Why USA will rejoin the British Empire

[PowerWizard]

It's very old - at the very least back to 2000 (circulated after President Bush's election) and I'm sure I saw a variant a long time before that.

It can't be from 2000, since it mentions Gordon Brown, who assumed office in 2007.

There's an American reply too, and I've seen a formal response as written by the French (re-asserting sovereignty over England because they let a Welshman onto the throne). I'll see if I can find the latter, which is guaranteed to wind up the English.

Let's hear it.

[drone]

It can't be from 2000, since it mentions Gordon Brown, who assumed office in 2007.

That's why he said variant. It's been around for a while.

In view of your failure to elect a competent President and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

This is the clue, it's from Bush 43, either v1.0 or v2.0.

[PowerWizard]

Are you assuming Obama is a competent president? What do you base your claim upon?

[Hooahguy]

[PowerWizard]

10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

Oh and looks like point 10 needs not to be implemented, as US car industry is already collapsing. I'm not happy with it though, as some of my favourite models are made there.

[InsaneApache]

It's true, it's from nearly a decade ago, just after shrub was elected the first time. As for the French taking over the UK. Please do. You could start with taking Brown back to Paris in chains. He'd look great being paraded down the champs elesus.

[Louis VI the Fat]

France! Oh France!

Fear not! We shall guard the honour of virgin America against all of Albion's perfidious schemes!



Allegory of France shielding her young innocent sister America.

As for the French taking over the UK. Please do. You could start with taking Brown back to Paris in chains.

Mon dieu! We would never interfere in British politics in this vile manner! As far as we are concerned, Brown's staying firmly put.

[Beskar]

It's true, it's from nearly a decade ago, just after shrub was elected the first time. As for the French taking over the UK. Please do. You could start with taking Brown back to Paris in chains. He'd look great being paraded down the champs elesus.

Don't remind everyone of Gordon Brown and Obama beach.

What was the worse, the Germans got a silent respect in Normandy while Gordon Brown was boo'd by the veterans... when you are getting a far worse reception than the Germans at Normandy as the British Prime-Minister, then something must be wrong.

[drone]

Are you assuming Obama is a competent president? What do you base your claim upon?

It doesn't matter if I think that or not. I seriously doubt that "John Cleese" would start a letter with those words after the election of a Democrat as our President. The letter is being re-used, with slight alterations to make it more modern.

[PowerWizard]

It doesn't matter if I think that or not. I seriously doubt that "John Cleese" would start a letter with those words after the election of a Democrat as our President. The letter is being re-used, with slight alterations to make it more modern.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poisoning_the_well

[drone]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poisoning_the_well

[PowerWizard]

Not_funny

I thought you Brits cared for us

That's it!

France! Oh France! We didn't really mean to rename your beautiful fries and toast.

Ich bin kein Englander.

[KarlXII]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poisoning_the_well

Not_funny

I thought you Brits cared for us

That's it!

France! Oh France! We didn't really mean to rename your beautiful fries and toast.

[Hosakawa Tito]

According to snopes, Cleese didn't write the piece but I bet he would delivery it very well. Here's one rebuttal I found and edited ever so slightly.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Notice of the Annexation of the former United Kingdom
It is terribly embarrassing to admit that the majority of us Americans only recently realized that Britain isn't actually a Dependancy of the United States of America. It seems that despite the majority opinion to the contrary, the British Isles were not, in fact, appropriated along with Australia and New Zealand after President Lincoln put down the rebellion of accented English speakers.
Nevertheless, we Americans wish to correct our oversight before we become distracted by something else on the television. Thus, we have comprised a list of minor changes intended to bring about the 'Americanization' of the former United Kingdom:
1. Having a Queen is so 18th Century- oh, and strictly unconstitutional. So we suggest that Her Former Majesty take up the occupation for which she is immanently more qualified: -slapping politicians that are too full of themselves. By the way, when she gets done setting the Isles straight, we could use her in DC.
2. As fun as powdered wigs are, lawyers and magistrates will no longer be required to wear them. However, as it is easier to shoot a lawyer on site if one can easily identify one, we suggest that lawyers continue this tradition voluntarily.
3. The Church of England will be re-organized as the Church of Global Warming.
4. The Stamp Act will be replaced by all the federal taxes you've been skipping out on since the 1860's. We'd send you a copy of the tax code, but Federal Express doesn't own a ship big enough to carry it.
5. The former United Kingdom will reinstate the Standard system of measurement. Mostly because Americans don't know if 32 deg. C is suppposed to be hot or cold.
6. Until further notice, American slang will be in full force throughout the Isles. Therefore, the scantily clad young female will not be referred to as the "bird", but rather the "hot chick". Cigarettes will be referred to as "smokes", not "fags". Violators will be flipped the "bird". Oh yeah, and you will learn to say "ain't".
7. That silly game with the wooden paddle will be replaced by the American sport of baseball. And since, by and large, we Americans do not like the people in Massachusetts, you can have the Boston Red Sox slot in the league. They don't know how to play baseball anyways.
8. In order to preserve the Union for future generations, all politicians will now be required to earn a passing grade from the Tony Blair Academy of Public Speaking before taking office.
9. The Right Honourable The Lords Spiritual and Temporal in Parliament Assembled shall be replaced by The Assembly Of Dudes That Talk Funny. The Assembly Of Dudes That Talk Funny will not be invested with the traditional legislative powers of parliament, however the policy of the two drink minimum will be retained.
10. Using America as a template, all the former duties and powers of parliament will now rest with the Reformed Secret Brotherhood of Stonecutters, and the Third International Guild of Public Service Workers until such time that the citizenry actually bothers to read the Constitution.
11. We'll tell you who killed JFK only after you apologize for the Tele-tubbies.
12. And finally, in order to ensure that the degradation of the former United Kingdom keeps pace with that of the rest of the United States of America, the BBC monopoly shall be broken so that you too may suffer from American Idol, Survivor, and whatever TV broadcast Rosie O'Donnell ends up on.