"This is Kent Brockman with continuing live coverage of the Night Four lynching. It seems that the townspeople of Springfield have a death wish, because the tradition of a double lynching is being observed once again. This time, the affable Krusty the Clown is on the chopping block, and the dangerously talented Professor Frink is about to be burned at the stake. The mob is carrying pitchforks, burning torches, and some are wearing official Stonecutter regalia."
Krusty-
“Hey, hey! You can’t kill me, I’m one of you! I’m a Stonecutter too!”
Lenny-
“Big deal. Everyone in town is pretty much a Stonecutter.”
Carl-
“Yeah. Now, why don’t you be a good little clown and die in an entertaining manner? For all we know, you’re the mass murderer.”
Krusty-
“But I’m too young to die!”
Professor Frink:
“You’ve been on television since the late fifties. Wouldn’t that make you over seventy?”
Krusty-
“SHUT UP!!!”
Wayland Smithers-
“And your merchandise is all shoddily made and bears your disgusting likeness. You’re a sell-out!”
Monty Burns-
“Oh, is the clown going to be murdered? Excellent. I haven’t seen this kind of entertainment since they fed Daniel to the lions.”
Ned Flanders-
“Oh, so you’ve read the Bible?”
Burns-
“The what?”
Apu-
“I don’t want to be a bother, but I have been shot at point-blank range. Could someone be getting me a doctor?”
Hans Moleman-
“Why am I still alive?”
Kent Brockman-
“Now Krusty the Clown is being tied down, with his head against the block.”
Lenny-
“Who wants to do the honors?”
Burns-
“Smithers, would you be so kind as to raise my hand for me?”
Smithers-
“Oh, sir… you’re far too… uh, strong… to lift that large metal axe. Let me do it for you.”
Hans Moleman-
“Hold on just one second. I’ve been everyone’s punching bag for nearly twenty seasons now… it’s about time someone tasted the sweet revenge of Moleman.”
Kent Brockman-
“It seems Hans Moleman, the survivor of numerous lynching and dozens of accidents at the hands of his fellow townsfolk, has decided to do the vile deed.”
Moleman-
“Uhhh… this axe is quite heavy… I don’t think I can hold it steady.”
Kent Brockman-
“Oh dear lord, it seems the elderly-looking man is attempting to sever Krusty’s head from his body, but is having trouble wielding the giant weapon. He takes a swing and cuts off Krusty’s arm.”
Krusty-
“OWWWW!!! That’s my pie-throwing arm!”
Moleman-
“Oops, sorry. I’ll try again.”
Brockman-
“Moleman swings again and slashes Krusty’s large red nose clean off!”
Krusty-
“OWWWW!!! That’s my pie-smelling nose!”
Moleman-
“Sorry, can’t see too well without my glasses. I wish we had some light out here.”
Brockman-
“And another swing, and this time he impales Krusty’s torso.”
Krusty-
“OWWWW!!! That’s my pie-digesting torso!”
Brockman-
“Ok, that’s quite enough with these awful jokes. I want to know how you guys kill Frink.”
Brockman takes his microphone and jams it into Krusty’s mouth, and stands back to watch the clown choke to death.
Brockman-
“Good. Now, the clown is dead. Let’s kill the nutty professor.”
Flanders-
“How about a nice, old fashioned heretic burning?”
Smithers-
“Let’s get him!”
Frink-
“According to my uh, calculations, Town is now severely, and totally, err….. Screwed. Mmmgguuuoy. And, if I may make one last request?”
Brockman-
“What?”
Frink-
“Please don’t burn me at the stake with the fire and the heat and the painful, melting flesh it hurts me. And also would you please tell my wife I love her, she uh… lights up my life, HOYVIN-GLAVIN!”
Moleman-
“Just die already, you Jerry Lewis wannabe!”
Brockman-
“Now, loyal viewers and news junkies, witness how I, Kent Brockman, set fire to this annoying nerd-thing!”
Frink-
“OH Giant flesh-eating bananas this is very painful how it burns! It burns!!! Help me!!”
Brockman-
“I think it’s just about time for our serial killer to dispose of another miserable citizen of this jerkwater burg. Where are you?”
A man wearing a long trench coat runs past Kent Brockman, and smashes Wayland Smithers in the face with a giant sledgehammer. Unsurprisingly, Smithers is planted to the ground. The killer disappears back into the giant mob before anyone can identify him.
Moleman-
“Oh dear… another innocent victim dies.”
Lenny-
“Maybe now I can get that promotion and a raise I’ve always wanted.”
Burns-
“A raise? I wouldn’t hold your breath.
Smithers, you simple-headed lay-about, get up this instant. I’m getting a bit of a headache and I have an odd craving for endangered white rhino steaks, the rarest bottle of wine in the world, and a dodo egg.”
Smithers-
“Owww….. Right away, sir…”
Burns-
“Excellent.”
Brockman-
“Stunning. It seems that yet another potential victim has been spared. The serial killer, however, remains at large.”
Hans Moleman-
“It’s not me, so don’t even bother.”
Carl-
“I’m getting kind of bored. Once you’ve seen one violent mob lynching, you’ve seen them all. Who wants to play Russian roulette?”
Hans Moleman-
“Not me. I always lose that game.”
Brockman-
“Well, I am stumped. Does anyone have any idea who the serial killer is?”
Apu-
“I still am needing a doctor to stitch me up again!"
Smithers-
“What happened to you?”
Apu-
“Nothing out of the ordinary. Just a shotgun wound to the chest. Thanks be to Ganesha, I did not have to miss work!”
Re: Mini Simpsons Mafia (Game Thread)
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