both above posts are a lot wiser and more helpful than I can do....

only bits to add:
don't feel like you're failing by not having got over things / on with your life yet.. something so traumatic will take a long while to get past - its not surprising to go through a worse phase after you've got beyond the initial 'coping' phase.
That doesn't mean that the way you feel at the moment won't improve with time though - just that the time might be a bit longer....

you sound very depressed at the moment, that's very very understandable due to all above, but do bear in mind that once you feel like that it can become a thing in itself which is very hard to break out of. Not impossible just hard. That's something you can need real world help to get around, definitely do try and tell people in RL how you feel as well as talking to us.

and erm, having tried it, believe me alcohol and depression really don't help each other...