Advice on an akward situation

[Beskar]

I am guessing his wife doesn't know about the affair, or does she?

[Ramses II CP]

I am guessing his wife doesn't know about the affair, or does she?

I don't know, I never met his wife. I know she has the kid and they're in a state far away, which might tend to make anybody a little crazy.

I have been considering reporting him coming through the neighborhood to the police, but the second time I caught his eye and he just nodded his head. I do wonder if bringing the police in might not trigger him to escalate matters. He is a gun owner, heck, practically everyone is here (I am as well) but I genuinely don't want believe it would come to that point. The man has a son who has played with my daughter. I've shaken his hand and looked in his eyes. If he's planning to be that crazy all I can do is wait and respond in kind.

I can definitely say I don't have enough grounds for a restraining order, and if by some chance he lives in the neighborhood, or is staying with someone here, it couldn't possibly do any good anyway.

I appreciate all your advice, I truly need some outside perspective on the situation.

[Centurio Nixalsverdrus]

Woah, what a psychological mess this situation...

So all the bad things started when you told her what you think of her dating this guy? OK maybe that was a bit too close to her personal attitude, but I generally don't get why most people don't seem to be able to appreciate someone who's actually telling them what they truely think instead of just yessing them. And then she must have told the guy some really weird story. I think most of the weird stories that women tipically make up contain some kind of stalking, the reason being that it will mostly have the desired effect... But that doesn't help you atm.

So it's up to your personal feeling towards the situation. Is he really threatening you? Or is it just coincidence that he drives along there, and you just think he would be threatening you because of his really awkward behaviour on that occasion?

I say show him that you noticed him and other than that, leave him alone. Watch the development of things closely and contact an able lawyer if necessary. To my understanding there won't be much the police could do. Oh and ask your mutual friends if the guy lives around your place or has business there, to clarify things (don't mention your suspect of course).

[Sigurd]

If thy right hand offend thee, cut it off.

You should have cut that woman out of you life when it began to sour way back when. You or your family don't need this burden.

I have started to cut stuff from my life which have bugged me for years. I.e. out-of work positions, voluntary stuff. Anything that puts a weight on your shoulders which do not involve your livelihood (income) or your close family are really just unwanted burdens. You don't need them and they will only shorten your life.

[Yun Dog]

If thy right hand offend thee, cut it off.

You should have cut that woman out of you life when it began to sour way back when. You or your family don't need this burden.

I have started to cut stuff from my life which have bugged me for years. I.e. out-of work positions, voluntary stuff. Anything that puts a weight on your shoulders which do not involve your livelihood (income) or your close family are really just unwanted burdens. You don't need them and they will only shorten your life.

yes

Dude,

Honestly shes told this guy a whole heap of poison about you, and hes trying to be the BIG man. pfft

Never contact her, him or the sister by email , text or otherwise ever again

after all what was his big demand - stop stalking - Im not saying you are, but crazy wierd insecure people can interpret any contact in wierd ways - dont give them an excuse

if you cut all contact - and you see the guy near your house call the cops - its not illeagal for dudes to drive around a neighbourhood

problem solved

if he comes on your land - blow him away - if you think you can

the family must be protected from your poor choice in friends

personally Im very choosy about who is allowed inside the inner circle of my home and loved ones

[edit] you shoulda cut her loose as soon as the mariage disintergrated - cause whos to say what sort of trash the cat will drag in - I mean my first thought reading your story was she brings back some guy who starts fiddling with the girls - you know uncle jo whos a bit too firendly with the children - you cant allow strangers within the personal contact of your family dude full stop

[SwordsMaster]

I'd say wait and see. If it's an option, maybe take a holiday with the family a bit further down the line, and see if there are developments on your return, but definitely break off contact with the whole opposite team, they have so many issues you just don't want to prod that bear...

I don't think you have grounds for legal action, unless he threatened you in front of witnesses which i assume is not the case, so just keep your eyes open, make your wife (slightly) aware of the situation (you don't want to freak her out and keep kids on a leash either...) Pity on the kids though. I guess there's always a new generation of gamblers and alcoholics.

[OverKnight]

Ugh. . .It's a shame that this has effected your child's friendship with the other children. However, I'd have to second the whole cut ties completely suggestion.

You tried to help this woman and her children, but now she wants you and your family not to have contact. It sounds like she has made some poor choices, and unfortunately dragged her kids into it, but until those kids are 18, emancipated minors, the Father gets custody or DSS intervenes, she has final say in their affairs.

As someone else said, it sounds like "Iron-grip" is trying to be the new adulterous alpha-male. Another poor decision, but there's not much to be done on your end. You have to place the safety of your own family first. So respect the other family's wishes, even if they did it in a stupid and ignorant way, and cut them out completely.

As for "Iron-grip" cruising your neighborhood, it could be coincidence. Unless he directly threatens you or your family again or comes onto your property there isn't grounds for police involvement. But if you ever do feel threatened, I'd listen to your instincts and call the police. Better to err on the side of caution.

You could consult with a lawyer to see what would meet the requirements for a restraining order or police involvement.

If you and your family do see them in public again, I'd just nod politely and move on.