@PenguinKing: Good to hear from you. It's always nice to have a comment from a new reader.
@Lysimachos: All questions shall be answered. Posting up. . .
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@PenguinKing: Good to hear from you. It's always nice to have a comment from a new reader.
@Lysimachos: All questions shall be answered. Posting up. . .
Removed for publication.
Well, this is the end—almost. I’ll be posting up a “historical” prologue detailing the subsequent events of the kingdom on Monday or Tuesday. In the meantime, I would like all of you to do something for me. If you’ve lurked your way through this entire story, never commenting, or if you just haven’t commented recently, PLEASE do so now.
It’s important, and I’ll be explaining why. Feel free to say anything you care to, express (or vent) your opinion of the ending of the story, and suggest things I could have done better. However, I need to hear from all of you, lurkers especially.
Here’s why. Anyone who comments at this point will automatically receive a short excerpt from the novel I’m currently working on, giving you a glimpse of what I’m planning for the future. As well, you will be notified when and if I get that novel published. If you are interested in either, or have just enjoyed my writing over the past six months, please comment. As I’ve stated, criticism is just as welcome as praise. You all are what have made this AAR a success, but I’ll never know your part in it unless you comment. :2thumbsup:
According to MS Word, I’ve spent over a hundred and fifty hours just writing this story, not to mention the time spent actually playing the game and editing screenshots. So, if you would, take a moment of your time to comment upon it. Thanks to all.
Whoa...stunning.
Really...stunning.
A worthy end - for a great warrior and a great story and in both ways kind of sad.
As I said before, I first hadn't been interested in an Aedui-AAR, but once i started i read almost the whole thing in one go (up to the point where i first commented).
In my opinion you managed to create an absolutely captivating story, along with Aaldaemon's sadly unfinished Flight of the Dragons my favorite AAR ever and I'm really looking forward to what else you have in the drawer, so to speak.
I can't think of anything to criticize right now, perhaps with time I will find something ~;)
Im just stuned, you my dear are a great writer, your story had me on my toes the whole time, always expecting a twist, but newer knowing what it would be, and you have always suprised me. I would love to read that book of yours, once you finish it, ewen if it would be in a doc, unpublished.
Dude, you really messed with my expectations. Cadwalador was the last person I would expect to die an epic, heroic death. It really worked, though.
Also, before you try to get published, edit out the "one God" stuff. Publishers will worry it will offend a lot of non-Christians; I can tell you it made me a little uncomfortable, but I ran with it because I had some familiarity with you as a person. Other people will not be as kind.
Wow. Theodotos I, you are a master. I've followed your story since you first started writing, as a lurker. You certainly know how to pluck at heart-strings with all those plot twists. I wish you all the best with your novel!
@Hax: I thought it would surprise a few people.
@Lysimachos: Many thanks for your kind words. The end of Cadwalador and the end of the AAR is a bittersweet experience for me as well. For a time, I had actually plotted out beyond the death of Aneirin moc Cunobelin, planning to have Cadwalador survive the disaster and bring Margeria and her two sons back into the plot. But, as you will see in the epilogue, the Casse themselves forced my hand and I could see no sense in having Cadwalador die fighting beside Erbin or Praesutagos!
@Ower: I appreciate you reading along all this time. I tried to keep the plot moving forward at an equal pace to the events of the game. Reading about countless successful battles is really rather boring, so I thought I would toss in a few defeats just to spice things up. Well, that’s where the EB AI stepped in and handed me my rear on a golden platter.
As for my book, I need to get back to it. This AAR more than anything has been the product of a enforced six-month sabbatical.
@Reverend Joe: I’m glad you felt the ending worked. I wasn’t exactly sure. Personally I’ve thought of Cadwalador as a hero all along. If you’ve ever been in some of these situations in real-life, you know staying loyal to a currently unpopular person or cause is one of the most truly heroic things you can ever do. But I wanted to end it with a dramatic last stand.
As for the second part of your comment, if you are suggesting that I should edit the “monotheism” out before I should try to get this story published, I would agree with you. With the benefit of hindsight, I can see that it just didn’t work in this story. Despite the truth of what I believe, the idea that the Aedui of 272 BC would have known of it was pushing the envelope, particularly with what Sarcasm said of their lack of written records. And, perhaps more importantly, it didn’t add much of anything to the plot. Cadwalador’s healthy skepticism of his native gods was already well established and I probably should have left it at that.
However, if you are saying that I should expunge the notion from all of my writing, then I will have to respectfully disagree. That would be to cut out a part of my character, and no writer can do that and survive with themselves, much less anyone else. Indeed, my regular writing, which is far more modern in nature, will be pitched toward the Christian publishing market. The difficulty I perceive there is that the said market has largely been taken over by pacifists and those who somehow believe a Christian is not permitted to kill in defense of his country. The Christian protagonist of the novel I’m currently working on is a paramilitary who happens to believe you can.
All the same, I appreciate your concern. As for people not being kind, well, I’ve already found that out. . .
@Praxis: Welcome to the forums, and many thanks for commenting. Your excerpt will be arriving shortly, once I get it properly edited. I hope I can make a success of my writing out in the "real" world. Here's a balloon :balloon2: for being the first lurker to show himself. :2thumbsup:
Removed for publication.
I wasn't suggesting you eliminate it from everything, especially if you are writing for a Christian audience. I was just saying it doesn't jive with this story.Quote:
Originally Posted by Theodotos I
Also, I would leave out the epilogue as well when publishing. I know it provides more closure in a way, but to me it really weakens the dramatic end. Cadwalador's last brave stand just feels like a book slamming shut.
Edit: also, thanks for the excerpt, but it doesn't seem like the kind of thing I would be interested in. To be honest, a historical novel like this one seems much more original than the subject in the excerpt.
Although a historical novel might be more original, I have to say that I'm not too fond of them. It's one thing to like an AAR about a game I play and that compulsorily has an alternative history and another thing with pseudo-historical books that make my accuracy-feelings hurt :laugh4:Quote:
Originally Posted by Reverend Joe
Very good AAR, and one of the few ones that have actually come to an natural end.
Well, I added the epilogue because I felt that my readers might like to know what happened in-game, i.e. that I truly was defeated. Since it is so dependent on the game, I wouldn't think of including it otherwise.Quote:
Originally Posted by Reverend Joe
Also, as for the excerpt, there is nothing truly original in writing. And I think my stories will be dramatically different from others in the genre. I strive for realism. . .
@Lysimachos: So, you would be interested in a novel of the sort proposed in the excerpt?
@General Appo: Thanks for commenting. I was committed to following this through.
Well, the time has come to bid a fare-thee-well to all my readers who have faithfully followed this AAR over the last six months. Thank you all. If I’ve missed anyone, please forgive me.
Chirurgeon: I guess by all rights the first thanks goes to you. It was your AARs which got me started in the first place, and after my rewrite of Chapter 27 of Iberia Rising, I decided I had better put up or shut up. Thanks for following and for your kind words of encouragement along the way.
Shylence: Your Casse finally vanquished me, but I left many of them dead in the field before I was overcome. If you still frequent the Guild, I trust you will read this. Good luck, mate.
Ludens: Your boost at the start was much welcome. I trust you were able to keep reading.
Keravnos: Thanks for your comment at the beginning and good luck with EB2. Maybe one day I will write an AAR based upon it.
Frodge: You asked for more and I did my dead-level best to supply it. Hope you stayed for the ride.
Brave: A comment at the beginning and never again. Thanks for the encouragement anyway and I hope you lurked along.
Hax: I’m still waiting to sign you on for the movie role of Berdic. Your imitation is just too good to pass up. Thanks for following.
Captain Black: Been a while since I’ve heard from you, but Cavarillos finally met his doom, just as you had hoped. The confrontation took place, just as you knew it would. I trust you’ve had the chance to read it.
Long lost Caesar: I kept it up and hope you read along. Good luck with your own writing.
Yossarian: The regular updates kept coming and I hope you stopped in for them. It’s been a long journey.
Chaotix27: Defeat. The first Total War campaign that ever ended with me being wiped out. But a good last stand. Thanks for reading.
Gamegeek2: Cadwalador didn’t survive, not in the long run. But he went out fighting. That counts for something.
Reality=Chaos: I think I blew quite a few people away with a number of these chapters. Hopefully not typical AAR fare. Thanks. And my novel is coming along. . .
Midnj: Yes, I tried for a path of at least semi-realism. Or plausibility.
Reverend Joe: You and I went round and round several times over all this, but your comments are always welcome. Thanks for following along and voicing your opinion freely. Always want to know what my readers are thinking.
Irishmafia2020: Haven’t heard from you in a while, my Navajo friend, but I trust you will be able to finish reading this story. Your support was invaluable over the months and your plug for the AAR over on TWC was golden. Thanks for the kind words.
Fenix3279: Thanks for following Defiant—er—Fenix. Keep up the good work on EB2.
MerclinusCDXX: Cadwalador just kept passing out, didn’t he? Thanks for all your lurking and for your vote over on TWC. It was much appreciated.
Sarcasm: Still trusting I didn’t throw you too far off-balance with the inclusion of monotheism, I was glad to have an EB team member reading. Wish you could have advised me a little more on my portrayal of culture. I didn’t know very much about the Aedui or Britonic tribes (which is pretty funny when you consider that this AAR will now come up in a Google search for the Dumnones)
Red Russian13: You only posted once, but your comment heartened me, as coming from a soldier. Whatever you’re doing now, wherever you’re located, take care of yourself. Your service to this great country is appreciated more than you can know. God bless.
Aaldaemon: I know you’re no longer active on these forums, but to leave you out would be an injustice. Things finally wound up with the tragic end you had desired, if not in the way you thought. Your own AAR was fabulous. Come back and finish it!
General Appo: Never become too predictable. That’s my motto.
Olaf the Great: Some people were drunk in this story. Cadwalador was never one of them. Thanks for reading.
Cadwalader: I still get a good chuckle every time I see your username. Your comments and help along the way were much appreciated, including your suggestion regarding the sword. The final dramatic touch I needed. Thanks.
Swordmaster: I’ve been so busy with this I’ve not commented on your Seleukid AAR. But please continue!
DaCrAzY: I doubt I will ever try to publish this particular story. It relies quite heavily on the game, and the ending would be hard for most readers to enjoy.
Ower: I tried to keep enough twists in to keep the story moving and keep people guessing. Glad to know I succeeded. Thanks for reading, man.
Hooahguy: You and I keep jockeying for third and fourth place in view count. If you hadn’t come back from the Tavern, I would have ruled supreme!!!
Tristrem: Aneirin is dead. As you wished, milord. But he died like the hero he truly was, and Cadwalador beside him. Thanks for your input.
Roka: Scotland. I’ve always wanted to go there, so it’s nice to have one of the Scots reads. (Notice, I’m smart enough to tell the difference between Scots and Scotch. Scots are the people. Scotch is the drink.) Many thanks for reading—I may be published one day.
Legosoldier: Thanks for the balloon, even though I’m not the Olympian you thought I was. If you knew me, you’d realize I’m hardly the athletic type. History, philosophy and literature have always been more my forte. As I delve back into my translation of Omar Khayyam. . .
Lysimachos: I prize comments from my fellow writers above all others, for they know first-hand the challenges that others can only imagine. And your Seleukid AAR is quite good, really. I’m pleased to know that this AAR is one of your two favorite of all time. Now if we can just get Aaldaemon back on the forums!
Aemilius Paullus: What’s your username over on TWC? This AAR is being entered in two more contests over there the end of this month, so keep an eye out if you want to support it. So far it is the only EB entry. Thanks for all of your help.
Penguinking: You were last new reader to comment before the end. Thanks for the encouragement. Let’s hear it from the lurkers!
Praxis: I am honored, my friend, to think that you joined the Guild to comment on my story. Now that you’re here, I hope you will stay and add your voice to the many and sundry discussions that take place here on a daily basis.
And above all, I need to thank the translators of the King James 1611 Bible. As strange as this may sound, it was only my familiarity with the sentence structure and grammatical phrasing of this sacred work that enabled me to convey the feeling of ancient times that I believe was portrayed in this AAR. Your work in translating the Word of God has never been surpassed, nay, not even equaled.
And please, if you’ve never commented, PLEASE COMMENT NOW!!!!!!!! You, as well as everyone mentioned above, will receive an excerpt from the manuscript I’m currently working on, just to give you an idea of my plans for the future. Thanks to all. :2thumbsup:
EDIT: Once again, this AAR is entered for the competitions on TWC. Voting should start next week. If you have an account, please support this story. Many thanks.
Yes, just drop a note when you are published :yes:Quote:
Originally Posted by Theodotos I
That's a looooong thank-you-list you have there! I can only hope my AAR will never end, so I won't ever feel obliged to write one, too :laugh4:
A great ending to a great AAR, Theodotos! Awesome job with this! Also, not many AARs incorporate this much emotion and sadness, and for that, the AAR is unique. And if you're really going to publish this as a book, I think it will fit perfectly, because really, it was more of a book with pics than an AAR anyway. Thanks for such an awesome story! :2thumbsup:
You did not - I assure you I read every single line in this AAR and enjoyed it a great deal. First of all, thank you for taking the time to write the AAR, and dropping a few lines for me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Theodotos I
Secondly, my main gripe with the inclusion of monotheism at that stage of history, is that it existed in very few places in the world, and even then mainly those regions with significant oriental influence. For example the Cynetes of southern Portugal were, as far as we can tell, monotheists by the time of the Punic wars and were thoroughly detested by the Lusitanians (perhaps by it) who were of a more continental/Celtic-like culture. When Christianity reached certain areas of the Roman Empire, the resistance to it wasn't always something mandated by the imperial seat, but rather a local response to a newly arrived aggressive religion, who tended to replace the old creeds. This was even more evident in places outside the Empire, and gave Christians some of their dearest Martyrs. Of course this didn't happen always, in certain places, the Christian doctrine would take the place of most Father-God cults, often in the very same places where they were worshipped before.
I refrained from advising you, largely because I have had, some bad experiences in the past; not everyone is as anally retentive as me, when it comes to portraying history in the most precise form as possible, even in the relatively light historical novels. That said, I'll take the liberty of giving you some advice...if it's not too arrogant of me to do so. I know how difficult it is to write something that doesn't look like the same thing you've been reading all your life, and that's the only reason I'm giving them. Anyway, if you're ever going to write a *real* book, try not to write it for a particular crowd - write what you feel is right, without a direct consciousness that you're having to add or remove this or that because some dogma says you should.
From a purely technical point of view, I think you needed to give somekind of release to main hero at some point in the story, if only to contrast with the huge amount of grief the man had to bear. Also, that ending will probably not work in a proper book - I'm not saying the hero needs to live beyond the book, but there has to be somekind of satisfying (or at least bitter-sweet) closure to the story. After a while it just seems like you're deliberately trying to go God-on-Job on the poor guy. Otherwise you have a great narrative feel to your writing and I feel you'll do great if you're dedicated enough to your craft.
Oh, and take it easy on religion...sometimes I feel people try to be, as we say over here, more of a Saint than the Saints themselves. In the end, to serve God, if you wish to call it that, is to live a good life, to honour your forefathers, to see the world and all it's different perspectives, and always to try and receive something from them, regardless of your own personal dogmas.
The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page...To seek the highest good is to live well.
I was, and I enjoyed the story very much. Thank you for publishing it. I do suggest you pay attention to Sarcasm's post though. He put my only criticism on the story in a far more helpful way than I could.Quote:
Originally Posted by Theodotos I
Greetings everyone!
It was a good idea too check the EB forums:yes:
I could say lots of things about this AAr if I could find the right words:sweatdrop:
I would also like to use the opportunity to congratulate Theodotius - this will surely be one of the best AAr's out there. :beam:
@Sarcasm: How about Zoroastrianism? Could that be defined as purely monotheistic (seeing that it actually consisted out of two Gods made one (Ahuramazdah)?
Well, wow. Everybody's still here. :2thumbsup:
@Lysimachos: Will do. As for the thank-you list, it was well worth it. Every one of my readers added something to this, and thanking them was the least I could do.
@Chaotix27: I wanted to do something a little deeper than your average AAR. As for publishing it, I agree with Lysimachos. Alternate history tends to anger me in the real world. AARs are different. You expect it here. Although Harry Turtledove has done some interesting stuff over the years. . .
@Sarcasm: My writing in real life(don't worry, I'm still PM'ing the excerpts), differs from this in a lot of ways. And I write it the way I want to write it. A publisher will change what he doesn't like. My main character in my novels is similar to Cadwalador in some ways, except for his attitude on war. And it's a lot more realistic than this. And very few commercial novels end with the death of the main character. Job? That wasn't quite my intention. I drew from the Biblical accounts of David and Saul, and Joseph in Potiphar's house for sections of the AAR.
As for your comments regarding religion, I'm afraid we'll have to agree to disagree. My faith in Jesus Christ has changed everything about me and is the primary reason I make an effort to treat my fellow Orgahs in a polite and respectful manner(don't always succeed at that, I know), but I try. Trusting Him as my Savior is the best decision I ever made, and I'm not withdrawing that statement.
I would appreciate your take on my portrayal of Gallic culture. I know very little about the time period or the area, and just tried to write a good story that portrayed the Aeduans as intelligent people. I didn't have the time to do the extensive research I do for every chapter of my novel. Work and college intervened.
@Ludens: As I note above, his criticism is well taken. Thanks for reading.
@HunGeneral: Welcome, my TWC friend. Although I realize you've now read the whole thing, it still will be posted on Total War Center--the whole story. Double-posting takes some time.
The AAR Competitions can be found here: http://www.twcenter.net/forums/showthread.php?t=189943 and here: http://www.twcenter.net/forums/showthread.php?t=182708
Voting starts Wednesday. Please support this story!
EDIT: Lysimachos, you've got my vote.
I just want to congratulate you on finishing the AAR. While the ending wasn't what I expected, I did like it. I had seen Cadwalador as a hero the whole time, but the heroic death did surprise me somewhat.
This is obviously a matter of personal taste, but I liked the dark overtone of the story. I wouldn't change that too much.
congratulations on a great AAR that i will truly miss :wall:
Who is exactly the protagonist in this story? :study:
...Cadwalador? The dude who is in every chapter?
I'm amazed and honored that people are still commenting on this story even after its close and the demise of its protagonist, Cadwalador. Thanks, Joe.
@Penguinking: One thing I really enjoyed about this story was how small my empire was. Most of my EB empires are quite massive and I find myself caring very little or not at all about any of my less spectacular generals. The kingdom of Erain was so small that any general was a personality to be worked into the story, and made it a lot of fun. Thanks for reading.
@Roka: Thanks. I trust you liked reading it as much as I liked writing it, my Scottish friend. Maybe I'll come to Scotland some day. Some of my roots are there.
In the end, I wonder how many people read this story? How many lurkers still out in the darkness? Thanks to all who commented. :yes:
oh really? were abouts are your family from originally?Quote:
Originally Posted by Theodotos I
It's more conjecture than anything. I'm kind of a Heinz "57 varieties" All-American mutt. Some of my Mom's family came from Switzerland and Germany, came over here to the US and intermarried with the Cherokees. My father's family came from England and the British Isles, but there's been some speculation that one branch of it came from Scotland. You see, there's a family name in my genealogy that is similar to one of the nobles that supported William Wallace. Let's put it this way--I'd like to think I'm part-Scottish. Beware of the thistle. . .Quote:
Originally Posted by Roka
interesting, there's speculation in my family that we are not descended from irish immigrants in the 1800s at all but are actually descendents of william "the black" douglasQuote:
Originally Posted by Theodotos I
mere speculation however :beam:
Of course we're still commenting on your AAR! It's a masterpiece!Quote:
Originally Posted by Theodotos I
I did love how your small empire let you focus more on specific characters. When you have a massive empire with 30 family members and 2 major battles a turn, things be become less special.
I liked the ending- the heroic last stand was well done. But I'm still a bit sad that Cadwalador died. After all he went through, I thought maybe he deserved something more. At least some kind of legacy or something.
@Roka: That's interesting. Family genealogies always are.
@Penguinking: Thanks for reading, it was an honor to be a part of this community and have such a dedicated following.
This AAR is nominated for the TWC AAR of the month competition. I came close to making the final three last time. I'd like to win this time:laugh4: Please support. The link is here http://www.twcenter.net/forums/showthread.php?t=196003
All right, everyone should have their excerpts now. If you haven't received one, please let me know and I'll fire off a PM.
EDIT: Voting on TWC ends Friday. Thanks to all who vote.:2thumbsup:
I did not get one, and I would absolutely love to have one.
You're good to go!:2thumbsup:
Too bad it's over. Can you do another?
I had plans for another EB AAR, but I really need to focus on my novel at the moment. That said, if I run into writer's block again, I may be back. Thanks for reading.:yes:
This was a brilliant AAR and its a real shame to see it end ~:mecry:. I'd really love to have an excerpt.
you should do a macedonian one next about the rise and fall of macedon against rome :P
would be quite interesting if u have enough time to do it
I'll do another one if I ever get time. Thanks for posting.Quote:
Originally Posted by teh1337tim
I know I´ve already said it, but I´ll say it again. I love this AAR. Shame it´s dead.
Okay, all readers and enjoyers(is that a word?) of this AAR! It has once again been entered in the TWC AAR of the Month Competition. The link is here:http://www.twcenter.net/forums/showthread.php?t=196699
The voting will begin the first of the month. Please show your support by voting. The last two months, it has landed in fourth place. This is the month we must attain victory. Go vote, my readers! :yes:
I've voted for you the last couple times and shall again. :2thumbsup:
I'm honored. Didn't even know you had been reading. As it turns out, I've voted for you as well. Nice little mutual admiration society we have here.:laugh4::laugh4::laugh4:Quote:
Originally Posted by MarcusAureliusAntoninus
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
Thanks. You deserve to win. I think the size of your AAR, which is mostly text, scares off many of the casual AAR readers that do a lot of the voting over at the TWC.
i would vote for this AAR if i could, i feel like iv lost something important since this AAR was concluded
it could of couse be my new found inability to walk around unassisted that i gieve for, but then again it could well be the AAR
So I got around to reading your AAR and wow, it's epic. MAA is right about the intimidation of a lot of text, but it's really well written! I mean the dialog isn't cheesy corny stuff ripped from movies, the descriptions of people and battles are sharp and vivid without becoming overly self-embellishing, and although there are few screenshots, they are used in a way to augment the text instead of the other way around, which is what most AARs (especially my own) do.
I'll definitely be voting for you as well.
All right, everybody, the time has come! The competition is on! Get out the vote!
Thanks for all of the comments, I will reply to them when time permits.
http://www.twcenter.net/forums/showthread.php?t=202913
@MAA: I've wondered the same thing myself, but a novelist by trade, I'm far more comfortable working with words than I am with pictures. I trust the read will reward those who choose to plunge themselves into it. Thanks.
@Roka: Man, your comment is almost enough to make me write another AAR. I've got an idea for an AAR based around Deus Lo Vult, but I just don't have the time to commit right now. I feel bad about it though. If it's not intruding into your business, do you mind me asking what happened to you? It grieves me to think that tragedy has befallen any one of my readers, so much the more my Scottish friend. My prayers are with you.
@BerkeleyBoi: Ah, my comrade in failure. One of the few writers I've ever known on this forum who's been willing to fight out his AAR to the bloody end, and to the death of his character. You may not know it, but your Spear and Shield AAR was one of the first really good AARs I read upon my arrival on the Guild, and I drew inspiration from it for my own story. Therefore, your praise humbles me beyond words. I've enjoyed writing for a number of years now, but this was the first story I ever attempted in the first person. Writing is something I hope to do on a professional level if I can find the time to complete my current project, an excerpt of which will be going out to both you and MAA. Good luck, my friend.
I was honored to be able to to vote for this AAR on TWC. I hope that your hard work and natural talent receive their deserved attention. Unfortunately I haven't read the end of this entertaining piece of work to its final chapter, but I plan on giving a test next week, which should allow me a day at work when i can spend most of my time internet surfing and reading this fine AAR. I apologize for not keeping up with this story, but my students arrived at the beginning of August, and combined with the fact that my RTW disc was too scratched to play with (and I developed Dominions 3 addiction) I stopped being able to enjoy EB. Recently I bought a new Empire TW capable computer, and today i saw a copy of RTW for 20$ and bought it - so you'll probably see more of me on the forums again. Either way, I am glad that that this AAR made it into the award contest, as it remains the most well written story inspired by a game that I have ever read. Good luck....
IM2020
Glad to hear from you, my old friend. I figured important things had kept you away, but I'm honored to receive your vote. I trust the rest of the story lives up to your expectations and that you'll let me hear your opinion, good or bad. And another AAR may be in the offing, I'm not sure. I desperately need to focus on my novel for at least another solid month, but I'll be back one of these days. The ideas just keep coming. . .
I started reading this AAR yesterday. I think it is great! You did ask for comments though so here's two critiques: (1) I'm not too much of a fan single-protagonist, first-person perspective only, sometimes the most interesting human content comes from the 'between' of multiple people's perspectives. Not to give you extra work, just a personal preference maybe. (2) It seems like our hero had VERY long periods of just lurking-without-personal-development -like non-posting lurkers maybe. For example he is a smith in southern Ireland for years, but when he finally moves on he is still ruminating over the same personal dilemha. I get that is constrained by the turn/game-progression but still, wouldn't want that in a novel. Doesn't seem to achieve the realism you saying you're seeking. That said, it was awesome! Post another one! :whip::clown:
First of all, thanks for posting. I personally never imagined anyone in South Africa reading something I had written. That's pretty neat.
Secondly, I agree with everything you wrote. As I said several times through the story, this was my first attempt at a first-person story. All my commercial work is in the third-person, a mode I personally prefer. However, for AARs, the first-person is better, IMHO.
I agree with you on the blank periods. I find his continued struggle realistic, because there are areas in my life where I still face the same struggles as I did five, even ten years ago. Some things never change. But in a novel, I would never leave that much dead space. However, I had a feeling if I posted up ten chapters without a solitary thing happening in-game, I would get squeals of protest from the forum. This AAR ended up being wordy enough as it was. However, you make an excellent point. In a novel, it wouldn't fly, and in a novel, I'd never do it that way.
Also, welcome to the Guild. There's a bunch of good AARs on here, and I may write another one myself one of these days.
Thank-you for the welcome. :laugh4: South Africa is a little less exotic than it may seem, we have probably about 5 million people living in what could easily be called the 'first world' were such a term in any way appropriate and not demeaning to millions of human beings. These people live pretty much as middle-class Americans, north-western Europeans and Australians and New Zealanders. That said, if you bump into another South African posting it may be best to let them know they're not the only one! I hear your reple and respect it, I am not totally convinced but I have less experience writing so what would I know?!:shame: :laugh4: I would like to start my own AAR though, writen as a play (brief setting in italics and everything else in dialog) documenting Roman conquests in 'the South'. I wonder though if people would be interested. Also I am not clued up at all on screen-shooting etc. so I'll figure that out first. I am also an aspiring writer (of philosophic fantasy), though for the moment I am completing a masters in research psychology. Guess I'm looking for a way to find out how good I am. Do post another AAR, but I think take a few more liberties with the game and write closer to your natural style - I imagine you writing things like Max Payne?
I read the excerpt you PMed. You sure are a good writer. Interesting topic, too. Not really what I expected but still interesting.
@Joszen: Well, I don't particularly consider South Africa exotic either, it's just so far away. Well, that's the Internet for you. As for the AAR, I hope you go ahead and write one. I'll read it. As for screenshots, just download FRAPS, save the pictures to your hard drive, crop them with MS Paint or Photoshop if you're so lucky. Then upload them to a free photosharing site. I use Photobucket and it's always served me well. This is a good way to find out what people think of your work—although I've found that sometimes your critics just keep their mouths shut, so the view you get is unrealistically rosy. Good luck with your master's degree.
I'll PM you the excerpt of my story I've been sharing around, and you can see what you think of it.
@MAA: I'm glad you enjoyed it. The character is actually almost as introspective as Cadwalador, although you don't see it in that piece. I have about ninety pages on that manuscript so far—that's the beginning. Thanks for reading.
Thank, I'll definitely read that.
Silent critics, I hear, but working in academia you learn to be your own harsh critic too.
Oh, definitely. You have to be, otherwise you'll never survive anywhere.Quote:
Originally Posted by Joszen1
This was excellent.
Really well-done. A little bleak at times, but I read this all in one sitting, and for two hours I stared at the screen. I tried to read a different book afterwards, but it just didn't feel right. I kept feeling like I had no idea what was going on, always thinking "Where's Calwalder?" (I'm horrible at spelling btw).
I feel thoroughly exhausted by this. I don't even want to play EB tonight, because this has given me my EB fix for the week.
I read your pm, nice intro. Creates the will to read on. Not really my scene as a genre, but my curiosity was piqued. Guess I'd need to read more in order to give a proper opinion and useful critique. I guess it would be nice if the people on the other side of the ear-piece were actually Cadwalador's 21st century decendents and the guy that was shot was the last heir to Cavarillos' genes of vicious pragmatism and cruelty. :laugh4: With this as the pre-prologue you could then launch into writing a 749 book treatise starting with 'Across the Waters' and ending just before the prologue.
Seriously though, it seems fine, just keep writing and let me know when you publish. Still not my scene.
This AAR is great! just re-read the whole thing from the beginning again. I started reading this as a lurker when it started and unfortunately I didn't register and when I finally decided to register and comment, almost 2 months passed, apologies for that though.
Thanks a lot everyone, I'm glad you enjoyed it. A brief heads-up, the TWC AAR of the Month Competition will be starting up Monday and this AAR will be entered one final time. If you're already a member of TWC and have at least fifty posts, please support. Thanks to all those who put me at second place last go-round.:2thumbsup:
Ladies and gentlemen! May I present. . .
Anno Domini, 1287. In the year of our Lord, twelve eighty-seven. The land once bedewed with the blood of the Aeduan vergobret Aneirin moc Cunobelin, which witnessed the gallant last stand of Cadwalador and the Brihentin, is nothing more than a farmer's field now.
The morning mist hangs low over the ground, in the distance is heard the tinkling of a cowbell. Slowly, the figure of a boy emerges from the mist, grunting as he maneuvers a cumbersome plow into place at one end of the field. The cow appears placidly at his side, grazing until he hitches her to the plow. The plow slices awkwardly into the spring sod.
One length of the field covered, the boy turns the plow. He is sweating now, his thin form clad in rags. A dirty cap nestles upon his tousled hair, the cap's original color indistinguishable from the dirt. The garb of a highland peasant, nothing more. For a peasant he is. Another turn of the field, and he is coming back. All at once, the plowshare strikes against something—metal in the ground. A shrill, foreign sound escapes the boy's lips as he pulls the cow to a halt, dropping to his knees in the fresh furrow.
His fingers touch against something long, something thin and hard. Dirty hands scrape away the earth from the object. Slowly it emerges, until he lifts it from its grave with trembling fingers, holding it overhead, the time-worn blade glinting in the first rays of a fresh-dawning day. A sword, the sword a champion, of a king. Of Aneirin moc Cunobelin. Nay, more than the sword of Aneirin—it is the Sword of Albion. . .
Very nice:2thumbsup:
Now this would be a briliant ending - or an Epilouge.
(It might be coincidence but it reminds me abit of the Legend of Attila and the Sword of God:dizzy2: or is this basend on some English Myth?)
Edit: just took a look at TWC. :-)
That was stupid of me. It's now hyperlinked--the AAR is posted here on the Guild as well. Enjoy!
This thread will live forever. Now start a Casse AAR plz! If you have time, that is. There really haven't been any Casse around lately.
I'd like to think so. As for starting another AAR, I already have. Check a couple posts above.Quote:
Originally Posted by gamegeek2
In case anyone has missed the sequel to this AAR, it's here: The Sword of Albion. Enjoy!
Wow what a great read my friend. After a break I am back into EB again. Thanks for the memories it has been an enjoyable ride. You are doing a sequel and I am starting another AAR. Good times :)
Theodotos i loved this AAR and have resd it in the past week. It is amazing, and i got some inspiration from it, for a short story i had 2 write for english. Good luck with that novel of your's!:laugh4::laugh4::laugh4:
Glad I was able to be of help. Maybe you could get some inspiration from my Mead Hall story as well.:2thumbsup:
I feel obliged to honour the author of the first AAR which I have read in this forum. Unfortunately, I could not respond to your call when you asked the lurkers to unmask themselves. Finally, I am able to tell you how much I enjoyed reading your story.
Many, many thanks. I will get you your excerpt as soon as I am able. It may be a few days.:2thumbsup:Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruepelheinz
Some ?'s
1. What is the name of your novel?
2.Can you send me an exerpt plz.?
I'm very busy this week, but I will get them out to you both. The name, well the publisher will decide that. . .Quote:
Originally Posted by the man with no name
THANK YOU!!! btw you a great writer.
Also wat are some of your idea's for a title?
Hye.. its CaptainBlack from the grave, umm just wnated to see how your novel is coming, any updates would be cool man thanks.
The final chapter of this AAR is a contest for the 10th anniversary Org writing contest! The vote thread is here!