The Official Tanuki Tournament Thread

'khaan and I met on the field of battle and he emerged victorious 3-0. Battles included a classic rout, an all-rocket rout and a ninja/night/fog rout. We had to re-do the ninja rout because he didn't know how to increase the rank of his units so my army of rank 5+ ninjas trounced his rank 1 ninjas. After explaining how to increase the unit rank, we re-fought the battle and achieved the expected result. My surviving ninjas are trying out for the track team tomorrow.

Congratulations 'khaan and good luck in your re-match(!!!) with Monk. :bow:

Hmmm, looks like some form on the other side of the losers' draw. I'll have to keep a close eye on the 'khaan vs Monk match.

But first I have to defeat the Flying Finn.

He had to go to Ikea yesterday so we couldn't fight but maybe tonight will work better unless he is up to his neck in wooden dowels and multitudinous screws of different sizes....

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Originally Posted by Kagemusha

You can have my head as apology for this great insolence, if someone can find it from the field. Its bloody dark there still. Maybe terotero can give it to you next morning?:undecided:

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:froggy is informed her servants have finished sewing Kagemusha's body back together: Ah ha! Now we should be able to tell which of the millions of tiny giblets make up the head!

:froggy goes to view the completed work.:

:inquisitive:

I don't think he looked like that. I mean, I hate to nitpick but I'm pretty sure he did not have a leg made up out of a splintered spear shaft, and really there shouldn't be fingers in the place of ears. :no:

Ok, time for a new approach. Blend the entire corpse down into gravy and then pour it into a human-shaped mould. Then we cut the head off that when the mixture has firmed.

If that doesn't work, bury the whole lot. And make sure a nice marker is put over the site so we don't get a restless ghost! :stare:

Beaten 2-1 by Kage...I can barely contain my despair.

Replays

Monkey out.

Thank you froggy Sama!Apparently the stiching and re moulding helped. The monkey forces of phonics were won in tight fought series, which ended to Kage 2-1 EDIT: The honourable Phonics beat me to it. Great games. I think it was the worse player though who won the series.I took a terrible beating in that field battle.

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Originally Posted by Kagemusha

I think it was the worse player though who won the series.I took a terrible beating in that field battle.

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:stare: That looks oddly like a polite compliment to the simian. There is no place for that kind of conduct in this tournament. I would say I was disappointed in your behavior Kage, but it honestly doesn't surprise me. You're lucky you haven't been banned yet. Fortunately, nice guys finish last. Or, in your case, either third or fourth.

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Originally Posted by TinCow

:stare: That looks oddly like a polite compliment to the simian. There is no place for that kind of conduct in this tournament. I would say I was disappointed in your behavior Kage, but it honestly doesn't surprise me. You're lucky you haven't been banned yet. Fortunately, nice guys finish last. Or, in your case, either third or fourth.

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Maybe something went wrong when they put me back together from pieces? That sure does not sound like something that would come out from my mouth.:shocked2:

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Originally Posted by Gregoshi's innards

If they start singing "Kumbaya", I'm outta here...er, physically and tournamentally I'm already out, but you know what I mean.

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...

So, I return from my monkey sulk to discover that my victorious enemy, not content with merely humiliating me on the field of battle, has decided to compound the insult further by complimenting me?

Aargh!

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Originally Posted by Kagemusha

Apparently the stiching and re moulding helped.

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:idea:

:foggy sets up a kiosk and places a sign nearby. "froggy's patented re-moulding, statistically proven* to improve your battlefield abilities! For a small** charge you too can stride across the fields like Lu Bu! Inquire now!
*100% of clients report success!
**Negotiable, finance agreements available when acceptable collateral is provided. Acceptable collateral includes items such as houses, first born children, and the client's own limbs.

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Froggy's patented re-moulding, statistically proven

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hmmm, maybe that is a service I could use.
So far I have merely relied on my field surgeon to stitch me back together after my multiple defeats on the different TW battlefields (all time-periods included).

Now, where are my glasses to read the small print....

huh, just as I thought.

There's no party once the monkey leaves...

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Originally Posted by phonicsmonkey

There's no party once the monkey leaves...

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Apparently so. Personally, I think the others see Kage has advanced to round 4 and they are all scared into inaction - they want to advance but not if it is to eventually face the pink and re-formed Kage. :yes:

the other rother and I are waiting on the losers to catch up before we play. Once the losers have determined who is the least pathetic amongst them, the Tech Admins will determine which of us will have the glory of thrashing them in the loser semi-finals prior to the Tech Admin final re-match.

As far as i understand it is double elimination and we still need one looser from the original players?Or is there some code prohibiting the tech borgs from fighting each other? :P

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Originally Posted by Kagemusha

As far as i understand it is double elimination and we still need one looser from the original players?Or is there some code prohibiting the tech borgs from fighting each other? :P

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We can fight each other, but Monk and khaan need to get moving on the loser bracket as well. They need to fight, and then the winner fights you, and then the winner of that fight will have the honor of losing to one of the Tech Admins.

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Originally Posted by GeneralHankerchief

ANDRES!!! You and I are the first two eliminated from this tournament. If you are man enough, I hereby challenge you to a last-place match here and now or whenever is a convenient time for both of us!!! Let the winner regain some of his shattered honor, and let the loser forever be known as the single worst player of Total War: Shogun 2 on the entire staff. That is, if you're not a big fat chicken. :charge:

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Ok, I finally found a way to put the broken pieces of my body back together in something that resembles a human body.

No, that foot belongs on my neck. I'm not clusmy, I intended it to be that way. Allthough having my head under my left leg seems a bit inconvenient...

I'm ready to win the last place of this tournament and to become the uncrowned champion of the .Org staff and the rest of the universe, excluding McDonald's; the rest of the .Org staff can form the MacDonald's government, for my amusement; I hereby already appoint TinCow and GeneralHankerchief as Secretaries of Big Mac affairs :knight:

Ha! Ha! Hahahahahahahaha! You have already lost! For while you were putting the broken pieces of your body back together and having numerous and intense fantasies regarding .Org Staff and fast food, I was busy not practicing at all, thus keeping my reputation up! You will lose for sure!

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Originally Posted by GeneralHankerchief

You will lose for sure!

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I'm confused. By "lose" do you mean "win" which means you lose...but then you win... :wall:

:smartass2:

All part of the plan.

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Originally Posted by GeneralHankerchief

:smartass2:

All part of the plan.

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So, do you want to lose to win or win to lose?

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Originally Posted by Gregoshi

So, do you want to lose to win or win to lose?

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It doesn't matter. I AM THE .ORG STAFF CHAMPION AND THE REST OF YOU ARE ALL MAGGOTS!

"Champion of All Maggotry" doesn't sound like a very impressive title.

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Originally Posted by Gregoshi

So, do you want to lose to win or win to lose?

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Yes.

so who won? <_<

Wait... wait... what is this? A game has actually been played! Two of them, actually, and The Magnificent TinCow won both. The first was a siege battle where TinCow was attacking and therother was defending. therother was largely humiliated by my supreme abilities to screw up his pathfinding. I rock, unfortunately we both forgot to save that replay, so you will have to use your imagination to witness my glory. therother did not want to do another siege battle, so battle 2 was instead a good old fashioned field battle. therother most treacherously took the Hattori and used them to vaporize my archers with his hidden units when I wasn't paying any attention. Fortunately, it didn't matter and I crush him anyway like the bug he is. Here is the replay of my stupendous victory.

I look forward to defeating The Slightly Less Magnificent therother a second time, after he thrashes the non-Tech Admin staff.

I declare myself the winner of this tournament!

I am the greatest!

hmm you can be the official winner...if you catch my hint *cough* deliver the money bag *cough* >_>

Hmm... it does appear as though the only appropriate thing to do is make everyone else forfeit and declare myself the winner.

Multiple claims to the title...such a dilemma. :idea: Hey, why don't we hold a tournament to decide the winner? :laugh4:

Great idea! :idea2:

Now why didn't you mention that before?!

Or you could just do it like they did in the Middle Ages and live with the chism for a few hundred years, having a winner in Rome and an antiwinner in Avignon.

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Originally Posted by Nigel

Or you could just do it like they did in the Middle Ages and live with the chism for a few hundred years, having a winner in Rome and an antiwinner in Avignon.

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That's fine with me. I can be both winner and antiwinner at the same time. I am that awesome.

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Originally Posted by TinCow

That's fine with me. I can be both winner and antiwinner at the same time. I am that awesome.

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Me too! So we're both awesome, but because I come before you in the alphabet, I'm the most awesomest of awesome awesome champions and thing.

So, is "tanuki" Japanese for "talk"? :laugh4:

I am going to use my arbitrary powers of awesomeness to declare that if no battle is fought by the end of next weekend, I will declare myself the ultimate victor and close the tournament. However, I will not abuse my authority. Everyone who has not already lost a battle can vote on this proposed course of action.

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Originally Posted by Gregoshi

So, is "tanuki" Japanese for "talk"? :laugh4:

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(While I have not even been a participant of this turnament...)

I vote for the one who can give me an explanation or translation of tanuki, that I can understand and that finally makes sense.

Tanuki :bow: