View Full Version : Philosophical Question
If a band of pirates got into a fight with a clan of ninjas, who would win?
Zalmoxis
06-09-2006, 07:52
Pshh, ninjas are the bomb.
Ianofsmeg16
06-09-2006, 08:00
Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can go suck a fat one.
Chuck Norris never was, and will never be, the correct answer for any philosophical question now or anytime in the future.
Actually, the correct answer is Jack Bower.
Neither Jack Bauer or Chuck Norris are pirates or ninjas. The discussion of their respective awesomeness is beyond the scope of this philosophical question and thread.:furious3:
Big_John
06-09-2006, 08:17
Actually, the correct answer is Jack Bower.this jack bower (http://www.eastern.edu/~jbower/)?
naahh.. that little nerd would get jokestored by jack bauer (http://www.fox.com/24/character/index.htm), diurnally. not to mention ninjas, pirates, and norrises.
doc_bean
06-09-2006, 08:41
Maybe Jack Bower is a ninja pirate disguised as a college professor ?
Neglecting Jack bower, Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris like effects, I think the pirates would win.
this jack bower (http://www.eastern.edu/~jbower/)?
naahh.. that little nerd would get jokestored by jack bauer (http://www.fox.com/24/character/index.htm), diurnally. not to mention ninjas, pirates, and norrises.
They're actually one and the same. Bower was Bauer's alias while hiding from the Chinese for a year and a half. You'll note the rather clear similarities once the two pictures are posed next to each other.
Note: I've seen Bauer fighting in black with a face cover so maybe he fits under the ninja category.
Kagemusha
06-09-2006, 08:59
I would say Canada.:2thumbsup:
Aeroplane Pirates rule!!!
Beirut and his Axe of Doom.
English assassin
06-09-2006, 10:56
Unfortunately, the ninjas would win. The pirates would only stand a chance if they pulled some stunt qwith canons hidden behind packing cases.
However, if the question is, a group of ninjas and a group of pirates are in a bar, who gets the girls? then its the pirates every time. The ninjas would all huddle in a corner bitching to each other about who does the best onhi-momi-gomi like the big nerds they are.
That's why its better to be a pirate. Fighting is OK but girls are better.
ZombieFriedNuts
06-09-2006, 12:23
who is Chuck Norris
English assassin
06-09-2006, 13:43
The point of this post? Pirates are cooler than ninjas, but Jack Bauer is cooler than Pirates, yet Jack Bauer = Ninja? Now that, my friends, is a philosophical quandry for the ages
Jack Bauer is NOT cooler than pirates. I refer you to his haircut. Never mind pirates, my postman has a cooler haircut than that. And has Jack Bauer ever climbed rigging with a cutlass in his teeth? I think not. And finally, Bauer is some sort of cop-spy thing isn't he, which makes him a civil servant. Whereas pirates are pirates.
Pirates pwn Bauer.
Kääpäkorven Konsuli
06-09-2006, 13:47
Unfortunately, the ninjas would win. The pirates would only stand a chance if they pulled some stunt qwith canons hidden behind packing cases.
However, if the question is, a group of ninjas and a group of pirates are in a bar, who gets the girls? then its the pirates every time. The ninjas would all huddle in a corner bitching to each other about who does the best onhi-momi-gomi like the big nerds they are.
That's why its better to be a pirate. Fighting is OK but girls are better.
But can ninjas be loved?
Who says one of them will win?:inquisitive:
LeftEyeNine
06-09-2006, 14:47
Agreed. Do one of them has to win? If this is a philosophical question then "winning" is subject to suspection as well as the outcome of the event between the sides.
Unlike ninja's pirates still exist, should be obvious.
Sjakihata
06-09-2006, 14:54
I have a priori synthetic knowledge that the ninjas would win such a fight!
Mithrandir
06-09-2006, 15:32
Depends on their weaponry :eyebrows:
This whole conversation would be different if we were discussing space ninjas and space pirates.
https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v489/Lemurmania/ninjasorpirates.jpg
Mithrandir
06-09-2006, 15:51
Yes, or if you would've asked "why are bananas curved?",then this conversation would be different too
Yes, or if you would've asked "why are bananas curved?",then this conversation would be different too
And why do bananas fit in my hand so nicely?
(I love that video (http://www.bestofgooglevideo.com/video.php?video=314). Hilarious stuff.)
Mithrandir
06-09-2006, 15:54
I have no idea what you're talking about and I most likely don't want to know...
Reenk Roink
06-09-2006, 15:56
Kenny Rogers :2thumbsup:
Mithrandir
06-09-2006, 15:58
Now that you've edited in the video&I watched it...I'm glad I did that :laugh4:
Was that guy being serious :inquisitive:
Oh yes, 100% serious. That's why it's beautiful.
Pirates no question.
Problem with ninjas is the same one as the Spartans.
Powerful yes, but also very traditionalistic.
Pirates on the other hand “acclimatize”.
They would kick ninja ass.
Besides, “never bring a sword to a gunfight” remember?
Avicenna
06-09-2006, 16:38
Ah, but how can you aim, when you cannot see?
That is why the ninjas are victorious my friend, they would fight in the night.
doc_bean
06-09-2006, 16:49
Ninja's would attack rich folks who were used to the light and didn't pay too much attention to the dark. Pirates, living in a big dark ship, have hightened senses in the dark. Advantage countered, and the pirates still have guns.
and the pirates still have guns.
And eyepads, and looking badass is half the work.
And ninja's make funny noises.
Banquo's Ghost
06-09-2006, 17:10
Another vote for pirates. Not only are they way cooler (heck, they can wear eye patches) but they have the ultimate backing of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (http://www.venganza.org/).
'Nuff said.
Avicenna
06-09-2006, 17:55
Pirates would have candles on and be indoors drinking, playing funny games or something along those lines half the time in the dark. Ninjas still have the night vision advantage. Plus, the ninjas are in black! Also, a whole clan of ninjas will inevitably include females, who could seduce the pirates. Then, the males come in with ze swords.
By the way, your modern day 'cool' pirates: http://www.venganza.org/spread/bash.htm
:wink:
(eye patches)
That's cruel.
Big King Sanctaphrax
06-09-2006, 18:49
It depends how much grog the pirates have had, I would say. I imagine the presence of large numbers of ropes for them to swing on, and/or Errol Flynn (ok, technically he would be a zombie pirate, but still) would increase their chances substantially.
We must also take into account the inverse ninja law, which states that the skill of ninja in a group is proportional to the inverse of the number of ninja in that group.
Inverse ninja law. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stormtrooper_effect#The_inverse_ninja_law)
The law can be expressed mathematically in the equation
https://upload.wikimedia.org/math/c/5/d/c5de18bfa1e4b96a101af5edaf923ec6.png
where p is equal to the average ninja power (anp) of the group, ae is the elite jib constant, which represents the power of a lone ninja, and N is equal to the number of ninja in a group. Following those rules, the ratio for determining the relative skill of any enemy group of ninja is ae divided by N. In layman's terms, the more enemy ninjas there are, the weaker each individual ninja is (unless the lone ninja is left in a near dead state to fight a larger battle at a later date).
Crap! I forgot about the inverse ninja law! Now this entire question is sunk. You can't very well compare one ninja versus one pirate, that would be ridiculous. And with the inverse ninja rule, any true comparison between pirates and ninjas would depend wholly on the size of the said ninja clan. But at what size ninja clan does one achieve the optimum and average level of skill inherent in the ninja as a class?
doc_bean
06-09-2006, 19:49
wel since a group, of pirates contains no ninja's, their power level would be infinite. therefor pirates still win :2thumbsup:
Craterus
06-09-2006, 22:14
It's ninja's so easily. The pirates would be eliminated one by one.
Ninjas are professionals. Pirates are a disorganised rabble.
Kralizec
06-09-2006, 22:20
But they make up for it with parrots, and alcohol-induced frenzy!
George Foreman. That grill pwns.
If it was a one on one battle between one typical Ninja and one typical Pirate, the Ninja would win hands down because the Pirate hasn't been trained in any kind of organized fighting. All they know is poke you with their hook and shoot you with their rusty old revolver. I doubt they can aim either, since they're off balance from being used to being on a boat, having a pegleg, and always drunk. Ninja's stay on land, are sober (usually), and have all four limbs, mostly. Ninja's have the physical upper hand too because of balance and aim with their shurikens. Pirates have guns and canons, woo, they probably don't even know how to use those weapons half of the time anyway.
crossroad
06-10-2006, 00:49
I have the answer. I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.
https://i68.photobucket.com/albums/i10/ZainDustin/1057904610_ackSparrow.jpghttps://i68.photobucket.com/albums/i10/ZainDustin/beverly_hills_ninja2.jpg
Avicenna
06-10-2006, 07:15
See, both these pirates are trying to cleave their heads off, and failing.
Peasant Phill
06-10-2006, 09:51
the right one is the 'great white ninja' or something like it.
The comparison isn't really fair now is it. In the 'girl seducing' department our old friend Jack Sparrow will win hands down. No need to test both their skilles any further as we all know that in movies the winner allways gets the girl(s).
However I would like to set up a breeding program to cross ninjas with pirates. We would get superior skilled stealth fighters who defie the inverse ninja law or we would get drunk brawling rabble that give their position away right before striking somebody in the dark by shouting " Aye feel my cutlass you matey"
Mithrandir
06-10-2006, 10:18
Is it just me or are there other people also still laughing at the banana movie ?
~;)
English assassin
06-10-2006, 18:26
Its not just you. But i should warn you I am easily amused.
As the Inverse Ninja law (can't believe we overlooked that one) has pretty much bolloxed up the pirates: ninja fight question, I have a new one. Who is cooler, pirates or musketeers?
I go with musketeers on this one, on the basis that rapiers are way cooler than cutlasses. Also musketeers have better witty putdowns than pirates. And although there does seem to be a bit of an inverse Musketeer rule, which is an uncool thing, at least we know the optimal number of Musketeers (ie, three).
The Spartan (Returns)
06-10-2006, 18:33
Ah, but how can you aim, when you cannot see?
That is why the ninjas are victorious my friend, they would fight in the night.
you perhaps ninjas can win, but todays pirates have AK-47's and bazzokas not just pistol and a cutlass.
Soulforged
06-10-2006, 18:49
And why do bananas fit in my hand so nicely?
(I love that video (http://www.bestofgooglevideo.com/video.php?video=314). Hilarious stuff.)
If instead of a guy a woman had said all that, it would be so sexy...:laugh4:
About the philosophical question, as it gives no especific place to the fight, I'll suppose that they are fighting in a vacuum. If it was a one on one, then the ninja wins in only one draw of his sword. If it was of equals groups then ninjas win too, they can hide at plain sight and kill every pirate by stealth and guile, and they can also control minds.
A.Saturnus
06-10-2006, 19:10
Define pirates.
Mithrandir
06-10-2006, 19:12
at least we know the optimal number of Musketeers (ie, three).
What about D'artagnan then ?
Dutch_guy
06-10-2006, 19:12
If instead of a guy a woman had said all that, it would be so sexy...:laugh4:
About the philosophical question, as it gives no especific place to the fight, I'll suppose that they are fighting in a vacuum. If it was a one on one, then the ninja wins in only one draw of his sword. If it was of equals groups then ninjas win too, they can hide at plain sight and kill every pirate by stealth and guile, and they can also control minds.
True, but Pirates have an impressive arsenal of witty one-liners which confuse the hell out of the ninja's, thus rendering their incredible fighting skills useless.
Also, any self respecting pirate has a parrot, which as we all know, has decided many a ninja - pirate battle.
:balloon2:
Avicenna
06-10-2006, 20:33
True, but Pirates have an impressive arsenal of witty one-liners which confuse the hell out of the ninja's, thus rendering their incredible fighting skills useless.
Also, any self respecting pirate has a parrot, which as we all know, has decided many a ninja - pirate battle.
:balloon2:
They're such stupid lines that they're confusing? :laugh4:
you perhaps ninjas can win, but todays pirates have AK-47's and bazzokas not just pistol and a cutlass.
As well as having boats which contain HE fuel. :wink:
Pirates can never 'sneak attack' due to the sound of their wooden foot and numerous trinkets; not to mention their smell would draw attention (and the ninja would easily be alarmed).
The argument for modern pirates or pirates lasting longer than ninjas is irrelevant because we have modern day ninjas like Sam Fisher. And you can't tell me he isn't real. Unless you want to break my heart.
Somebody Else
06-11-2006, 12:07
Dread Pirate Roberts.
Banquo's Ghost
06-11-2006, 19:35
I go with musketeers on this one, on the basis that rapiers are way cooler than cutlasses. Also musketeers have better witty putdowns than pirates. And although there does seem to be a bit of an inverse Musketeer rule, which is an uncool thing, at least we know the optimal number of Musketeers (ie, three).
Musketeers for sure. The Inverse Musketeer Rule only applies when there are more than four musketeers, and they have no names and wear blue. Or work for Richlieu.
Avicenna
06-11-2006, 20:00
You know, let's just end this.
Kung Fu Masters rule the world.
GeneralHankerchief
06-12-2006, 00:11
Gentlemen, if I may direct you to that one scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark for guidance.
In the movie Indiana Jones (we'll call him a pirate) faces down an obvious ninja in the street.
The ninja starts twirling his fancy numchuks and doing the little ninja taunt.
Meanwhile Indiana Jones just pulls out his gun and shoots. No more ninja.
Case closed.
The Spartan (Returns)
06-12-2006, 00:16
Gentlemen, if I may direct you to that one scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark for guidance.
In the movie Indiana Jones (we'll call him a pirate) faces down an obvious ninja in the street.
The ninja starts twirling his fancy numchuks and doing the little ninja taunt.
Meanwhile Indiana Jones just pulls out his gun and shoots. No more ninja.
Case closed.
yup that was very memorable.
Big King Sanctaphrax
06-12-2006, 00:18
Indiana Jones-
Parrot: No.
Burning tapers in his hair: No
Ship: No
Flagon of grog: No
Festooned with flintlock pistols: No
Cutlass: No
Eyepatch: No
Peg leg: No
Maverick archeologist-yes
Pirate-No
Your characterisation, sir, is baseless.
GeneralHankerchief
06-12-2006, 00:24
Au contraire.
Indiana Jones is an archaeologist, true. But he happens to be one who has a particular leaning to treasure. As in pirates.
In addition, he seems to have that very pirate-y attitude toward to women. And he also has the pirate's most important weapon- a gun. And while he may not have any of the pirate deformities, I think we can safely say that if he were shot in the eye, we would be seeing a patch. The same thing applies with a peg leg.
Indiana Jones is closer to a pirate than you may think.
Well wait. Saying that Indiana Jones is close to a pirate is like saying that if I dressed up in black Pajamas, I would be a ninja. It just doesn't make sense. Indiana Jones is a EXtreme archaeologist, nothing more. He just doesn't have that pirate mentality.
Evil_Maniac From Mars
06-12-2006, 01:58
Chuck Norris
https://img59.imageshack.us/img59/2140/chuck22tf.jpg
:2thumbsup:
White people just look goofy doing karate.
I would just like to point out that in the deplorable Pirate Movie (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pirate_Movie) of 1982, there was, in fact, a fight between pirates and ninjas. Just so you know ...
[edit]
There's also a web site (http://www.piratesversusninjas.com/prototype/) devoted to the debate ...
doc_bean
06-12-2006, 08:50
I think the web site is devoted to the ninja vs pirate (internet) movie, which I found disappointing...
Ninja's aren't warriors.. they're assasins. However, I still think they would win. Pirates are just a bunch of bandits.. crap weapons, no training, etc.
English assassin
06-12-2006, 10:36
Ninja's aren't warriors.. they're assasins. However, I still think they would win. Pirates are just a bunch of bandits.. crap weapons, no training, etc.
Although I agree ninjas would win the fight, this sells pirates way short. You don't drink grog in every dockside tavern on the Spanish main, not to mention the South Seas, without learning a thing or two about fighting dirty.
Also, I reckon ninjas would find the whole pirate-ninja culture clash hard to deal with. I BET a ninja would fall for the old "Hey- Isn't that your mother coming into the bar" trick (Ninja looks behind him, pirate kicks ninja in the pods).
Sensei Warrior
06-13-2006, 06:41
In a fight, the ninja's wouldn't win, they would use ninja smoke screens and run away. The Pirates would be all ARRGH, and laughing, and they would go out on the town to celebrate, and get drunk.
They all go out partying, gettin hammered, and getting the girls (because there is no contest on that one, Pirates beat Ninjas at getting Chicks hands down). And this party lasts all night long.
What scene do we encounter the next day? A scene of terrible carnage as we realize all the Pirates are dead. What happened you may ask? I will explain.
Ninja's ran away from the fight because they are assassins, not fighters.
The bartenders and barkeeps were giving the Pirates drugged grog because they are all Ninjas in disguise.
All the Chicks the Pirates got? All female ninjas (called Kunoichi). Sure the girl ninjas had fun with the Pirates, but they still killed the Pirates in the end. At least these Pirates died happy.
Any Pirates that didn't go out partying, didn't encounter ninjas disguised as bartenders, and didn't pick up any ninja chicks had there throats slit while they slept.
Any pirates left over (even though there wouldn't be but for arguments sake) would be hunted down now that the ninjas had vastly superior numbers.
In the end, Ninjas will lose the fight (because they ran away), but emerge the victors of the conflict (because of intelligent stategy). In my opinion overall ninjas win.
Phew I hope that clears up any confusion.
AntiochusIII
06-13-2006, 08:58
Hmm. I always thought this question somehow ties in nicely with the competition of retardedness between the narutards and the one piece fanboys, and how their shows are better, which, of course, only those with some simple knowledge of modern anime are aware of the conflict.
[Note: Naruto is a ninja anime (duh) and One Piece is pirate (double duh)]
Naturally, my elitism as an intelligent (!) anime (!!!) fan (!!!!!!) prevents me to take sides.
Mithrandir
06-13-2006, 09:36
Define retardness...
doc_bean
06-13-2006, 11:23
intelligent anime fan
:laugh4: :laugh4: :laugh4:
Avicenna
06-13-2006, 13:49
Gentlemen, if I may direct you to that one scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark for guidance.
In the movie Indiana Jones (we'll call him a pirate) faces down an obvious ninja in the street.
The ninja starts twirling his fancy numchuks and doing the little ninja taunt.
Meanwhile Indiana Jones just pulls out his gun and shoots. No more ninja.
Case closed.
Of course, there is that tiny little technical error you have made in classifying them: Indiana Jones isn't a pirate, nor is the Muslim warrior a ninja. A ninja would most definitely not pop up in front of him in broad daylight on the streets of Egypt.
:juggle2:
Mithrandir
06-13-2006, 14:23
nor swing his sword 10 times to show off his skills. He'd just decapitate his enemy after blinding him with acid.
The Spartan (Returns)
06-13-2006, 16:21
Hmm. I always thought this question somehow ties in nicely with the competition of retardedness between the narutards and the one piece fanboys, and how their shows are better, which, of course, only those with some simple knowledge of modern anime are aware of the conflict.
[Note: Naruto is a ninja anime (duh) and One Piece is pirate (double duh)]
Naturally, my elitism as an intelligent (!) anime (!!!) fan (!!!!!!) prevents me to take sides.
Naruto "cough" pwns "cough" One Piece "cough" "cough" "cough" "cough" "cough" (throws up)
matteus the inbred
06-13-2006, 16:31
What about D'artagnan then ?
D'Artagnan is a free radical.
I am still laughing at the banana thing. Soulforged is absolutely right though.
IrishArmenian
06-13-2006, 21:37
I thought originally that I would make this deep but I cannot anymore, for I stumbled upon, perhaps, the greatest discrovery in the 21st century, and that is, what if rogue Ninjas started to hijack goods, pillage, and plunder? They become PIRATES that used to be NINJA. Also, the pirates do not have to be just Atlantic Pirates, what about the other Eastern pirates. Pirates, also, haveing no tradtion can adapt, as opposed to the Ninja, which must stay in their traditional boundaries. To summarize: Pirates would win, hands down.
But the problem is, is that those are no longer ninja. They are rogue agents that have split from the clan. After much consideration, and play of Ninja Gaiden, I have decided that Ninjas would have to win. It might take the entire clan to die except one to get over that inverse ninja rule, but it is inevitable.
Papewaio
06-14-2006, 07:43
Old Indiana Jones (George Hall) as seen in Young Indiana Jones Chronicles the TV series
Parrot: No, snakes kept eating them. That's why Indy really hated snakes, not this sissy fear stuff that those revisionists made up to make him more like themselves.
Burning tapers in his hair: No
Ship: Well it got boarded.
Flagon of grog: By the looks of him he was having a few.
Festooned with flintlock pistols: No, by that point technology had moved on.
Cutlass: Yes, but it was along with the Ark and other treasures taken away by the government.
Eyepatch: Yes
Peg leg: He needed a cane so he might have had an artifical leg.
Maverick archeologist-yes
Pirate-An archelolgoist by any other name
Pirates don't fight Ninja as both are too busy. However Pirates would win as you will see:
Ninja are too busy cutting off their legs to please thier master, it does cut down on their oppourtunity to have descendents.
Pirates are too busy mastering getting their leg over someone, it does however mean they have (quite a few) descendents.
[QUOTE=Papewaio]
Ninja are too busy cutting off their legs to please thier master, it does cut down on their oppourtunity to have descendents.QUOTE]
What?~:confused:
yesdachi
06-14-2006, 22:20
Ninjas. Any other answer is just nonsense. Especially if the battle happened on land and on land in the night it would be a slaughter.
Any decent ninja could hold their own in a 1 on 1 fight against a samurai (half their gimmicky weapons were made to counter traditional weapons). Ninjas were bada$$ and were trained to fight as much as they were trained to assassinate. If the assassination attempt went sour they would still need to take care of the job and that would often mean a 1 on 1 show down because running away would mean a lost opportunity that may never become available again and a dishonor to the clan.
Crazed Rabbit
06-15-2006, 03:42
Pirates.
Guns, coolness, hats, grog, cool swords, etc.
Crazed Rabbit
Reverend Joe
06-15-2006, 04:17
Who would win?
Warrior Monks. No doubt about it. That, or a phalanx of Spartans.
Avicenna
06-15-2006, 07:40
Even pirates can shoot the Spartans to death :laugh4:
Sjakihata
06-15-2006, 08:14
Ninjas did have guns and we trained to stand still 24 hours. Imagine that a park full of a ninja clan freezing looking like shubbery and bushes at dusk. Then in walking a band of pirates - it would be something like this: swiing, slize, zip zap, gung bong, ouch, yiikes, arrgh, swoosh, splat.
AntiochusIII
06-16-2006, 02:54
:laugh4: :laugh4: :laugh4:Hence the exclamations. ~;)
Yes, they exist. It's like Yetis, and Bigfoots, you just have to know the Way to find them...
And don't go to anime-dedicated forums. Those are scary. Disturbingly scary.
Define retardness...In my little context, not the medical/formal term, which is a trait, but the deragatory term, which is a behavior.
Not the ones unfortunate in birth but the self-made fools we all know and love. :balloon2:
And yes, ninjas have guns. They have everything. Pirates? Depends on what kind of people they are looting. I'm certain modern pirates (around the South China Sea...) have guns. A lot.
But they don't have guts, hah!
No pirates ever had the daring to hide themselves for two days in an archaic toilet to slay their targets, for example. ~;)
Papewaio
06-16-2006, 03:25
Ninja are too busy cutting off their legs to please thier master, it does cut down on their oppourtunity to have descendents.
What?~:confused:
Reference to a ninja who had his leg caught in a trap, cut it off and then limped home to tell his master what he found out.
doc_bean
06-16-2006, 09:29
Hence the exclamations. ~;)
Yes, they exist. It's like Yetis, and Bigfoots, you just have to know the Way to find them...
And don't go to anime-dedicated forums. Those are scary. Disturbingly scary.
The closest I've ever came to was a Final fantasy newsgroup, and that was bad enough. Allthough the guide I read on how to write yaoi was hilarious...
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