The Byzantine Blab
Your Daily Dose of Gossip in a Lovely, Effeminate Shade of Purple Since 330 AD
August 1125 Edition - Special Magnaura Report
Patriarch Lucks Out in Alexandria Conflict
Was legal loophole a blessing from God... or tricky maneuvering?

By Woodros Bernsteintinos
CONSTANTINOPLE - Mere hours after the controversial Edict 4.5 was passed in the Magnaura essentially shipping Patriarch of Constantinople Nicholas III to yet-to-be conquered Alexandria, a statement was issued from the Office of the Patriarch proclaiming that, in preparation for the move to Alexandria, an error was discovered the ancient Book of Orthodox Doctrine.
The Book, written in ancient times when the Eastern Roman Empire was flourishing and when Alexandria was under its control, lists the various Patriarchates and the powers allocated to each. Amended to keep up with the current state of the Byzantine Empire, the Patriarch of Constantinople oversees the religion in the greater Greece area, has a say in the legitimacy of royal heirs, and is allowed an official Representative in the Magnaura, among other things. In comparison, the Patriarch of Alexandria oversees Orthodoxy in Africa and the lower Levant and is allowed no greater say in the affairs of Constantinople.
However, as the Office has revealed, the Book contains a glaring misprint, previously undiscovered due to the fact that up until a few hours ago, the Patriarchate of Alexandria had not existed for centuries. In the headings for each section, the words "Constantinople" and "Alexandria" are accidentally switched, meaning that, technically, the allowance of a Representative and a voice in the matters of succession now fall under the Patriarch of "Alexandria"'s duties, and vice versa.
"What this means," said Nicholas III's official Representative, in an exclusive interview with the Blab, "is that Patriarch Nicholas essentially will continue in the same role he has had for the past years, with only his official title changing." The Representative went on to state that, despite the silliness and rather obviousness of the error, it is law, as the Book was legally voted to be "the absolute final say for all matters and disputes pertaining to Orthodoxy, as per the Joint Magnaura/Synod Resolution of 933 or something," said the Representative.
Others, however, aren't so sure that this error always existed. "Come on, just a little bit after the Patriarch loses the fight and gets shipped to Alexandria, it's suddenly revealed that the Patriarch of Alexandria now has all the powers of the Patriarch of Constantinople? Give me a break," said a disgusted Savvas ek Miltou, in a bit of a rush considering his historic tie for the position of Megas. "Clearly, Nicholas and his cronies are manipulating ancient dogma to subvert the rule of law. If that was always in place like they say it is, I'll eat my entire Magnaura bench."
When questioned about how quickly this oversight could be corrected, the Representative was not optimistic. "It's not as simple as crossing out 'Constantinople' and writing 'Alexandria' over it," he said. "Changing the Book is a very ancient procedure and will require, to start, a convening of at least two councils, followed by several votes as well as the Patriarch's approval. It could definitely take some time."
"This just adds to my case," Savvas said upon learning this, before he walked off in a huff.
As the learned portion of Constantinople was thrown into an uproar over hearing the two pieces of news, the few among them who remained calm said that the continued standoff did not bode well for the continued internal peace of the Empire.
"At this point, the Basileus and Patriarch are just trying to one-up each other," said a citizen who preferred not to be named. "Eventually, something's got to give, and I predict it will sooner rather than later."
The Patriarch could not be reached for comment.
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