Originally Posted by
King Kurt
The discrete footmen placed the decanters of port on the crisp linen of the dinning table of the private dining room of White’s, London's most select gentleman's club. The Prince Regent looked across the smoked filled room and spoke with a slight slur in his voice.
"So, Liverpool, what's all this fuss about some Austrian general fellow?"
Lord Liverpool took a large swig from his glass of Port and smiled
"Well your majesty, as you will know the sole criteria for rising in the ranks of the Austrian Army is age and defeats - the older you are and the more defeats you have the higher rank you get!! As a consequence, they have the largest number of high ranking generals in any army in Europe."
A roar of laughter rumbled round the table and Lord Liverpool, warming to his task, continued
"Of course, the other consequence of senility as a rank of office is that the eyesight and the memory goes. This Generalissimo "What's his name" says that he was at Leipzig and saw no English men. Well sir, in defence of the Royal Horse Artillery who were there, I say this - perhaps he was so far from the action that he did not see them. As for Waterloo, what knows he of matters there. As usual the Austrians were somewhere else, probably eating coffee and cake, while the Iron Duke showed Boney a thing or two. At least our Prussian Allies could be depended on to do something - I mean old Blucher managed to turn up at the end and help chase the French from the field. If left to the devices of old Generalissimo we would all be talking French, eh Wellesley!!" The tall simply dressed, slightly haughty fellow dinner to Liverpool's left grunted agreement. " The Generalissimo would do to consult his history books - we were at war consistently with the little tyrant - all they managed to do was set things in motion, blunder around a bit then loose disastrously to Boney. Then they would give up some far flung province or 2, make peace then sit around until we came along with another Coalition to face the French.
Liverpool turned to the table as a whole, by now partially obscured by the cigar smoke. His fellow dinners were in good mood and their rosy cheeks bore witness to the amount of Claret and Port already consumed as well as the roaring fire in the massive fireplace.
"Some people may say that the only reason the Austrian army wears white coats is that it makes it easier to make flags of surrender, but I am too much of a gentleman to suggest such a thing"
With that he sat down amid gales of laughter, laughter which was to carry on long into the night.