View Full Version : £25,000 Joke - Competition
TonkaToys
10-12-2005, 13:52
OK guys and gals, there is a competition to find the best joke running at the moment on a UK radio station; the prize is £25,000. ~:eek:
The best joke (has to be broadcastable on a family radio show) will be judged by Suggs from the band Madness and a UK comedian Vic Reeves.
I say we club together to judge our own best joke and submit it, then share out the cash when we inevitably win ~D
How about the person that submits the joke that we decide is best gets 75% of the prize, and the rest is shared amongst anyone that submitted a joke?
Of course we could just submit every joke - but it is only one per person! Or you could submit your own joke at www.VirginRadio.co.uk
Competition closes on 1st Nov, so we have until 31st October to pick our best joke.
Alexanderofmacedon
10-12-2005, 16:32
Nice...
I wish I lived in the UK...
EDIT: Wait can people that live in the USA still participate? I entered a joke, that I think Brits will like...
Sjakihata
10-12-2005, 16:57
Hey alex, share the joke, dont take it all for yourself, typical american, share it dammit.
Alexanderofmacedon
10-12-2005, 22:21
Ok, I'll share it. Before I do, I want to let anyone with any French in them know that I love the French. I am in French class in school, and I don't have anything against them. This joke is from a friend from England. Of course they are rival nations and so it's against French. Please don't take offence.
I used it only because 25,000 pounds is a lot of money and it's a British radio station. So here goes...
What's 75,000 French men running?
Answer: The French army
Sjakihata
10-12-2005, 23:15
uh do I miss the point completely?
The Stranger
10-13-2005, 13:34
prolly cuz they deserted in ww1 atleast he thinks...LAME JOKE ~D
English assassin
10-13-2005, 14:03
as its Virgin, I think something old and cheesey is sure to win. I still like this one:
"Local police have arrested a car battery and a firework. They've charged one, and let the other off."
Or
Why should you never have a beer with a snake?
They can't hold their drink.
Ahem, yes, well I'm sure we can improve on those.
King Ragnar
10-13-2005, 19:43
Why did'nt the Lifeguard safe the Hippy?
He was to far out man
Sjakihata
10-13-2005, 22:11
3 men stranded on an island, thinking no one was there. They decided to scout it out, however, they encountered a tribe, and was brought to the tribal leader. He said: "In order to keep on living, you must perform and complete a task." And he went on "go into the woods, and collect some fruits, then return here." So they did, first came Robert, with 3 peaches. He was instructed to put the fruits up his arse, without a sound and without showing emotion, or else he would die. During the process, however, he let out a whimper and was beheaded. Then came Peter with 10 cherries. Same instructions, but during the 9th cherry he started laughing, and was killed.
In the after life Robert asked Peter, "why did you begin to laugh? you had a homerun!". Peter replied, "I know, but I saw James returning with 8 pineapples."
:dizzy2:
Alexanderofmacedon
10-13-2005, 22:16
My friend (who is a bit immature) came up with these:
What's a bear with now teeth?
Answer: Gummi Bear
What's a dog with no legs?
Answer: It don't matter, it's not comin to you...
~:cool:
TonkaToys
10-14-2005, 08:42
Here's my effort, you;ve probably heard it before... It probably will not qualify as it is sexist...
3 blondes have been trapped on an island for days, when they come across a lamp buried in the sand. One of the blondes picks it up, thinking it will make a nice decoration for their new island home and gives it a bit of a wipe.
Whoooosh! Out pops a genie, who says in a deep intonation, "For freeing me from the lamp, I shall give you one wish each".
After dismissing thoughts of a nice dress or the latest fabulous pink lipstick, the first blonde steps forward and says, "I want to be smart enough to find a way off this island"!
With a wave of his hand, the Genie turns her into a Red-head. Without a second's pause, she tosses off her outer clothes, jumps into the water and swims to the mainland.
The second blonde steps forward and says, "I too wish to be intelligent enough to get off the island, but I want to be smarter than her"!
The Genie waves both his hands, and in a slight haze of magic the blonde is transformed into a brunette. Minutes later, and to the amazement of the third blonde, she has fashioned a rudimentary raft out of driftwood, and rows her way to the mainland.
With some trepidation, the third blonde turns to the Genie. "Oh powerful Genie, please make me more intelligent than either of the other two, so that I can get off this island".
The Genie speaks some powerful magic words and with a blinding flash the blonde turns into a... man, who immediately walked over the bridge that connects the island to the mainland.
Ragnor_Lodbrok
10-14-2005, 09:35
Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
Shambles
10-14-2005, 10:37
Im reinstating this Joke As i wont take any orders from a hypocryt.
If i offend any 1 apart from "name removed As they know who i mean" Please let me know,
And if your a mod and not prepared to remove other politically uncorect jokes.
It would probably be best to delete this your self and not tell me about it,
Why do so many black people die in wars?
becous When some 1 yells GET DOWN!
they all start dancing.
----------------------------------------
and
2 Nuts were walking through Afghanistan.
1 was shelled.
and the other was A salted,
-----
Hope these arent wasted on people :(
Try not to get offended There just Jokes.
Im not racist any way, I hate every 1 :) <------- Another Joke
English assassin
10-14-2005, 10:51
If we are doing blonde jokes:
A blonde walks into a department store, and sees thermos. "What's that," she asks. the shop assistant, seeing she is blonde, replies patiently "a Thermos". "What does it do," asks the blonde. "well, it keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold" "Wow", says the blonde, "that could be handy, I'll buy it."
A few days later, her blonde friend comes round for tea, and sees the thermos. "What's that," asks the friend. "A thermos," replies the blonde, "it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." "Wow", says the friend, "what have you put in it?" "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle" says the blonde.
The Stranger
10-14-2005, 16:28
DONT BAN ME FOR THIS 1
If i offend any 1 tell me Il delete it :)
Why do so many black people die in wars??
becous when some 1 shouts GET DOWN!
they all start dancing...
----------------------------------------
and
2 Nuts were walking through Afghanistan.
1 was shelled.
and the other was A salted,
-----
Hope these arent wasted on people :(
Try not to get offended There just Jokes
~:eek: you frigging black hating ****** :furious3: :furious3: ~;)
ArcticSonata
10-14-2005, 20:52
Alright Joke Thread
Whats the Differrence between a blonde and a brick
When you Lay a brick it stays
Alexanderofmacedon
10-14-2005, 22:15
Ohhh, dang man that was harsh. Ouch...~D
Craterus
10-14-2005, 23:24
3 men stranded on an island, thinking no one was there. They decided to scout it out, however, they encountered a tribe, and was brought to the tribal leader. He said: "In order to keep on living, you must perform and complete a task." And he went on "go into the woods, and collect some fruits, then return here." So they did, first came Robert, with 3 peaches. He was instructed to put the fruits up his arse, without a sound and without showing emotion, or else he would die. During the process, however, he let out a whimper and was beheaded. Then came Peter with 10 cherries. Same instructions, but during the 9th cherry he started laughing, and was killed.
In the after life Robert asked Peter, "why did you begin to laugh? you had a homerun!". Peter replied, "I know, but I saw James returning with 8 pineapples."
:dizzy2:
That's a good one. I'm still thinking of one, I need to make sure it's a winner.
Alexanderofmacedon
10-14-2005, 23:44
Lol
Shambles,
Delete that "joke" immediately. Posts like that lead to big trouble.
Stranger,
Please report posts like that and do not quote them. I understand your discomfort with the "joke" but it's better when we clean this stuff up in a tidy fashion.
Keep 'em clean gentlemen. :bow:
Craterus
10-15-2005, 00:19
I don't think Stranger had a problem with it. There's a wink after those angry smilies.
Craterus
10-15-2005, 00:22
Didn't say you didn't... ~;)
I also have a problem with that joke and take offence from it.
It's being dealt with.
Carry on with the jokes.
Tribesman
10-15-2005, 01:37
A baker decides to open a bread shop in Connemara after he misheard that the locals were very "into bread" .
Alexanderofmacedon
10-15-2005, 01:59
prolly cuz they deserted in ww1 atleast he thinks...LAME JOKE ~D
I don't know. A friend told me it. He lives in Britain and I know they are rivals. I don't think they deserted and...
Fine, it is a lame joke~D
Shambles
10-15-2005, 13:49
Well i thought it was A funny joke, my self, "the 1 i had to delete"
And for your Information Blond jokes offend me.
There sexist,
So Delete them All You P.c Wanna be sexists!!
Or is this a nother case of I dont like Black jokes, So Im gonna warn you,.
But I dont mind Sexist biggots so You guys Carry on.
Ones as bad as the Other in my oppinion.
So if you dont mind Try to Stay Impartial, Or Stop ALL jokes that Arent "Pollitically Correct"
:)
Now Am i serious?
Well here Are Some PC jokes.
Why didn't The Skull go to the party,
Becous he had no Boddy to go with,
-------------------
2 crabs Are having a meal,
1 crab asks the other May i have your Drink.
The 2nd crab replys, "no"
to which the 1st crab says,
oh your So shelfish,
----------------
heres a classic,
3 pieces of string walk in to a bar,
The 1st asks May i have a drink.
the bar man replies, I dont Serve string get out,
The secound Pice of string then tryes the same,
The bar man replies I just told your friend I dont server string now get out,
The theird pice of string Sees this And ties him self in to a ball And messes up his hair,
then he goes to ask for a drink,
The bar man says, I keep telling you guy's I dont sereve String.
Didnt you hear me?
And the string replyes.
Im a frayed knot
---------------------
2 pieces of Tarmac "assfalt (or whatever americans call it)" Were Arguing in the bar About which one is the hardest.
When a Green pice of tarmac walks in.
They Both go quiet Untill it leaves,
the bar man ask's them .
"I thought you 2 were hard Why are you scared of that Green one?"
And they reply...
hes A cycle path.
-------------------------
Hope You Manage Not to get offended This time people
Frankly Im A little dissapointed with you.
Duke Malcolm
10-15-2005, 14:19
Here's a rather long joke...
Two men walk into a pub, and all the inhabitants greet the one called George, and the other asks George:
"How do all these people know you?"
George replies "Everybody knows me."
the other says "You can't know everybody."
And George challenges him "Name any person that you think I won't know, and I'll prove I know them."
And so, the other guy accepts, and says the Prime Minister.
They both go off to London, and George goes up to the police guarding, who says "Is that you George? Long time no see, mate. You off to see the PM?"
and George says "Aye, and this is my mate who doesn't believe I know everyone, so I'm proving to him that I do."
So the pair sit in No. 10, and have a cup of tea with the PM.
The next day in the pub, the other guy says "Well, you know the PM, but I bet you don't know the Queen"
And George says "What? Me and Lizzie go way back"
So the pair set off to London once again, and go to the Palace, and George gos up to one of the Scots Guardsmen at the gate who says "Evening George. You off to see the Queen today?"
and George replies "Aye, that I am. And this guy doesn't believe that I know everyone, so I'm proving it to him."
So the pair walk into the palace, and go into to State room, and the Queen is sitting there, and she says "George! I have not seen you for a while. Come and have some tea."
The next day in the pub, the other guy says "Well, there is one person you cannot know: the Pope"
To which George replies "Weesht, 'course I know the Pope. I was there when Benedict became a priest, nevermind when they Poped him."
So the pair set off to Rome, and George goes up to the Swiss Guardsman in the Vatican, who says "George? You wanting to see His Holiness? He's up on the balcony (the one at which the Pope often appears) just now, just go up and meet him."
and George says "Right, and my mate's just gonna come with me--"
and the Guardsman interrupts "Sorry mate, but he can't go up"
So George turns to the other guy and says "Right, you just wait down in the crowd and watch while I talk to the Pope"
The Other Guy is in the crowd, and he sees George up on the balcony talking away to the Pope, but for all he knows, the Pope could be telling him to bugger off. So, the Other Guy turns to a random guy next to him and says "Do you know that guy up there?"
and the random guy next to him says "What? That guy talking to George?"
Well i thought it was A funny joke, my self, "the 1 i had to delete"
Or is this a nother case of I dont like Black jokes, So Im gonna warn you,.
-------------------------
Hope You Manage Not to get offended This time people
Frankly Im A little dissapointed with you.
No, it wasn't funny.
Yes, you're right, we don't like "black jokes" here, so I warned you.
If you're disappointed because we don't appreciate racist humour, then we are delighted you are disappointed.
If you have any other comments, PM me.
The Stranger
10-15-2005, 15:15
eh...compared to the "jokes" i get thrown to my head at school yours was nothing...i quite like it actually...but when you hear jokes like that 20 times a day it gets annyoing...not that i think you should get warned for t...just a warning that doesnt count (talking to you, wasnt it)
Alexanderofmacedon
10-15-2005, 20:06
No, it wasn't funny.
Yes, you're right, we don't like "black jokes" here, so I warned you.
If you're disappointed because we don't appreciate racist humour, then we are delighted you are disappointed.
If you have any other comments, PM me.
No, I don't think he is disappointed because you don't appreciate racist humour (although he could be). I really think he was trying to say, you said nothing of the sexest joke and the blonde jokes. He is saying you're not being consistant.
I think they should all be allowed and we should just get over it. No one on these forums really means to hurt anyone? Aren't we all one big family?:bow:
Strike For The South
10-15-2005, 20:35
Things Texans will never say
I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
Duct tape won't fix that.
Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
We don't keep firearms in this house.
Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
You can't feed that to the dog.
I thought Graceland was tacky.
No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
Wrestling's fake.
Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
We're vegetarians.
Do you think my gut is too big?
I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
Honey, we don't need another dog.
Who gives a crap who won the Civil War?
Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
Spittin' is such a nasty habit.
I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
Checkmate.
She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
I don't have a favorite college team.
Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
You ALL.
Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin' tonight
Shambles
10-15-2005, 20:42
No, I don't think he is disappointed because you don't appreciate racist humour (although he could be). I really think he was trying to say, you said nothing of the sexest joke and the blonde jokes. He is saying you're not being consistant.
I think they should all be allowed and we should just get over it. No one on these forums really means to hurt anyone? Aren't we all one big family?:bow:
We had this debate In pm,
He knows thats exactly my stance,
theres no point in disscussing it futher.
Shambles
10-15-2005, 20:51
Just to recap though....
I beleve racist Jokes ARE infact allowed,
Aslong as they are Directed towards certain races,
I.e you can insult the french if you like,
As is aparrent from previous Jokes,
you can be sexist by saying a woman would be Smarter as a man,
And you can generally just insult blonds,
So just dont say nothing about Black people,
And youl be fine it seems,
Alexanderofmacedon
10-15-2005, 21:02
I guess so. Like I said, though, aren't we just one big happy family? I mean, I know some one making fun of Americans is cool with them. They're just messing around.
Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
duh! like anyone would say that.
English assassin
10-17-2005, 09:46
Could we debate the nature of humour in the back room, if we have to, and keep this thread for silly jokes?
An inflatable pupil goes to his inflatable school and is having a really
bad
day. Bored in his history lesson he gets up and walks out.
Walking down the corridor he sees the inflatable headmaster walking towards
him and he pulls a knife out and stabs him.
He runs out of the school. As he gets outside he thinks again “I hate
school” and pulls his knife out and stabs the inflatable school. He
runs off to his inflatable home. Two hours later his inflatable mum Is
knocking at his inflatable bedroom door with the inflatable police.
Panicking, inflatable boy pulls out the knife and stabs himself. Later on
in
the evening he wakes up in inflatable hospital and sees the
headmaster is in the inflatable bed next to him. Shaking his deflated head
more in sorrow than in anger, the headmaster gravely intones:
“You’ve let me down; you’ve let the school down but, worst of all, you’ve
let yourself down”
The Stranger
10-20-2005, 14:20
bleugh, haters ~D
yesdachi
10-21-2005, 17:31
Things Texans will never say...
:laugh4: ~:cheers:
yesdachi
10-25-2005, 18:40
I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. I chose the shortest line... just one guy in front of me. He was an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little agitated. He Asked the teller, "Why it change? Yestoday I get two hunat dolla fo yen.
Today I get hunat eighty?" The teller says, "Fluctuations." The Asian guy says, "Fluc you white guys too! ~:)
TonkaToys
10-26-2005, 08:36
I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. I chose the shortest line... just one guy in front of me. He was an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little agitated. He Asked the teller, "Why it change? Yestoday I get two hunat dolla fo yen.
Today I get hunat eighty?" The teller says, "Fluctuations." The Asian guy says, "Fluc you white guys too! ~:)
...made me laugh anyway.
Well we didn't get a great bunch of jokes, but we have until Friday to submit one, so keep them coming.
Shaka_Khan
10-26-2005, 09:21
Why did the chicken cross the road?
-To get to the other side.
_________________________________
Why is ten afraid of seven?
-Because seven eight nine.
_________________________________
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Boo."
"Boo who?"
"Don't cry."
_________________________________
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Orange."
"Orange who?"
"Orange you glad to see me?"
_________________________________
"Knock Knock!"
"Doris."
"Doris, who?"
"Doris locked, that's why I had to knock!"
_________________________________
"Knock Knock!"
"Who's there?"
"I love."
"I love who?"
"I don't know, you tell me!"
_________________________________
"Knock Knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Who."
"Who who?"
"Is there an owl in here?"
_________________________________
"Knock Knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Hawaii."
"Hawaii who?"
"I'm fine, Hawaii you?"
_________________________________
"Knock Knock! "
"Who's there?"
"Police."
"Police who?"
"Police let us in; it's cold out here."
______________________________
"Knock Knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Yo momma."
"Yo momma, who?"
"Seriously, it's yo momma, open the damned door!"
They bring back happy memories. ~D
Papewaio
10-26-2005, 09:25
Why is ten afraid of seven?
-Because seven eight nine.
I'm not so sure ten would be afraid... after all their is another meaning to eat...
Shaka_Khan
10-26-2005, 09:26
What's the other meaning to eat?
InsaneApache
10-26-2005, 12:45
Knock knock...
Who's there?
A little boy who can't reach the doorbell..
Moses went to mount Olive...
So Popeye hit him...
And the Lord said unto Moses
All the Jews shall have long noses
All except for Aaron
He shall have a square 'un
The Lord said unto Moses
'Come forth'
but he came in fifth and won a teapot
Little Scottish lad goes to see his father..
"Dad?"
"Yes Jock?"
"Can I have £5?"
"£4? ...what do you want £3 for?"
Man talking with his wife one evening...
"I spoke to the milkman this morning dear....."
"Really!!! what did he say?"
"He said that he'd made love to every woman on this street, except for one..."
"aahhh...that'll be that miserable bugger at number 31"
chap with a speech impediment goes into a chipshop
"Steak'n'kiddley pie please"
"Do you mean steak and kidney?"
"I said Steak'n'kiddly...diddle I?"
Bloke goes into a pub..
"A pint of bitter please!...and have one yourself"
Landlord pulls him a pint...and one for himself
The bloke grasps the glass and in a swift move drains it..the landlord following suit
"that'll be £4 says mein host
"Oh..I ain't got any money"
At this the Landlord leaps over the bar..
"I'm sick to my back teeth of you scrouging loafers"
and sets about beating him with the pool cue..
A few days later he's walking down the street with his mate
Walking past the pub his friend says..
"fancy a quick jill?"
"not a chance in their mate, one drink and he's fighting mad!"
A woman walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre.......
....... So the barman gave her one.
The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make is taking a stroll down his local high street.
As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye.
"Just Released - New LP -Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now!"
Unable to resist the temptation, the man goes into the shop.
"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make.
I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the
window."
"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to
step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."
The world expert on European wasps goes into the booth and puts on the
earphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those."
"I'm sorry Sir", says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the
booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes."
The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones.
Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. "I don't
understand it", he says, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the
sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!"
"I'm terribly sorry, Sir" says the young man, "perhaps if you'd like to step
into the booth again, you could have 5 more minutes."
Sighing, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth. Five minutes later, he comes out again, clearly agitated.
"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I have recognised none of the wasps on this LP."
"I really am terribly sorry", says the young assistant,
Wait for it...
"I've just realised I was playing you the bee side."
I thank you :bow:
Edit:plucked a few more.
Prodigal
10-26-2005, 15:39
this is an old one...
Holmes & Watson are camping in a field, Holmes wakes up Watson & says, "Watson, look at the stars, what can you deduce from them?" Watson replies "By the position of the constellations in the sky I can tell that it is summer, & that we are in the south east based upon the pole star's location! There Holmes can you refute my deductive reasoning, what else can be told from the sky?" Holmes sighs & says "Someone's stolen the bloody tent"
English assassin
10-26-2005, 15:52
A woman walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre.......
....... So the barman gave her one
I think this is the winner. Send it in quick.
TonkaToys
10-27-2005, 08:55
Yes this one and the Wasp one are great.
InsaneApache
10-27-2005, 10:44
A job interviewer gave an Irishman the following test. He drew 3 pairs of vertical lines on a piece of paper, gave the paper to the Irishman and said, "Could you please show me a clever way to make this into 9?"
After thinking for a while, the Irishman took the pencil and drew a canopy of leaves on top of the 3 pairs of lines, then handed the paper back to the interviewer.
The interviewer looked at the drawings and said, "But that is not 9!"
"Oh, yes, it is," said the Irishman with a broad Irish accent, "Tree + tree + tree make nine!"
The interviewer handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 99.
After thinking for a longer while, the Irishman scribbled up and down the trunks and handed the paper back to the interviewer. The interviewer looked at the drawings and said, "But that is not 99!"
"Oh yes it is," said the Irishman, "Dirty tree + dirty tree + dirty tree make ninety nine."
The interviewer was now a bit upset so he decided to do the Irishman once and for all. So, he handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 100.
After thinking for a considerably longer time, the Irishman suddenly grabbed the pencil and drew a little blop on the bottom right hand side of each tree, then handed the paper back to the interviewer.
The interviewer looked at the drawings and said, "But that is not 100!" "Oh, yes, it most certainly is," said the Irishman with a much broader Irish accent, "Dirty tree and a turd + dirty tree and turd + dirty tree and a turd make 100!"
and......
A little girls says "Grandad, can you make a sound like a frog, 'cos Dad says if you croak, we can go to Florida!"
~:joker:
TonkaToys
10-28-2005, 20:40
Come on guys and gals, only 3 days left before the comp. ends.
TonkaToys
10-31-2005, 23:56
Come on guys and gals, only 3 days left before the comp. ends.
Right I posted the double entendre joke... will text in a few of the others tomorrow...
~:cheers:
InsaneApache
11-11-2005, 16:17
couldn't find the joke thread ....so this will have to do....
A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.
When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer, it's gonna start any second!"
"That's it!" She blows her top, "You b*^%£#d! You waltz in here, flop your fat arse down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"
The husband sighed. "Oh s**t, it's started."
~:joker:
TonkaToys
11-16-2005, 09:41
What do you call a chav in a box?
Innit.
2. What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet?
Sorted.
3. What do you call a chav in a box with a lock on it?
Safe.
4. Why are Chavs like slinkies?
They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.
5. What do you call a Chavette in a white tracksuit?
The bride.
6. You're in your car and you see a Chav on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?
It might be your bike.
7. What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut?
One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.
8. What's the first question at a Chav quiz night?
What you lookin' at?"
9. Two Chavs in a car without any music. Who's driving?
The police
10. What do you call a chav with 9 GCSE's?
A liar.
11. What do you say to a chav with a job?
Can I have a big mac please.
12. What do you say to a chav in a suit?
Will the defendant please stand.
13. Why is 3 chavs going over a cliff in a Nova a shame?
A Nova seats 4
14. What do you call a 30 year old chavette?
Granny.
15. How many chavs does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, they'll screw anything.
16. What do you call 100 chavs at the bottom of a river?
A start.
17. What do you call a Chav at college?
The cleaner.
18. A bus full of Chavs were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfgogogferrinfourasoch they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, one Chav asked the employee, "Before we order, could you settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"
The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing."
Dutch_guy
11-16-2005, 15:09
those chav. jokes are great Tonka !~D
16. What do you call 100 chavs at the bottom of a river?
A start
:balloon2:
http://www.chavworld.co.uk/chav.htm
Had to look this one up. Thought chav might be local slang defining someone's race.
English assassin
11-16-2005, 16:06
Oh ho, so its OK to make fun of someone's class now is it Mr Moderator? ~;)
Actually most people from my home town would be pround to be called chav. It would be a step up from pikey after all.
What do you call an Eskimo Chav?
Innuinnit
Inspired !
King Ragnar
11-16-2005, 16:33
Whats a man called with a car on his head?
Jack
Whats a man called with a seagull on his head?
Cliff
Oh ho, so its OK to make fun of someone's class now is it Mr Moderator? ~;)
Actually most people from my home town would be pround to be called chav. It would be a step up from pikey after all.
That's Mr. Assistant Moderator to you fella! ~;p
This thread is closed.
If you knew the outrageous behaviour that has stemmed from this thread you would be amazed - in a bad way. Never, since I have been at the Org., have I seen a thread lead directly to such hostility, up to and including threats and outrageous attacks on the Org. itself. It's worse that this sort of behaviour came about from BKS's Kingdom of Peace & Love.
That is certainly not BKS's fault. If any of the staff are to blame, it's me. But the members have to take responsibility for their posts and actions as well.
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