It was the dream again. Vissarionas ek Lesvou was back on the fields southwest of Antioch. His guardsmen, slowed by long years of bloodless, boring siege and the endless grind of training in the field, had taken far too long to mount up on the Grandmaster's command and now the ill equipped militia from Antioch had managed to melt away into the countryside. Dozens of nearly unrecognizable men flooding out of the gates, perhaps just fleeing the conditions within, but perhaps seeking reinforcements from the hard used villages surrounding the city. A decade of foraging had not been kind to the peasants of the Levant, and while few of them would find the courage to bear arms against the Order of St. John, fewer still would aid or love the Orthodox soldiers.
With the host assembled at last the sergeants of the Order turned as one and rode along the walls of the city. None of them thought to check the gates or look back to see how the general advance was proceeding, their eyes and will were bent with utter absorption to the first truly exciting task they'd had since the siege began; hunting down the deserters from the garrison.
Hours later, having split to search, rejoined to plan, split again to question villagers, and finally come back together wholesale the mounted men had rounded up about sixty sickly looking prisoners. The slow march back to camp was not met by any messengers, and so the sight of the nearly empty camp with only the Grandmaster's tent abuzz with activity was a shock. Where were the common troops? Where were the captains?
In his tent Makedonios was clearly recovering from his wound, if slowly due to his illness, but he could not yet speak to relate what the situation was within the walls. Vissarionas' siege slowed mind was still trying to come to terms with the whole sequence when Rafi, now Vissa's page, ran up and pointed to a thin stream of smoke rising above the city,
'There must be fighting in the city! The men need you!'
Vissa nodded, 'Ride with me Rafi, but keep your wits and ride clear of any engagements; you're not equipped for street fighting!'
Weary to the bone from the long chase into the countryside, and uncertain of the situation within Antioch, Vissarionas ek Lesvou and the sergeants of the Order nonetheless found the strength to drive their mounts to a gallop and reached the open gates of Antioch in some haste. Within the walls the situation was difficult to grasp. All along the main thoroughfare shattered doors littered the streets, partially covering a few splashes of deep red blood. The sergeants split up, some making east and west along the inner wall to secure the city gates and seek fighting, while others attempted to find any Greek speaking citizen who might tell the tale. Vissarionas' stomach had begun to twist as his suspicions grew. Calling to his guards to ride hard he bore down at the forefront and, with Rafi at his side, made for the square.
As he neared the large open space of the square he began to pass groups of women, many of them weeping and wailing as though they'd seen the end times come. Some carrying small children with the shellshocked look of the half dead. No few of the kids had hands streaked with red, and most of the women's skirt hems were darkened by drying blood.
At the wide end of the street a crowd of older women and teenage boys remained to block the view. Hearing horses at a full gallop, and seeing the tabards of the Order on the riders, they scattered with terrified looks at the soldiers. A few of the boys carried rocks, but the sight of the heavily armoured horsemen ensured most of the rocks returned to the street. At last the path to the square cleared, and Vissa could see...
...and smell...
...and even taste...
...death. Hanging thick in the air, like a blanket of flies and filth over the very surface of the earth. The unholy, unimaginable stench of it, fit to warp even the most pure intent. A towering rage overtook Vissarionas as he cast about for what enemy could be so vile as to have committed this black act, what ungodly race of demons brought forth this slaughter! Nearly all the remaining peasants now scurried away under that gaze, and even the boldest slunk into the shadows of nearby buildings.
...but surrounding the piled dead were no enemies, no imagined Muslim blackguards, towering ten feet tall and leering like beasts. No, around the square, many still carrying weapons running red with the blood of innocents, were the soldiers of the Order of St. John. White and purple tabards stained nearly black with blood. Gore covered boots tramped from structure to structure on every side of the square.
Rage fled from Vissa as quickly as it had come, and reluctantly, painfully he forced his eyes back to the mounds of dead. Most were yet intact, not hacked apart in cruelty, simply killed. They wore no armor. They were ill fed, and badly clothed. Here and there a body might carry some mark of service in the city militia, but most were simple peasants.
Not one bore a weapon.
His mouth twisted as though a dung beetle were rolling it's precious cargo within his cheeks. A thin, dry croak was the first sound to emerge from Vissa, but then he took hold of himself and managed to bark out,
'Back. Ride back now Rafi. Carry my sword back to my tent now Rafi. Go on boy, ride! Do not return. I will come for you.'
Perhaps it was foolish to go among the recently conquered people of Antioch armed only with a dagger, but suddenly Vissarionas couldn't bear the sight of his blade, with it's mark of noble St. John on the hilts. Touching briefly on the thought of drawing it from it's scabbard, even in self defense, nearly unhinged his sanity, and he turned his mind away, towards other things. Rising in the distance across the square, perhaps two hundred yards from where he now sat, was the ornate facade of Antioch's main Orthodox church. Waving a command at his guardsmen to remain where they were Vissa strode as fast as he could manage to the stone steps of the minor cathedral, intent on seeking guidance in prayer.
Nearly running up the few steps Vissarionas was about to step into the building when he realized that his last footfall had squelched.
An audible groan escaped him. His gaze tracked gradually downward, from the beautiful, sacred doors of the church to the simple stone steps and at last to his own blood drenched boots. Further back, pulling his body all the way around, he saw a bloody print on each step he'd taken ascending towards the holy structure. Beyond that his eyes moved on away from the holy place, and following his path across the slaughterhouse of the square left him now with his back turned firmly on the church at his gaze locked on the piled corpses the victims of the siege of Antioch.
There the dream ended.
The parallel was obvious. If he entered that church to seek guidance regarding his part in the hideous acts of the day, would he not be commiting a sacrilege and implicating the Orthodox church in these sins? If the Order claimed to obey God's will then what part of the capture of Antioch was in accordance with it?
Vissa had puzzled over and fought with these issues for months, and finally for years. Rafi had felt him withdraw, and at a time when the young man needed guidance the most, but had stood with him. He had gone about his daily duties as if in a dream, spending as little time in Antioch as possible. With the Senate now in session Vissa had found himself unable to participate, no longer certain enough of who he was or what sort of House he had joined to espouse an opinion. Now, however, the vote had been called. Duty required that he fulfill his obligation, both as a senator and as a member of the Order. Duty could not be denied, not even for a man who believed himself to be bereft of honor and perhaps even undeserving of his place in life.
Duty called, but also... penance. He must inform his brothers and then seek the Patriarch.
As he turned to go Vissarionas recalled something one of the more erudite brothers had read to him from a book in the Order's library. (From the Wheel of Time books): Death is lighter than a feather, duty is heavier than a mountain.
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