Torture Lawyer Sez: I Can Haz Waterboarding?

[Lemur]

John Yoo, a fat little academic largely notable for writing pro-torture opinions (including the classic President-may-crush-a-child's-testicles argument) repudiated by all men of sense, wrote a lovely op-ed piece for the WSJ in which he claims that torture is teh bomb and that Obama will kill us all:

Eliminating the Bush system will mean that we will get no more information from captured al Qaeda terrorists. Every prisoner will have the right to a lawyer (which they will surely demand), the right to remain silent, and the right to a speedy trial.

So true! So true! Has anyone else noticed how the only way we obtain information is through torture? That's why the police never obtain confessions ever, and why out criminal courts never convict. It's because they don't torture. The FBI's empathetic system of interrogation? Useless!

It is naïve to say, as Mr. Obama did in his inaugural speech, that we can "reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals."

So true! Out Constitution is hopelessly naive, frankly. The first, second, and fifth amendments are all kind of hippie-dippie, while we're at it. Free speech? Pshaw. Arm the populace? What kind of Cuban Revolutionary silliness is that? Ideals exist to be pushed aside when you're feeling nervous. That's their function.

And last but not least, if we get hit again, it's all because the Obama-Antichrist went all soft on torture, which is like a magic pixie dust that protects us at all times until it doesn't.

But in his decisions taken so precipitously just two days after the inauguration, Mr. Obama may have opened the door to further terrorist acts on U.S. soil by shattering some of the nation's most critical defenses.

Why, exactly, isn't this man bring brought up for war crimes? Is it because we're "looking forward," as the various wimps from the Obama administration like to say? Here's a thought -- how about I shoot a guy on the street, and then argue in my trial that it's time to look forward, not back. That would be morally equivalent.

Another take on Torture Boy's self-adulating editorial.

[Vladimir]

What's with all the lolz catz thread titles?

Teh torture:

On the advice of his intelligence advisers, the president could have authorized coercive interrogation methods like those used by Israel and Great Britain in their antiterrorism campaigns. (He could even authorize waterboarding, which he did three times in the years after 9/11.)

Wow, three times huh?

[naut]

Muppet.

[KukriKhan]

The question Mr. Obama should have asked right after the inaugural parade was: What will happen after we capture the next Khalid Sheikh Mohammed or Abu Zubaydah? Instead, he took action without a meeting of his full national security staff, and without a legal review of all the policy options available to meet the threats facing our country.

How does he know that? That such meeting/review did not take place?

Because they didn't invite him?

...Mr. Obama may have opened the door to further terrorist acts on U.S. soil...

Getting his bid in now for an "I TOLD YOU SO!" moment, anywhere down the line.

I'm just stunned this guy came out of Berkeley.

[Tribesman]

Wow, three times huh?

Wow 3 times , that means he is a habitual so its life in prison without parole

[Lemur]

Wow, three times huh?

Yeah, I'm really sure that only three people were tortured during the entire "enhanced interrogation techniques" program. I'm sure that's why about 100 detainees have died, and "according to the U.S. military’s own classifications, 34 of these cases are suspected or confirmed homicides."

Upon re-reading the WSJ piece, it's increasingly clear that Yoo is concerned about going to jail. If I were in his shoes, I certainly wouldn't vacation in Europe anytime soon.

[InsaneApache]

On the advice of his intelligence advisers, the president could have authorized coercive interrogation methods like those used by Israel and Great Britain in their antiterrorism campaigns. (He could even authorize waterboarding, which he did three times in the years after 9/11.)

That would be the sensory deprivation tank/white noise thingy then. It didn't do the UK all that good. Along with locking people up without charge or due process, all it did was help the Republican cause by acting as a recruiting sergeant. When will these whackos ever learn that torture is counter- productive?

[HoreTore]

When will these whackos ever learn that torture is counter- productive?

Well, we've known it since the Romans.... I'd give "the challenged people" a couple of thousand years more.

What's more, is that the reasoning used to justify this, is that they are terrorists... Uhm... Yes, that's why Bush has released a bunch of them, not because a lot of them were completely innocent. It's a good thing we always trust our government to be both prosecutor, judge and jury!

Separation of power? Get a job, lousy hippie!!

EDIT: Oh, and I nominate the OP for Post of the Year. Well done, Lemur!

[drone]

Yoo and Addington definitely need to take a trip to Europe.

I'm just stunned this guy came out of Berkeley.

His law degree is from Yale, BA from Harvard. He just works at Berkeley. I guess the truly amazing thing is that they gave him a job there. He must be really popular in that town.

[naut]

That would be the sensory deprivation tank/white noise thingy then.

Yep. Not something anyone would want to experience, but no doubt better (if torture, can ever really be better) than the R2I methods often used by US forces.

[Ironside]

That would be the sensory deprivation tank/white noise thingy then. It didn't do the UK all that good. Along with locking people up without charge or due process, all it did was help the Republican cause by acting as a recruiting sergeant. When will these whackos ever learn that torture is counter- productive?

Counterproductive? Name any other method that gives 100% signation of these pre-written confessions and prove my value on capturing a lot of terrorists and also without any innocent captures. It is also a fine, proven method to convince American soldiers about the evils of capitalism and the true glory of communism.

Now if you excuse me, it's pretty obvious that Mr. Yoo is in fact a terrorists, working for Iran, North Korea, Colombia, Cuba, China, Russia and a few others we haven't figured out yet. But fear not brave Americans, soon we will have Mr. Yoo's written confession on the matter and will also unwind the net which he's the spider in, threatening the freedom of USA.

[Pannonian]

Counterproductive? Name any other method that gives 100% signation of these pre-written confessions and prove my value on capturing a lot of terrorists and also without any innocent captures. It is also a fine, proven method to convince American soldiers about the evils of capitalism and the true glory of communism.

Now if you excuse me, it's pretty obvious that Mr. Yoo is in fact a terrorists, working for Iran, North Korea, Colombia, Cuba, China, Russia and a few others we haven't figured out yet. But fear not brave Americans, soon we will have Mr. Yoo's written confession on the matter and will also unwind the net which he's the spider in, threatening the freedom of USA.

While they're at it, can they nail him for the Jack the Ripper murders as well?

[InsaneApache]

Counterproductive? Name any other method that gives 100% signation of these pre-written confessions and prove my value on capturing a lot of terrorists and also without any innocent captures. It is also a fine, proven method to convince American soldiers about the evils of capitalism and the true glory of communism.

Now if you excuse me, it's pretty obvious that Mr. Yoo is in fact a terrorists, working for Iran, North Korea, Colombia, Cuba, China, Russia and a few others we haven't figured out yet. But fear not brave Americans, soon we will have Mr. Yoo's written confession on the matter and will also unwind the net which he's the spider in, threatening the freedom of USA.

Brainwashing not torture. Although a moot point.