keep demanding payment for some sort of mission. I have no idea what they are talking about. Meanwhile, have you ever just like... looked at your feet? I mean... what are they for, anyway? I don't think anyone really knows... but I am sure they are planning something fiendish. I must remember to assemble my council of advisers to talk about this new threat."

12pm-

barely legible scribblings:

"I totally mest this babe down by the shisha bar. She's hawt. I'm planning on takings her back to my palace and then I'm totally gonna do it with her! But first, I gotta aks this very important question: WHO DRANK ALL THE RUM? I paid bigs money for that booze. Someone better fess up because I get drunk when I'm mad. You wounded like me when I was drink. Does anyone else here have a dungeon? I mean seriously, I'm the friggin Sultan of... of... something and I have a friggin actual dungeon I can torture people in. So... don't... anyone dare mesk with me. I'm totally dangerous and spooky. Wooo wooo... I'm a ghost man... omg that's so funny I sounded just like a ghost. What was I talking about again? And this time, DONT INTERRUPT ME WHEN YOU'RE TALKING! I can't stand that.

My hands are so colorful. Did you ever wonder where your hands came from?"

13pm-

"This sundial is totally tripping man. I brought it inside to see what time it was and it doesn't make any sense. Everytime I try to read it by candle, the time is like... jumping around all over the place. Especially when there is a draft. And by the way I just figured out how to make the day longer. It's so simple I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner... I just put a number 13 next to the 12 on the sundial. It's totally 13pm right now.

OMG I just hurled all over one of my slaves. That's the funniest s--- I've ever seen.

oOk I'm gonna do it with this babe from the shisha bar. Be back in five minutes."

9am-

"Ohhhh... Allah be merciful... where am I? My head hurts so much. I just ordered my slaves to fetch me a doctor. I woke up next to this large woman with a face that feels like sandpaper. I also noticed that I now have a tattoo on my chest that says "Property of Achmed Abdul Muhammed Mehmed Raul Hakeem Jaleel Rashim Ahmad Muhammad Jabar Tabriz al-Islam al-Musharraf dar Tabriz, the brutally well-endowed". I have no idea what that means. I've been told that the Seljuk turks are advancing on the capital. Why does it hurt to sit down? I need another drink..."

10am-

"I've been captured by the elbow-loving Seljuk Turks and placed in a dungeon with Achmed. Apparently we got married in a hotel and casino in Byzantium, although I cannot recall those events. Achmed looks a lot more menacing without all the makeup, and I fear he will harm me. Fortunately I still have a bit of a buzz going and I don't think the execution will be very painful. Perhaps Allah was wise to forbid the drinking of alcohol, as it has ruined both me and my entire Sultanate."

The lichen touches you! You kill the lichen. n - a tin. Open the tin? You succeed in opening the tin. This smells like newts. Eat it? Blecch! Rotten food! The room spins and goes dark. You regain consciousness. The straw golem attacks! You die...

You have been executed by the Seljuk Turks. Would you like to have your possessions identified? Y/N

_______________________
PS- I know that it's supposed to be 12am. But the man was drunk, so shaddup.

From the balcony of his impressive fortress of doom, the man in shadows gazed upon the masses below. They raised their new champion upon their shoulders and showered the Prince with flowers and confetti. They cheered as their chosen leader promised to bring hope and justice to the kingdom. The man in the shadows watched with a solemn glare upon his face, beneath the hardened exterior of his gilded armour. Not a word was uttered from the man in the shadows... but if the jubilant crowd could see what was lurking beneath the armour plated mask, they would all be silent.

The evil creature behind the mask was the very same who brought death and destruction to entire continents. His dark armies would rise from nothingness and spread terror and death wherever they went. Even those who pleaded their surrender would receive no mercy from the minions of darkness. All who dared mention his name would be put to a swift death, but the most terrifying aspect of all was the manner in which they died; in ways more gruesome than can be described in the limited form of words.

Through all this, the continent remained firmly in the grip of this dark lord. But for now, the few left unenslaved have chosen a hero to challenge the lord. He could easily crush this new Prince, but it seems that the council of elders, who swore a blood oath of allegiance to the dark lord, have betrayed him and thrown their support behind the Prince.

Even now, in the stronghold of Bern, the dark master could sense the daggers approaching. He knew their methods, for he himself had hired these assassins. Perhaps they did not know with whom they were dealing. With a sudden swift movement, he turned and let loose the knife he had concealed within his cloak. The rattle of death was the only sound that escaped the lips of the assassin, whose body crumpled to the ground in disgrace.

From the opposing direction; the whistle of an arrow piercing through the air. But too late, as the man in the golden mask had already swung his sword, slicing the thin projectile in half. As the assassin readied another, the dark warlord had already traversed the distance of the room and grasped his attacker by the throat, and with one powerful motion lifted him up and impaled the man through the stomach with his blade. His victim writhed in pain and watched in horror as the dark lord swung back his head. The cloak fell to the floor, along with the golden mask, revealing for the first time the brutally scarred face of the evil tyrant, who bared his teeth and bit down ferociously on the assassin's neck and face, tearing his flesh apart as his dying body become numb from the pain.

The assassin gasped in horror, but he could not speak as his throat was already torn apart. His broken body was tossed down from the balcony towards the crowd below, and landed in a crumpled heap in front of the Prince himself.

The procession immediately halted, and the horrifed rabble turned to their new champion to see what he would do.

But FactionHeir turned to the crowd and spoke:

"The dark reign of Askthepizzaguy has come to an end! Even now, the Forum Administrators are storming his fortress, and taking back the lands that are rightfully ours! He will trouble the Org no more!!!"

But it was at that moment that a bone-chilling cackle erupted from a man on horseback who had just escaped through the main gate. The rider tossed something in the direction of the Prince... it was the disembodied head of Grog, the former Blitzmaster.

"You're next, FactionHeir... you're next!" Called the man on horseback.

FactionHeir knew that this was far from over. But for now, the dark overlord had been forced from his home, and the Prince was crowned the Best Citadel Contributor of 2007. And for now, he had the support of the people, who cheered his name. "Long Live FactionHeir! Long Live FactionHeir!" the crowd chanted.

A hew, hopeful day has dawned. For now, the Org seemed safe. But could FactionHeir guarantee that Pizzaguy would not return for the 2008 Org awards? Perhaps not.

As the sun set on this dark and forbidding Citadel, the horseman galloped further into the forests of central Europe, to rally his troops and prepare for his inevitable assault. There would be never be peace in the Org so long as that warlord remained alive.

ATPG will return...

=======================================

A messanger arrives with an arrow still stuck in his midriff, he runs to the Khwarezm ambassador...

Good Merciful Allah!

WHY HASN'T ANYONE GOTTEN THIS MAN A DOCTOR??? HE IS BLEEDING ALL OVER THE CALIPH'S PALACE! HE'S CLEARLY DYING AND NO ONE HAS UTTERED A WORD!!! OH THE HUMANITY!!! THE HUMANITY!!! YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED FOR NOT EVEN TRYING TO HELP THIS MAN!! CALIPH, OH PLEASE HELP THIS MAN! WHERE IS THE DOCTOR??? HE HAS INTESTINES POKING THROUGH HIS ABDOMEN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! HELP! HELP!!! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP THIS MAN!!! WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES THAT THIS MAN IS DYING??? SOMEONE CALL IX,I,I!!!! HE'S LOSING CONSCIOUSNESS!!! I THINK HE'S BEEN MORTALLY WOUNDED!!! THE ARROW HAS PIERCED HIS LIVER, AND HE'S BLEEDING PROFUSELY!! HE IS GETTING COLD TO THE TOUCH!!!

Is that... is that his spleen?

MERCIFUL ALLAH HIS SPLEEN IS SHOWING!! THIS MAN IS LOSING HIS SPLEEN!!! SOMEONE HELP THIS MAN'S SPLEEN IT IS DYING!!! HE'S GOING TO DIE RIGHT HERE IN THE CALIPH'S PALACE!!

The Turk gives mouth-to-spleen resuscitation

THE SPLEEN IS DEAD!!! HIS SPLEEN HAS DIED, AND NOW THERE IS NO HOPE OF SAVING THIS POOR, DYING MAN!!!

turning to the Khwarezmid man

You're going to be all right. Don't you worry. Everything will be just fine. We can fix this small wound in a jiffy. By the way, did you see the gladiator match between Samson the Strangler and Cyrus the Syrian Assassin?

turning back to the assembly

HE'S ABOUT TO DIE!!! HE'S GOING TO DIE YOU HEARTLESS MONSTERS!!! WHY WON'T YOU HELP HIM??? PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF ALLAH, THIS MAN IS NEAR DEATH!!! HE HAS NO CHANCE OF SURVIVAL WHATSOEVER, NONE!!!! HE'S PRACTICALLY DEAD ALREADY!!!!

I CAN'T FEEL A PULSE!!!!

the Turk's aide has arrived with a medicine kit. He immediately begins open heart surgery on the dying Kwarezmid man.

WHY AM I OPERATING ON HIS HEART??? IT'S HIS SPLEEN WHICH I'VE TORN FROM HIS GAPING WOUND WHICH REQUIRES MEDICAL ATTENTION!!!

No matter, he's as good as dead anyways... maybe I could try something risky and ill-advised to attempt to save his life... first, I need about 150 feet of his intestines...

begins slashing up the intestines and begins to fashion bandages out of them

Now if I can just slide the spleen back into place and tie it around his heart which I've just cut open needlessly... and if I can saw off his leg...

begins sawing through bone

and take the meat from his leg and fashion new abdominal muscles... and take my large butcher knife which I carry with me for no apparent reason and hack off the skin and apply it to the huge opening in his chest... and wrap the intestines around the whole thing like a large bandage...

THERE! Good as new.

The Khwarezmid man is alive! HE'S ALIVE!!! I'VE SINGLE HANDEDLY SAVED THIS MAN'S LIFE!!! HE'S BREATHING!!! HE'S BREATHING!!! HE'S REGAINING CONSCIOUSNESS!!! HE'S GETTING BETTER!!! Wait...

.....

No... He has died. Sorry, didn't mean to get your hopes up. Ah well. Life goes on I guess. You gotta take the good with the bad, no one ever said life was a box of roses. You win some, you lose some. Every cloud has a silver lining. Wise men say, only fools run an empire without luxuries.

DISPOSE OF THE CORPSE!!!

==============================================

FAMOUS QUOTES FROM ASKTHEPIZZAGUY:

"I try to take a sledgehammer and smash my way across an entire continent in the most devastating way possible, demonstrating little regard for human suffering."

If you are a Western faction, and you find the horde intimidating, then go ahead and wimp out for a while. Let the Mongols come. Let the Timurids come. Let them sack city after city, and carve themselves a nice little Khanate from the Turkish, Russian, and Egyptian territory. Even let them push into Byzantium and Poland. Let them get drunk with celebratory wine and fat with meat from their victory feasts. Let them get spread out over half of the map, and let them grow complacent in their conquest. Let them disperse into the lands and thin out their ranks. Let them garrison cities that they have taken, and watch as their assaulting forces dwindle. Let them think they have won, and watch as they drop their guard. Now they have become a foolish, bloated empire, completely unprepared for a massive counterstrike. NOW STRIKE THEM! Charge full force through their lands, taking back each city one by one, demolishing what is left of their assault forces, and continue until every last one of these Mongrels are dead. Rinse and repeat for the Timurid scum.

Yes, I agree with you about how focusing on economy and general traits feels more like the Sims and Simcity than a blood n guts medieval war game.
"Hey guys, this morning I finally got my third lieutenant general up to the level of decent administrator! Tomorrow, I am going for the gold...
ABOVE AVERAGE ADMINISTRATOR"!!!
cuts to dramatic prairie dog *dunn dunn dunnnnn!*
"Now instead of only collecting 1173 florins per turn, I get to collect 1245!"
*YAWN!* points crossbow at own head
Good-bye, cruelty-free world...

When the Scots go to war, it's in full-length pink ballroom gowns, or nothing else. There's nothing more intimidating than a man whose genitalia could be exposed to you at any moment due to strong winds.

Factions like England on the other hand, are hated and despised and must be dealt with quickly. If you let them conquer Scotland, then their only options are to sit around for 300 turns with a thumb in thier arse, or attack France or Denmark (or Spain, I guess)... or go on some damn-fool crusade which will strand thier family members in hostile territory with no safe way back.

Trust England? I wouldn't!

Wait... I'm England in this game, aren't I?
:sweatdrop:

An inquisitor killed my 10 star 10 chivarly faction leader one time. He had to have had at least 6 piety as well. Needless to say, I reloaded.

Sometimes you just have to tell your computer that he's being a bad m'wittow kitty, and you have to say "no" and SMACK HIM ON THE HEAD and say "no Kitty this is my pot pie! No Kitty that's a bad kitty!"

And then you reload and say "That's a good m'wittow kitty. Now don't try burning my Saintly faction leader at the stake again, or else I will have to rip out your motherboard and smash it repeatedly with my authentic medieval war axe which I keep handy in case anyone ever challenges me to an axefight to the death."

The Turkish Sultanate wishes to announce that it is now called:

The Jolly Throatwarbler's Association of Amalgamated Spats, Key Lime Pie Eater's Anonymous, and the Society for the Prevention of Cruely to Dingleberries, Third House on the Left After the Bernie's Pizzeria and Tasty Food Emporium, Union of the Pickled Porpoise Street, West Winchestertonfieldville, The Shire of the Purple Rabbit with Rather Elongated Breasts and Sensitive Nipples, 3rd Lunar Colony of the Happy Starfish

...unless of course people stop renaming their factions. And we insist that the full name be used, even in casual conversation. No abbreviations allowed.

Enjoy more of me being me. This is much better than a user page. I'm working on more songs.

ANYONE HERE WANT A SONG DEDICATED TO THEM?

Beefy187

03-09-2009, 12:12

:yes:

Askthepizzaguy

03-10-2009, 02:42

Beefy187
based on American Idiot (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaK-_UxkxUo) by Green Day
New lyrics by Askthepizzaguy

Don't wanna be made entirely out of Beef
Especially not when I am playing Mafia
And can you hear the sound of the lynch mob?
They're coming to lynch Beefy once again.

Welcome to Beefy's dillemma
They're always coming to kill ya
He's the town's most popular lynch target

With futile dreams of tomorrow
Beefy's life will always end in sorrow
For the town will always lynch you

Well maybe he'll come to America
And be part of a flame-broiled burger
Now everybody order the number three
The Triple Whopper with all the extra cheese

Welcome to Beefy's dillemma
They're always coming to kill ya
He's the town's most popular lynch target

With futile dreams of tomorrow
Beefy's life will always end in sorrow
For the town will always lynch you

Don't want to end up like Beefy187
For he's sure to end up in Beefy heaven
He's the ruler of all of Beefydom
Come on and sing right along with him

Welcome to Beefy's dillemma
They're always coming to kill ya
He's the town's most popular lynch target

With futile dreams of tomorrow
Beefy's life will always end in sorrow
For the town will always lynch you

Askthepizzaguy

03-10-2009, 10:04

An interesting name has been added to the list of potential players in Capo de Tutti Capi III.

Veterans will know who I am talking about... :mellow:

:smash: :smash: :smash: :smash: :smash:

shlin28

03-10-2009, 17:13

KOMMODUS IS BACK!!!

MIDAS VS. Holmes! :clown:

Askthepizzaguy

03-10-2009, 19:42

Before there's an explosion in your pants, I must say there's nothing firm yet! :laugh2:

Beefy187

03-11-2009, 01:24

Kommodus is back!!???

WOOOOOO!!!:dizzy2:

Jolt

03-11-2009, 20:02

..Who is Commodus? He is the guy Russel Crowe wtfpwned at the end of Gladiator? Will I do the role of Russel Crowe in Capo?

Beefy187

03-12-2009, 00:23

..Who is Commodus? He is the guy Russel Crowe wtfpwned at the end of Gladiator? Will I do the role of Russel Crowe in Capo?

No he is the guy who completely alternates history by by beating the crap out of Russel Crowe with his bare hands. His that awesome :yes:

Askthepizzaguy

03-12-2009, 00:26

Kommodus is my long lost father...

~:mecry:

:clown:

ULC

03-12-2009, 16:32

Read through ATPG story again, and luaghed a lot at Ares getting stuck as Yoda for the most part. However, I continue to disagree with the assertion that I am the whiny Anakin/ Cruel Darth Vader - I am a much more idealistic Sith ~;p

glyphz

03-16-2009, 07:27

THE END

The Godfather, Episode III

Created by Silver Rusher
Adaptation by GeneralHankerchief
Directed by Stephen_Spielburg187

Cast:

Anakin Skywalker- YLC
Obi-Wan Kenobi- Chaotix27
Count Dooku- Seamus Fermanagh
Darth Sidious- Askthepizzaguy
Master Yoda- 777Ares777
General Grievous- Sasaki Kojiro
Mace Windu- shlin28
Darth Maul- seireikhaan
Senator Amidala- boudica
Young Darth Vader- pevergreen
Viceroy Gunray- Beey187
Ki-Adi-Mundi- Psychonaut
Bail Organa- Quintus.JC
Boba Fett- TevashSzat
Jabba the Hutt- White_Eyes:D
Chewbacca- Gaius Scribonius Curio
Commander Cody- TinCow
Sebulba- Sigurd
Han Solo- glyphz
Watto- CountArach
Qui-gon Jinn- Ichigo
Jar-Jar Binks- Tratorix
Loyalist Lurker #1- Taka
Loyalist Lurker #2- Ignoramus
C-3P0- LittleGrizzly
R2-D2- Jolt
Jango Fett- Lord Winter
Luke Skywalker- Reenk Roink
Lord Vader- Andres

Extras:

"It's" man (Monty Python's Flying Circus)- Ituralde
Kenny McCormack (South Park)- Myrddraal

See you in the Godfather, Episode IV: A New Hope.
Might as well ask why I'm Han Solo. Very amusing read btw :laugh4::bow:

edit: Just realized this is only my first post here, when I've visited so many times before...

Askthepizzaguy

03-16-2009, 07:46

Well, a combination of factors. You weren't very talkative, and I was sure you were on our side. And I was running out of cool characters to give people to. If you were more in the forefront of the activity I would have given you an Episode III-appropriate character.

Besides, you're glyphz! If you're not Han Solo, I don't know who else is. Say hi to Chewbacca for me.

Thermal

03-16-2009, 21:38

And why Yoda? :clown: Besides the fact I can actually successfully do a Yoda accent :cool:

Askthepizzaguy

03-16-2009, 21:53

because, Master Ares, you have much suspicion of the lurkers, indeed. In that game, you had a very special jedi Master role, being the vigilante, you were. And, you were one of the awesome, non-traitorous good guys.

Your line about the lurkers being suspect fit into the dialogue perfectly, plus near the end, myself (Sidious) and you (Yoda) have the awesomest showdown ever.

Whacker

03-16-2009, 21:58

Please tell me that you did NOT waste your money on Empire, pizza...

Askthepizzaguy

03-16-2009, 22:00

I figured it was a big pile of feces long ago. Started the gunpowder-haters club (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/group.php?groupid=38). of course I didn't buy it. Why do you ask?

Whacker

03-16-2009, 22:04

Just making sure that you are keeping your soul pure and untarnished as always. You did not disappoint.

Hugs and kisses,
:balloon2:

Thermal

03-16-2009, 22:13

If your turning this TOTAL WAR forum into an Empire hate place I suggest you do it else where :stare: :laugh4:

Whacker

03-17-2009, 02:09

Empire sucks, so did M2TW, it's been a sharp downhill slide/fall/train wreck since then. CA fanboyism belongs in the ETW subforum. This thraed is for the worship, glory, and approbation of all things Pizza. Your compliance is both mandatory and appreciated.

:bow:

:balloon2:

Yoyoma1910

03-30-2009, 06:09

So...

How's the corner?

Askthepizzaguy

03-30-2009, 06:10

Pretty lonely at the moment. What's up with you, Yoyoma?

Yoyoma1910

04-01-2009, 06:47

Making maps.

Askthepizzaguy

04-01-2009, 06:50

Diana Abnoba is looking for a signature line, and also quotes.

I wonder if you guys can help me come up with stuff for her.

Edit: Does this all fit on the page? My signature images?

Yoyoma1910

04-01-2009, 07:03

:laugh4:hahahah:laugh4:.

My monitor went out around the same time as my graphics card.

I'm using my backup 15"... nothing fits on my screen.

Askthepizzaguy

04-01-2009, 07:08

Do you like the King of Hearts card? I think, given my suicidal performance in Chicago, Godfather, Prometheus, Settlement, Medieval Mafia, Jubal's Mafia, and now the Fight for Inishmore, I have earned a rep for being careless with my life. I think it resulted in more positives than negatives, too.

Anything to make sure that my play style isn't boring, quite frankly. Reenk Roink amazes me, and I wanted to be known for "pizzaish" behavior. Reenk is Reenk, Pizza is Pizza.

Yoyoma1910

04-01-2009, 07:17

Digging it, man.

I'll see if I can help Diana with a sig. Just give me some background to work with.

Anyway, I'm out for the night. Later.

Csargo

04-01-2009, 09:31

I have come to worship the pizza. I bow before thee. :bow:

Askthepizzaguy

04-01-2009, 09:37

You're always welcome here, Ichigo.

I hope you are feeling up to joining one of my games soon. :smash:

Diana Abnoba

04-03-2009, 06:33

Hello guys! Just checking in. :book:

Beefy187

04-03-2009, 13:57

Nice sigs Diana :2thumbsup:

Diana Abnoba

04-03-2009, 17:28

Thanks Beefy, By the way I really do like yours also. :2thumbsup:

ULC

04-03-2009, 18:52

I decided, at some point (must be stupidity induced by euphoria), that I'd make my 2000 post, in here, this thread, of all places.

I contemplated for quite sometime (this is within what is "quite sometime" within my head - for many of you, this is not very long at all) as to etch into history on this momentous occiasion for myself. However, I am unable to think of anything and have thus wasted what might have been an incredible post at any other given time of deep, reverberating, intelligent thought.

Instead, I have created this waste of space, which is, under many circumstances, considered spam. However, du to the nature of the post, poster, and thread in which it was made, the ingredients necessary for spam are not present, thus negating me spamming at all.

I have, in light of this dilemma, created a new phrase to accomadting what would normally be spamming in an area that lacks said ingredients to do so.

ATPGing, or Pizzaguying

As we know, spam is created from a mishmash of ingredients no sane person would eat or tolerate where they to be separated and taken individualy. Thus, what happens when you take one ingredient post, one ingredient sensless post, and a ton of toppings that rightfull belong on a pizza and put them in a blender, with the lid off, on puree?

Either a gory mess or a frankenstein parody of the gingerbreadman - the Pizzaguy. Utterly useless in conception, completely redundant in use, distrubingly tasty, oddly well constructed, inherently faulty in creation, the Pizzaguy, to Pizzaguy, or Pizzaguying has surpassed spam in lack of purpose but has it exceed it where spam has always fallen short.

No, not substance, nor reduncy. No, Pizzaguy, to Pizzaguy, or Pizzaguying is monumental in exquisite construction and taste. And no, not in actual taste, for one does not eat Pizzaguy, to Pizzaguy, or Pizzaguying, for it is an idea, not an actual thig to eat - if it was, it would border on cannabilism for a select few people (although it might be argued that meatlovers pizza's are different enough from veggie pizzas to allow for some discrepency).

But rather in the artful, luxurious sense of being absolutely beautiful and stunning while at the same time being only ephermically helpful. Many Pizzaguy, to pizzaguy, pizzaguying's are extremely long, and are in general filled with either dark, sardonic accusations or stuffed with light hearted humor (depends on how you like your crust).

So thus, I congratulate you, sir ATPG, on developing and continuing to refine your Pizzaguy, to Pizzaguy, Pizzaguying skills. The world would try to be a lot less articulate without you.

Askthepizzaguy

04-03-2009, 22:25

edit

Askthepizzaguy

04-04-2009, 15:58

The Committee Council Commission for the Chamber Of Consultants who represent the Task Force of the Agency Board Division for the Office Of Appointment of the Service Department of the Tribunal Bureau for the Confederation of Ineffective and Failed Townies Association Alliance Affiliation Partnership Anonymous.

Or FTAA for short. It's spelled just how it sounds: "f'taaah". Say it; it's fun to say. "f'taaah!"

Greetings, fellow failed townie committee peoples. I hereby smash the smiley gavel :smash: and bring to order the first meeting of the commiseration of townie failures. We will hold meetings here at Pizzaguy's corner, because it makes no sense to spam all kinds of new threads when I'm not doing a whole lot with my own. So far, all the committee members are attending. Grand Magistrate of the "Reading of Last Week's Minutes" Committee, would you please read off the minutes from last week's meeting? Oh wait, I'm the Grand Magistrate. Okay let me find the minutes from last week's meeting.... let's see... where did I put.... ok here it is:

"twelve".

There, that's how many minutes it took. Although I can't find any other records from last week's meeting because we didn't have a meeting last week. Committee Council Commission Chairman, would you please open the floor to discuss why we didn't have a meeting last week? Oh yeah, we didn't form the Committee Council Commission until just a few minutes ago. Grand Admiral for the association of amalgamated administrators for the task force of reading the attendance list, would you please take attendance? *puts on a different hat* Yes, Committee Council Commission Chairman, I will do so. All who are present say "aye". *takes off the hat and sits in a vacant seat* "Aye" *puts the hat back on and stands at the podium*

Okay, so Councilman Pizzaguy is present. All members are accounted for, Committee Council Commission Chairman. Shall we sing the official song of the The Committee Council Commission for the Chamber Of Consultants who represent the Task Force of the Agency Board Division for the Office Of Appointment of the Service Department of the Tribunal Bureau for the Confederation of Ineffective and Failed Townies Association Alliance Affiliation Partnership Anonymous?

*sits down in a vacant chair in the front row*

I don't have one prepared, so I will just make one up on the spot. *ahem*

"The Official Song of the committee council yada yada yada...."

We always fight for gloooo-oooory
and we always fight for truuuuu-uuuuth
and we always lynch poor Beefy because
his beefsteaks are just too goooo-oood.

*takes deep breath*

Weeeeeeeeee
always fight for juuuu-uuustice
and we always fight in vain
and we always lynch poor Pizzaguy cause
he's such an annoying pain.

*takes deep breath*

Weeeeeeeee
always fight for gameroom town
and we always praise the good workers
and we always lynch poor Lord Winter
because we always kill lurkers.

*takes deep breath*

Weeeeeeeee
always fight for the lower classes
and we always lynch the bourgeois
and we always lynch poor Boudica
because she's always mafia.

*takes deep breath*

Weeeeeeeee
always fight for the little guys
and we lynch Seamus Fermanagh
and we always take down all the shifty green guys
who call themselves the "mods".

*takes deep breath*

Weeeeeeeee
always fight confuuu-uuusion
and we won't be misunderstood
There's only one ATPG so lynch
Alexander the Pretty Good.

*takes deep breath*

Weeeeeeeee
always fight for the innocent
even when it's an all-out mafia brawl
and we always lynch poor Silver Rusher
For eating a spicy meat-a-ball.

*takes deep breath*

Weeeeeeeee
always always fight the wiseguys
with much cunning and dishonesty
and we always lynch Sasaki Kojiro
because he's always so very guilty.

*takes deep breath*

Weeeeeeeee
always fight for townie-ness
and we always avoid the WOG
and we don't allow for suicides
and we lynch Ichigo for not talk...ing.

*takes a very, very deep breath*

Weeeeeeeee
always fight for spammy posts
and we always let spam win!
And we always kill Ares with those sevens
cause he's bright and spammy and full of... glim... mer. :help:

*takes a ridiculously deep breath*All right, that's enough, councilman. This is starting to freak me out. When do you suppose we will get more members, Grand Admiral for the... attendance thingy? Hello? Ok apparently the Grand Admiral is passed out in his official senior committee member chair. Well, I am sure more members will show up soon.

*sound of crickets chirping*

*sound of wolf howling in the distance*

*sound of a pin dropping*

*sound of a paramecium farting*

That's fine! No, that's just fine! I'll run this committee and all 127 senior membership positions by myself! You don't think I can do it? Huh? Huh? I think you've forgotten just how crazy I am!!!
:mad:

Meeting adjourned. :medievalcheers: :smash:

Caius

04-04-2009, 16:30

I am Caius the German, notable Senator in the Council of the People, expelled after speaking like a true senator, living in Central Gallia, thinking about Capitalism.

That's my new title for teh Failed Townie Association.

Askthepizzaguy

04-04-2009, 16:39

We will have our meetings here because social groups don't notify you when someone posts a message.

But I formed a social group (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/group.php?groupid=76) for failed townies anyway.

ELITEofWARMANGINGERYBREADMEN88

04-04-2009, 16:48

What type of Pizza do you like :clown:?

Askthepizzaguy

04-04-2009, 16:52

The Committee Commission Chairman does not recognize the noble Warman8888_888_88888888888 at this time.

*throws an entire cake made out of warmans (8 of them, to be precise) directly at antiwarmancake.

In order to be recognized, you must say "aye" or make up a funny sounding title for yourself. For example, the chairman of the "Commission for the Committee of Inquiry into the salty nature of cashews and the mysteriousness of milk, and also, funny hats, association."

:bow:

Beefy187

04-05-2009, 01:07

I, sir Beefy of Beefdom proudly will proudly present him self to you. I am the master of unintentional WIFOM and false logic, being awarded with the honorable title / nickname "The food for the party".

While I do not enjoy it, I often end up being lynched, hanged and burned for the beefsteak I produce when being lynched.

I offer my service in the FTAA to improve my self to a better being and hopefully promote my self from beef steak to Beef Steak with mashroom sauce.

I bow to the founder :bow:

Askthepizzaguy

04-05-2009, 01:38

Don't forget to join the social group, Master Beefy. :bow:

Thermal

04-05-2009, 01:39

Don't forget to join the social group, Master Beefy. :bow:

Don't forget to add my rhyme master Pizza :bow:

Diana Abnoba

04-05-2009, 19:29

May I join also, well I've only played 1 game so far and was mafia. I can be your host and make sure we have plenty of snacks for the meetings. I will make sure to have milk, cashews, pizza of all types cut into small slices, and the barbecue going for the beef...oooh I mean fresh grass for beefy. :oops:
(just kidding beefy).

Askthepizzaguy

04-07-2009, 11:36

Come one, come all, members of the Settlement Game, to the Failed Townies Anonymous Association. Membership is very, very secret. So secret that it's actually public knowledge, which is more like the reverse of "secret". But that's just to throw them off and make them THINK they know who is part of the FTAA. Little do they realize they actually had the correct information all along. Is this Wine In Front Of Me? There's only one way to find out: I'll drink the wine I poured. THIS is how committed I am to secrecy.

*falls over dead*

Diana Abnoba

04-07-2009, 16:46

Nooooo we can't lose the founder! I'm a nurse I will save him. 1mg epi stat, and hand me the paddles, charging...ready...clear...shock...check for pulse...none...clear...shock...check for pulse...none...clear...shock... :nurse:

Askthepizzaguy

04-07-2009, 17:13

You don't need the drugs, but I did enjoy the paddling.

Askthepizzaguy

04-08-2009, 00:43

There is a link in my signature line, don't miss it! Not sure what a mafia game is? It's something very, very fun. Please don't hesitate to ask me a question! Click on the big fat blue title of the game, and it should take you directly to the sign-up sheet.

Beefy187

04-08-2009, 03:05

Askthepizzaguy

04-12-2009, 02:59

Workbench, nothing to see here.

Diana Abnoba

04-12-2009, 03:40

Vegie for beefy Vegie for beefy! :2thumbsup:

Okay vegie. What kind do you want? Do we need anything else? :stupido:

Beefy187

04-12-2009, 08:05

Okay vegie. What kind do you want? Do we need anything else? :stupido:

Caesar salad and a Martini. Dry

More realistic choice would be any vegies which is soft and chewy.

Askthepizzaguy

05-05-2009, 00:09

deleted.

Diana Abnoba

05-05-2009, 02:01

I think that the Star Wars game would make a good large game also. I would like to try a smaller game this time, so maybe the Valentine's one or which ever one that you want (you are the host, it's your game, so do what you want). Let me know what you decide and I will sign up. :2thumbsup:

Beefy187

05-05-2009, 02:59

I am much better Star Wars nerd then a Simpsons Fan :2thumbsup:

Starwars will be great :yes:

Askthepizzaguy

07-02-2009, 00:24

Askthepizzaguy presents: Ask the pizza guy.

In our first installment, Beskar asks:

Beskar: Who is "Askthepizzaguy in drag"?

Askthepizzaguy: *sigh* A LONG time ago, I was part of the Last of the Romans game. TheFlax was playing the Princess, daughter of the Byzantine emperor, and so his avatar was a female. So, as a joke, I decided to make an account for myself so I could run around in drag. And then I forgot the password. So now, anyone who tries to send me a PM, sees "Askthepizzaguy" and "Askthepizzaguy in drag", and it will never ever go away. The joke, as they say, was on me.

Stunningly hilarious. So just remember that sad tale every time you send me a PM, and chuckle at my expense. :laugh4:

I'll take further questions.

Cultured Drizzt fan

07-02-2009, 00:29

I would love to hear if there is a story behind this, or if it was just a boredom induced rampage!

Biggus Dickus Maximus (Askthepizzaguy)
Dictator Perpetuo

Owned Settlements:
Wome and Jewusalem

Woman Armies:
An all-woman batallion consisting of the ones that wank the highest in all of Wome!

Miscellaneous
He's the size of a Dachschund, and he's hungry.

every time I go in the SOT thread I see this and just get drawn to it.... its like a car crash....

Askthepizzaguy

07-02-2009, 00:35

I can't even see the post anymore because it's been deleted.

Biggus Dickus
the name of a Roman in the Life of Brian Monty Python movie.

Wome and Jewusalem
How Biggus Dickus pronounces Rome and Jerusalem.

Woman armies
Roman armies.

An all-woman batallion consisting of the ones that wank the highest in all of Wome!
An all Roman batallion consisting of the ones that rank the highest in all of Rome.

Miscellaneous: He's the size of a Dachschund, and he's hungry.
Referring to the size of Biggus Dickus. He's a pretty large bearded dude.

And yes, I was really bored that day and I wanted to spread some chuckles around. The post was promptly deleted. Thank you for reviving it from the netherworld. :laugh4:

Cultured Drizzt fan

07-02-2009, 00:37

yes, kind of a moderator helper there (although I don't do much) and I can see all of the deleted posts.
It is pretty humorous though! :laugh4::laugh4:

(I REALLY need to see The life of Brian movie.....)

Askthepizzaguy

07-02-2009, 05:43

I wouldn't mind being an assistant mod. I am one over at TWC, and I'm pretty much the only one who is moderating the mafia section as the official moderator hasn't been seen there in a while. (Jubal_Barca)

Iskander 3.1

07-09-2009, 01:53

Alright, I think I'll take a seat here in the corner.
Here's my question:
Just what is the sound of one hand clapping?

Askthepizzaguy

07-10-2009, 00:53

Just what is the sound of one hand clapping?

:2thumbsup:

*slaps Iskander in the face* :clown:

Askthepizzaguy

07-23-2009, 16:30

Sorry to spam my own thread, but those of you who are interested and signed up here to be invited to Capo di Tutti Capi III... the game is getting ready to start! Don't miss out, even if you don't play mafia often... even if you've never played mafia...

If you don't know what it is, just ask!