Couscous mon amour?

[Adrian II]

How do you stop it turning into one large lump of goo?

By adding boiling water slowly, just enough to let the grit swell. Then let it simmer for a minute, after which you add the oil or butter. It turns into goo only if you add too much water, oil or butter.

(and why are all the blokes here better cooks than me?)

Because we are the Lords of Creation (and look what a mess we've made of it).

[KukriKhan]

By adding boiling water slowly, just enough to let the grit swell. Then let it simmer for a minute, after which you add the oil or butter. It turns into goo only if you add too much water, oil or butter.

Apparently my mistake.