Ho boy. Ahem.... *puts on a horrible, horrible falsetto voice that would make even the toughest man cringe* "Boys, boys.... I do declare that we should resolve our differences peacefully!"

blows kisses at both of them*
Shakes her money maker and smears lipstick on herself.

"My dear, dear Sigurd... why don't you come over here and demonstrate your mule-like strength for me. I love a man with strong, sinewy palms with which to hold me tight."

*curls her finger in a come-hither gesture. Sits on a barrel and uncrosses her legs, in a very unladylike pose.