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Well, maybe when you read the title, you will think : "What the hell this Cute Wolf doing again?"
and you shouldn't be surprised that this campaign is really a ridiculous and you'll find that I've must made heavy change to the EDB recruitment, as well as insane teleporting. Just don't be shocked because this campaign is somewhat a SEQUEL to my previous AAR (The Proloque is the end text of my Kart-Hadast AAR, and explain everything, why I delibrately put no comment texts in the last chapter....
, of course, moar Alien, Pikachu, and Some mind twisting stories is included!!!)
https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?t=122747
That's it, this text is just an introduction, just sit back and relax, and don't forget.... to wear your helmet, there is a lot of Projectile at the air......
and you shouldn't be surprised that this campaign is really a ridiculous and you'll find that I've must made heavy change to the EDB recruitment, as well as insane teleporting. Just don't be shocked because this campaign is somewhat a SEQUEL to my previous AAR (The Proloque is the end text of my Kart-Hadast AAR, and explain everything, why I delibrately put no comment texts in the last chapter....
, of course, moar Alien, Pikachu, and Some mind twisting stories is included!!!)https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?t=122747
That's it, this text is just an introduction, just sit back and relax, and don't forget.... to wear your helmet, there is a lot of Projectile at the air......
This is promising...
Originally Posted by :
"What the hell this Cute Wolf doing again?"
A typical response of your previous AAR reader, knowing your twisted yet totally funny AAR, that has some contraindication effects, as reading your AAR can turn a sane mind into twistedd with LOL, ROFL, or LMFAO!"What the hell this Cute Wolf doing again?"
EDIT : Update this AAR quick you lazy wolf! Ohh... a sequel on previous timeline? or this was a prequel?
I'll be following this. Cute Wolf is master of the loolz 
~Fluvius
Introduction : The Saka - Jewish Army Mix
Before I wrote the Proloque, I think it was fit to introduce the army composition first.... It was weird mix of somewhat "Historically Justifiable" units comprised of Saka Pastoralism units, mixed with some Judean "would be historical" units. And a bit story, why they got such kind of Armies.
===============================================================
So, all is start with God, get angry from all the Pikachu worshipping and Drunken orgies that Jebivjetar and Skullheadhq done after burning Barbaropolis, God decide to thrown them into his allmighty time vortex, originally made so they could take part in proper Crusade, and fighting these kind of men:
as this kind of warriors... Kiilling Spartans all their way.... because the spartans was the biggest smoking pot after the Phoenicians, which was rendered so stupid at this time, and hell, the Jebivjetar's bodyguards at his previous misadventure is Spartaaaaaaaaannnsss!!!! Yes? So God decide to test them...
Apparently, God was bored, and began to make bets with Satan. Satan ended up winning one of these bets, and was granted the ability to go to earth for one day. He ended up appearing right bellow Pikachu, and after kicking his ass, convinced Pikachu to sell his soul in exchange for great power (that explains everythin why Pikachu was a baal, yes?). Pikachu accepted. How could he... Or she!? He or shegot hella awesome powers, and was able to defy the rules set by the gameboy game, zap anything, even ground type cheese! (A technique that had previously been mastered only by Missing No) Therefore, Pikachu's rise to fame is not because of acting, but because of Satan....and God. After all, how else could Pokemon have become so popular? As Skullheadhq still grab Pikachu's tail, and Pikachu start to glow and transformed itself to this kind of creatures (not raichu... but... God wills it....)
CHUUUUUU!!!!! (Using Kamehameha Volt Tackle)
So they land into a barren land of Steppe.... in front of the town of Chighu... back again at 272 BC where the local Saka nobles gladly welcomed them, but after they start selling their weeds, the Saka nobles just laugh and said their Haoma is waaaayyyy better..... So they start a gigantic drunken party, attended by almost ALL Saka nomadic tribes anyway.
And as the result (of usual ways), God (knowing Pikachu's intent to escape his punishment), quickly zap them into the levantine area (hell, that's why the Saka got their way into Levant all the way)
With the recent arrival of Saka nomads to the land of Levantine (who was sucked as the collateral damage from a wormhole created by God, to transport Jebivjetar and Skullheadhq all the way), they are cheerfully greeted by local Jewish rebel forces... who apparently get some messages by God, that their Liberation time has come, and so, with Jebivjetar said that they are sent to help them end the Ptolemaic and Seleukid tyrany all the way... He was hailed as their new general from the land north of babylonia....
So these are their army composition:
Eranshar Arthsbara
Hundreds of years spent at Diaspora, made the Jewish army usually formed these men as militia forces, armed with what they've learned on Babylonian, and Persian soil.. yeah, the most untrained militias of them fought as cheap and yet still realible archer-spearmen forces.
Sakai Payai Dunai
Heck, the Saka nomads also found some jobs there, as they are supperior foot archers, capable to shoot into unbelievably long range, as well as decimating most pantodapoi horde in a matter of minutes.
Qalaim Banjaminim
Bible said that they can launch their stones soo precisely into a width of hair.... yeah... They are the elite missile troops that found their way to supplement what the Saka archers lack, A Solid armour piercing stones! so say goodbye to your Hetairoi bodyguards ptolies... as they had no shield and will get death in droves by those boys.
Iudaioi Hoplitai
Militia drawn from heavily hellenized (and some Hellen / Makedonian descendants found at the time, these men fought in a manner of proper hoplite, albeit with lighter equipments than their Proper Hellas counterpart. They are fast, and capable to kick most of their enemy's ass... or at least hold them in really long time, giving more time for their better armed, and angrier comrades to finish their jobs.
Iudaioi Peltastai
Having fought hellenes who using skirmishing tactics, these men immitate them and ready to sent their enemies dead with their javelins. Of course, they wear lighter armour than their hellenic counterparts, but heck, what did an extra axe and extra numbers couldn't do against those guys?
Hyestevallau
Well, these too settled saka are employed as saka spearmen, but they aren't used widely this time (because Judean Infantry are waaaayyyy better, and cheaper, than they), so these nomadic boys are better fought as riders.
Iudaioi Xippherai
The mainstay of proper Judean army, made by a lot of somewhat well trained and experienced men armed with swords and javelins, trained to fight in fierce individual hand to hand combat, and ready to slice their enemies into bits. Afterall, they had swords, and swords are a way cooler weapons than spears, so they are still happy to wear just a thin cloth and helmet, as long as they had swords to shown. Yeah, swordsmen FTW!!!
Iudaioi Taxeis
These are the Judean men enrolled in AS and Ptolies army as good garrison troops, and quite well armoured. And for more, they are proper spearmen, and waayyy better than saka spearmen. Because we have swordsmen, they won't be too many as staple in the proper army, but at least they could hold a phalanx in guard mode, and have javelins! So they are still important units afterall, and the only one who could properly said "Iudaioi Taxeis!!!" - apparently, other unit speak non - judean tongue in battle.
Aysa Badrai
Hey, this nomad who was carried into this mess is Saka nomads, don't be surprised if they muster a lot of these riders, once they got a better economy... hey, they are also some jews enrolled inside? don't worry, afterall, they still a good riders and can kick hellenic ass quite good.
Iudaioi Prodromoi
If the prodromoi are considered light melee cavalry, than these Jewish cavalry are lightest of the light, but they carry sagaris battle axes, borrowed from their Saka friends. Of course, they are good chargin cavalry, and will found that most phalangitai still hate their charge when it comes to their back....
Iudaioi Phalangitaii
The Ptolies' practice to give some Iudaios a klerouch result in these boys. Very well trained as phalangitai, they can give good account of them in battle. Their only side effects are their expensiveness, and they are some kind a snobbish, and didn't had the true crussader spirit as their comrades do (well, standing in a formation and waiting your enemies comes to suicide themself on sarissa are not the same when you draw your sword and screams "DEUS LO VULT!!!!" and kick your enemy's ass.
Generic Noble Cavalry
Just better armed cavalry, that's it.... and they are just elite mounted archers... what's more?
Iudaioi Xystophoroi
What? They aren't Saka nobles? Well, the Judean nobility are fond to immitate their Saka friends, and start to become a mix of Katas and Horse archers, of course they are extremely good to kick anyone's ass, except phalangitai from the front.
Ysaninu Aysiramja
Well, no proper nomad tribe ever wage war in a far away land without carryin some Katas.... These are the ultimate katas available!!!
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
Before I wrote the Proloque, I think it was fit to introduce the army composition first.... It was weird mix of somewhat "Historically Justifiable" units comprised of Saka Pastoralism units, mixed with some Judean "would be historical" units. And a bit story, why they got such kind of Armies.
===============================================================
So, all is start with God, get angry from all the Pikachu worshipping and Drunken orgies that Jebivjetar and Skullheadhq done after burning Barbaropolis, God decide to thrown them into his allmighty time vortex, originally made so they could take part in proper Crusade, and fighting these kind of men:
as this kind of warriors... Kiilling Spartans all their way.... because the spartans was the biggest smoking pot after the Phoenicians, which was rendered so stupid at this time, and hell, the Jebivjetar's bodyguards at his previous misadventure is Spartaaaaaaaaannnsss!!!! Yes? So God decide to test them...
Apparently, God was bored, and began to make bets with Satan. Satan ended up winning one of these bets, and was granted the ability to go to earth for one day. He ended up appearing right bellow Pikachu, and after kicking his ass, convinced Pikachu to sell his soul in exchange for great power (that explains everythin why Pikachu was a baal, yes?). Pikachu accepted. How could he... Or she!? He or shegot hella awesome powers, and was able to defy the rules set by the gameboy game, zap anything, even ground type cheese! (A technique that had previously been mastered only by Missing No) Therefore, Pikachu's rise to fame is not because of acting, but because of Satan....and God. After all, how else could Pokemon have become so popular? As Skullheadhq still grab Pikachu's tail, and Pikachu start to glow and transformed itself to this kind of creatures (not raichu... but... God wills it....)
CHUUUUUU!!!!! (Using Kamehameha Volt Tackle)
So they land into a barren land of Steppe.... in front of the town of Chighu... back again at 272 BC where the local Saka nobles gladly welcomed them, but after they start selling their weeds, the Saka nobles just laugh and said their Haoma is waaaayyyy better..... So they start a gigantic drunken party, attended by almost ALL Saka nomadic tribes anyway.
And as the result (of usual ways), God (knowing Pikachu's intent to escape his punishment), quickly zap them into the levantine area (hell, that's why the Saka got their way into Levant all the way)
With the recent arrival of Saka nomads to the land of Levantine (who was sucked as the collateral damage from a wormhole created by God, to transport Jebivjetar and Skullheadhq all the way), they are cheerfully greeted by local Jewish rebel forces... who apparently get some messages by God, that their Liberation time has come, and so, with Jebivjetar said that they are sent to help them end the Ptolemaic and Seleukid tyrany all the way... He was hailed as their new general from the land north of babylonia....
So these are their army composition:
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
Eranshar Arthsbara
Hundreds of years spent at Diaspora, made the Jewish army usually formed these men as militia forces, armed with what they've learned on Babylonian, and Persian soil.. yeah, the most untrained militias of them fought as cheap and yet still realible archer-spearmen forces.
Sakai Payai Dunai
Heck, the Saka nomads also found some jobs there, as they are supperior foot archers, capable to shoot into unbelievably long range, as well as decimating most pantodapoi horde in a matter of minutes.
Qalaim Banjaminim
Bible said that they can launch their stones soo precisely into a width of hair.... yeah... They are the elite missile troops that found their way to supplement what the Saka archers lack, A Solid armour piercing stones! so say goodbye to your Hetairoi bodyguards ptolies... as they had no shield and will get death in droves by those boys.
Iudaioi Hoplitai
Militia drawn from heavily hellenized (and some Hellen / Makedonian descendants found at the time, these men fought in a manner of proper hoplite, albeit with lighter equipments than their Proper Hellas counterpart. They are fast, and capable to kick most of their enemy's ass... or at least hold them in really long time, giving more time for their better armed, and angrier comrades to finish their jobs.
Iudaioi Peltastai
Having fought hellenes who using skirmishing tactics, these men immitate them and ready to sent their enemies dead with their javelins. Of course, they wear lighter armour than their hellenic counterparts, but heck, what did an extra axe and extra numbers couldn't do against those guys?
Hyestevallau
Well, these too settled saka are employed as saka spearmen, but they aren't used widely this time (because Judean Infantry are waaaayyyy better, and cheaper, than they), so these nomadic boys are better fought as riders.
Iudaioi Xippherai
The mainstay of proper Judean army, made by a lot of somewhat well trained and experienced men armed with swords and javelins, trained to fight in fierce individual hand to hand combat, and ready to slice their enemies into bits. Afterall, they had swords, and swords are a way cooler weapons than spears, so they are still happy to wear just a thin cloth and helmet, as long as they had swords to shown. Yeah, swordsmen FTW!!!
Iudaioi Taxeis
These are the Judean men enrolled in AS and Ptolies army as good garrison troops, and quite well armoured. And for more, they are proper spearmen, and waayyy better than saka spearmen. Because we have swordsmen, they won't be too many as staple in the proper army, but at least they could hold a phalanx in guard mode, and have javelins! So they are still important units afterall, and the only one who could properly said "Iudaioi Taxeis!!!" - apparently, other unit speak non - judean tongue in battle.
Aysa Badrai
Hey, this nomad who was carried into this mess is Saka nomads, don't be surprised if they muster a lot of these riders, once they got a better economy... hey, they are also some jews enrolled inside? don't worry, afterall, they still a good riders and can kick hellenic ass quite good.
Iudaioi Prodromoi
If the prodromoi are considered light melee cavalry, than these Jewish cavalry are lightest of the light, but they carry sagaris battle axes, borrowed from their Saka friends. Of course, they are good chargin cavalry, and will found that most phalangitai still hate their charge when it comes to their back....
Iudaioi Phalangitaii
The Ptolies' practice to give some Iudaios a klerouch result in these boys. Very well trained as phalangitai, they can give good account of them in battle. Their only side effects are their expensiveness, and they are some kind a snobbish, and didn't had the true crussader spirit as their comrades do (well, standing in a formation and waiting your enemies comes to suicide themself on sarissa are not the same when you draw your sword and screams "DEUS LO VULT!!!!" and kick your enemy's ass.
Generic Noble Cavalry
Just better armed cavalry, that's it.... and they are just elite mounted archers... what's more?
Iudaioi Xystophoroi
What? They aren't Saka nobles? Well, the Judean nobility are fond to immitate their Saka friends, and start to become a mix of Katas and Horse archers, of course they are extremely good to kick anyone's ass, except phalangitai from the front.
Ysaninu Aysiramja
Well, no proper nomad tribe ever wage war in a far away land without carryin some Katas.... These are the ultimate katas available!!!
maybe you've been watching too much of my Spartan Posts
THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Whoa,
I'll be following this
Roman Salute
~Sev
THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Whoa,
I'll be following this
Roman Salute
~Sev
Well, well, arent you the creaziest dude i have seen?. Great! i´ll follow this too.
I'm eagerly awaiting the next post. that goku-picachu made me laugh 
btw. how much time you've prepared the .EDU?
How could you reskin the Iudaioi Taxeis? It was different from the usual Iudaioi taxeis skins......
Nice see the Saka fought alongside the Jews, did they fight with Saby'n and Palestinians too? I hope you didn't made a Palestine bashing AAR this time, or face my wrath 
Nice see the Saka fought alongside the Jews, did they fight with Saby'n and Palestinians too?
I hope you didn't made a Palestine bashing AAR this time, or face my wrath Originally Posted by Gaius Septimus Severus:
maybe you've been watching too much of my Spartan Posts
THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Whoa,
I'll be following this
Roman Salute
~Sev
You can expect my army there burning Barbaropolis again in some point maybe you've been watching too much of my Spartan Posts
THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Whoa,
I'll be following this
Roman Salute
~Sev
Allthough I want to kick Ptolies' ass first, and doing something wrong with my campaign.... Originally Posted by Hotseat_User:
I'm eagerly awaiting the next post. that goku-picachu made me laugh
btw. how much time you've prepared the .EDU?
I only add "pontus" - internal name of Saka, ownership to some units in my SP EDU, and modify some points in EDB, so they are trainable in nomadic settlements, and unlock the Spatahaura hadabara (and another cavalry in Elite Herds. I'm eagerly awaiting the next post. that goku-picachu made me laugh btw. how much time you've prepared the .EDU?
Originally Posted by Sonic:
How could you reskin the Iudaioi Taxeis? It was different from the usual Iudaioi taxeis skins......
Nice see the Saka fought alongside the Jews, did they fight with Saby'n and Palestinians too? I hope you didn't made a Palestine bashing AAR this time, or face my wrath
This was slave (mercenary) texture of Iudaioi Taxeis....How could you reskin the Iudaioi Taxeis? It was different from the usual Iudaioi taxeis skins......
Nice see the Saka fought alongside the Jews, did they fight with Saby'n and Palestinians too?
I hope you didn't made a Palestine bashing AAR this time, or face my wrath Well, I did mention Arab-Israel conflicts, in some joke then, but I didn't specifically doing something with them... This AAR is a neutral toward today's issue, and you can expect more like medieval crusade happened too early.....
Originally Posted by :
You can expect my army there burning Barbaropolis again in some point Allthough I want to kick Ptolies' ass first, and doing something wrong with my campaign....
well, Sparta will be much harder to conquer , due to their sperb-warroirs, and home of the heroes of Thermopylae, and also, the sons of Heracels...You can expect my army there burning Barbaropolis again in some point Allthough I want to kick Ptolies' ass first, and doing something wrong with my campaign....
Saka are really awesome...
Gonna take me a long time to get to Jerusalem... still in the steppes dammit!
Gonna take me a long time to get to Jerusalem... still in the steppes dammit!
Proloque : Jerusalem Point of View
The Rebellion of Jerusalem
But, they are certain now, that one little push, and they will gain their precious little freedom again, as they have gathered a huge jewish rebel army, and the Ptolemaids are neglecting their defense, having their bulk of army sent to conquer Antiocheia. Certainly, this opportunity is a gift from God, and it must be used with uttermost care. They had besiege Jerusalem for one year, forcing the Greek colonists who are hostile at them starve to death. Just this morning, Hobuzan give an ultimatum for the Greeks inside their last stronghold in Jerusalem, they should be surrender and let the Jewish rebel take this town peacefully, and their life will be spared, but, certain Jewish collaborationist forces that also trapped inside the city, still hope that their Ptolemaic overlords will sent a reinforcements to relieve them...
So, the Ptolemaic Garrison of Jerusalem start to sally for their life....
Our force had total numerical advantage, about 15000 young men, stand ready to fight, and lay down their life for the glory of the Judean people! While the Ptolemaic garrison only had less than 6000 starving soldiers, mostly poor quality soldiers, but a some elite Thessalian Hippies also present at the scene... we must careful with them! I shout at them as I start to give briefing to Jerusalem's righteous troops.
Our troops comprised of 220 armoured Bodyguard cavalry, My Cavalry, 500 Iudaioi Prodromoi, 1000 Persian cavalry, 2000 Iudaioi Peltastai, 3200 Half Jewish Half Greeks who support our cause, and fought in a manner of Hoplitai, 2000 young man armed with a sword, and fought as Xippherai, 2000 battle hardened veterans armed in a manner of proper Iudaioi Taxeis, and the rest are emergency militia and volunteers, coming from all the Judea who fought in a manner of Persian archer-spearmen.
So The battle is started, that was I think...
The Battle itself are quite simple, yet bloody for the Ptolemaic garrisons, as they sent poorly equipped levies and Jewish collaborationist to take the brunt of arrows, hoping to break our men's morale in a futile effort, thinking that they won't kill their own kind... they are wrong... we have hardened our heart, and know while we took the lives of our blood brothers, God knows, and will surely forgive us, why we've done this, because of they had collaborated themself with those infidel sister
-er.
And at least, the Ptolemaic levies found themself at the wrong edge of the line... as they meet with our Half-Jew Half-Greek who didn't have better regards of their life (mostly because they are half Greek), and start yelling, threating to kill them without remorse if they come any closer. It won't be a surprise if the Pantodapoi and Collaborationist Xippherai got insta-rout, even before touching our battle line,
Pissed off with their comrade's cowardness, the Kretikoi mercenary charge head on toward our veteran army, it was certainly a suicide... at first...
But then it turns out that they are sacrificing their own lives to let the Thessalians charge our veterans... It was a bloody loss on the side of us, hundreds of battle hardened veterans fall against that charge, and we must resort to use our Peltastai to charge with their axe, avenging the loss of our troops by killing those Thessalians on the site. The Peltastai then press forward, and chase the routers into the opened gate.
And in the city, they finally kill the coward, that was the Head of Ptolemaic garrison on Jerusalem...
It was a short battle, but we finally get Jerusalem back to our hand... but we've lost 980 veterans, and our troopers are allready exhausted, and most of them, after knowing that was no Immediate threat, disbanded themself to bring their family from exile back to our righteous land.... Leaving us only with small forces of young militia, to take care about our city...
But about a week after we take Jerusalem back, at the first Sabbath at Jerusalem, I pray to the God, for our protection and security... I hope that He will help us in these days, because our spies revealed that Ptolemy had raised a huge army made of Pissed off Galatians, that are more than eager to kill us and exterminate Jerusalem again....
As I finish my prayer, all men outside the temple start to point upward to the Sky... as a globe of bright purplish colour glows in the sky... and some of them shout with a great dread on their voice.....
THE WORMHOLE ARE COMINNNN!!!! THE WORMHOLE ARE COMINNNNN!!!!!! LOOORRRDDD!!! PLEASE PROTECT US!!!!!!!!
But then... I see three men riding from the desert, One dressed in a Greek outfit, and one wearing wigs and dressed in Phoenician outfit and one wearing Chainmail facemask, and has a steppe armour donned.... and they are coming, shouting a message...
"Please don't run away from us.... God sent us to help you kick out the Saracens!!! And we carry the entire Saka nomads to help us!!!"
"RIIICCHHHAAARRRDDDD!!! WHEEERREE AARRREE YOOOOUUUUUU?????"
And the one with Chainmail facemask then dismount from his horse and ask me... "Did you see Richard the Lionheart? King of England? The mighty leader of the Crussader army?"
And I was going to be surprised, confused, and start to think.... what is "Crussader"? And Who is "Richard"?
--- To be continued ---
*.NOTE : Allready updated w pics
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
And those religious based refrences are used as pure refrences, it doesn't means to be insulting or bashing.
The Rebellion of Jerusalem
Originally Posted by :
How doth the city sit solitary, that was full of people! how is she become as a widow! she that was great among the nations, and princess among the provinces, how is she become tributary! She weepeth sore in the night, and her tears are on her cheeks: among all her lovers she hath none to comfort her: all her friends have dealt treacherously with her, they are become her enemies. Judah is gone into captivity because of affliction, and because of great servitude: she dwelleth among the heathen, she findeth no rest: all her persecutors overtook her between the straits. The ways of Zion do mourn, because none come to the solemn feasts: all her gates are desolate: her priests sigh, her virgins are afflicted, and she is in bitterness. Her adversaries are the chief, her enemies prosper; for the LORD hath afflicted her for the multitude of her transgressions: her children are gone into captivity before the enemy. And from the daughter of Zion all her beauty is departed: her princes are become like harts that find no pasture, and they are gone without strength before the pursuer.
Jerusalem remembered in the days of her affliction and of her miseries all her pleasant things that she had in the days of old, when her people fell into the hand of the enemy, and none did help her: the adversaries saw her, and did mock at her sabbaths. Jerusalem hath grievously sinned; therefore she is removed: all that honoured her despise her, because they have seen her nakedness: yea, she sigheth, and turneth backward. Her filthiness is in her skirts; she remembereth not her last end; therefore she came down wonderfully: she had no comforter. O LORD, behold my affliction: for the enemy hath magnified himself.
The adversary hath spread out his hand upon all her pleasant things: for she hath seen that the heathen entered into her sanctuary, whom thou didst command that they should not enter into thy congregation. All her people sigh, they seek bread; they have given their pleasant things for meat to relieve the soul: see, O LORD, and consider; for I am become vile.
Is it nothing to you, all ye that pass by? behold, and see if there be any sorrow like unto my sorrow, which is done unto me, wherewith the LORD hath afflicted me in the day of his fierce anger. From above hath he sent fire into my bones, and it prevaileth against them: he hath spread a net for my feet, he hath turned me back: he hath made me desolate and faint all the day. The yoke of my transgressions is bound by his hand: they are wreathed, and come up upon my neck: he hath made my strength to fall, the LORD hath delivered me into their hands, from whom I am not able to rise up. The LORD hath trodden under foot all my mighty men in the midst of me: he hath called an assembly against me to crush my young men: the LORD hath trodden the virgin, the daughter of Judah, as in a winepress.
For these things I weep; mine eye, mine eye runneth down with water, because the comforter that should relieve my soul is far from me: my children are desolate, because the enemy prevailed. Zion spreadeth forth her hands, and there is none to comfort her: the LORD hath commanded concerning Jacob, that his adversaries should be round about him: Jerusalem is as a menstruous woman among them. The LORD is righteous; for I have rebelled against his commandment: hear, I pray you, all people, and behold my sorrow: my virgins and my young men are gone into captivity. I called for my lovers, but they deceived me: my priests and mine elders gave up the ghost in the city, while they sought their meat to relieve their souls. Behold, O LORD; for I am in distress: my bowels are troubled; mine heart is turned within me; for I have grievously rebelled: abroad the sword bereaveth, at home there is as death. They have heard that I sigh: there is none to comfort me: all mine enemies have heard of my trouble; they are glad that thou hast done it: thou wilt bring the day that thou hast called, and they shall be like unto me. Let all their wickedness come before thee; and do unto them, as thou hast done unto me for all my transgressions: for my sighs are many, and my heart is faint.
After reading the verses of the Lamentation, Hobuzan Mahallel see the army under his command, stand at large in front of him, laid siege upon their now humbled and desecrated holy city of Jerusalem. Some decades ago, the army of Alexandros of Makedonia going rampage and run amok, take the Levant area on his conquest, and place them under the tyrant infidel rule of the Greeks. He then remember, how after Alexandros laid death, and his empire divided, the Ptolemaid dynasty, as well as Seleukid dynasty fought each other, they use the righteous people as mere meatshields in battle. Taking loses to cover their Greek overlord's life. They didn't give enough attention to their subject's wellness of life, and instead of getting some peace treaty and become a good neighbour, the Ptolemaic and Seleukid dynasty are almost constantly at war... Made their subject's life is as miserable as if this place is Hell on Earth.How doth the city sit solitary, that was full of people! how is she become as a widow! she that was great among the nations, and princess among the provinces, how is she become tributary! She weepeth sore in the night, and her tears are on her cheeks: among all her lovers she hath none to comfort her: all her friends have dealt treacherously with her, they are become her enemies. Judah is gone into captivity because of affliction, and because of great servitude: she dwelleth among the heathen, she findeth no rest: all her persecutors overtook her between the straits. The ways of Zion do mourn, because none come to the solemn feasts: all her gates are desolate: her priests sigh, her virgins are afflicted, and she is in bitterness. Her adversaries are the chief, her enemies prosper; for the LORD hath afflicted her for the multitude of her transgressions: her children are gone into captivity before the enemy. And from the daughter of Zion all her beauty is departed: her princes are become like harts that find no pasture, and they are gone without strength before the pursuer.
Jerusalem remembered in the days of her affliction and of her miseries all her pleasant things that she had in the days of old, when her people fell into the hand of the enemy, and none did help her: the adversaries saw her, and did mock at her sabbaths. Jerusalem hath grievously sinned; therefore she is removed: all that honoured her despise her, because they have seen her nakedness: yea, she sigheth, and turneth backward. Her filthiness is in her skirts; she remembereth not her last end; therefore she came down wonderfully: she had no comforter. O LORD, behold my affliction: for the enemy hath magnified himself.
The adversary hath spread out his hand upon all her pleasant things: for she hath seen that the heathen entered into her sanctuary, whom thou didst command that they should not enter into thy congregation. All her people sigh, they seek bread; they have given their pleasant things for meat to relieve the soul: see, O LORD, and consider; for I am become vile.
Is it nothing to you, all ye that pass by? behold, and see if there be any sorrow like unto my sorrow, which is done unto me, wherewith the LORD hath afflicted me in the day of his fierce anger. From above hath he sent fire into my bones, and it prevaileth against them: he hath spread a net for my feet, he hath turned me back: he hath made me desolate and faint all the day. The yoke of my transgressions is bound by his hand: they are wreathed, and come up upon my neck: he hath made my strength to fall, the LORD hath delivered me into their hands, from whom I am not able to rise up. The LORD hath trodden under foot all my mighty men in the midst of me: he hath called an assembly against me to crush my young men: the LORD hath trodden the virgin, the daughter of Judah, as in a winepress.
For these things I weep; mine eye, mine eye runneth down with water, because the comforter that should relieve my soul is far from me: my children are desolate, because the enemy prevailed. Zion spreadeth forth her hands, and there is none to comfort her: the LORD hath commanded concerning Jacob, that his adversaries should be round about him: Jerusalem is as a menstruous woman among them. The LORD is righteous; for I have rebelled against his commandment: hear, I pray you, all people, and behold my sorrow: my virgins and my young men are gone into captivity. I called for my lovers, but they deceived me: my priests and mine elders gave up the ghost in the city, while they sought their meat to relieve their souls. Behold, O LORD; for I am in distress: my bowels are troubled; mine heart is turned within me; for I have grievously rebelled: abroad the sword bereaveth, at home there is as death. They have heard that I sigh: there is none to comfort me: all mine enemies have heard of my trouble; they are glad that thou hast done it: thou wilt bring the day that thou hast called, and they shall be like unto me. Let all their wickedness come before thee; and do unto them, as thou hast done unto me for all my transgressions: for my sighs are many, and my heart is faint.
But, they are certain now, that one little push, and they will gain their precious little freedom again, as they have gathered a huge jewish rebel army, and the Ptolemaids are neglecting their defense, having their bulk of army sent to conquer Antiocheia. Certainly, this opportunity is a gift from God, and it must be used with uttermost care. They had besiege Jerusalem for one year, forcing the Greek colonists who are hostile at them starve to death. Just this morning, Hobuzan give an ultimatum for the Greeks inside their last stronghold in Jerusalem, they should be surrender and let the Jewish rebel take this town peacefully, and their life will be spared, but, certain Jewish collaborationist forces that also trapped inside the city, still hope that their Ptolemaic overlords will sent a reinforcements to relieve them...
So, the Ptolemaic Garrison of Jerusalem start to sally for their life....
Our force had total numerical advantage, about 15000 young men, stand ready to fight, and lay down their life for the glory of the Judean people! While the Ptolemaic garrison only had less than 6000 starving soldiers, mostly poor quality soldiers, but a some elite Thessalian Hippies also present at the scene... we must careful with them! I shout at them as I start to give briefing to Jerusalem's righteous troops.
Our troops comprised of 220 armoured Bodyguard cavalry, My Cavalry, 500 Iudaioi Prodromoi, 1000 Persian cavalry, 2000 Iudaioi Peltastai, 3200 Half Jewish Half Greeks who support our cause, and fought in a manner of Hoplitai, 2000 young man armed with a sword, and fought as Xippherai, 2000 battle hardened veterans armed in a manner of proper Iudaioi Taxeis, and the rest are emergency militia and volunteers, coming from all the Judea who fought in a manner of Persian archer-spearmen.
So The battle is started, that was I think...
The Battle itself are quite simple, yet bloody for the Ptolemaic garrisons, as they sent poorly equipped levies and Jewish collaborationist to take the brunt of arrows, hoping to break our men's morale in a futile effort, thinking that they won't kill their own kind... they are wrong... we have hardened our heart, and know while we took the lives of our blood brothers, God knows, and will surely forgive us, why we've done this, because of they had collaborated themself with those infidel sister
-er.And at least, the Ptolemaic levies found themself at the wrong edge of the line... as they meet with our Half-Jew Half-Greek who didn't have better regards of their life (mostly because they are half Greek), and start yelling, threating to kill them without remorse if they come any closer. It won't be a surprise if the Pantodapoi and Collaborationist Xippherai got insta-rout, even before touching our battle line,
Pissed off with their comrade's cowardness, the Kretikoi mercenary charge head on toward our veteran army, it was certainly a suicide... at first...
But then it turns out that they are sacrificing their own lives to let the Thessalians charge our veterans... It was a bloody loss on the side of us, hundreds of battle hardened veterans fall against that charge, and we must resort to use our Peltastai to charge with their axe, avenging the loss of our troops by killing those Thessalians on the site. The Peltastai then press forward, and chase the routers into the opened gate.
And in the city, they finally kill the coward, that was the Head of Ptolemaic garrison on Jerusalem...
It was a short battle, but we finally get Jerusalem back to our hand... but we've lost 980 veterans, and our troopers are allready exhausted, and most of them, after knowing that was no Immediate threat, disbanded themself to bring their family from exile back to our righteous land.... Leaving us only with small forces of young militia, to take care about our city...
But about a week after we take Jerusalem back, at the first Sabbath at Jerusalem, I pray to the God, for our protection and security... I hope that He will help us in these days, because our spies revealed that Ptolemy had raised a huge army made of Pissed off Galatians, that are more than eager to kill us and exterminate Jerusalem again....
As I finish my prayer, all men outside the temple start to point upward to the Sky... as a globe of bright purplish colour glows in the sky... and some of them shout with a great dread on their voice.....
THE WORMHOLE ARE COMINNNN!!!! THE WORMHOLE ARE COMINNNNN!!!!!! LOOORRRDDD!!! PLEASE PROTECT US!!!!!!!!
But then... I see three men riding from the desert, One dressed in a Greek outfit, and one wearing wigs and dressed in Phoenician outfit and one wearing Chainmail facemask, and has a steppe armour donned.... and they are coming, shouting a message...
"Please don't run away from us.... God sent us to help you kick out the Saracens!!! And we carry the entire Saka nomads to help us!!!"
"RIIICCHHHAAARRRDDDD!!! WHEEERREE AARRREE YOOOOUUUUUU?????"
And the one with Chainmail facemask then dismount from his horse and ask me... "Did you see Richard the Lionheart? King of England? The mighty leader of the Crussader army?"
And I was going to be surprised, confused, and start to think.... what is "Crussader"? And Who is "Richard"?
--- To be continued ---
*.NOTE : Allready updated w pics
Minor nitpick : You took the wormhole fimage from CNC 3?!? OH NO!!! WE HAVE SCRIN INVASION!!!!! 
Originally Posted by :
Actually, I thought this AAR is gonna to be a good AAR of Judean rebellion if the teleported Saka army, and those Romaioktonoi time-riotters aren't present. But it was as funny as hell at the end (Seriously, your first passages at the prologue give me an impression of an serious AAR).very awesome I'll be following this 
and kill those 
bastards
and kill those bastardsI assume the misspellings are on purpose? If not, you get an F for Fail.
Don't be so hard om him, gamegeek. He's from Indonesia 
Originally Posted by Hax:
Don't be so hard om him, gamegeek. He's from Indonesia
No I know that, I mean the misspellings of the EB units.Don't be so hard om him, gamegeek. He's from Indonesia
I also think it's obvious I'm being facetious.
Originally Posted by gamegeek2:
No I know that, I mean the misspellings of the EB units.
I also think it's obvious I'm being facetious.
Mispelling on unit name (also the somewhat unrealistic unit name) are fully on purpose No I know that, I mean the misspellings of the EB units.
I also think it's obvious I'm being facetious.
Originally Posted by Hax:
Don't be so hard om him, gamegeek. He's from Indonesia
Three Indonesians are active on EB forum... Cute Wolf, Gaius Septimus Severus, and Me.... and yet, Cute Wolf is all the Craziest, Funniest, as well as the only one who not a good Roman.... (he Hate Romans instead).Don't be so hard om him, gamegeek. He's from Indonesia
Oh yeah, did you notice that all three of us have a somewhat uniform "bad-grammars" it was the fault of our educational system in teaching english.......
From the Romaioktonoi time travellers Point of Views.... another side of Proloque:
THE LAST DAY ON BARBAROPOLIS REVEALED!!!
THE LAST DAY ON BARBAROPOLIS REVEALED!!!
"Hmmm? Richard the Lionheart? Who is he? and more Importantly... who the hell are you?" Hobuzan asked the man who ask him where Richard is, and his two friend who rode behind.....
Yeah, you could bet about our identity......
So let us introduce ourself.......
I, am Cute Wolf, also called Lykos at my friend's Hellenic tongues.... well ,my story of why I dropped in this madness is a bit strange... it was all started in different timeline.... a land not so far away from there, but also so far - far - far away..... at the land full of one true Barbaroi, named the Romaioi Barbaroi........
Yeah... too bad, they also one of those who loved to use wolf as their symbol... that's why I was happier to be called in my Hellenic name, "Lykos" anyway...
those Romaioi Barbaroi are just some wolf-man wannabe, and they won't understood the true meaning of a wolf's bravery, except to suck of some wolf milk.....Well, back to those Romaioi Barbaroi..... just some time before I arrive at the scene.... It all begin when Jebivjetar led his mighty Kart-Hadast army, that was high on some certain substance that if they had bigger "funny organs" they will be really glad to strip off their clothes and fight as Gaesatae... but alas... they had allready bought their exspensive armour, and they should use it, unless they want to stranded their march to hack their ways through mobs of pretty ugly women that want to do something with Gaesatae's thingies....
But he forgot that... aside from some beautiful women that those Romaioi Barbaroi had stolen... they are masturbating too frequently, so they had smaller feet compared to their other enemies, so it wasn't a surprise when they adopt the Iberian scutum to hide their small feet, so their healthy Hellenes, Phoenician, Keltoi, and Sweboz enemies, stop launghing because they see their small feet....
Of course, Jebivjetar soon assemble his troops to form a line to hold the Barbaroi attacks....
Hohoho.... hoplitai line on shieldwall and guard mode -> Usually epic win against most enemies, that didn't have Naked men to scare off the Homophobic hoplitai, but if some Romaioi barbaroi decide to thrown off their clothes... he allready hiring some Mistophoroi Toxotai Kretikoi to made long range kebab, out of their salami.
As usual, the Barbaroi line start to mindlessly slam themself towards our shieldwall... they apparently think for a bit better this time, because they had slammed themself on the flanks.... but it looks like they forgot that we have some Samnites to kick their ass! on the flank, and not counting Jebivjetar's personal Spartan bodyguards who are more than happy to impale their idiot enemies down...
And as the Result, even some of their mightiest Triarii start to run away, wag their tails down under their legs.... just like whipped dogs....
And when Tiberivs realize that his men are ultimate coward barbaroi, he try to rally then, it works for some time, but even their mightiest half barbaroi pedites extraordinarii, fail to realize that they are sandwiched with our leucanian allies behind, stab their ass with their javelins in close range...
And we just encircle them, and start killing all the Barbaroi..... "Leave no Barbaroi alive!!!"... that's the command of Jebivjetar, before he enter the fray to join the party!
And as could be predicted.... Pikachu are really happy with the fall of Barbaropolis!!! and as they start exterminating that filthy city.... they search for a hidden alien base... rumoured to be located at the underground, under the Cloaca maxima.... from what so evil villains that the humanity ever had, the Marcus Vanilla aka Pedomarcus, have come.....
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
But apparently, they had come late, and while the dismounted Sacred band cavalry finally broke into the secret chamber of Alien base, they only found those guys.... the idiot, half Romaioi - half Alien race.... who soon attack them....
Well, even when the Sacred band was the finest Kart-hadast troopers, most of them die a brutal way, and get eaten by those aliens... as they start to squirt extremely damaging poison attack.... "Sludge Bomb", which the kart-hadast Grass typed sacred band got double damage... and they are totally defeated as the Result.....
But Skullheadhq, watching closely.... decide that it is the right time to unleash Pikachu's power, and order "PIKACHU!!! USE VOLT TACKLE TO KILL THEM ALL!!!! - remember the Pikachu are still on the full health, and Volt Tackle deals double damage against the water/poison Romaioi aliens....
So, without more Romaioi Barbaroi to be killed on the Barbaropolis.... Pikachu start to seal Barbaropilis with his droppings, so Barbaropolis will hopefully never rise again....
But... soon after that, Pikachu, and our two mighty heroes.... forgot to get a proper way of lifing soon after they trash Barbaropolis to the ground.... most notably, Pikachu get two little Bellosom mistress, taken... to fulfill his own lust.... and forgot his journey to search the Thunderstone....
And don't forget... what our two heroes are doing there......
And..... watching those righteous heroes fall into immoral vices and certain naughty activity..... God decides to drop a nuke, and let our heroes fall back in a wormhole time again, to give them chance to repent their sins......
And when they arrive at the other end of the wormhole.... they found me..... trapped in my Empoleon's vessel.... at the world of Pokemon........ Oh yeah.... The pikachu are split.... merging with their body... and they got a nice Raichu vessel for each.....
.....
.....
.....
"WOLF!!!! What the Hell are you doin here with a weird Penguin outfit?" Jebivjetar soon asked for the weirdness of the world that we've meet......
"Heck! Why are my hands turns to become round paws.... and why I had such ridiculous tails...." Skullheadhq replied...
"And more Importantly..... Where is our Pikachu?!? X_X!!!!" They both shout.....
"Calm down guys....." I can explain all of that..... It all begins when I was using particle beam acclerator to study certain molecular actifity...." I said something to calm them both.....
"And I forgot to turn off my Nitendo... still had the Pokemon Platinum played inside... with my level 100 Empoleon inside...."
"But my activity on the lab, distract some alien activity... and Alas... they are come and abduct me..... but they only suceed in teleporting me toward Jerusalem..... and failed to drag me into their ship"
As I see everywhere... I only look some palm trees, and no human.... just endless sea of sands, with a big castle ruin... with an inscription in English sculpted on its gate....
"The Kingdom Of Jerusalem - The Famous Templar's Secret Headquarter - We speak English Accent - CA"
And, as I confusedly search for something.... I found a relic... had a scene of the Crusade wars.....
And as I start to watch that thing more carefully.... I see a light comes.... and looks like a man comes from darkness......
"Hail the chosen one..... please help me to build the Kingdom of God on earth.... Join the Templar forces......"
And as I try to close with "him", what I found is just some old templar armours.... but as I start to think, maybe I can get more handsome wearing it.... I start don the armour and look at myself.... I am really nice......
And a purplish round wormhole was opened near with me.... and I think, it was really funny to enter that wormhole.... but as you know.... I just land here... in the land of Pokemon, to found out that I have become half empoleon like this......
..... to be continued ......
Rofl Mao ZeDingDong
And this picture of yours is just awesome:
And this picture of yours is just awesome:
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
Originally Posted by Cute Wolf:
But he forgot that... aside from some beautiful women that those Romaioi Barbaroi had stolen... they are masturbating too frequently, so they had smaller feet compared to their other enemies, so it wasn't a surprise when they adopt the Iberian scutum to hide their small feet, so their healthy Hellenes, Phoenician, Keltoi, and Sweboz enemies, stop launghing because they see their small feet....
The funniest quote of the day! But he forgot that... aside from some beautiful women that those Romaioi Barbaroi had stolen... they are masturbating too frequently, so they had smaller feet compared to their other enemies, so it wasn't a surprise when they adopt the Iberian scutum to hide their small feet, so their healthy Hellenes, Phoenician, Keltoi, and Sweboz enemies, stop launghing because they see their small feet....
4:Wolf! you just made my stomach harder from all the launghing!!!
And the Sacred Bands are just grass!!!!
Hehe, I look good as a Pokémon
Yeah wolf, I give you permission to use me as villain in this AAR or whatever it takes..... just keep up your good work and don't forget about repairing the map!!! 
Expect update soon after I finished drawing some unit concept for Nusantara TW (Sonic will kill me if I not doing my job first 
)
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