You Can't Win-Small Game [Concluded]

_________________ :scorpio: _________________________________ :scorpio: ____________________________ :scorpio: _____________________
https://i387.photobucket.com/albums/...youcantwin.jpg
_________________ :hanged: _________________________________ :hanged: ____________________________ :hanged: _____________________

___________________________________

A mafia set in the world of the 1926 criminal autobiography of Jack Black.
_________________________


The war between the states is now decades past. The inevitable end of the
century shall soon ride upon it's mechanical stallion, bringing uponus the
1900s. In the meantime highwaymen roam the western frontier of these United
States and Canada. Some of them running from their past or themselves. Some
of them run from the encroaching world. Some of them seeking fortunes they
could never dream of obtaining on their family's barren farm.

You are a member of the Johnsons, one of these Yeggmen. No safe is uncrack-
able, no horse untheavable, no faro table honest. Someone amongst you is a
Town Whittler, a Bull: a Lawman, whose goal is to bring you to justice. The
goal of you and your fellow Johnsons is to evade their grasp, and remain free
for another day and another scheme.



------$$$--$$$--$$$--$$$-------

If you enjoy cowboys, disgruntled veterans, women of the evening, crazy drunks, and general mischief, this is a mafia for you.


Role playing encouraged, as everyone will have a role to play. Knowing the book is both helpful and detrimental.

------$$$--$$$--$$$--$$$-------

Small Game 13 playa's
so far: 13

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

boudica
777Aries777
Quintus.JC
Caius
YLC
Andres
Tiberius of the Drake
Siguard
CountArach
187Beefyz
Sarathos
ATPG
Reenk Roink

------$$$--$$$--$$$--$$$-------
All roles will be assigned by the dart board at the Milan Lounge.
------$$$--$$$--$$$--$$$-------



--------------------------->>>>>>>>>>Rules<<<<<<<<<<---------------------------

:scorpio:Break the law, but don't break these!:scorpio:

Days will be 48 hours, and nights will be 24.
Orders can be sent in early if desired.

No quoting the host's PMs.
Information gained through abilities should be paraphrased.
This is a Mafia designed for RP, if you can't bluff it, how ever are you going to win You Can't Win.
Besides, why would you be letting a bunch of people all up in your business?


Standard voting procedure for listing and free range, with the addition of speeding up the round.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

vote: Rhubarb Pie

unvote: Rhubarb Pie
vote: Muligan Stew.

You may also Vote: Abstain and Vote: No Lynch. If dead people are distracting you, you can even vote them again. Heck, if you want to vote for a squirrel, I'll even add that to the tally. Maybe you'll end up with something nice in your mulligan stew.

In addition, if when placing your vote, you know for sure it will not change, you can add the term SOLID. In the event everyone is content with their choices, this will let me know that I can end the day early. If you have already voted for someone, but would like to make it concrete: post previous vote:SOLID

Vote: Old Boot SOLID
or later:
previous vote: SOLID

Ties

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Well, I have something very special planned. There will be a shootout!!!! You will each be given a number. Reveal this to noone. To determine the winner of the shootout I will pull that many cards from a deck of 54 (or maybe 53 :saint:, 54 is a standard deck and two Jokers). Aces High, Jokers wild. Be careful, some people will of course be playing dirty.

Dead Peoples

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Feel free to post cordially, but please, no dead detectives. You will have been neutralized, please remain neutral... There may even be roles that affect you. Besides, everyone deserves the right to win You Can't Win, even your enemy.

Howdy,

In like Flynn. Don't know the book - likely if truth be told; cuz I can't read none - but ready to lace up mah best boots and paint my face, whurever there's a bar to be danced on.

Huh..? Hic--- i'll shoe them who cant win, huh...hic-cup

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

IN :bow:

What's the point of playing a game you can't even win... well it does seems fun. So I am in.

Who said you can't win.

:wink:


Thank y'all for joining!

Should be lots of fun.

And don't forget what "Canada Bill" Jones said when a friend apporached him and remarked, "Bill, don't you know this game is crooked?" as Bill proceeded to lose his bank roll on a Faro table.

Quote:

---

"Yes, but it's the only game in town."

---

Anyway, you'll all have specific characters with their own personalities, but if you'd care for a bit of inspiration check out this here site:

Old West Scoundrels

I never won, so Im in.

I have the worst luck of anyone on these forums, so if the object here is to lose to win, then I have already won! Bwhahahaa! See, you cannot compete with my inability to win so therefore I win! Bwahaaha!

Oh, btw, :clown:

:7cowboy:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by YLC

I have the worst luck of anyone on these forums, so if the object here is to lose to win, then I have already won! Bwhahahaa! See, you cannot compete with my inability to win so therefore I win! Bwahaaha!

Oh, btw, :clown:

---

y'recoon? i never won beither hic--

:ireland: innage

My goodness, seven already.

There's still room for a few more, but it looks like we'll be moseying on into the sunset at around high-noon-thirtyish on either Wednesday or possibly Thursday.


Glad to see some of you are already drunk, feeling down on your luck, and/or brought your own hat.
Now all's you'll be needing to do is pinch yourselves some ponies, mark your cards, paint a couple of lead bars gold, and we'll be ready to ride.

I don't know the book...
But I always wanted to sit around a camp fire eating beans, farting and telling stories of women.

In

Yee-haw!

In:2thumbsup:

Put me down as an alternate. I'll step up if someone drops out or is about to be WOG'ed.

I am busy hosting and playing atm, and you guys need a break from me.

Opening post has been updated.



Thank you everyone who has joined! Remember to check your boots for :scorpio: before slipping them on.

We have two more possible slots.

uhh....burp* me join, hic--

I believe you may be seeing double, there sir.
~:cheers:

Don't forget your newspaper-sleeping-bag.

I will make this my comeback game, count me in.

Btw, its a deck of 52, 2 jokers makes it 54.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sarathos

I will make this my comeback game, count me in.

Btw, its a deck of 52, 2 jokers makes it 54.

---

Yes... but I might have a deck of 51.

What the heck.

This looks interesting enough. Keep in mind I am usually absent for a 2 day stretch at a time, but I sometimes adjust my routine to meet my mafia commitments. I'll vote early and change my vote later if I see fit, and send in night orders (if any) ahead of time. So consider me a regular, if not always present, player.

If I have trouble meeting all my commitments, I recommend we still have an alternate who steps in for me, and I'll step back and be a reserve player.

That should give you your necessary amount of players, and if someone else really really wants in I may step aside for them. Hows that sound?

And that makes twelve sailors in our little ship of fools.
I'm very happy to have you all aboard. Lunch will be served at 12:30 sharp, and diner at 7.



We'll be embarking on our journey Thursday, early afternoon Central Time.


If anyone has any problems let me know, I'm pretty flexible.


Mister, there's a caravan parked out back
Restless hoping for a Christian rider
The black book, a grappling hook
A hangman's noose on a burnt out tree
Guess we must be getting close to Tombstone.

-Ship Of Fools John Cale

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Yoyoma1910

Yes... but I might have a deck of 51.

---

..playing solitaire til dawn? :wall:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sigurd

I don't know the book...
But I always wanted to sit around a camp fire eating beans, farting and telling stories of women.

In

---

If Sigurd is going to fart, then, then, then (it is "then" and not "than", is it? Stupid language, having two words sounding exaclty the same, but written differently. *** shakes fist at the English language ***)...

*** farts and laughs hysterically ***

'Then' is correct.

'Than' is used in the sense of "My fart was louder than Sigurd's" - it is a comparative.

When will be starting?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Andres

If Sigurd is going to fart, then, then, then (it is "then" and not "than", is it? Stupid language, having two words sounding exaclty the same, but written differently. *** shakes fist at the English language ***)...

---

And they don't actually sound the same, the 'e' and 'a' have different phonetic sounds and very different semantically. Though if you think that is hard, you have only just begun, wait till you get to 'affect' and 'effect'....

If I still may :bow:

I just noticed the Dead people posting section and I can tell you from experience - if anything causes the game to die it will be not letting dead people post constructively.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by CountArach

I just noticed the Dead people posting section and I can tell you from experience - if anything causes the game to die it will be not letting dead people post constructively.

---

But it's only a small game, and as it has people who are up for roleplay I hope it won't die - and also:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by The Roolmaker (how do you do multiple quotes from different posts?!)

Feel free to post cordially, but please, no dead detectives. You will have been neutralized, please remain neutral... There may even be roles that affect you.

---

*Tips hat from his forehead*
Let's get this roundup back on the road, shall we? HEEEHAAAAW!!!!

Departure time is still on schedule.


Just a note:


"Heehaw," is the sound a mule makes, and was also a TV show for awhile. "Yeehaw," I believe may have been the sound you were looking for.



Although, this game shall be based on actual people who were written about in the autobiography of the same title. Don't expect movie stereotypes for the characters. Imagine more your favorite western villain merged with a hobo, and you'll have a good idea where these cats are coming from.

We'll be starting off in the "jungles" around Pocatello, Utah. Then a much different place than it is today.

Anyway, see you all in a few hours. And I hope you'll all enjoy this little romp.

Alright, I'll be sending out Roles within the hour.

Some may be abbreviated, and will receive addendum on their character later.

I'm going to have to run out of town and see my new nephew, Edward.

Another note: The first night period will last a full 48 hour cycle (equal to the day cycle). This should allow some people to get used to their roles.

huh? rol? lalala


:closed: this thread has been allowed to carry on to long folks, now it ends :inquisitive:

Oh... ok.


Bye.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by 777Ares777

huh? rol? lalala


:closed: this thread has been allowed to carry on to long folks, now it ends :inquisitive:

---

Ares, really what are you thinking? :inquisitive:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by 777Ares777

huh? rol? lalala


:closed: this thread has been allowed to carry on to long folks, now it ends :inquisitive:

---

:inquisitive:

~:confused:

Opening (abbreviated):

Day Time: The Jungles around Pocatello, Utah.


Here it is, a grand Convention of the Johnsons! So named, because their numbers are so numerous.


Plenty of Dr. Hall (alcohol) springing about, and of course the muligans. there is a river nearby.


All is not well, as word has come back that a couple of you have somehow disappeared last night, and are in the county jail. How did that happen...

Hmmm.


Begin Day one.

Good luck.

:holmes: Oh Dear, how can one suggest a target for criminal activity when ones mind has limited resources?

Just want to clarify if I'm in the game or not because my names not in the sign up sheet and I didn't get a PM so...

If not, sorry for being late. :shame:

I've thought about it, and perhaps the number for this game should be 13.




Welcome aboard Mr. Roink.

Let me see if I can finish everything up nicely all quick like, and we can really get this hoe down under way.



Edit:

All full Role PMS are out. I understand some of you are going to be confused by some of the lingo, or have questions regarding your characters.

If you want more background, let me know, and I'll try and fish you out a good passage from the book.


A couple things regarding lexicon, some of which is in the opening or in some of my posts:

Yeggman- usually Safe cracker, or highway man.
Dr. Hall- alcohol
Convention- get together of a bunch criminals and Dr. Hall
Jungle- wooded rural area
Town Whittler- Town Sheriff or Constable... named so because they an usually be found sitting outside the jail whittling
Bull- cop
Gold-brick- A bar of brass sold off as gold

I'll try and give yous guys a full lexicon as we go through it all.

I'll give y'all the opening very shortly.

Day one...

https://i387.photobucket.com/albums/...ackblack06.jpg

The roads are a lonely place for a lonely profession, and are filled with a dust that can dry more than a man’s throat. Sometimes even a lone wolf wants to find his pack. For you, my dear ladies and gentlemen of the roads, there is one sure way to find those companions who would understand your mind: A convention.

It just so happens one St. Louis Frank recently was released Salt Lake City Prison. As he was a dear friend of you alls, it is only natural that you would celebrate his return to freedom. And so, in the town of Pocatello, Utah, south of Salt Lake, a convention is brewing in the Jungles.

Quote:

---

Bums, thieves, beggars, and yeggs appeared as if they had magic carpets. In no time the thing assumed the proportions of a convention. Everyone had money.

---

And so the party grew and became its own beast. Everyone was joyous and in good spirits.

Of course, all good things must come to an end. It seems that in the midst of he celebration, the very reason for it, St. Louis Frank, somehow has been put into the Pocatello Jail. But how did those coppers know where everybody is? There hasn’t been a raid. Are they just picking you off as you go into town for more Dr. Hall?


Or perhaps some of your number are playing for the side of the law…


Note: Please remember, in this game, you are the criminal activity.

Voting may begin. Day ends in around 48 hours.

Vote: El Diablo

Your name sounds too criminal...I reckon your using it as a cover for somethin more law abiden...

Awww... now El Diablo has had to endure that in games before.


I'd like to take this opportunity to bait the mafia into killing me please. I have a role and you should take me out before I do any damage.

:laugh2:

I get to laugh at you no matter what you do, so you might as well have the satisfaction of killing me. Voting for myself is not good townie behavior, and I'd prefer that we lynched someone, so...

Vote: Sarathos

Random-ish choice.

Askthepizzaguy behaves like a damned townie. We all know townies are to be robbed, beaten up or just shot for pleasure.

*** farts ***

I don't trust that guy. He seems too damn honest and straight. And he doesn't seem to be drunk either. Never trust a man who doesn't drink.

Vote : Askthepizzaguy

Askthepizzaguy... behaves too honest...



I think I'll laugh in your face, fart boy. :laugh2:

Wipes 'medication' from moustache and reattaches cheroot to lower lip. Brushes dust from gammy eye and sniffs something that sounds like a custard horseshoe through sinuses

"Seems like we got ourselves sumthin of a bacon and yeggs sit-yoo-ashun."

Why 'random-ISH' pizzaguy?

WILD & FREE

boudica
777Aries777
Quintus.JC
Caius
YLC
Andres
Tiberius of the Drake
Siguard
CountArach
187Beefyz
Sarathos
ATPG
Reenk Roink

Current Tally

ATPG 1 (Andres)
Sarathos 1 (ATPG)
El DIablo 1 (YLC)

*Clears the table in the bar and starts serving up everyone's usual drink of choice*

*Kicks a homeless man out of the tavern*

"I saw Reenk join into this little party we got going here late - he's one of my regulars and I certainly would trust him at least as far as I could throw him. At least as far as I could throw him out of my bar..."

--------------------

Treat Reenk as townie - he joined after the role PMs were decided.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yoyoma1910

"Heehaw," is the sound a mule makes, and was also a TV show for awhile. "Yeehaw," I believe may have been the sound you were looking for.

---

*spits*
Callin' me a mule are we? Let's see how fast you are with that six shooter there ... :wiseguy:

OOC: There will be more mistakes as English is not my first language. I appreciate the notion though. I would have continued writing the wrong term.

On the whole, I agree that it's probably likely that he's someone we can trust, especially in this par-ticular game where everyone seems to have a role. So I'll consider him to be square as well. Unfortunately, that means he's probably going to be the first to go. Perhaps if we have someone to keep watch over him, they could safeguard his life, unless he requests that no one do so.

Maybe I'm thinkin' too much for the first round, so it'd be nice if one of you gentlemen would kindly buy me a drink. Too much thinkin' means not enough drinkin'!




:cowboy:

Who wants a drink with me? :turtle:

If you're buying, stranger, I'm up for whatever you're puttin down.

Haha, Sigurd the mule.

I think I'm going to call you that during the rest of this meeting.

A toast to the mule!

*** Puts a bottle of bourbon on his lips and drinks ***

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Andres

Haha, Sigurd the mule.

I think I'm going to call you that during the rest of this meeting.

A toast to the mule!

*** Puts a bottle of bourbon on his lips and drinks ***

---

heh - and then Sigurd replied " ee, ee-orrrways calls me that!"


coughs up a tobacco-stained phlegm-glob the size of a blue-jay egg and launches it with unerring accuracy at the spitoon - where it makes the sound of a frog hitting a wall as it breaks the scummy surface

Now pass that bourbon!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Andres

Haha, Sigurd the mule.

I think I'm going to call you that during the rest of this meeting.

A toast to the mule!

---

My right hand might kick like a mule, but that is the only resemblance I assure you.
If you don't keep that wittiness inside your wind breaking trunk, I will have to show you a specimen of this mule power.

:smartass2:

Ho boy. Ahem.... *puts on a horrible, horrible falsetto voice that would make even the toughest man cringe* "Boys, boys.... I do declare that we should resolve our differences peacefully!"

blows kisses at both of them*
Shakes her money maker and smears lipstick on herself.

"My dear, dear Sigurd... why don't you come over here and demonstrate your mule-like strength for me. I love a man with strong, sinewy palms with which to hold me tight."

*curls her finger in a come-hither gesture. Sits on a barrel and uncrosses her legs, in a very unladylike pose.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Askthepizzaguy

"My dear, dear Sigurd... why don't you come over here and demonstrate your mule-like strength for me. I love a man with strong, sinewy palms with which to hold me tight."

---

A temptin' offer dear lady, but I am the married kind and I hold my vows in deep regard. The Lord would strike me dead if I should befoul my marriage with the beloved Cathrine.
... I hear this land has a prophet with them mormons. Can't say I believe in all that, but better keep on the safe side.

*** Stares at Pizzagal ***

Howdie mylady. I have less problems with futile objections like marriage.

*** Spits right before Sigurd's feet, mumbling "Mule" ***

Get over here darling!

*Is saddened that Sigurd doesn't want a piping hot slice of pizza pie, but notices Andres farting and drinking bourbon, beans dripping off his face*

The falsetto returns.

"That's all right. I can respect an honest man. But I loves me a wild man. And I see myself a nice, powerful, wild man who can show a girl a good time!"

skips over to Andres and sits on his lap

"Be sure to save some of that bourbon for me, darlin!"

snatches the bourbon and begins to chug it. Andres farts again

"Oooh! You're a dirty, foul man for breaking wind in front of me! I like dirty, foul men..."

She open-mouth kisses Andres, smearing the beans all over each other. Just then, her skirt begins to flap mightily, as she's nearly lifted up off of Andres' lap from a powerful and unladylike burst of flatulence.

*mutters under breath*

Holy Toledo!, that gal is faster than whisky 'n'laxative - and looser'n a magicians' sleeve. I gotta get me a pizza that pie!

To reason is to understand, yet I understand the marvels of life as much as i'd like to, i've wasted my life :no:

"I'm perfectly happy with the direction my life is going", she thinks as she slobbers another wet bean-filled kiss across Andres' coarse face.

:laugh4: OOC: this is swifly turning into the most gruesome piece of RP I've ever seen:applause:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Askthepizzaguy

"I'm perfectly happy with the direction my life is going", she thinks as she slobbers another wet bean-filled kiss across Andres' coarse face.

---

*** Looks at pizzagal ***

Oh darling, you sure know how to treat a man.

Let's go upstairs.

[CENSORED]

*** Andres comes down again, his back seems to hurt, drinks what's left of the bourbon and falls asleep. ***

Hello everyone, I am soldier Johnson, the 'heavy artillery' guy.

Since I get to vote as a ability, so I will.

Vote: Boudica

I have little reason to vote for her, even so its still a hunch, call it random vote if you wish.

Tally
ATPG 1 (Andres)
Sarathos 1 (ATPG)
El DIablo 1 (YLC)
Boudica (QJC)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Quintus.JC

Hello everyone, I am soldier Johnson, the 'heavy artillery' guy.

Since I get to vote as a ability, so I will.

Vote: Boudica

I have little reason to vote for her, even so its still a hunch, call it random vote if you wish.

---

OOC: nice ability QJC :D

I'll keep my response to Soldier Johnson to a mean-lookin sneer from between my big grey eyebrows and skanky moustache, and I'll vote for someone who hasn't posted yet, before I head off for a siesta.


vote: Caius

Fartin' & Frollickin'
boudica
777Aries777
Quintus.JC
Caius
YLC
Andres
Tiberius of the Drake
Siguard
CountArach
187Beefyz
Sarathos
ATPG
Reenk Roink

Current Tally

ATPG 1 (Andres)
Sarathos 1 (ATPG)
El DIablo 1 (YLC)
Boudica 1 (QJC)
Caius 1 (Boudica

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Andres

*** Andres comes down again, his back seems to hurt, drinks what's left of the bourbon and falls asleep. ***

---

Comes down the stairs, with clothes on backwards, and bean stains all over the front of her blouse

"Ooh, a big strong soldier... I'd better get myself prettied up again..."

Walks unsteadily with knees buckling towards the little girl's room to powder her delicate nose and pass last night's bean buffet through her delicate colon. The noises that came from the facilities during the next few hours... [CENSORED]

*sighs and shakes head with a smile, dealing out a solitaire hand* Nothin changes...

You're all doing a really good job.:happy2:

I've decided to give everyone a raise:


:2cents:


Don't spend it all in one place.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Andres

*** Andres comes down again, his back seems to hurt, drinks what's left of the bourbon and falls asleep. ***

---

Hi there windbag!!
Ya know, I hie from San Fran. I knew I have seen that lady friend of yours before. If I am not mistaken she was formerly known as Fred and worked as a waiter at the bar gay pony downtown San Fransisco.
I only visited once, but I never forget a face. The clientèle eyed me all over when I stopped by for a drink of scotch. I was about to call some of them out to a dance of sixes, but my eyes caught a fella with a big mustache in a dress and I decided to vacant the establishment.

*Laughs loudly and finishes the glass of Scotch in one gulp*
Ya know bartie, this is excellent malt!

Oh my! Well that wasn't very gentlemanly of you mister Sigurd. I'll have you know I'm a proper lady. As a matter of fact, let me show you.

She drops her skirt, exposing her delicates for everyone and the good Lord to see.

Now, have ya got an apology in you now, or do I need to give you the old rough and tumble? I'm pretty fair in a fight I'll have ya know.

*hiccup*

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Askthepizzaguy

Oh my! Well that wasn't very gentlemanly of you mister Sigurd. I'll have you know I'm a proper opium addict

*hiccup*

---

Did i hear a opium addict? Share, i can pay ~:pimp:

And just what are you implying? I'm no opium addict. The only thing I'm addicted to is vitamin A.

*winks at Andres

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Askthepizzaguy

And just what are you implying? I'm no opium addict. The only thing I'm addicted to is opium

*winks at Andres

---

SHARE :whip:

I'm willing to share Andres with you and have a Ménage à Three!

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

:clown: hmm... back to the game, maybe? Hmm? Run it's course perhaps?

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

get used to it, this is me in game :tongue2: hell i even tried to close it earlier, i did warn you :laugh4:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

To the both of you - I'm going to go find a rock to die under laughing, cause no matter how hard I try, there is always something wrong with what ATPG posts, and when he posts as a woman, well :laugh4::sick:

You all may be laughing now, but Andres isn't going to be laughing later... when he has to urinate.


:evilgrin: