High kings of the Mountains:A Hayasdan AAR

[Karo]

I'm going to write an AAR about Hayastan. And my house rules are diffrent because I'm going to follow one general and tell about him and his battles and a little about the rest of the kingdom will be told. housrules:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

1. fight evrey battle
2.No cheating except toggle_fow
3.role play
4.And have alot of fun

Intro

Our story begins after the failed battle near Antioch. That day the hay forces were beaten and broken. Our kingdom is in danger; there is no force that could retaliate a Seleucid attack. There was only one solution to this problem. We must sign a cease fire with our enemies. It’s hard to acknowledge defeat but it’s the only thing we can do for now. We’ll make peace and start trade with them; while they are fighting other enemies we will grow stronger and attack them on our own terms. And there’s also another reason why we need peace. The Persian kingdom of Pontos in the West is rich but very weak. They thought that while we were fighting those Hellenics our lands would be defenseless. But they have seen their mistake, when their only army was destroyed near Trapezous. Now their lands are almost defenseless. When our army is reinforced and our ranks filled with new soldiers. We will go and arise their kingdom from the pages of history. The glory days of the Persians were gone when Alexander destroyed their empire. Their days in freedom will be gone when our armies march in too their lands. When Pontos is gone we will be a regional power in Asia-Minor. My father needs the approval of the council o give the marching order. Many of the council members live in the mountains outside of Hay land and have blood ties with Pontos. All those new nakharars have too much power. When my father conquered those lands he made one mistake, he didn’t install a strong central power linked to Armavir. But things are changing now, the last time I was in Armavir I was a young man under the command of my father. But now I’m the Avag Sepuh, crown prince, to the throne of Hayastan. My father is not planning to join the council of nobles and will stay in Karkathiokerta. The last meetings, since the start of the offensive, have the azads fought against every war measure my father tried to make. But this time it will be different, every Azad and nakharar from Hayastan, Pokhr-Hayk and Sophene are attending the meeting and they will support my decisions. The army will be retrained and ready to invade Pontos and with support of the army the king will get absolute power. Than a central government will be installed in Armavir.

I'll post the first chapter in the weekend. Hope you guys enjoy it and give a feedback.

[Arsen of Arax]

It looks awesome Karo, cant wait for the first chapter!!!
For Hayasdan!!! :D

[Hooahguy]

screens would help ;-)

[Karo]

pics will be aded tommorow and maybe the first chapter will be released.

[PershsNhpios]

Whilst chewing philosophically upon an apple, thus my right arm engaged in action and being unable to type, but leaving my left arm to browse the forum, I found this.
And, my advice for you on this, which is the thing of greatest necessity if you are going to attract a reader is;
please include paragraphs.

Be generous in your use of the Enter key, at the end of every long sentence, give it a bash.
It makes a gap in the line of text and the reader does not need to concentrate so severely on the writing.

Aside from this, your main priority should be not screenshots, if you do not want this to have the same appeal as a picture book, but quality and fluency of your English skills!
Too many authors here realise that their efforts to write are frivolous, and so often create a confusingly great traffic of pictures.

Add some, but people should not need to see the name of your general printed in a screenshot - if you have written it here yourself!

This is what I tried to show in my own AAR, which perished due to a "CTD" before I could find whether it truly provoked interest.
But remember to edit and correct your sentences and storyline with great care, and leave screenshots for important occassions.

[Karo]

My screenshots are only from a battle and they are included after the battle is descriped and sorry for my english not my native language. And I'll use enter alot mor in the first chapter.