So how can I do this without being creepy [Archive]

Tuuvi

06-07-2011, 06:28

So a few months ago this girl came into my work looking for one of the managers. She recognized me from a class we had together a while ago and she stopped to talk to me for a little bit. Then last week she added me on facebook and she wrote on my wall and when I replied she wrote back "sweet you remember me etc.".

Lately I haven't had anyone to hang out with because a lot of my friends have moved away or are working a lot so I thought it would be cool to ask her if she wanted to hang out, but then when I got on her facebook to send her a message what I planned to write felt awkward and a little creepy. I've always been a little shy about approaching people and most of the friends I've made over the years approached me first so that's why I'm having trouble with this.

How can I phrase the question without sounding weird?

And yes she's really cute, which is probably another reason why I'm a little nervous about it, but I'm not sure if I want to pursue a relationship at this point; I'm mostly just sick of doing nothing but working and sitting around the house and I figured since she went out of her way to talk to me she might be interested in hanging out.

Centurion1

06-07-2011, 06:37

either don't do it. Usually if something makes you feel creepy you are most likely doing something creepy. And while she may not know you have the best intentions she may find it creepy.

But if you do want to do it dont write a long awkward message. Just be like hey you seem like fun i was wondering if you would like to go grab coffee or lunch or something throw me your number if you want to plan something. If she doesnt who cares at least you did and a thousand did and failed are better than one i could have.

PanzerJaeger

06-07-2011, 09:32

If her exact words were "sweet you remember me", she is into you.

Strike For The South

06-07-2011, 09:36

If her exact words were "sweet you remember me", she is into you.

Or she could just be looking for attention like many young girls

OP: Ask her out, if she says no, then so it goes

BUT FOR GOD SAKE don't be akwarad. Just strike up a conversation and see where it goes

Shes just a girl

Shes just a girl

Shes just a girl

Reading the frontroom has drven me to the bottle ~:(

Is one success story to much to ask for?

Hax

06-07-2011, 09:38

Is one success story to much to ask for?

Do you want to hear the story of how I met my current girlfriend?

PanzerJaeger

06-07-2011, 09:53

Or she could just be looking for attention like many young girls

From my experience, that is a very loaded phrase. If a girl is excited at the very prospect of being remembered by a guy, she likes him on some level. In any event, by so actively engaging with him, the girl has removed any creepiness from the situation. He is perfectly within the bounds of commonly understood contemporary social norms to ask her to hang out via Facebook. Of course, one never wants to ask someone on a date through any social networking application, but if the hang out goes well - there's his opening if he chooses to use it.

Centurion1

06-07-2011, 09:54

or mine? do you want my facebook so you can see her? that should cheer you up.

Strike For The South

06-07-2011, 10:00

or mine? do you want my facebook so you can see her? that should cheer you up.

Do you want to hear the story of how I met my current girlfriend?

lulz, I'm sure both of yall have very nice g/fs. 1 joke about wimmen and the forum explodes.

@Cent Pics will only be accepted with you in them and with as little clothing as possible

From my experience, that is a very loaded phrase. If a girl is excited at the very prospect of being remembered by a guy, she likes him on some level. In any event, by so actively engaging with him, the girl has removed any creepiness from the situation. He is perfectly within the bounds of commonly understood contemporary social norms to ask her to hang out via Facebook. Of course, one never wants to ask someone on a date through any social networking application, but if the hang out goes well - there's his opening if he chooses to use it.
So we agree

Most excellent

Centurion1

06-07-2011, 10:07

@Cent Pics will only be accepted with you in them and with as little clothing as possible

this can be arranged

on a more serious note since she contacted you on facebook you are no longer a creep as has been mentioned.

Strike For The South

06-07-2011, 10:08

My pm box awaits

Subotan

06-07-2011, 11:41

At least OP is not driven solely by a desire to get into her pants, which I guess is an improvement upon the current infestation of "How do I get into this girl's pants/why did this girl not let me into her pants" threads.

Do you want to hear the story of how I met my current girlfriend?
I imagine it involves a hookah, a mandolin and EB. Do tell.

Csargo

06-07-2011, 11:43

Do you want to hear the story of how I met my current girlfriend?

Haxball I do want to hear your story.

Subotan

06-07-2011, 11:46

Storytime Hax, Storytime!

naut

06-07-2011, 11:56

But if you do want to do it dont write a long awkward message. Just be like hey you seem like fun i was wondering if you would like to go grab coffee or lunch or something throw me your number if you want to plan something. If she doesnt who cares at least you did and a thousand did and failed are better than one i could have.
This. Get her number and call her.

This will result in two things, if she gives you her number she's open to you and it shows you've got guts.

I'm gonna make a tally of how many of these types of posts I've made. Currently 999^2.

Rhyfelwyr

06-07-2011, 13:40

If her exact words were "sweet you remember me", she is into you.

idk

I could give you lots of examples of girls saying things that people would easily take as an example of showing attraction, but sometimes people just act differently and interpret these things in different ways.

My theory as to why we keep making this mistake in reading too much into things, is that this is a gaming forum. Most of us are probably not the most outgoing people, so when girls are more outgoing and touchy-feely/whatever towards us, what seems like just normal interaction to them seems like more than that to us.

Subotan

06-07-2011, 17:10

[QUOTE=Rhyfelwr;2053323981]I could give you lots of examples of girls saying things that people would easily take as an example of showing attraction, but sometimes people just act differently and interpret these things in different ways.
[QUOTE]
That's why conversation exists, so we can find out what other people actually think, as opposed to what we have to imply.

Hax

06-07-2011, 18:34

Haxball I do want to hear your story.

Oh god..

Okay, what happened is I met her at a ball, and I immediately said to myself "what a cute girl, she's worth looking into". So after the dance was over I approached her and we made some talks and we exchanged our names for Facebook, all the time while her friends looked at us in their typical "what the hell is going on here" way of looking. In any case, we started talking a lot after that, for about two weeks, at which point we decided to go to another ball. She later told me that she had to tell everyone that "it's not a date, we're just going there together", while I was telling myself "it's not a date, she doesn't mean anything by it, we're just friends".

Well, sure enough, during one of the last and in fact not really one of the most romantic dances (a polka, yeah, seriously (who makes this stuff up, why not during a mazurka or walse in five times, but eh)), suddenly our faces touched and fireworks happened. That was a month and two weeks ago, and ever since (well, except during our exam period), we've been hanging around eachother as much as possible.

Related, and probably not for the weak of heart:

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/247620_175736875817313_100001430051272_438893_3660698_n.jpg

Louis VI the Fat

06-07-2011, 18:36

OP: Ask her out, if she says no, then so it goes

BUT FOR GOD SAKE don't be akwarad. Just strike up a conversation and see where it goes

Shes just a girl

Shes just a girl

Shes just a girl

Reading the frontroom has drven me to the bottle ~:(

Is one success story to much to ask for?:iloveyou:

Rhyfelwyr

06-07-2011, 18:57

That's why conversation exists, so we can find out what other people actually think, as opposed to what we have to imply.

Wait you're telling me I have to talk to them? ~:confused:

No but seriously, even still that doesn't always clear things up.

Subotan

06-07-2011, 19:16

Oh god..
Aww. That's as close as anything I've ever seen on the .Org to being adorable.

Wait you're telling me I have to talk to them? ~:confused:
Yeah, poking is kinda insufficient.

No but seriously, even still that doesn't always clear things up.

Well, in that case you're dealing with somebody who is a bit crazy. And you know the maxim...

Fisherking

06-07-2011, 19:25

Wait you're telling me I have to talk to them? ~:confused:

No but seriously, even still that doesn't always clear things up.

That is because you are the eternal pessimist.

When you expect the worst you usually get it.

You won't believe it but the same is true of success.

Stop thinking and acting like Eeyore and be a bit more like Tigger. :laugh4:

ELITEofWARMANGINGERYBREADMEN88

06-07-2011, 20:12

Don't poke her on Facebook.

:laugh4: :juggle2:

Rhyfelwyr

06-07-2011, 22:15

That is because you are the eternal pessimist.

When you expect the worst you usually get it.

You won't believe it but the same is true of success.

Stop thinking and acting like Eeyore and be a bit more like Tigger. :laugh4:

I only got like this through experience. You may remember what happened in my last couple of girl threads. I was positive, but without a happy ending.

I will give you an example, since I know you all absolutely love to hear them!

Well, one girl (from an older girl thread) would always touch me literally every time I walk past. Or run up and hug me sometimes. And come to the staff room and hold my hand to take me back to work after my break (lol). And if I was standing about she would come and say hello and giggle (lol again). And says "I like you", and "I love you". And just a couple of weeks ago the boss says he thinks we have a "thing" (so its not all me over-analyzing) because she kept talking to me. In fact that same day she was joking and said she was going to follow me around, and told me a couple of stories about how she kept having to take all her clothes off.

Now when you read it like that you would think there is something there? But no, she has a boyfriend. And I moved on to my woes from the more recent girl thread (gah!).

But these things can get taken the wrong way when you are like me. I'm the sort of person people usually just know not to touch with a bargepole, so when girls act like that it throws me off.

I'm probably one of very few people to never have been casual friends with a girl due to the nature of my friendship groups in school, so maybe thats why I never see them as just being friendly...

Drunk Clown

06-08-2011, 17:11

Related, and probably not for the weak of heart:

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/247620_175736875817313_100001430051272_438893_3660698_n.jpg

Are you the guy on the left?

Rhyfelwyr

06-08-2011, 19:01

Are you the guy on the left?

Oh no you didn't...

Hax

06-08-2011, 22:15

Are you the guy on the left?

They see me trollin', they hatin'.

Peasant Phill

06-08-2011, 22:20

I know these kind of threads are about 78% of all the entertainment around here and I'll probably post one in a period between tomorrow and say a month but these things are really simple:

Man up and and ask her out for something innocent like a movie, a lunch, ... in a straight forward way ASAP. She might say yes she might say no but at least you won't obsess about it.

Oh hax, I really like your hat.

Tuuvi

06-09-2011, 08:23

Well I was able to think of something to start a conversation about, so I exchanged some messages with her and then I asked her if she wanted to hang out. That was my preferred method all along, but at first I couldn't think of anything to talk about, so I thought maybe I should just cut to the chase and see if she wanted to hang out, but like I said earlier it just didn't feel right. Thanks for the advice guys.

Centurion1

06-09-2011, 08:34

what did she say

Strike For The South

06-09-2011, 12:03

Hax

06-09-2011, 14:21

SFTS, highlight me the next time you're in the chat. I missed you :(

Louis VI the Fat

06-09-2011, 18:18

I have 5 topics and I have never met the girl

You guise srsly you guiseThe last time I needed to approach a girl I just sat myself next to her, and just started balbbering away about how this knee injury costed me my profesional football career and blahblahblah, she totally dug it then I went on how I think 138 thousand euros a week is overrated anyway and that my athletic abilities only interfered with my poetry ambition and 'do you want to hear one of my poems' and I made one up one the spot and it was real funny and then I said I would love to make another poem about your beauty but this one serious but I need my guitar for that but it is in my room I need to go get it and then she offered to walk with me...

Tuuvi

06-09-2011, 18:28

what did she say

She said she was really tired and she didn't think she'd be able to hang out anytime in the near future. I thought for sure she'd say yes but oh well maybe next time :shrug:

I have 5 topics and I have never met the girl

You guise srsly you guise

lol I'm not like that I can't go up to a person I don't know and just start talking it doesn't matter if it's a cute girl or just some guy sitting next to me in class. Sure I should probably work on being a little more outgoing but other than that I don't really care I've gotten a long fine so far.

Tuuvi

06-09-2011, 18:31

She said she was really tired and she didn't think she'd be able to hang out anytime in the near future. I thought for sure she'd say yes but oh well maybe next time

I'm kidding she said yea we should and she gave me her number

Scienter

06-09-2011, 19:43

Or she could just be looking for attention like many young girls

Is one success story to much to ask for?

TinCow asked me out for the first time over email. Clearly, I didn't think it was creepy since we've been married for 7+ years. :laugh4:

Secura

06-10-2011, 00:07

TinCow asked me out for the first time over email. Clearly, I didn't think it was creepy since we've been married for 7+ years. :laugh4:

Cuuuuuute! <3

Rhyfelwyr

06-10-2011, 00:23

I'm kidding she said yea we should and she gave me her number

Success stories are not allowed in the Frontroom.

Samurai Waki

06-10-2011, 00:36

Good on ya' Chuchip...

Hax

06-10-2011, 14:31

I agree with Secura here. Very cute.

Strike For The South

06-11-2011, 08:11

#winning

Yay the 20 of us have a date

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO WEAR

Moros

06-11-2011, 13:50

It's not what you wear that matters, it's how quickly you can take it off.

Hax

06-11-2011, 15:43

Which is related to how quickly you can get it on.

Centurion1

06-11-2011, 16:00

Speed isn't always good though.

Congratulations though!

Tuuvi

06-11-2011, 19:20

#winning

Yay the 20 of us have a date

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO WEAR

Oh idk probably my favorite Legend of Zelda t-shirt and my lucky pair of cargo shorts.

And BTW, does anyone know how long Proactive takes before it starts working? We're supposed to be hanging out on Monday.

Centurion1

06-11-2011, 21:59

.......... longer than that.

Moros

06-11-2011, 23:38

Which is related to how quickly you can get it on.
Well I wouldn't know how to put on a bra but er...

Subotan

06-12-2011, 09:36

Oh idk probably my favorite Legend of Zelda t-shirt and my lucky pair of cargo shorts.
SWEET MERCIFUL JESUS ARRRRGH WHY

WHY ARE YOU DRESSING AS IF YOU'RE GOING TO A LAN PARTY. JUST WHY

Some staple items;

Dark jeans - plain dark colour, no fading, wash-outs or anything else. [STRAIGHT FIT]
Dress shirt - solid stripes are safe and look good on pretty much everyone
Shoes - get a nice pair of black dress shoes [SHOES MAKE THE OUTFIT; THE OUTFIT MAKES THE MAN]
T-shirt - go plain solid colour, it makes you look more sophisticated without being over dressed
Sports jacket - for dressing up a t-shirt

Styling ideas;

Jeans + plain white t-shirt + sports jacket + black dress shoes (your converse shoes will probably look cool with this and dress it down a bit if you want)
Jeans + dress shirt (sleeves folded up to elbow) + black dress shoes
Jeans + plain t-shirt + casual shoes

My old college staple was cargo shorts but I feel like that style has kind of run it's coarse.
Hate to break it to you, but it was never in style.
As far as shorts go, get a few pairs of chinos (J Crew, Calvin Klein sell some good quality ones that do not break the bank).Exhibit A (http://www.jcrew.com/mens_category/shorts/clubshorts/PRDOVR%7E93852/93852.jsp)

Since the t shirt seems to be the focal point of your outfit, I'd go for some more neutral colors like khaki, tan, grey or navy, and stay away from the bright salmon and yellows/blues. They will feel much lighter than the cargo shorts you are used to and are great for hot weather, speaking from experience in Southern California.

http://www.reddit.com/r/malefashionadvice/comments/hwfit/what_shorts_should_i_wear_with_graphic_tshirts/

IF YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY DYING TO WEAR SHORTS:

http://www.primermagazine.com/2011/spend/primers-complete-visual-guide-to-mens-shorts

Peasant Phill

06-13-2011, 10:53

So I take it my 'Female Body Inspector'-shirt is also a no-no.

Subotan

06-13-2011, 11:03

ಠ_ಠ

Secura

06-13-2011, 11:10

WHY ARE YOU DRESSING AS IF YOU'RE GOING TO A LAN PARTY. JUST WHY

Haha, I got the impression that Chuchip was being sarcastic... or in the very least, I found myself hoping that he was; nobody would go on a date dressed in a Zelda shirt, right?

Also, keep it up with the fashionista approach... can't beat a guy who knows how to look good! ^_^

naut

06-13-2011, 12:56

Also, keep it up with the fashionista approach... can't beat a guy who knows how to look good! ^_^
Mean. =0

Secura

06-13-2011, 14:45

Mean. =0

Hey! It was a compliment to Subotan! :P

Beskar

06-13-2011, 14:53

Remember the one where some one asked Secura out over the internet.

I can't repeat it or I'll be banned.

Secura

06-13-2011, 16:00

Remember the one where some one asked Secura out over the internet.

Oy, this isn't about me. :>

Subotan

06-13-2011, 16:43

Haha, I got the impression that Chuchip was being sarcastic... or in the very least, I found myself hoping that he was; nobody would go on a date dressed in a Zelda shirt, right?

Even if he was, I've spent enough time here to know that some people here might actually do something like that, and they need to be saved at one point or another.

Also, keep it up with the fashionista approach... can't beat a guy who knows how to look good! ^_^
^_^

Mean. =0
If you want compliments too, then you will have to learn the ways of My People.

naut

06-13-2011, 17:34

If you want compliments too, then you will have to learn the ways of My People.
Lol. No. It's never a compliment to be called a "fashionista". Lol.

Secura

06-13-2011, 20:36

Lol. No. It's never a compliment to be called a "fashionista". Lol.

It was intended in the sense that he's dressing well and keeping his style relevant as opposed to allowing his mother to dress him. :P

And we're steering the topic towards Subotan and away from Chuchip again, let's keep it focused on him, hmmm? :P

jirisys

06-13-2011, 21:04

I imagine it involves a hookah, a mandolin and EB. Do tell.

It is the only TRUE way to get a girlfriend.

~Jirisys ()

Skullheadhq

06-13-2011, 21:05

It is the only TRUE way to get a girlfriend.

~Jirisys ()

I seduce girls with my extensive knowledge about Plato and Socrates.

Subotan

06-13-2011, 22:16

Lol. No. It's never a compliment to be called a "fashionista". Lol.
I got what Secura was trying to say - it's not often you meet a guy who cares about looking sharp on the internet, especially a computer game forum of all places. Besides, I don't give a monkey's about designer labels or fashion as art or any of that gubbins - I just know enough to know what looks good on a guy, and what not to wear on a date.

Voigtkampf

06-13-2011, 23:29

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKUvKE3bQlY

Centurion1

06-15-2011, 14:52

Your american right?

I dress nicely for our age (college, im 18) and can tell you what people our age like to wear. If your going with pants wear either a nice pair of khakis or some nice relatively tight jeans (not too tight because its bizarre but at least a regular fit) For a top wear a buttondown. Good brands where it doesnt even matter if it looks good because people just brand eye it are things like Polo, Jcrew, Nautica, Lacoste, Burberry (i own absolutely nothing by the last too because its abhorrently expensive but i dnt know your situation) they are relatively popular. If you wearing shorts wear a pair of chinos or bermudas. Try to wear either khaki or white. No JORTS! Once again wear like a polo or a buttondown. For shoes I wear sperrys alot for nice occaisons or I just pop on a pair of Nikes. Its summer so tbh you can probably just wear a pair of flip flops as long as they aren't like plastic shower shoes.

otoh............... I don't think you are an imbecile and even remotely considering wearing a zelda shirt so you dont really need anyone's advice advice :tongue:

Subotan

06-15-2011, 15:12

Rhyfelwyr

06-15-2011, 15:22

You all need some real fashion advice. For example today I am wearing a Rangers top, tracksuit trousers, and white trainers.

As my brother pointed out once before when I wore this combination (the only thing that ever changes is the top), I have the exact same attire as the heroin addict from the TV show "The Scheme", which follows the lives of people in a council estate in Kilmarnock.

I got style! :cool:

Tuuvi

06-16-2011, 03:57

Haha don't worry guys I was joking about the Zelda t-shirt and the proactive :wink:

I just wore my regular clothes; Levi's 510's, Vans and a black t-shirt since technically it was just hanging out and not a date.

But anyways it was a lot fun and it seems like we have a lot in common. We went and got some food and hung out at her friend's place, and then we went hiking out in the desert at midnight lol.

She told me that if we wouldn't have ended up hanging out she would've deleted me from her facebook so I think asking her to hang out was definitely the right decision :laugh:

Centurion1

06-16-2011, 04:02

Well that sounds like a good time and as long as you enjoyed yourself thats all that matters.

Congrats!

naut

06-16-2011, 05:23

I just wore my regular clothes; Levi's 510's, Vans and a black t-shirt since technically it was just hanging out and not a date.
An ironic t-shirt away from being a hipster. xD

Secura

06-16-2011, 10:52

then we went hiking out in the desert at midnight lol.

A long walk beneath the moonlight, plenty of intimacy and time to talk... a great decision, well done. :3

Subotan

06-16-2011, 10:59

Haha don't worry guys I was joking about the Zelda t-shirt and the proactive :wink:
Oh phew, you had me seriously worried then for a second. You know it's great satire when it some people think you're being sincere.

An ironic t-shirt away from being a hipster. xD
Ironic t-shirts make anyone into a hipster, regardless of what else they're wearing. :yes: