Cool pre-battle speaches II:

Couldn´t find my first post on this topic so here we go with part II:

"Bah! The enemy has brought more weaklings!" (enemy reinforcements arriving)
"Our warriors has taken the walls. Now, the streets will run red with blood"
"This is no battle, it´s a chase. No, it´s a cowards-chase"
"Tonight we feast, tonight we bathe in ale but first we shall bathe in the blood of our enemies"
"Do you smell that? That´s the smell of weaklings! Shall we shoe them what swords can do to their skulls?" (laughed my ass off when I heard this one first)

A line in one of the Greek pre battle speeches seemed naggingly familiar, "Something appealing, something appalling, something for everyone...".

It turns out to be from "Comedy Tonight" from the musical - appropriately - "Something Happened on the Way to the Forum" ~D

It's very funny when a Carthaginian General says:

"They smell worse than any camel!!! Do you know what that is? That's you're enemy!"

In my opinian this one sounds... canabalized:

"The enemy general runs like a frightened goat! Chase him, goats make good eating!"

I have personly allways liked the Germanic one:
And remeber gut your enemy like a fish !!!!!!!!

The "Gut your enemy like a fish" is for all barb factions. I first heard it when playing as Spain.

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Originally Posted by Craterus

The "Gut your enemy like a fish" is for all barb factions. I first heard it when playing as Spain.

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Here´´s one I heard tonight with the Spanish:
"...like pigs they will taste sour if they are left to stew in their own fear!"

Goats and cowards fear these men, for very different reasons.

I guess they rob the goats for thier milk money ~D

I will always remember the quote my son in law roman general said after i put him to battle against a rebel town watch after letting him marry my daughter

"The enemy? HA! I've seen scarier Mothers in Law!

LOL! That's really good.

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Originally Posted by unseen11

"The enemy? HA! I've seen scarier Mothers in Law!

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...that´s a killer! Hmm, reminds me of my ex-mother in law.

Damn I have a really good in my head I just can't seem to remember. It goes something like " I want to make them bleed, I want to something with blood, I want to bathe in their blood" It sounds awesome and is for good bloody generals.

When I used a mad son as a general of the Julii because he was the only one convenient to put down some rebels, he had a great speech: "It will be frocks and jollies for every one!" [roaring cheer from the troops] Won the battle, too. ~:) Are there other madman speeches? I'm going to have to use him more often. :charge:

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Originally Posted by oaty

Goats and cowards fear these men, for very different reasons.

I guess they rob the goats for thier milk money ~D

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I thought it was "Only sheep and babies fear these men, for very different reasons."

The goat one, where the enemy general flees, I like that one.

The only one that I really remember is when playing an insane Roman general.

"Remember, they may have the moon people on their side, but we have lovely hats! Those hats will shield us from their evil gaze!"

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Originally Posted by gardibolt

I'm going to have to use him more often. :charge:

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Please do!

My favourite speech is the macedonian,

"Battle is never an easy thing, especially before breakfast, never mind, time enough for breakfast after we've driven these dogs back to their kennel!"

Never heard an insane general mouth off like mentioned above though - does that only work with the romans?

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Originally Posted by RabidGibbon

Never heard an insane general mouth off like mentioned above though - does that only work with the romans?

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It seems that the Romans delivers the most spiced up speeches. Since this is Rome TW I guess CA thought they put more effort into them.

That's not entirely true. I've had a moon people speech by a Seleucid general.

The hairy beyond reason speech about the Gauls by the Romans seem unique however.

It's unfortunate that all my greatest generals are bloodthirsty bastards, faction leader, heir, generals with 7+ stars.

They say "I want their blood. I want to bathe in their blood. I want to bathe in their blood for a week".

Playing as Carthage, has anyone heard the speech if you're playing against the Romans, and they start routing?

'The Roman eagle is a Roman turkey!! The enemy are fleeing!!'

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Originally Posted by katank

They say "I want their blood. I want to bathe in their blood. I want to bathe in their blood for a week".

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That's the one I was talking about that I love.

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Originally Posted by Mikeus Caesar

Playing as Carthage, has anyone heard the speech if you're playing against the Romans, and they start routing?
'The Roman eagle is a Roman turkey!! The enemy are fleeing!!'

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Yeah, alomost fell of my chair laughing.
I do agree with Katank though that the "bade in their blood-speech" is a gem. I always get into the battle with a slightly more punitive attitude when I hear that one.

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Originally Posted by katank

That's not entirely true. I've had a moon people speech by a Seleucid general.

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With greek accent too? ~:cool:

Hm. How do you guys train these loonies? Never got them yet. Then I never play the romans.

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Originally Posted by Mikeus Caesar

Playing as Carthage, has anyone heard the speech if you're playing against the Romans, and they start routing?

'The Roman eagle is a Roman turkey!! The enemy are fleeing!!'

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No. Actually I haven`t, guess I have to play them one more time. ~:)

I've heard a funny Armenian speech once: " The enemy leader is dead, let's hope he won't poison the carrying birds."

I still think the mother-in-law one is funnier, although I never encountered it.

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" The enemy leader is dead, let's hope he won't poison the carrying birds."

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That would be Carion birds, another term for vulture

"its time to kill the baby eating carthaginians" cant rememeber the rest! but it still madwe me laugh!

"The Roman leader lies dead on the battlefield. Few Greeks would weep to see such man die!"

I do not have RTW, but i think the Roman eagle is a roman Turkey speech is rather strange. I thought turkeys were only found in the New World? Is that an anachronism? Maybe roman fowl or chicken would do better.

Hm, i can't remember whether it was chicken or turkey, so i went with turkey, and having heard what you just said, it prolly was chicken. Btw, does anyone here think that the roman guy in battles who speaks at the end of battles sounds like scooby-doo?

'The day is ooouuurs!!!'

This is my favorite (may not be 100% correct): "The Roman leader is dead! Who will mourn for him? Perhaps only his catamites!"

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Originally Posted by Conqueror

This is my favorite (may not be 100% correct): "The Roman leader is dead! Who will mourn for him? Perhaps only his catamites!"

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Lol...

Which faction said that?

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Originally Posted by Conqueror

This is my favorite (may not be 100% correct): "The Roman leader is dead! Who will mourn for him? Perhaps only his catamites!"

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Excuse a non-english for asking but what´s a "catamite"?

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Originally Posted by Cheater

The only one that I really remember is when playing an insane Roman general.

"Remember, they may have the moon people on their side, but we have lovely hats! Those hats will shield us from their evil gaze!"

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yea I love this one, I once had two crazy generals and I just send them to battles to hear those speeches ~;)

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Originally Posted by PseRamesses

Excuse a non-english for asking but what´s a "catamite"?

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A catamite is the younger partner in a homosexual relationship between a man and a boy.

Basically, that speech means "The Roman leader is dead, no-one will care for him except his young, male lovers."

The enemy leader was a fool! He sacrificed himself instead of leading his men to a dignified defeat.

Carthage/Numidian line

I once had a Roman Genr'l, who was once a Gaul, who I bribed. Every battle he went into, he would say something along the lines of (not exactly): "Ahh..What a sad day. I know you guys think that battle is bad. I would've stayed home, but my mother told me to come."

He didn't say that the last battle he led. He said a regular speech alogn the lines of "Have courage, for they may outnumber you, but our skill is unmatched!" He then died.

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He didn't say that the last battle he led. He said a regular speech alogn the lines of "Have courage, for they may outnumber you, but our skill is unmatched!" He then died.

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Was he killed by Gauls ~D

Anyways it's lovely as Roman and fighting along side your barbarian allies/protectorate.

Gaul (my julii protectorate) besieged by Britons

Today we are here to save a city. We also have an ally coming to join us, true to thier word those honourable Gauls have come to aid us.

Funny how those foul hairy chested barbarians ar NOW AN HONOURABL ally.

Wonder what kind of lovely speeches you will get when you fighting along side other barbarian allies ..... as those civilised (cough cough cough) Romans.

there stand the gauls! they are hairy beyond reason!

Non-general unit as commander over a small band of Carthagininan long-shield cavalry: "Attack!" I actually waited some 10sec. to see if he just paused but noooo.

"Kill the enemy! I yearn to wade through their entrails! It's a nasty hobby, I'll admit..."

"Now, lads, time for business. Stick together, and try not to get killed!"

Both from Roman captains. ~D

"The Gods are with us, we can´t loose! I have it
from the best of authorities.... my authority!"

i have heard a funny ass speach thats something along the lines of;

there stands our fair city, besieged by barbarians, come, let us liberate it and recieve our reward from the beautiful women within.

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Originally Posted by PseRamesses

Here´´s one I heard tonight with the Spanish:
"...like pigs they will taste sour if they are left to stew in their own fear!"

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Spain would be considered a barb faction?

"Battle is hard, especially before breakfast!"

The best thing I had was a Crazy Roman General that my Germanians bribed:

They are strong with their magic hats, but they had no honey for 2 years because I eat all of thier bees!

Propably a good thing that my Germans did nto understand what he was saying:P

"A battle is not easy! What´s hard though is to see the look on your womans face when you´re a weakling"; German general.

"Ride me sideways and whip me a winkle fork, lads! There's a lot of the bastards, isn't there?" - or something very similar! ~D

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Originally Posted by RabidGibbon

My favourite speech is the macedonian,

"Battle is never an easy thing, especially before breakfast, never mind, time enough for breakfast after we've driven these dogs back to their kennel!"

Never heard an insane general mouth off like mentioned above though - does that only work with the romans?

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Was he a hobbit?


PS: I've had that speech too, btw. ~:cool:

The funniest one is when an Egyptian diplomat demands one of your cities.

'Pharoah says "All you base are belong to us"'


:dizzy2:

Is it only the Romans with battle-specific lines? I've played as a number of factions in campagin mode, but only the Romans would come up with lines referring to a particular enemy or tactical situation. Or character traits, for that matter.

I can't remember it exactly, but it goes something like this:

"Now, you know, I didn't really want to be here, but my mother says that I should always make a go of it, so here we go...

There stands the enemy cowards! etc." ~:)

I had a General who hooted like an Owl, his last shot before the battle was:

"....and remember, the Owls are with us! We cannot lose!"

I nearly fell off my chair.

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Originally Posted by SpawnOfEbil

The funniest one is when an Egyptian diplomat demands one of your cities.

'Pharoah says "All you base are belong to us"'


:dizzy2:

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are you serious or did you make that one up? man that's a real gem.

No, it actually exists.

As the Germans I came across theese last night:
"The enemy king is coward... he leads a tribe of cowards!" and
"...send them to their ancestors on a tide of blood!"

Playing the barb factions is quite fun since the general always says "gut them like a fish", "let them stew in their own fear", "crack their skulls open" etc etc. It´s a pity though that its only the romans that have faction specific speaches although the Punies refer to the roman eagle as a turky (or something) when they flee, and the Greeks are revengeful to point out that the only one who mourn a fallen general is his young lover since the Romans always call the Greeks "masters of... perversity". Think how great it would have been if the devs had put the same amount of effort into all the facs!?

Perhaps they`ve done that in BI? One can always hope, as the romans aren`t the most important factions anymore, who would then be?(they can`t have the same speeches for all the barbarians, can they)

"The Enemy Warlord is dead now he can drink with his ancestors and watch his warriors flee"

Gauls.

Yeah, that moon people one was funny as hell.

I thought this one was funny too:

"There's enough wine in camp to float a boat, and its all yours if you win this battle today. Oh, and the camp women will be appropriately....appreciative as well. And the first man to the enemy gets a jug of my finest wine!"

needless to say my general was a 10 star dead drunk. ~:cheers:

Punies vs. Eggies:
"The enemy king flees.... probably back to his palaces and prostitutes"
"The enemy king is dead.... charge over his corpse and drive his warriors before you"

The enemy king is fleeing ransack his palace and kill his horse...then he'll cry and pay you to vomit his beloved horse whuahahahahhahahahahahahaahhahaha

I was surprised to hear a General warn his troops ...
"This time ...no skipping with the entrails!" ~:eek:

'Men, so they say, don't soil themselves. I put it to you then lads, that the enemy are not men!'

Not exactly sure on the term soil, but it fits the bill. My Seleucid general was implying the enemy had gone toilet in their pants. Very funny

Had a good one from a young governor who was impressed into battle service: "My mother said I should try not to embarrass myself. Well, here goes." Alas, he was killed immediately in the fighting, embarrassing himself in the process.

Roman General (sounding a little scared) vs. Dacia

"I don't like the look of those Dacians. They're really quite intimidating, and you wouldn't believe what they do when they win a battle.

"...send them to their ancestors on a tide of blood!"
"Our enemies will be in hell by nightfall... if I have anything to do with it"
"Truly, this is a day of omens. The roman leader is dead! Let´s slaughter his weakling followers!"

"Those are our enemies, the Britons. Brave? Yes. Foolish? Certainly. Soon to be dead? That, men, is up to you!" - Decimus Julius, 201 BC.

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They are strong with their magic hats, but they had no honey for 2 years because I eat all of thier bees!

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How do you get crazy generals?!?! I need to do something different...

My favourite so far was before a fight on a farm area. The enemy started in the long reeds of the corn and my general blurted out:

"the enemy has chosen an appropriate site for the battle - they wont have to manure this field for months!"

along those lines. I laughed when I realised where they stood.

-Some claim that I do not have the skill to ambush a dead fish. This is a fine joke and obvious nonsense. I smile whenever I hear it. And your actions today will put pay to that old lie.

I found that one in the sound folder though. I did not get any crazy generals when I played the romans. ~:handball:

It seems that BI has added new speeches and removed some old pre-battle speaches. I came across theese when I played RTW 1.3 recently:

"Thoose people have never met us on a field of battle. After today they will flee at the sound of our approach"

"Thoose fools have never met me in a battle before. I hope to give them a nasty surprise"

Have you guys come across any new ones in 1.3 or BI?

I had a Roman general who was a poor attacker and not a confident speaker. He ummed and ahhed during his speech, forgot his lines and didn't finish what he was saying. At one point he said "Now I'm sure there was something else..." Thats how I remember it anyway.

I had stopped listening to the pre-battle speeches but I'm going to start again.

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Originally Posted by Melmoth the Wanderer

I had a Roman general who was a poor attacker and not a confident speaker. He ummed and ahhed during his speech, forgot his lines and didn't finish what he was saying. At one point he said "Now I'm sure there was something else..." Thats how I remember it anyway.

I had stopped listening to the pre-battle speeches but I'm going to start again.

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I heard that in RTW 1.2 too. First then I realised that speeches could be funny. I wrote more of it in "Cool pre-battle speaches" wich is unfortunately way down in the archives.

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Originally Posted by Viking

I heard that in RTW 1.2 too. First then I realised that speeches could be funny. I wrote more of it in "Cool pre-battle speaches" wich is unfortunately way down in the archives.

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My ever favourite line: "Today, we're going to fight monsters. The Gauls! They're mad, dangerous and hairy beyond reason!"

~:joker:
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Someone mentioned it before, but if you ever get a general with the virtue "Hootie" make him your battle commander. There's two or three versions of the line he says about the owls but they are hilarious.

:trytofly:

The original game is still giving me new speaches. This time my general had the "Orator" title which gives him an additional 3 stars.

"Understand this: This battleground is where we stand. We might die if necessary but it will be where we´ll win!"

Glad you're all enjoying the speeches. I currently have the 'moon people' speech as my mobile phone ringtone, which is nice, but gets me funny looks in public places.

The system is set up to generate a couple of million variants from 'chunks' that refer to different elements of the upcoming battle. As you might expect, a degree of restraint was required when doing some of the comedic elements that were allowed to creep in.

I'll have to put on my lovely hat to shield me from the fearsome gaze of management next time round. ~D

They were certainly a neat addition. Any speeches or lines you'd be willing to share that didn't make it in due to glares from above? ~:)

I like this speech very much for its extreme pragmatism ;) It´s from the Romans I think:


Let us offer our prayers to the gods for victory!
And then let us arm ourselves to the teeth, just in case the gods ain´t listening.

The barbarian version of that goes something like:

Now is a time to offer prayers to the Gods
But an even better time to sharpen our swords, just in case the gods aren't listening.

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Originally Posted by Mouzafphaerre

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My ever favourite line: "Today, we're going to fight monsters. The Gauls! They're mad, dangerous and hairy beyond reason!"

~:joker:
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Heh. I got that in my Julii campaign. Its brilliant.

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Originally Posted by Captain Fishpants

Glad you're all enjoying the speeches. I currently have the 'moon people' speech as my mobile phone ringtone, which is nice, but gets me funny looks in public places.

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Now, that`s geeky.~D

I`m hoping speeches are back, more varied(and entertaining) than ever in the next TW game. ~:cheers: