The Basileus is crazy

[General Appo]

Chapter 3: He had a dream...

During one late night when Pyrrhus and Helenos were (as usual) drinking each other under, over, inside and atop the table, Pyrrhus suddenly got a brilliant idea. A masterplan that would ensure him complete domination of all the world and as much wine and bearded women he´d like. Eager to tell everyone about his plan, he ordered his guards to wake everyone in the city and gather them in the agora. After much rumbling and scuffing, several thousands of Rhodians had gathered in the emptied agora and were gazing sleepily at Pyrrhus.
Standing tall atop a marble podium, his eyes shined in the moonlight, and the torches cast strange shadows across his face, and the Rhodians were mighty impressed by his presence, many believing that it was one of the gods that had stepped down from the Olympos to speak to them.
Suddenly, the figure started to speak. In a deep clear voice, carrying across the entire agora, he proclaimed:
-"I have a dream" and then slumped from the podium collapsing in a pile of unrecognisable bodyparts. Realising that it was just Pyrrhus, the people wandered home again, hopefully to catch some sleep before the sun arose and signaled the start of the new day.

The next morning one of Pyrrhus captains asked what the dream had been he had planned to tell everyone about. Suffering from an enourmous hangover, having no memory of the nights incident and feeling like being an ass, Pyrrhus screamed that the captain bloody well knew what the dream was, to which the frigthened captain replied that of course he knew what it was.
Pyrrhus who was getting increasingly curious, ordered him to find out what the dream was by midnight or he and everyone else would be hanged.
The captain hurried from his masters presence, and summoned the other captains of Pyrrhus army and the most powerful of the local Rhodians. These held a long meeting to decide what they would tell Pyrrhus that his dream had been about. First someone proposed that he´d dreamed about jumping of a cliff, and though everyone enjoyed the idea they finally agreed that even he wouldn´t fall for that.

After some more debate they finally agreed, Pyrrhus had dreamed about capturing the island of Kypros. This was beneficial for everyone involved, apart from perhaps Pyrrhus.
The Rhodians wanted Pyrrhus away from their island, but they were also worried about the Ptolemais who had almost monopolised sea trade in the Levant. The conquest of Kypros by friendly forces would undoubtly start shifting the balance back to the Rhodians.
The captains wanted an easy target to plunder, rape and loot, an rumours said Ptolemy II had left the island almost undefended. The fleet would then deter any Ptolemaic attempts to retake the island.
When the captain told Pyrrhus of the nature of his dream, he was first very skeptical and unwilling to attack the territory of his ally and childhood friend Ptolemy. When the captain pointed out that Kypros was a large producer of wine however, Pyrrhus determination wavered.
The captain presented a compromise. If Ptolemy truly was such an good and faithful friend and ally, then he wouldn´t mind giving Kypros over to Pyrrhus would he? Pyrrhus agreed with this and sent an envoy to Alexandreia demanding Kypros to be handed over. Strangely enough, Ptolemy refused, and Pyrrhus was rightly shocked, and broke all ties with the Ptolemies, while striking a deal with their arch enemy the Seleukids to forever fight the Ptolemies.

Before the invasion of Kypros could begin however, Helenos requested he´d be allowed to enter into the olympic games that were soon to begin. Pyrrhus gladly agreed and wished to go there himself and participate, but his captains convinced him that wine was very sparse at the games. 51 years old and having serious back problems, this was probably the best for him.
Both Alexandros and Ptolemaios entered into the games as well, were they all meet for the first time in years. Ptolemaios and Alexandros embraced each other as true brothers, but Helenos was a bit more hesitant, mainly because he didn´t know which one of the two Alexandros he saw he should hug.
Amazingly, Helenos managed to not completely embarass himself during the games, though it was his oldest brother who accomplished the most amazing feat.
After many hours of hard training on Krete Ptolemaios condition and speed was excellent, and he won several of the running races, bringing great honor to himself and his scattered people.

Soon however things calmed down and everyone sailed home, and Pyrrhus and Helenos set sail towards Kypros. Before they left Pyrrhus had randomly chosen a Rhodian to act as ruler of the city. Luckily, this man showed to be of a competent sort, a local man of lower nobility named Attidas.
With him on the ships Pyrrhus brought not only many of the 50,000 amphoras with wine, but a unit of slingers from Rhodos. These men were famous for their prowess in battle, and with their half-cuirasses were better suited for melee then other slingers.
Soon Pyrrhus landed in Kypros, and surrounded the Ptolemais center of operation, the city of Salamis. Guarding this city was quite a large army, almost equal in numbers to that of Pyrrhus. It consisted almost entirely of skirmishers however, Akontisai and Hippakontisai, good assets to an army no doubt, but almost useless alone against an enemy.
Confident of victory Pyrrhus troops stormed the gates the moment the ram was finished, and the Thorakitai cut down the unarmoured man in short time.
An undramatic battle, it ended when a stone from the Rhodian ranks killed the Ptolemaic commander and his troops surrendered.
Needless to say, they and most of the population was cut down and then raped (yes in that order, not the other way around) while many houses were burnt and then looted (yet again, in just that order). With this organised opposition ceased across the island.

Now Pyrrhus had time to gather himself and his troops, and reflect upon the news from across the world.
In Hellas the Spartans had launched a surprise attack and liberated most of the Peloponnesos from the Makedonians, and the Illyrians under Getai command had invaded Aitolia, though the city of Thermon still stood firm. When told these news Pyrrhus asked who the f*uck the Getai´s were. When informed they were a Thrakian tribe ranging from north of Thrakia Hypertera he asked what the f*ck they were doing in Aitolia and why the f*ck they were commanding Illyrians. It seems Pyrrhus had no memory of giving his homeland to the Getai for free, and he was quite upset when he heard about it.
In other parts of the world things were taking a turn for the unexpected as well. Rumours were widespread that the Seleukids had lost much territory to some nomads who claimed to be the inheritors of the Persians, truly a ridiculous claim. All was not bad for the Empire of Seleukos however, for the regions of Adurbadegan near Hayasdan and Gerrhaia Arabia on the coast of just Arabia had fallen to their armies, and the Ptolemaic city of Tarsos was under siege from a great army of theirs.

Many were guessing what Pyrrhus next move would be, but no one guessed that he would do nothing, which might just be why he did just that. He had most of the wine the Rhodians had given him left, and had hired a Scythian band of bearded women to keep him company. For the first time in many years, he was happy and content with his life. The question was if it would remain so.