Obama Can't be President

[Strike For The South]

I'm sure you've heard about this BULL****, where the SUPREME COURT of all people have turned their backs on the TRUTH and decided to let some guy with a name that DOESN'T SOUND VERY AMERICAN TO ME be President.

Well I'd like to see this so called "Supreme Court" stop me and my caps lock key from exposing the truth. Using the pages on the Internet that Google Doesn't Want You To Know About I've uncovered the shocking truth about Obama's secret life! Read on, but be warned that the revelations are so outrageous, that your head's ass might just crap its pants!

April 4th, 1960: Barack Hussein Obama is born in a secret Masonic chapel beneath the streets of Paris. With genetic material scraped from the shroud of Turin and eggs stolen from an unconscious Marilyn Monroe, Obama is carried to term in the womb of a mysterious three headed dog, ancient beyond man's ken. For the first few months of his life he is raised by a shadowy cabal of ancient knights and professional baccart players, who program him with the knowledge he will need to one day destroy America.

Summer 1961: An infant Obama is secretly taken to Hawaii on a submarine powered by free energy.

August 4th, 1961: Barack Obama is "born" in Hawaii.

November 22nd, 1963: Barely three years old, Obama is devastated to hear that his close friend John F Kennedy has been killed. Obama vows to dedicate his life to fighting criminals in their own element, and begins years of audacious martial arts training.

November 9th, 1966: Barack Obama is killed in a car crash while being driven home from day care by his caretaker, Paul McCartney. The tragedy leaves McCartney inconsolable and unable to play music. His bandmates are reluctantly forced to replace him.

November 12th, 1966: Barack Obama is cloned. To make the transition seamless, his fragile new body is accelerated back to the age of six inside of a horrific growth vat powered by children's belief in Santa Claus.

July 20th, 1969: A young Barack Obama wins a Masonic Science Fair project by faking the first landing on the moon using a simple reaction between baking soda and two mice with buzzcuts.

September 1983: As part of his spiritual training, and to please his cruel lord Crom, Obama buries thousands of Atari ET cartridges in the desert.

October 4th, 1985: His training complete, a costumed Barack Obama apprehends his first criminal, television anchorman Dan Rather, who had been terrorizing the city, committing wanton acts of having a liberal media bias. Obama's crime fighting catchphrase "Kenneth! Check these frequent punches! -punch-" is misheard by Rather and then later ruined further by R.E.M. Obama is so disheartened by this that he stops fighting crime, and turns towards politics.

September 13th, 1996: There's one too many Obamas! It turns out the first Obama didn't die during that car crash, and was secreted away by the original Paul McCartney. Together the two had spent the past thirty years living together in a wooden cabin in Idaho, Paul teaching his ward everything he knew about the art of songcraft. In the early nineties the original Obama left his life of seclusion, and begun a meteoric rise up the popular music charts. Upon finding out of this shocking development on the eve of his election to the Illinois Senate, the replacement Obama orchestrates the murder of the original, who is now going by the name Tupac Shakur.

February 12th, 1998: While Googling himself, Obama accidentally misspells his name, comes across the contact details for Osama Bin Laden, and e-mails him on a lark. Amused by the story, Bin Laden agrees to exchange ICQ #'s with the state senator, and the two begin a life long friendship.

September 11th, 2001: Working with his close friend Osama, Obama orchestrates the 9-11 strikes on New York, in a desperate attempt to finish Dan Rather off.

Late 2003: With a Senate seat and potential presidential bid in his future, Obama is forced to curry favor with powerful oil executives. Over the course of the next several months, he sneaks around Southern California under the cover of night, murdering electric cars.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

I pulled this off facebook found it Hi-lar-i-ous

[drone]

September 1983: As part of his spiritual training, and to please his cruel lord Crom, Obama buries thousands of Atari ET cartridges in the desert.

This was the funniest, mainly because it was so random.

Quality post!

[Xiahou]

With genetic material scraped from the shroud of Turin and eggs stolen from an unconscious Marilyn Monroe, Obama is carried to term in the womb of a mysterious three headed dog, ancient beyond man's ken. For the first few months of his life he is raised by a shadowy cabal of ancient knights and professional baccart players, who program him with the knowledge he will need to one day destroy America.

So.... Obama is Serpentor?

[woad&fangs]

Great find. I lol'd

[Husar]

Oh, I have just about the right links for this thread:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1K6RI3fgYlw&NR=1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VvqXrjxjJI

Oh, and just because I always dreamt of the World Government, there are good news:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlRrr4Gpz2E

[LittleGrizzly]

I knew it!

[HoreTore]

So....

How do people feel now that the US has gotten it's first president with big ears?

[Banquo's Ghost]

The corroborating evidence that DevDave (and now Strike) has been right all along was in the stuttering of the oath of office. Clearly, the anti-christ's hand was burning on the bible (the smoke was visible behind).

That, and Obama's true intentions were made clear by Aretha Franklin singing the British National Anthem (just changing the words was a feeble misdirect) and reminding every American of the time when they should have realised they were beaten. The Empire is being invited back, don't you see?

[rory_20_uk]

I think I speak for the majority of Britain when I say we'll happily swop him for Brown if you like.

[Brenus]

Even the French living in England would agree to this.

[Agent Miles]

Don’t mess with BHO. Being this is the 44th President, the most powerful man in the world, and will blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself a question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well do ya, punk?!...Dirty Harry Miles

[Fisherking]

[

The corroborating evidence that DevDave (and now Strike) has been right all along was in the stuttering of the oath of office. Clearly, the anti-christ's hand was burning on the bible (the smoke was visible behind).

That, and Obama's true intentions were made clear by Aretha Franklin singing the British National Anthem (just changing the words was a feeble misdirect) and reminding every American of the time when they should have realised they were beaten. The Empire is being invited back, don't you see?

Don’t let the cat out of the bag!

They don’t know which anthem is which anyway…

You are going to rune the whole thing…then we will have to listen to Alex Jones all over the place warning of the whole plot!

[drone]

[

Don’t let the cat out of the bag!

They don’t know which anthem is which anyway…

You are going to rune the whole thing…then we will have to listen to Alex Jones all over the place warning of the whole plot!

Since he is the chosen one, "God Save the King" would have been appropriate.

[Fisherking]

Since he is the chosen one, "God Save the King" would have been appropriate.

And so it was! The words were changed to protect the idiots, uh innocent!

[drone]

Unfortunately, Sam Smith couldn't find the proper rhyming lyrics to go with the Rule, Brittannia music.

[Gregoshi]

Clearly, the anti-christ's hand was burning on the bible (the smoke was visible behind)...

That, and Obama's true intentions were made clear by Aretha Franklin singing the British National Anthem (just changing the words was a feeble misdirect) and reminding every American of the time when they should have realised they were beaten. The Empire is being invited back, don't you see?

Re: the smoke: I thought the smoke was the sign that a new pope had been selected...

Re: The Empire Invites Back: We had King George for 8 years. Didn't like it much. Thank you very much.

[tibilicus]

Obama associates with terrorists!


Technically true considering the women in the middle has an outstanding warrant for arrest in the UK for involvement with the IRA. Looks like my theory of Obama being part of a world wide conspiracy to bring the world to its knees and establish a New World Order was right!

I also wonder how much Mr Adams had to pay to have his picture taken with Obama. After all he can hardly be on the top list of politicians for Barrack to meet..

[Mooks]

I can believe it.

[Seamus Fermanagh]

Obama associates with terrorists!


Technically true considering the women in the middle has an outstanding warrant for arrest in the UK for involvement with the IRA. Looks like my theory of Obama being part of a world wide conspiracy to bring the world to its knees and establish a New World Order was right!

I also wonder how much Mr Adams had to pay to have his picture taken with Obama. After all he can hardly be on the top list of politicians for Barrack to meet..

Barack is trying to make nice with George Mitchell so that he can dump the mideast on the poor *******. Pictures with past negotiation participants show that Barack appreciates what George has done.

[Lemur]

OMG, Obama has used his zombie-control powers on these people! They want to eat your brain! Braaaaaiiiiiins!