Best Catholic joke I've ever heard [Archive]

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Goofball

01-11-2007, 20:45

Hot off my email. Probably more of a Frontroom item, but it involves religion, so I thought I had better play it safe and post it in here:

Little Zachary was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math.

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first Day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother Hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner.

To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what had made all the difference. Finally, little Zachary brought home his report Card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books.

With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and, to her great surprise, little Zachary got an "A" in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said, "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?"

Little Zachary looked at her and Shook his head, no.

"Well, then," she replied, "Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT ALREADY?"

Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."

Tristrem

01-11-2007, 20:49

that was qutie original and funny, good joke :2thumbsup:

Major Robert Dump

01-11-2007, 20:50

I'm 1/3 Catholic and I'm offended by this joke.

Alexander the Pretty Good

01-11-2007, 20:52

I'm 10/10 Catholic and found it hilarious. I did go to Catholic school...

Though I think I heard it before...

Slyspy

01-11-2007, 20:54

I'm 0% Catholic and I am offended by the lack of humour shown in this joke.

Move aside and bring on the :clown: :clown: :clown: :clown: :clown:

ZombieFriedNuts

01-11-2007, 20:54

I love it

Hosakawa Tito

01-11-2007, 21:01

Good one Goofball!:laugh4:

Tribesman

01-11-2007, 21:10

Pure 100% Dave Allen:2thumbsup:

Crazed Rabbit

01-11-2007, 21:48

Not too bad, but I've heard it before.

CR

Xiahou

01-11-2007, 22:26

Not too bad, but I've heard it before.

CR
You know, I actually think I heard that one before from a priest, while I was attending Catholic school. :sweatdrop:

doc_bean

01-11-2007, 22:30

It's okay, I usually expect a 'dirty' ending in a joke involving catholicism and children, this one was quite surprising.

raised catholic here

Samurai Waki

01-11-2007, 22:33

It's okay, I usually expect a 'dirty' ending in a joke involving catholicism and children, this one was quite surprising.

raised catholic here

That was pretty much my initial reaction to the thread.

Not bad, but not really all that funny either. Meh, being raised Catholic and going to Catholic school must dull your sense of humour. :shrug:

Alexander the Pretty Good

01-11-2007, 22:44

How can you tell if a Star Wars fan is Catholic?

If you say "May the force be with you" and he responds with "And also with you."

I'm here all night!

Seriously. I've actually done that.

Goofball

01-11-2007, 23:04

How can you tell if a Star Wars fan is Catholic?

If you say "May the force be with you" and he responds with "And also with you."

I'm here all night!

Seriously. I've actually done that.

:laugh4:

I just called my wife and told her that one. Tea flew out her nose...

Sensei Warrior

01-12-2007, 00:17

:laugh4: To both of them. Hilarious. I am a recovering Catholic who once went to Catho school. Cant remember the loads I used to know, oh well.

IrishArmenian

01-12-2007, 01:00

Hilarious. My father is Catholic. I might email him some of these, any more?

Goofball

01-12-2007, 01:31

Hilarious. My father is Catholic. I might email him some of these, any more?

Hmmm...

Careful what you ask for.

Remeber forum rules folks, this has been a fun thread so far, let's keep it that way.

(I only say that because all of the other Catholic jokes I can think of break just about all of the .org rules)

Philippus Flavius Homovallumus

01-12-2007, 01:35

:laugh4: :laugh4:

That does actually sound like a Dave Allen joke.

Navaros

01-12-2007, 01:51

That joke is extremely obscene, distasteful and offensive, nothing at all "funny" about it. :furious3:

Tribesman

01-12-2007, 02:04

That joke is extremely obscene, distasteful and offensive, nothing at all "funny" about it.
Blah blah blah , and you are clearly not a Bible following Christian like you claim to be . :dizzy2:
Would you prefer a joke a clerical child sex abuse instead ?

That does actually sound like a Dave Allen joke.
Thats because it is :2thumbsup:
No one could rip the piss out of the Catholic church like he could , a comic genious

naut

01-12-2007, 02:30

It's okay, I usually expect a 'dirty' ending in a joke involving catholicism and children, this one was quite surprising.
Yeah.

AntiochusIII

01-12-2007, 03:09

It's really good precisely because it led you to believe the nuns have something to do with it but they actually don't. ~;)

lol.

Motep

01-12-2007, 04:38

I do believe that this joke will have my friend on the floor....that was good.

KukriKhan

01-12-2007, 04:57

https://jimcee.homestead.com/hahajesus.jpg

Alexander the Pretty Good

01-12-2007, 06:10

:laugh4: :sweatdrop:

Crazed Rabbit

01-12-2007, 06:40

That joke is extremely obscene, distasteful and offensive, nothing at all "funny" about it.

Let me decide what offends me, ok?

CR

Csargo

01-12-2007, 08:04

https://jimcee.homestead.com/hahajesus.jpg

Jesus was black.:huh:

Patriarch of Constantinople

01-12-2007, 08:19

That joke is extremely obscene, distasteful and offensive, nothing at all "funny" about it. :furious3:

Oh grow a sense of humor why dont you? It's a joke.

Patriarch of Constantinople

01-12-2007, 08:20

Jesus was black.:huh:

You can't get blacker than Jesus.

cegorach

01-12-2007, 09:09

Very good joke indeed.:laugh4:

Only fanatics do not belive it is good to be auto-ironic:beam:

Samurai Waki

01-12-2007, 10:37

Well Fanatics don't ever really try to read between the lines, they take the scripture at face value. Somehow I get the feeling that Jesus had a good sense of humour, and would have fit in rather nicely with the Libertarian Crowd.

BDC

01-12-2007, 10:50

doc_bean

01-13-2007, 13:37

Jesus was black.:huh:

and a socialist. :2thumbsup:

King Henry V

01-13-2007, 15:46

I heard this joke many years ago, and it is a great one. However, in the original, it was precified more explicitly that the little boy was Jewish, hence his incomprehension at the guy nailed to the plus sign.

Louis VI the Fat

01-13-2007, 15:56

in the original, it was precified more explicitly that the little boy was JewishNow I'm laughing, hard. :laugh4: :laugh4:

Oh la la, that borders on the edge of what good taste allows. But too funny.