From the Desk of the Secretary of the Nuclear Club of Nations:
Iranian Leadership,
Congratulations on your achievement! Possessing nuclear arms is a grand accomplishment, and offers many benefits for you and your people. We welcome you into our club as a junior member, and expect that you will come to your initiation party next Wednesday. Usually, the Russians are in charge of the hazing, but since copious amounts of vodka probably conflicts with your religion, we'll try to come up with something different.
A little bit about us. Our club was chartered in 1945. Membership is fairly selective, prospective members must show technical expertise, willingness to expend large sums of money for research, and lately, creative diplomatic and counter-surveillence techniques. Some qualified nations have not yet joined, we believe they are either shy or unwilling to pay the club dues.
The club offers many benefits. Membership grants prestige on the international stage. Your voice will carry greater weight in international affairs. Other club members will be more respectful towards you in negotiations. You are now eligible to hire non-member nations to perform work that you no longer desire to do for yourself. We only ask that you keep your nuclear material within your borders. Sharing this material with other nations or proxies in it's refined state will lessen the prestige of the existing club members (yours included). If your nation or one of your proxies shares this material in it's critical state to an unwilling recipient, other club members will be forced to share large amounts of their own material with you in the same manner and your membership will be invoked permanently. Due to your own special case, sharing of critical state material for religious reasons will force a member to place material in the same state at the coordinates 21°25′N 39°49′E. This is our only rule: Keep your material to yourself, you worked hard for it.
Once again, congratulations. You have reached a grand turning point in the history of your nation. We look forward to working with you in the future.
Sincerely,
The Nuclear Club of Nations
P.S. Your membership card and a gift basket should be arriving shortly.
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