Content Module 005: A very small (but still satisfying, ladies) content module

LOADING CONTENT... ah, hell with it. Loaded. Done.


Murder Manor Mini-Mafia

(9 players)

Unfortunately, 9 players is too many for a mini-mafia. Seems I have a backlog of mafia games, large and small... How am I going to get to them all???

Askthepizzaguy- Owner of the Mansion

Rooms:

Kitchen
Coat Closet
Dining Room
Bathroom
Living Room
Basement
Bedroom
Study
Attic

The Murder Manor is owned by Askthepizzaguy. He comes home and finds the door open, with signs of forced entry. Unsure of whether or not anyone is still in the house, he must search each room to try to find the intruder. Each room has a player assigned to it. The players vote during the day phase to determine which room Askthepizzaguy should search. When a room is searched, it is searched very, very thoroughly, and the entire room is a gigantic mess, and the player assigned to that room may no longer vote or participate. Askthepizzaguy is too tired to search every single room, so when it gets down to the final 3 rooms, he can only search one more and then he will have to go to bed. If one of the two remaining rooms has the intruder, he exits the room and murders Askthepizzaguy.

The game has 7 consecutive "day" phases during a single day, followed by night time. If the intruder is not found by night time, Town loses the game.

Kitchen- a very clean and organized place with lots of sharp objects
Coat Closet- a neat and efficient storage room with plenty of rusty coat hangers
Dining Room- an immaculate dining area with heavy iron candlestick holders
Bathroom- a very sanitary bath area with a large steel wrench under the sink
Living Room- an elegant and spotless relaxation room with a fireplace containing a metal fire poker
Basement- a cold and dark storage area containing a gasoline powered chainsaw
Bedroom- a warm and comfortable sleeping area containing a hidden antique revolver
Study- a cozy and quiet place to study containing several large bookcases and a letter opener
Attic- a spacious and finished attic containing several bundles of electrical cords


I had designed the game as a mini-mafia, but it's not quite small enough it seems. It's just a little bit too big to fit. Gee, where have I heard that before?




Chainsaw Gang: the Valentines Day Massacre

15 players

Reverend
Choir Director
Choir Boy
Choir Girl
Firefighter
Park Ranger
Former Cop
Nurse
Marine
Teacher
Electrician
Plumber
Truck Driver
Social Worker
Janitor

These 15 people from a church group have all decided to go on a retreat in the Calzone Mountains around Valentine's day. There is a quaint little group of cottages, a campfire, a mountain stream, and a bunch of grisly murders. The Chainsaw gang is not just a mindless group of murderers... they have a terrifying plan for the bodies of their victims. You will have to tune in to find out what. This is not your usual Pizzaguy fare... it's less about humor and more about horror. The writeups will be disturbing and in spoilers.








Psycho
(Mafia)
12 Players

Deranged Maniac
Kidnapper
Serial Killer
Lone Gunman
Paranoid Schitzophrenic
Pathological Liar
Detective
Cannibal
Arsonist
Mad Cultist #1
Mad Cultist #2
Mute


This will be a roleplaying game with a lot of interesting characters. I have a lot of stuff written for this game, and there's more to the game than meets the eye. It will be both humorous and deadly, just like me.



Other News:


I am contemplating creating awards and merit badges for those of you who successfully compete in my mafia games, to be retroactive all the way back to my first game, the mini simpsons mafia. I believe Fenring will be getting two badges, as soon as I can design some.




This is the basic template for the ribbons. I may be shrinking it down to a smaller size, so you can put them in your signature or whatever. I will also be changing the color and adding a small label indicating which mafia game you won. Sound neat?

Literary Corner:


The Northern Terror

a Medieval 2: Stainless Steel Campaign Story

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
Chapter One

Haakon Haakonsson was the King of Norway during the Viking wars. He personally took his finest knights and generals, along with his only son, and rode into battle against the last of the pagan warlords of Vikingdom. Pirates ruled the Baltic sea, and lawless thugs ruled the whole of Scandinavia, answering to no one. Norway was a small kingdom, and having been pushed out of Scotland and England by the Saxons and the Normans, the previous rulers could not establish order. Haakon was a native of Bergen, and he rose to the highest rank among the nobles there. He established a working relationship with the other nobles, and gradually gained their trust and confidence. When he rode into battle against the viking raiders, they were still a little skeptical. But as he won battle after battle in the most dramatic fashion, losing as little men as possible, he started to gain more support at home. A dozen of the most powerful nobles in the land pledged to follow his banner into battle, and joined him in the field. They all became fierce warriors, and their raiding tactics against Viking settlements sent the warlords scurrying, and they all ended up dead or in custody.

That is when I became one of Lord Haakonsson's advisors. I had been an administrator in Bergen, and I was called to duty by my Lord by the end of the Viking Wars. He needed someone to help coordinate logistical support and bring him regular progress reports. I would have followed that man into the gates of hell, directly by his side, and given my life to defend him in battle. But alas, warfare was not my calling. I was an able soldier, but my talents lie in numbers. That is where my king needed me, and that is how I serve.

The King sent out a diplomat to our Danish neighbors to talk about forming a great Union with the Kingdom of Denmark. The Danes were having territorial disputes with the Holy Roman Empire, and war seemed imminent. They also did not know what our plans were, we had dwarfed them in size and were very much tempered in warfare. They saw us as conquerors.

But when they heard my Lord's proposal, they were eager to join the alliance. The King of Denmark's daughter was offered to Prince Magnus to seal their alliance, and forge a new nation with two Kings. Denmark would hold the south against possible invaders, and become prosperous from trade with us and the Holy Roman Empire, and we would squash the rebels and marauders of the Baltic, as well as deal with Pagan Lithuania. Denmark and Norway would be mighty together, as part of the Union of Kalmar, named in honor of where the treaty was signed.

The Holy Roman Emperor was impressed by our rapid expansion across the Baltic, and agreed to negotiate the mutual borders of the Holy Roman Empire and our Union of Kalmar. They had no objections to our claims to the Baltic or the North Sea, they set their sights against internal rebellion, Venice, France, and Poland.

The Pope recieved word of our brave and honourable conquests, as well as our diplomatic efforts. The Pope sent an emissary to discuss the creation of a United Christendom in Europe, under the banner of Roman Catholicism. Only the Holy Roman Emperor seemed to object to the idea, but the Danish King and m'lord convinced him to sign a pact with us. The Holy Roman Empire and the Kalmar Union would become that United Christendom, and convince the other Christian nations to join our cause and bring peace throughout the lands. At the request of the Pope, and to ease tensions with the Empire, the Republic of Venice agreed to act as the sword of Christendom against any possible invaders from the East, and Genoa agreed to act as the sword against any possible invaders from the southwest. Our task was to bring order and the message of Christ in the north, against the last bastion of blasphemy, Lithuania. At the request of m'lord, the Pope called a crusade against their stronghold of Vilnius. Very quickly, Lithuania's outer provinces fell, and we arrived at the gates of their capital. So begins my story.

"The Pope is most proud of your efforts against the heathens of Lithuania. It seems even Spain and the Order of the Knights Templar have joined our armies in crusade against them. Our forces have encircled the castle, and any reinforcements will have to fight through our perimeter. We are well-supplied and our supply routes are unblocked. Although there are some slight instances of unrest in the newly conquered lands of the Baltic sea, we are sending reinforcements and establishing order. The whole of Norway bows to your superior wisdom and leadership, and we have just finished construction on a new stronghold at Oslo. We are ready to begin more advanced training and recruitment, on your order. Some of your newly promoted generals at the capital have joined the crusade, and have sailed south to Gronigen in order to liberate the Low Countries from pirates and thieves. We have sent word to our emissary in Marseilles to go meet with the Spanish and Portugese leaders and offer them the Treaty of Alliance you crafted. I am certain they wish to become part of the New Christendom. The treasury is making modest gains, as our troops are willing to fight for you and the Pope without hesitation or pay. All they ask in return is for some land to raise crops, and a handsome bonus when the crusade is over."

- "That will be all, my friend."

I returned to my duties, and met with the military council. I set my mind completely against the challenges ahead, and our top generals were optimistic. They had been totally briefed by the Prince, who served as our Lord's chief strategist.

The assault began on Vilnius the next day, and our brethren Knights of the Order Templar fought bravely with us. The Spanish stayed behind to prevent reinforcements from arriving and guard the seige camp, as well as to forage and gather supplies. We took many losses in defeating the defenders of the castle, but we overwhelmed them and won the day. The Pope blessed Lord Haakonsson and donated a large sum of gold to our cause. Our many generals became known throughout the world as defenders of the faith, chivalrous and trustworthy knights. Our Prince was particularly magnanimous and spared the lives of the Pagans in the settlement, and his bravery in combat, taking the settlement at the cost of several scars, proved him to be a most worthy and honourable commander. The men respected him as much as they loved Lord Haakonsson.

The next year, At the age of 66, Lord Haakonsson died in battle fighting the Lithuanians as they attempted to retake Vilnius, and he personally destroyed half of their forces before he fell. He refused to risk any of the garrison at Vilnius, and he asked his bodyguards if they were ready to die. He did not order them into battle, and offered to make their families' lives comfortable. Aged veterans all, many men stepped forward to face death with our Lord. Each of them went down in Norwegian history, bravely fighting a losing battle to join Lord Haakonsson as he entered the gates of Valhalla. The Lithuanians limped back home in shame after their Phyrric victory.

Chapter Two

Prince Magnus Haakonsson the Saint was crowned King of Norway and High Protector of Christendom the next day. We were all anxious to follow Lord Magnus, for he was the strongest, most determined, and most honourable man I had ever known. The tales of his fighting prowess on the streets of Vilnius are legendary, and he had never harmed an innocent. He believed what his father was doing was right for the world, and he was ready to die. His repoire with the other Christian Kings was equally impressive. They were charmed by him, and he made peace with all.

After the death of Lord Haakonsson, his son claimed the moniker. He ordered his top generals to come with him to the homeland, and to govern the provinces there. He said he wanted to bring prosperity to his people, and to govern through his father's example. He believed that Norway was the greatest Kingdom on Earth, and that under his leadership, we could achieve anything. I boarded the ship with him, and the other generals on their ships, and we embarked from Riga on a journey home. Norwegian Lithuania would be governed by one of our generals, and we would now invest in the infrastructure of Oslo and other important settlements.

With the victory against the Pagans, and the costs of the war finally over, our warriors returned home to their families and our population began booming. The Low Countries of Gronigen and Antwerp were ours, and the taxes on trade went directly into building new facilities. But I had distressing news for Lord Haakonsson.

"The English have declared war against the Holy Roman Empire, and Genoa has declared war against Venice. Christendom is in chaos, m'lord... whom should we support?" My Lord's eyes opened brightly. He must have seen the path we were going to follow in that moment. He looked solemn and serious, but also determined and in control. My Lord spoke:

"We will support the Holy Roman Emperor, and cancel our alliance with the English. As for Genoa, I am sure Venice can handle them. Let those who struck first against their friends die in battle by the hands of their former friends. The Pope will condemn them, and if the Empire of Rome and the Republic of Venice cannot handle these invaders, we will offer them more support. For now, it is enough that we stand aside and allow these betrayers to die in battle. We must prepare."

The path chosen by my Lord seemed noble and wise. But I had no idea what he was preparing for. Sometimes I got the feeling that my Lord did not completely trust me, or anyone else around him. He seemed to keep much to himself. He was a proud, quiet man. Yet, the confidence and certainty that he conveyed to me quieted my fears about him, or they would have, if any remained. It was not my place to question him. I would simply have to wait and see.

A few years passed, and my Lord tried to heal the rift in Christendom by arbitrating an end to the hostilities between Genoa and Venice, and the Holy Roman Empire and Venice. How long the new pact would last, I did not know. But my Lord seemed to be confident in the results. The Pope had excommunicated Scotland and Ireland for their wars in England, and although my Lord did not seem troubled, I often found him talking about it with the noble generals.

Lord Haakonsson's top advisors reported to him that the Christian minority in Baghdad had been slaughtered by their cruel Muslim overlords, who were a splinter group from mainstream Islam, and did not answer to the Fatmid Caliph. Rumor was that this group intended on destroying all Christians, Jews, Zoroastrians, and any Muslim group that did not support thier tribal warlord, known simply as Malik. My lord asked me to pen a letter to the Pope, calling on him to declare a holy crusade against these villains. Afterward, he told me to assemble his military council. I asked him if we were preparing to go on a crusade to liberate Baghdad. He looked at me with an amused expression on his face, and laughed.

"No," he said. "We must unite Christendom before we can deal with the outlaws of the Middle East. That is a long way off. I trust my allies to the south will take care of them." I was left wondering precisely what my Lord's plans were.


This is all I have so far, but the campaign is half-over. I will be posting screenshots, and the ending will be shocking. Keep an eye on Magnus Haakonsson... he's a lot like me.




On second thought, this content module is surprisingly large, just like me. Oh, never mind.