@brave: thanks for changing that!:balloon2: :laugh4:
@pezhetairos:LOLOLOLOLOL:laugh4: :laugh4: :balloon2: guess he wasn't so effeminate afterall.:laugh4: :laugh4: :laugh4:
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@brave: thanks for changing that!:balloon2: :laugh4:
@pezhetairos:LOLOLOLOLOL:laugh4: :laugh4: :balloon2: guess he wasn't so effeminate afterall.:laugh4: :laugh4: :laugh4:
Hah, Brave's Tavern joke jogged my memory about this one I'd heard about Hell's Angels and a trucker on the Interstate 66, so yeah. XD I had intended it to be a Casse Cidainh driver, but I figured it had to be something heavy to go over them horses. oO
Sparte and Athens want to find out who has the better athlete. The best athlete from athens will duel himself with the best athlete from sparte.
On the very next day, athenian heralds start to tell the hellenic world from Massalia to Baktria the glorious results:
"While our athenian hero proved himself worthy and made it to a very good second place, the Spartian athlete dissappointed his people and only became penultimate."
Red Balloon for Brave Pez (awsome) :balloon: :balloon:
Green Balloon for marodeur (preety cool) :balloon2:
Hurray, more balloons! And red ones, too!
Thank you, Gebeleisis. Ave. *solemn salute*
A young Athenian noble comes home in the morning. His father has been waiting for him all night and is pretty upset:
"Son!!! Where have you been all night?!!!!!????"
"Father, I'm sorry. I know I should have been home earlier but...oh well I had such a great night..."
The fahter looks at him: "Oh son, does that mean you're not a virgin anymore?"
The son smiles at him.
"Good boy! Go get us some wine and sit down here with your good old father and tell me everything!"
"Oh father, I'd really like to have some wine with you but I'm afraid I can't sit down yet..."
Hahahaha, oooh!
@ L.C. Cinna
haha funny :laugh4:
Damn, and I thought I was immature. Funny anyway.
Good one, Cinna :charge:
Ooh Nice L C Cinna! Balloon for you! :balloon2:Quote:
Originally Posted by Ayce
So you've got some Gestatae staying with you at the moment?
That's right. Twelve of them.
Where are they going to sleep?
Anywhere they like...
Some young mothers went with their young children to a mother-and-child meeting. When they got there they found out that the greek who was taking it had rung in sick. The replacement was a Naked Fanatic.
at brave: :inquisitive: ???
A skit involving the Nubian, TPC, and a whole lot of other people.
The Nubian Pontic Thorakitai: Whats up guys
Ambros, Xenophone and everyone else: WTF, you can speak greek!?
TNPT:Indeed, so whats up?
All of em: Nothin much, just hopin our unit doesn't get cut out in EB 1.1
The Persian Cataphract: Greatings, and indeed you will. You will instead be replaced by more regional horse archers! One for every province in Persia!
Everyone but the Nubian: WTF NO WAY
TPC: Indeed, wait, TNPT, why aren't you stupified?
TNPT: Cause olive flavored cracka, Parthia got replaced by Nubia.
OH NO! Say it isn't so!
An archer enters a tavern, shoots an arrow and hits a krater in bartender's hands.
- I'm Perseus, captain of Bosphoran archers.
Several minutes later another archer enters the tavern. He shoots an arrow and hits a small kylix in bartender's hand.
- I'm Ajax, captain of Cretan archers.
Finally a militia toxotes enters the tavern. He shoots an arrow and hits the bartender.
-I'm sorry.
whoo lool:laugh4:
I like that one Andronicus.
Another war breaks out. On his way to join the assembled troops, a soldier stops to consult a street side fortune teller.
"Oracle!" the man cries out, "tell me if I will return to my modest farm and live to see my children's children play in the olive groves?"
The fortune teller looks at him and the fine panoply the man has. The divinations are made and the soldier is impressed by the arcane proceedings.
At last the fortune teller addresses him directly. "Honour the gods, trust in your friends and obey your commander. You will return to your wife and live to a fine age content in all things."
This greatly pleases the man. "Thank you, sage! When I return I will give you gold and silver for this news!"
The fortune teller looks thoughtful.
"If it is all the same to you," says the fortune teller, "pay me now."
_____________________________
The Oddysey- the worst excuse any man has given for why he was late home and gotten away with.
:laugh4: :laugh4: :laugh4: :laugh4:
This Roman general conquers all Greece, and decides to reward himself with all kinds of honours. He goes to Athens and demands to be made head of the Academy there.
The elderly greek philosopher in charge is hesitant but the Roman insists, so finally the old Greek agrees, on one condition. The Roman must sit a test.
The day of the test arrives and the Roman general presents himself at the academy for the test, but he brings two legions with him for moral support.
The old Greek philosopher is natrually quite intimidated but he begins the test anyway. First question is a tough one one about a minor detail the Illiad which flummoxes the general completely. The old Greek is on the point of dismissing him out of hand when the mass of Roman soldiers breaks out into a chant "GIVE HIM A CHANCE! GIVE HIM A CHANCE!"
The Greek is stunned by this and move onto the next question, a very abstract point of Platonic philosophy but before the Roman general has a chance to muff the answer the legions take up the cry "GIVE HIM A CHANCE! GIVE HIM A CHANCE!"
Completely intimidated the Greek decides to pose a really simple question and get the farce over, so he says "what is 2 plus 2?". After a full minute of head scratching and frowning the roman general guesses "Four?"
Before the philosopher can congratulate the General on his success the legions erupt: "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"
That joke was very sad... XD Well, there's always someone dumber than you, as they say.
That's classic. :laugh4:Quote:
Originally Posted by Andronikos
http://forum.cncreneclips.com/style_...cncre/lol2.gif Balloon for you: https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/image...c-balloon2.gifQuote:
Originally Posted by Andronikos
http://forum.cncreneclips.com/style_...re/jumping.gif
http://forum.cncreneclips.com/style_...brentdance.gif
have mercy Ayce-the movie clip was disturbing..(middle aged, poorly conditioned fellow, dancing? yuch!)
that was all a joke of course...:clown:
In EB 1.1, I'd like to see some remnant of the Beaker People.
https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v...f0b96676-1.jpg
Two fully clad cataphracts walked into a bar.
You would think at least one of them would have ducked ~:joker:
Like you guys didn't see that one coming. I had to provide some comfort to you after delivering the horrible news of EB 1.1 getting cancelled.
what?!?Quote:
Like you guys didn't see that one coming. I had to provide some comfort to you after delivering the horrible news of EB 1.1 getting cancelled.
April 1st isn't until Tuesday ...
*whines hopefully*
I think that was part of the bad jokes department development teams usually play on their public if the product they do is free.Quote:
Originally Posted by Disciple of Tacitus
In EB, every day is April 1st. Except those that are not.
But even those are a bit. Except some. Some that aren´t. But all are. Except those that aren´t. Which are everyone. Except those that are. Are are are are are are are are are are are are *snaps out of trance*
Sorry, I should lay of the chocolate, it´s not good for my head.
A, honestly that is like the only joke I know. Seriously. I'm horrible with jokes. I tell it and people just stare at me. It's sad, but it's 100% true. And by 100% true it is obviously 87% false if a team member is saying it.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Persian Cataphract
Can anybody explain to me that cataphract joke? I've pondered but nothing brings a smile to my face.
It's based on a play on words and a twist on the traditional jokeformat of 'a man walks into a bar.' If I say any more than that I would be simply giving it away.
Oh yeah.
'A man walked into a bar. Ouch.'
Ah, I see now. Man that's lame.
Somewhere in between that "walking into a bar" joke and Gestatae there is a good EB variation on that joke. Just not sure... .
Maybe I've had too much chocolate...
After all this time finally i got to understand this...:laugh4: that could have been thanks the lucidity of a sunday morning... very funny!Quote:
Originally Posted by marodeur
the one on the three archers of andronicus was really funny too.
there are some ones i cant understand yet, but i come from time to time to re-read it again, who knows i could get that eureka... example the cataphract ones didn't understand yet...
Um, it's really just a pun on the word 'bar'. As in, a bar could either be a drinking place, or an iron bar. So if cataphracts walked into a bar... what kind of bar are we talking about? ;-)
ah, now that is quite funny, ok not pure genius (sorry TPC:laugh4: ) but i have understood it, thanks! so another one is archivied.Quote:
Originally Posted by pezhetairoi
What is the only force on earth that can stop 100 elephants dead in there tracks and win the battle on his own
Chuck Norris
I really don't get it. Who's this Chuck Norris person everyone is talking about? What's he famous for?
i dont get the joke too, anyway Chuck Norris is just famous for having been beaten so bad by the only and true Bruce Lee on the Colosseum in Rome:Quote:
Originally Posted by pezhetairoi
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLO1YIWQuXE
OYOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
but he died in that fight with bruce lee (in the movie that is)
Chuck only lost because his true power is contained in the beard. Like Samson in the Bible, but with facial hair and not hair hair.Quote:
Originally Posted by Obelics
How do you know Chuck Norris was in EB?
If only the rebels are left.
What is a unit of 80 Chuck Norrises (or should it be Norrii?) called?
Gaesatae.
:laugh4: :laugh4: :laugh4: :laugh4:
thought there were 60 in a unit...oh well
That's before they pass through a town. After that there are 80.
how do you call 1 chuck norris and an empty europe?
an empire
how do you call 2 chucks and an empty europe?
European Wars!
how do you call 3 chucks and the whole world?
The Apocalipse!
sorry for offtopic but i like chuck norris discussions :D
Ah Jesus, you dragged Surena over again...
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
Surena feels cheated, obviously. He really does think Chuck Norris, and especially Chuck Norris facts are over-rated and should rather be ascribed to himself, especially his virtues in bed and of scaling walls... Moustaches... And of course how it cures cancer by even the slightest touch.
Of course, he's still being bitter. He becomes a bronze statue... Almost like "I annihilated almost forty-thousand Romans in Assyria and all I got was this piece of shit shirt".
How many Chuck Norrii does it take to turn a lightbulb?
2. One to hold the lightbulb and another to roundhouse kick the Earth.
Sorry, couldn't help it.
LOL ~DQuote:
Originally Posted by Metalstrm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Metalstrm
Actually the plural of Chuck Norris would be Chuckes Norres lol
Caesar went to his doctor and told him he was having a problem, as he was unable to get his manhood erect.
The doctor checked him out then told him that the muscles around the base of the organ were damaged from a previous viral infection caught on campaign and there was nothing he could do using medica romana. However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work from Africa, if he was willing to take the risk. The treatment consisted of planting muscle tissues from an elephant's trunk into his 'old fella'.
Caesar thought about it for a while. The thought of having to go through life without sex was too much for him to bear. So, Caesar decided to go for it. A few weeks after the operation while recovering, Caesar had to ship to Egypt.
While there he planned a romantic evening with Cleopatra. In the middle of dinner he felt a strong stirring in his loins that continued to the point of being extremely painful. To release the pressure he undid his loin cloth and his penis sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and returned to his loin cloth.
Cleopatra was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on her face said, 'That was incredible! Can you do that again?'
With tears in his eyes Caesar replied, 'I think I can, but I am not sure if another bread roll will fit up my arse'.
:laugh4: :laugh4: :laugh4:
Oh eww. XD XD That one most definitely deserves a balloon.
Ok, this cracked me up real bad, and I quote:
"In Pirates of the Carribean, someone on screen said "This is Madness!" and some random dude in the audience yelled "Madness? This is SPARTAA!"
And then sat down. Everyone laughed..."
lol to the caesar one!
and metal i think that was a blast when you heard it at the cinema:laugh4:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Metalstrm
I have seen 300 but I fail to see the humour in that, maybe people were laughing at him..
Dude, it killed me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dung3r
I dunno, everyone has a different sense of humor.
You just have to imagine him popping up and saying it out loud. Christ. Even thinking about it now cracks me up.
I got to have all the links to your Surena jokes-they're Hilarious!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by The Persian Cataphract
bumpin louder:beam:
Quote:
Originally Posted by pezhetairoi
He is a very bad actor who appeared in tv series like "Walker". All the internet comedy that is around him is just because his top guy looking.
One for the scholars.
Two Lictors walk into a bar, and the bartender says "Why the long fasces?"
:laugh4:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyclops
:laugh4: :laugh4: :laugh4: :laugh4: :laugh4:
Well, there was this guy in The Lord of the Rings Online who'se name was Garum.
GAR-um? that's just not right!:laugh4: :laugh4: :laugh4:Quote:
Originally Posted by Hax
"So eh...do you like your time as rotten fish entrails?"
no. do you?:inquisitive: but yeah, why would anyone call himself Garum? he must be an interesting fellow.
For example a person who doesn't know what Garum means (like me...:embarassed:).Quote:
Originally Posted by Ibrahim
My friend once gave his pet name Paskaläjä in Ultima Online. Some guy who doesn't know the finities of Finnish language commented: "Wow! That's a really great fantasy name!". Translated it sums up to cr*p pile.
Cr*p pile? that's sad. what does the neme actually mean?
Paskaläjä = Cr*p pile :laugh4:Quote:
Originally Posted by Ibrahim
He meant Garum.
Garum is a type of sauce, made from the moist collected from rotten fish entrails.
garum is something which the celts in EB say: garuuum!!!
I really was asking about the peskewhatever, not Garum (I already knw that one)Quote:
Originally Posted by Ayce
Never to be forgotten trait - revived! (Hopefully)
:laugh4:Quote:
Originally Posted by keravnos