Horrifying prospect. Being raped by a woman, that is.Quote:
Originally Posted by Secura
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Horrifying prospect. Being raped by a woman, that is.Quote:
Originally Posted by Secura
:laugh4:Quote:
Originally Posted by Secura
Hahaha, I suggest you go on YouTube and search for "Peep Show Series 5 Episode 4". It's a British comedy series, really good.Quote:
Originally Posted by Megas Methuselah
Wikipedia's synopsis for the episode is as follows:
The best part is when Mark wakes up, realises what's going on and starts having an internal monologue about what to do. "Should I push her off?". Hahaha.Quote:
Jez's aunt dies, leaving him a possible inheritance of £20,000 and he finds a gun among her belongings. Jez's mother comes with her new boyfriend Martin, a military man that Jez hates but Mark respects greatly hoping to write his memoirs. Mark tries to get in good with Martin's daughter but she ends up having sex with Mark while he is asleep and continues even though he asks her to stop. Jez tells Martin about the rape and subsequently, Jez ends up with no money and Mark without a chance to write the memoir.
Hooah, why are you even bothering? :clown:
speaking as a heartbroken person, who has other friends like so, I can only advise you with these:
1) don't try too hard to get to do her. you'll look stupid, creepy, or both.
2) the more you think about what's under her pants, the worse off you'll be. ( I learned that from a friend of mine)
3) why bother? most men only have a 1 in 3 billion chance of finding a girl who'll like him back. (that was my mistake-forgetting the odds).
4) make sure her dad doesn't know about it. a friend of mine was caught sleeping with his gf (but no sex involved), and the father assumed that he had done her, and forced them to end the relationship.
now, if you are unfazed by what I say, then that means you are more determined than I thought, and you can go with my blessings, and follow what other advice there is in this thread.
EDIT: If I sound stupid, its ecause I'm up late, and kinda delirious. good night.......
No, no. I am a man, therefore I am manly. That is all.Quote:
Originally Posted by Furunculus
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wExjpyyNujYQuote:
Originally Posted by Secura
7 minutes 20 seconds.
Hooah. You know the situation at hand doesnt require rocket science to be resolved. (not that certain gentlemen called disco might give some tips about his views concerning how to apply rocket science with women, but anyhow...) If you are talking with the girl and not just day dreaming of her from the distance, you have some chances to go further. Now all you have to do is to ask her out and forget about watching any girly series unless you want her and not to be her "buddy".
Making things complicated usually only result into things actually turning complicated. So you better just gather your courage and ask her out and forget about any more tactically ingenious aproaches. If she accepts, you have again chances for further things, or maybe not. That is pretty much up to the chemistry between two of you.
The cool thing about the Org is how I'm always learning things.Quote:
Originally Posted by Secura
oh dear god.Quote:
The cool thing about the Org is how I'm always learning things.
1) Convert to Buddhism
2) Study the Kama Sutra
3) Visualize her image before you
4) Be enlightened
- Hax
PS. Spread that enlightenment!
^ lol practice the tantric sex ritual, anything for your soul right :wink:
Actually, there is this obscure Tibetan sect that says "you can reach enlightenment by having sex"
Dirty old monks. I think the Japanese even have a word for "a fallen Buddhist monk"
:laugh4::laugh4::laugh4:Quote:
Originally Posted by pevergreen
Lol, she's kinda... freaky. "I'm having an orgasm against my will!" Hahaha!
"You asked her to stop, but she carried on anyways? Mark, it sounds like you've been raped..." HAHAHA!!!
I knew you'd see the funny side of it!Quote:
Originally Posted by Megas Methuselah
My favourite line is Mark's inner monologue: "Maybe that was actually good sex? Loosen up, Corrigan - that's what happens in the bedroom now: no old fashioned fumbling and kissing, a lesbian rapes you whilst you dream about your mother"
I love Peep Show. xD
If you all thought that episode was good you need to watch the one from season 6 with the house party.
Mark: Yeah, obviously it is only a tactical party. I'm only having a party to eventually get sex.Quote:
Originally Posted by tibilicus
Jez: This is only reason anyone in recorded history has had a party Mark!
Hahaha. Maybe a party and alcohol is the way to go for Hooah after all. :>
You would think the episode couldn't get any better at that point but then Super Hans turns up with a rented snake, which Mark then throws up on later. Best episode of season 6 by far.Quote:
Originally Posted by Secura
as long as its kosher :wink:Quote:
Mark: Yeah, obviously it is only a tactical party. I'm only having a party to eventually get sex.
Jez: This is only reason anyone in recorded history has had a party Mark!
Hahaha. Maybe a party and alcohol is the way to go for Hooah after all. :>
Um because I have booze and GIRLS DRINK FREE!Quote:
Originally Posted by Secura
I don't know of any girls whom say "Well Im going to skip that party, me and John just don't share the same taste in kitchen tile"
That's why there was one comment, thats all it should take.Quote:
Flattery does work, but don't be so forthcoming with it; a constant stream of compliments isn't flattering, it's tiresome and slightly creepy. Play it cool.
Self-esteem issues.Quote:
What exactly are 'daddy issues'?
What I meant was... well imagine 'John' throws a party, yes? What obligates any girl, let alone the one he's hoping to do the horizontal samba with, to spend time talking to him when there's plenty of other guys around? Alcohol or not, you've still got to be able to keep her attention for a certain amount of time unless she's a slag.Quote:
Originally Posted by Strike For The South
secura, secura, secura. my dear girl thats what my body is for.Quote:
What I meant was... well imagine 'John' throws a party, yes? What obligates any girl, let alone the one he's hoping to do the horizontal samba with, to spend time talking to him when there's plenty of other guys around? Alcohol or not, you've still got to be able to keep her attention for a certain amount of time unless she's a slag.
Well yes that's where the art of small talk comes in.Quote:
Originally Posted by Secura
Slag is a pejorative slang term, primarily used in United Kingdom, the Republic of Ireland, New Zealand and Australia, to describe women who often engage in casual sex and promiscuous behaviour. Its meaning is broadly similar to the terms "slut" and "skank". It originally derives from the same term for piles of impurities skimmed off during the smelting of metals.-as per wiki
What is that supposed to mean?Quote:
Originally Posted by Centurion1
Well, if he is asking about whether or not watching a television show will help him win her over, perhaps Hooah might appreciate some advice on small talk? It's not like a relationship... he isn't able to just say "I love you", not mean it and she'll fall for it (yes, I'm cynical, I know). He's essentially hoping to fool around with her a bit before college comes up, right?Quote:
Originally Posted by Strike For The South
I have been assuming that this girl he likes isn't skanky, because I like to think a woman can appreciate her self-worth a little more than just sleeping around; it is little wonder people like that guy Fragony linked have such a poor appreciation for women if they act like sex objects.
However, you seem to believe she is, in fact, a skank. I don't really know what American women are like, so... I concede that you're probably right on this.
That'll teach me for trying to impart a little chivalry upon him even if it is just a little fooling around. :3
a girl sees me and she keeps talking to me. i daresay i look like a young gregory peck.Quote:
What is that supposed to mean?
or look up the bronze medalist in biathlon (croatia) hes like my twin from the nose on up.
did you jsut say all american women are skanky? the only brit girl i know is a total skank so...... that doesnt bode well for your nation my dear.
Yes, but on the same token why feign interest in some TV show when he just wants to fool around? Why be dishonest about the whole thing?Quote:
Originally Posted by Secura
Simply because she would fool around with Hooah does not mean she is a skank. 2 teenage kids having some fun is harmless. Now I don't think Hooah is the kind of guy whom would treat her like that, if he did then he would be a tool.Quote:
I have been assuming that this girl he likes isn't skanky, because I like to think a woman can appreciate her self-worth a little more than just sleeping around; it is little wonder people like that guy Fragony linked have such a poor appreciation for women if they act like sex objects.
Not to mention to, women sometimes use sex as the ultimate trump card. So lets not act like the street doesn't go both ways there
Once again two kids fooling around because they have an attraction does not make a skank, I'm sure she is nice girl and will make some man very happy someday but right now is not that time.Quote:
However, you seem to believe she is, in fact, a skank. I don't really know what American women are like, so... I concede that you're probably right on this.
I am the epitome of chivalry, I think we just have different veiwsQuote:
That'll teach me for trying to impart a little chivalry upon him even if it is just a little fooling around. :3
No, I said that I don't know what American women are like; I was actually assuming that his girl Hooah likes wasn't skanky, whereas Strike seems adamant that she probably is. He's more knowledgeable about your nation's women than I am, so it's likely he's right about these things and I'm not.Quote:
Originally Posted by Centurion1
And as for the United Kingdom... well, there's increasing numbers of teenage pregnancies and once girls hit eighteen, they're getting their boobs out for The Sun and trying to marry footballers. Go figure, Gregory Peck. :P
lol whatever. girls wanna have sex too its pleasing for everyone involved. (usually)http://metro-portal.hr/.../02/web_image/jakov_fak.jpg
So he should just bite the bullet and be honest then? I guess I see this from a different perspective (older than this girl, different country and such), but I wouldn't be so flattered if a guy just admitted he wanted to get fruity with me and that's it. I guess it's different strokes, really.Quote:
Originally Posted by Strike For The South
Quote:
Simply because she would fool around with Hooah does not mean she is a skank. 2 teenage kids having some fun is harmless. Now I don't think Hooah is the kind of guy whom would treat her like that, if he did then he would be a tool.
I apologise for assuming you were labelling her as a skank. :3Quote:
Once again two kids fooling around because they have an attraction does not make a skank, I'm sure she is nice girl and will make some man very happy someday but right now is not that time.
Ahhhh, I can agree with you on this, although I've seen it backfire spectacularly; deny a guy sex too often or for too long, he'll go elsewhere. Men can be fickle at this age. :/Quote:
Not to mention to, women sometimes use sex as the ultimate trump card. So lets not act like the street doesn't go both ways there
I'm sure you can be quite the gallant knight.Quote:
I am the epitome of chivalry, I think we just have different veiws
coming to tame the dragon in her pants :laugh:Quote:
I'm sure you can be quite the gallant knight.
i daresay why not it means your a hottie, works on meQuote:
So he should just bite the bullet and be honest then? I guess I see this from a different perspective (older than this girl, different country and such), but I wouldn't be so flattered if a guy just admitted he wanted to get fruity with me and that's it. I guess it's different strokes, really.
He doesn't have to run up to her and say "I would like to have relations with you" but he shouldn't be pretending to be something he's not either. Once again a simple "hello, how are you" works much better than combing through the entirety of a sitcom.Quote:
Originally Posted by Secura
If they both have a mutual attraction they will FIND something to talk about.
Times have changed, if she is a skank than so is Hooah, fair play and all that.Quote:
I apologise for assuming you were labelling her as a skank. :3
Yes it also works as a tool to get what they want as well, if a girl doesn't want to have sex (and vice-versa) than she shouldn't be pressured into doing it. Really thats something you should know before getting into an exclusive relationship...Quote:
Ahhhh, I can agree with you on this, although I've seen it backfire spectacularly; deny a guy sex too often or for too long, he'll go elsewhere. Men can be fickle at this age. :/
A knight? America doesnt have kinghts!Quote:
I'm sure you can be quite the gallant knight.
Tsk, tsk, tsk.Quote:
Originally Posted by Centurion1
It could also mean they're just a pervert!Quote:
i daresay why not it means your a hottie, works on me
Then we'll hope for Hooah that's the case. He still has plenty of time to work out how he's going to go about things anyway.Quote:
Originally Posted by Strike For The South
You could be a gallant Texas Ranger? :DQuote:
A knight? America doesnt have kinghts!
well you cant be so crass as to go, "let me stick it in you!" you gotta be subtle like, "lets bang baby" works every time.Quote:
It could also mean they're just a pervert!
:clown:
no like me he is going to college in a couple of months (i asume lol) so hes gotta get it done now. I promised i wouldnt have any girlfriends at this time for exactly that reason. Im planning on taking candy the stripper to prom. lolQuote:
Then we'll hope for Hooah that's the case. He still has plenty of time to work out how he's going to go about things anyway.
They're not the same thing, then? :PQuote:
Originally Posted by Centurion1
Ahhhh, I see. Well, he has a few weeks to work with then, in the very least. Best to seize the moment though, before it passes him by entirely.Quote:
no like me he is going to college in a couple of months (i asume lol) so hes gotta get it done now. I promised i wouldnt have any girlfriends at this time for exactly that reason. Im planning on taking candy the stripper to prom. lol
Also, I'm sure Candy is going to fit right in at prom; just make sure you play it safe, eh? :>
He doesn't need a plan of attack, just go up to here and start talking.Quote:
Originally Posted by Secura
More like a cowboy, we're like southern gentleman but not gay.Quote:
You could be a gallant Texas Ranger? :D
of course. candy is very uh caring. lol.Quote:
Ahhhh, I see. Well, he has a few weeks to work with then, in the very least. Best to seize the moment though, before it passes him by entirely.
Also, I'm sure Candy is going to fit right in at prom; just make sure you play it safe, eh? :>
god one of my friends is seriously considering exactly that though. needless to say i am encouraging it for the lulz.
can you believe girls at my school expect us to ask them like now. my *** they can wait until i make up my mind.
or inbredQuote:
More like a cowboy, we're like southern gentleman but not gay.
Uh-huh. I have this feeling men wearing the chaps shouldn't cast stones.Quote:
Originally Posted by Strike For The South
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1u4CXlIYjyE
Americans are funny with their highly formalised dating and all that. Take her to dinner, take her to a movie, try to get a kiss, drive her home, and she'll invite you in for a cup of coffe or not. :sleeping:Quote:
Originally Posted by Secura
Or maybe that's mostly adult Americans. College and High School may be a bit more spontaneous. Hopefully a bit more fun too.
British women are the most skanky I know. They get pissed, then kiss the nearest guy within reach and force him to have sex with them before they inevitably pass out. Great fun.
French women, I would say they are skanky, but they quickly unlearned four decades of liberation and by now know better, what with machismo exploding back onto the scene and Paris now the worst :daisy: groping capital this side of Riyadh.
Yeah, but, that doesn't work for everybody. Some guys, you put a quarter in and press play, and the entertaining conversation doesn't stop. Always another witty remark where that came from.Quote:
Originally Posted by El Striko
Some don't have that, or lack the confidence. They need a little something to hold on to, to get them started.
she compared me to a summers day. :beam:
Overheated and sticky?
no. "thou art more lovely and more temperate."
seems like its working.
Thats bad.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hooahguy
You want to be this in her eyes:
https://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a...tt42/plane.jpg
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
When bragging about your prowess with the fairer sex, you should refrain from including "young" and "peck" in the same sentence.Quote:
Originally Posted by Centurion1
An unfortunate byproduct of Britain's rampant 'chav' culture; slutty women covered head-to-toe in fake tan, drinking Lambrini from the bottle and catching STIs as though they're Pokémon. I assure you that we're not all like that.Quote:
Originally Posted by Louis VI the Fat
She quoted Sonnet 18 to you? Sounds romantic... :3Quote:
Originally Posted by Hooahguy
More's the pity. ~;pQuote:
Originally Posted by Secura
Don't feel bad, we like british women because they are usually drunk, we like culture just like everybody else. It's so easy to get to know british culture.
So what do you think of this woman, these two and this pair?Quote:
Originally Posted by Louis VI the Fat
Unattractive chavvy British ho-bags. :P
These two work for me, yeah. I'd consider them.Quote:
Originally Posted by Secura
They do look a bit young, perhaps twelve or thirteen. This means I shall have to do both of them together, that their combined age will be twentyfive-ish, hence legal.
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
I skipped half the thread a bit after MRD won it but I think PVC had a good point as well, if she is up for some kind of one-night stand, I'd make it clear to her that that's what you want, if you lure her into thinking you really like her and want a relationship and then drop her because you were just out trophy hunting of sorts(that's what "getting into her pants" sounds like to me), then I would wish noone had given you any advice to be honest. :mean:
Oh and no, that's not my advice, I have none anyway, I don't need a woman, I have a computer.
My eyes can never be cleansed.Quote:
Originally Posted by Secura
My Hussy, can't believe he's German he is way too funny for thatQuote:
Originally Posted by Husar
Wouldn't touch those wearing haz-mat.Quote:
Originally Posted by Louis VI the Fat
They belong in the Babe thread.Quote:
Originally Posted by Secura
:hide:
ewwww i like the sweat stains do british women use bloody deodorant....... oh yeah i forgot yall dont even shave.
Hooah she quoted sonnet at you. dude is this girl actually hot or is she like in your drama club :tongue:
awaits drama backlash.
You are mistaking us with French women.Quote:
Originally Posted by Centurion1
oh my sincerest apologies my dear secura. but the pit thing still stands for that girl, thats just nasty.Quote:
You are mistaking us with French women.
i mean how do you deal with a women with hairy armpits definitely not attracted to french women as of now.
What's wrong with French women?? ~:confused:Quote:
Originally Posted by Secura
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
Spoken like someone who has never been with a French woman.Quote:
Originally Posted by Centurion1
You youngsters won't relate to this, but I just had the strange experience of being sent a link to the wedding pictures of a woman I used to get all freaky with. Kinda ... odd.
ahhhhh i can imagine. weird thought.Quote:
Spoken like someone who has never been with a French woman.
You youngsters won't relate to this, but I just had the strange experience of being sent a link to the wedding pictures of a woman I used to get all freaky with. Kinda ... odd.
i have slow internet so when Louis picture loaded it was....... a bit of a shock to say the least and is not improving my outlook. You continentals are all hairy louts.
Some of you guys are ******* creepy.
Everyone knows that Czech women are the most attractive.
Someone has never been to France, yes French ladies like natural, but that doesn't mean hairy armpits, it means not having more paint on their face then Michelangelo used for the Sistine Chapel. French women are naturally classy, sexy as can be without even trying. They do very strange things with uncle Fragony's state of mind.Quote:
Originally Posted by Centurion1
It's seldom that I find myself agreeing with Fragony. Being voered in warpaint is not attractive, and the French are on average more sophisticated, and therefore sexier, than the average Brit/Yankee.
You know I love you, right?Quote:
Originally Posted by a completely inoffensive name
:yes:Quote:
Originally Posted by Fragony
They're clever with the make-up, they accentuate their features, rather than painting another layer over the top.
Quite. Why is everyone beating on British women when the only lady in the thread is English? Really chaps, show a little class and restraint.Quote:
Originally Posted by Secura
French women are not natural, they are artful. I knew an Irish-Italian girl who was very similar; in addition to being naturally attractive she took great care with her presentation and appearence. She is to-date the only women to make me see smoking as sexy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Fragony
Quite so; thankfully english women now mainly avoid make-up, except around the eyes. This is probably a good thing because we don't seem to have a tradition of artful application.Quote:
Originally Posted by Psychonaut
We are just teasing don't take it serious.Quote:
Originally Posted by Philipvs Vallindervs Calicvla
Everyone knows that Czech women are the most attractive.
There certainly is a maddening amount of hotness parading the streets there.
3rd Edit, women. :beam:
I said Class and Restraint Frag, not that you weren't joking.Quote:
Originally Posted by Fragony
Just so we're clear... this was a joke too. :PQuote:
Originally Posted by Secura
I love France really; the language, patisseries, the Eiffel Tower, escargot, Clemenceau... I love everything about them! xD
Just lay off us Brits! :P
Well too much restraint can be bit boring according to some. Nothing wrong with a small sparkle in a eye.Nothing disrespectful in that.:cool:Quote:
Originally Posted by Philipvs Vallindervs Calicvla
B...but, but I think it a good thing British women are liberated.Quote:
Originally Posted by Secura
Not in the sense of that whole 'playa/ho' thing, or chavettes, or 'my teenager life must resemble a R&B music video'.
But mature women, secure of themselves, who know what they want - yeah. :yes:
I think Britain is sexually more healthy than France. More promiscuous too, which is good.
If it makes you feel any better I think Britain has one of the richest histories of any region in the world. :sweatdrop:Quote:
Originally Posted by Secura
Yeah, that we do.Quote:
Originally Posted by jabarto
And that counts for something, right? xD
British women are more promiscuous?Quote:
Originally Posted by Louis VI the Fat
There, fixed it! :PQuote:
Originally Posted by Philipvs Vallindervs Calicvla
Aye.Quote:
British women are/can be more promiscuous
The days of 'no sex please, we're British' are well and truly behind us. The British are now the most promiscuous of all industrial nations. And British women even more so than men. (I do wonder how that works. Lesbianism? Foreign men (:jumping:) ?)
But probably what's meant is that a greater number of women have a promiscuous lifestyle than men. That is, there a few Kadagar Ubermen who do all the work.
Great! Away with the double standard.Quote:
BRITISH men and women are now the most promiscuous of any big western industrial nation, researchers have found.
In an international index measuring one-night stands, total numbers of partners and attitudes to casual sex, Britain comes out ahead of Australia, the US, France, the Netherlands, Italy and Germany.
The researchers behind the study say high scores such as Britain’s may be linked to the way society is increasingly willing to accept sexual promiscuity among women as well as men. They also believe that, among certain age groups and at certain times, men and women are equally liberal.
The researchers say that cultural developments have meant women are now as able to engage in no-strings sex as men. “Historically we have repressed women’s short-term mating and there are all sorts of double standards out there where men’s short-term mating was sort of acceptable but women’s wasn’t,” said David Schmitt, a professor of psychology at Bradley University, Illinois, who oversaw the research.
http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/l...cle5257166.ece
:unitedkingdom:
I still think those results are down to the chav culture we have here though. :/
Of course, I love you too. You my dawg.Quote:
Originally Posted by Megas Methuselah
Yeah, me too. I only know a few girls (single figures) who could be counted as promiscuous.Quote:
Originally Posted by Secura