Results 1 to 30 of 88

Thread: KARTHADAST SENATE GOES HIGH ON WEEDS (Crazy Short Stories of The Kart-Hadastei)

Hybrid View

Previous Post Previous Post   Next Post Next Post
  1. #1
    Near East TW Mod Leader Member Cute Wolf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    In ancient Middle East, driving Assyrian war machines...
    Posts
    3,991
    Blog Entries
    2

    Default KARTHADAST SENATE GOES HIGH ON WEEDS (Crazy Short Stories of The Kart-Hadastei)

    Hello... welcome to my attempt to create a crazy AAR... well, I suddenly gotta this weird campaign idea when discussing the effect of weeds with Jebivjetar. So, to made something clear, I disapprove the usage of weeds because they'll made someone start blurbing crazy stuff, and if someone with power are addicted... bet many crazy stuff will happened (imagine what happened if your president / prime minister are crack addict!). In this campaign, I gonna roleplay that some the Karthadastim senate are heavily addicted by weeds, and because of that... they start to doing some random crazy stuff everywhere... Anyway, because of this AAR has primarily launghingstock comedic nature, you'll find me obviously doing cheating on purpose... but believe me... sometimes they'll also blow everything up and leave a good city for apparently no reason... so sit back and enjoy my story... Thank You!

    ============================================================

    PROLOGUE : Jebivjetar Barca, The Weed Trader


    "Oh yeah... and for that talent of gold, I shall give you this shipload of weeds... Nice deal doesn't?" Jebivejtar grins happily as Mago orders his servant to weigh the gold coins in front of their eyes. Well - well, let me introduce this certain shady guy... Jebivjetar Barca. Yes, as most of you may know by his obvious name, he was actually a time traveller by accident when he is high and arburdly enter a Nuclear Reactor's core... Instead of getting instantly roasted and sent to the afterlife, the fission energy rip a dimensional wall and sent back this guy to the North Africa in 275 BC. Luckily, aside from his clothes, he also carried a bag full of marijuna (what?!? he carry as much as that?!? What the ****!?!) and somehow manage to trade a bit of it with a rather large farmland, and as you can expect, he start to plant the remaining seeds and sold it at 'ridiculously' high price. It looks like he was in his lucky terms because the first man he trade his weeds (and the first Karthadastei addict), is none other than the Shofet Mago himself... Thus, by supplying the weeds in exclusive terms to the Karthadastim senate, he got a considerable influence on them.

    For about years, he has build a rather large scale weed production on north Afica, and by this time, most of the Karthadastim senate members has become heavily addicted on them. They feel so refreshed and think, if this miracle drug was fallen into another faction's hands, what kind of tragedy will befall on theirs? should their miracle drugs are lost? So at this time, almost all of the weeds goes to these Karthadastei upperclassmen, and they paid Jebivjetar rather generously, showering him with gold and giving him a large influence on their decision...

    =============================================================

    NOTE : I allready got a permission by Jebivjetar Barca himself.... he deserve this balloon of course
    Last edited by Cute Wolf; 10-25-2009 at 13:53.

    My Projects : * Near East Total War * Nusantara Total War * Assyria Total War *
    * Watch the mind-blowing game : My Little Ponies : The Mafia Game!!! *

    Also known as SPIKE in TWC

  2. #2
    Near East TW Mod Leader Member Cute Wolf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    In ancient Middle East, driving Assyrian war machines...
    Posts
    3,991
    Blog Entries
    2

    Default Re: KARTHADAST SENATE GOES HIGH ON WEEDS (Crazy Short Stories of The Kart-Hadastei)

    Hamalcar's Bad Day At Sicily

    Hamallcar is gettin a trial of Incompetence because he lost the entire Karthadastei elephant corps, and when he was called in Kart-Hadast he just said this first: "I just simply don't understand... why those pinkie trunkie are so easily killed when I order them to clear the way from wall ruins... It's simply not my fault because I've done this for our soldier's sake."

    "Are you idiot or what?!? Can't you see? Clearin the wall's ruins? Are you disaster rescue team or... They are Akontistai and Peltastai according to your men's report! And You are supposed to be careful with those beast! One of them is worth ten minai of weeds!" The Shofet Mago said that rather angrily...

    "Oh... please brother... at least I had driven off the Mamertimes out from Messana... Is that wasn't enough?"

    "Simply not!!! **** the Mamartimes! So you wanna said that filthy city are worth of our entire pinkie trunkie?!? Can't you think with your ass? You should board some kerkuroi fleet and sent to sleep with the fish you ****** brother!"

    "OI.... STOP THIS ****** TRIAL!" Suddenly Jebivjetar Barca shouted. "We could just gettin moar pinkie trunkie from the south, as they won't be in endangered status until 2250 years from now... just keep'em captured and we could regenerate'em again!"

    "But, Lord Jebivjetar... Incompetence and Idiocy is unforgiveable sin..." Some random senators bubbled when they heard Jebivjetar's shout...

    "NO NO NO... I told you guys... killin those Mamers ain't easy business... and for some good reason... we should hear Hamalcar's story about that first, and then... we'll have our time to think about our Judgement... now Hamalcar... tell us about the truth you remember..." Jebivjetar calmly continues his speech and give a chance for Hamalcar to have his defense.

    "uh... guys.... so this story was happened after I sign the peace treaty between us and Epeirotes..." Hamalcar start his story. "I told you... Pyrrhos sent his diplomats to sent the letter and I was first think about bargain for some money... but I simply couldn't resist when their clothing reveals their smooth thighs and ass... I got carried and asked him to doing that the Hellenic way, and some cretain aggrements for a permanent peace treaty..."


    "And so we have our decision here... We are strongly conservative politician here... and we disapprove ... You are guilty because homosexuality destroy family values, and you should be sent to our death Kerkuroi fleet..." Mago replies calmly with a really disgusted face.

    "Noooo! I didn't say that I doing that with men!!! Pyrrhos' diplomats also carried some really hot girls... That's it...!!!" Hamalcar suddenly becomes very affraid of the most senator's cold and disgusted faces.

    "But you said 'Doing it the Hellenic way'...."

    "I means these girls are just hot hetairas from Hellenes!" Hamalcar replies really quickly, as he try to cover something.

    "Oh... so if this are the truth... continue your story..." Mago said.

    "As we talk about the agreements... the Epeirotes are telling us that Pyrrhos is very pissed off with Hiero, king of Syrakousai, his former general that betray his trust... so they ask if we took the Sicily down, when he have his own fun time claiming Makedonian throne... then, he won't become the launghingstock of the Mediterranians again..."

    "But your action made us to become the launghingstock!"

    ".......... But.................. That was just tactical mistake........."

    "And how did you capture Messana?" Jebivjetar asked.

    "Well, all start when my troops wandering into Sicilian heartlands... we start to walk a long way, but when at the way arround... our supplies goes low because of the pinkie trunkie start eating too much... and I decide that we should loot some food from a nearby town first... but it was my men's fault, not me! as they ask me when I was high... and I just point out Messana for our raiding target."


    "And here we go... I just ordered the Elephants to smash their head to their walls"

    "Not their gate?"

    "I forgot to said that... I just said... smash the walls!"


    "And then our heavy cavalrymen dash forward... breaking their pitiful line of defence..."


    "After sucessfully give a shell shock to them... I ordered the infantry and elephants to enter the carnage... and before long... I found that we are victorious... the street are filled with soo many corpses, that our pinkie trunkie loves to trample'em flat..."



    "Getting more confidence of my skill, after getting more reinforcements, we decide to take on Syrakousai some month after that..."

    "So... your secret deal with the Epeirotes are come in play huh?!?"

    "Yep.... a bit off......."


    "First, we blast their wall... but then, I look something.... strange with that..."

    "What strange?"

    "The psiloi's corpses who just fallen down the walls... they attract the pinkie trunkie..."

    "So what happened to the Elephant corps?"



    "Well, actually... that time... some of my weed stock was missing, and I found out that the Mahout stole them... Understand that they are just wanna be hippie after gettin so much kill ratio (24 elephants trampled and kill over hundred guys), I gonna let em have the fun..."

    "And what did they do?"

    "Well, aside from doing many things you'll only do when high... they fed some of the weed to the elephants..."

    "Holy ****, I bet these beast are goin to have a sweet dreams.... and...." Jebivjetar suddenly realised.

    "Bet they look for those psiloi's nuts... as they love nuts to eat... hmm, that's interesting" Mago add. "And when you ordered those pinkie trunkie to put aside the debris to made a safe entrance.... they can't run as fast beause in their mind, they search for nuts!!!!!"

    "Eheh.... uh... yeah brother...." That's the story..." Hamalcar continues. "So after some sucessful initial break against the Syrakousai Hoplitai that guard the entrance... they suddenly stopped bite even our men's nutsack... as they gone wild... everyone throwing their spears to these beast... and made their escape...."

    "Ouw.... Nuts..."


    "And those psiloi that was left on the walls start pelting us with anything they have.... and we got soo many victim...." because of that, even I got to run as fast as I can to safe my life from that carnage.... I think... that's all"



    "So... next time.... safe your weed really well, don't let your pinkie trunkie eat that... get my point? Now back to your province, and repay that elephant's debt from your province's cash!" Mago then close the trial with that word...

    ---

    Some hours after... at the port...

    "So... how about those Epeirot diplomats?" Jebivjetar ask Hamalcar.

    "Well, that's a bad day afterall.... I know that my brother are soo damn conservative guy... and he doesn't have the open-mindedness of the Hellenes had... Let this story forgotten..."

    "Nope... I know that you're a ... Because two years ago, when you first getting high... you admit that you love Hellenic boys.... And made all of us run away as you start to open your clothes..."

    "Ouw.... ****!!!!"

    "Don't worry... just focus on your duty now... my next shipments will come to karali next autmn... Good luck, and don't let your elephants eat em..."

    "Ok.... thanks.... wanna some bear hug pal? Mmmmmmmmwwwwww......ach"

    (Jebivjetar runs away in screams....)

    PART 1 Finished....
    Last edited by Ludens; 10-26-2009 at 22:44. Reason: language

    My Projects : * Near East Total War * Nusantara Total War * Assyria Total War *
    * Watch the mind-blowing game : My Little Ponies : The Mafia Game!!! *

    Also known as SPIKE in TWC

  3. #3

    Default Re: KARTHADAST SENATE GOES HIGH ON WEEDS (Crazy Short Stories of The Kart-Hadastei)

    oh, man: this is AWESOME!

    and, yes, i was time traveler, but my conquest failed because most of my soldiers get high and so they decided not to fight anymore (they are some kind of proto-hippies: they like to sing a lot about some peace, and wear funny clothes with flowers) : so they went to Gaul and there settled with some "naked fanatics" with their local narco-guru (lesser king) somewhere around Alesia. Oh, man, i dont know what to do: i made them too peaceful with my good ancient weed



  4. #4
    Satalextos Basileus Seron Member satalexton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    1,180

    Default Re: KARTHADAST SENATE GOES HIGH ON WEEDS (Crazy Short Stories of The Kart-Hadastei)

    I came. I saw. I loled.

    The Basileus give his approval =]

    One for you, Jevi; One for Lykos.

    I also commision you two to oversee the Romaioktonoi exclusive 'supplies' shipments.




    "ΜΗΔΕΝ ΕΩΡΑΚΕΝΑΙ ΦΟΒΕΡΩΤΕΡΟΝ ΚΑΙ ΔΕΙΝΟΤΕΡΟΝ ΦΑΛΑΓΓΟΣ ΜΑΚΕΔΟΝΙΚΗΣ" -Lucius Aemilius Paullus

  5. #5
    Near East TW Mod Leader Member Cute Wolf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    In ancient Middle East, driving Assyrian war machines...
    Posts
    3,991
    Blog Entries
    2

    Default Re: KARTHADAST SENATE GOES HIGH ON WEEDS (Crazy Short Stories of The Kart-Hadastei)

    The Ecology Issue. Ambrakia Protocol FTW

    Ambrakia, 267 BC

    ===============================================
    "Because the prevailing opinion on international climate change, that some civilizations are undoubtly destroy the nature, and their activities resulted in substantial global warming from some hundred years arround. The effect of industrial growth on some factions is simply staggering, and they start to throw away their harmful emmision for the other's exspense... So we are here... to discuss and sign the ratification of international law and restrictions in the harmful industry."
    Pyrrhos of Epeiros; Delivering the opening speech of Ambrakia Summit.


    ===============================================

    The Ambrakia Protocol is a protocol to the Classical Factions Upholding Convention on Climate Change (CFUCCC), aimed at combating harmful industrial effect that some factions udoubtly do, and hope to prevent global warming in future generations. The CFUCCC is an multi-factional environmental treaty with the goal of achieving "stabilization of industrial emmision and harmful substance concentrations in the wolrd at a level that would prevent dangerous anthropogenic interference with the climate system."

    The Protocol was initially proposed by some Lusotann and Sewboz activist on the concern of increasing deforestation by certain civilzed factions and harmful emmision delibrately thrown into their land by some of more civilized factions. On Autmn 268 BC, Pyrrhos of Epeiros, having nothing to do, as he was at peace with everyone that time, declares his support to that barbarian-wannabe activists (most of them are Hellenic men that live with Lusos and Sweboz... that initially made this movement), and called for international truce to give a safe time for a summit in Ambrakia. Even though he often becomes the launghingstock of the Mediterrania, this time, his words are remarkable because soon after that, Archimides of Syrakousai declares his support openly on his visit to Athenai akademia, indicating strong support from the scientific community.

    The Karthadastei representative, Himilco, attend that summit by accident. He was looking for some Hellenic slave-girls that his uncles usually used at their smoking parties, but ends up at this summit since when he was at his 5-star hotel at Ambrakia, Helenos Aiakides comes and ask if he also want to attend the summit, He ask if he could getting really high in the summit, he'll attend, and Helenos just said... "You'll face some really damn high-end academics" and because Himilco was think 'academics' is a new type of weed (because he was obviously high that time), agreed to attend the summit.

    The young Ambon Lusotanakum are the first representative of a faction that report the international community about some Kart-Hadast activity that disturb the natural ecology of Iberia. He report that under Hadrusbal's ignorant rule on suthern Iberia, the forest undergo massive deforestation, and their allies on the baikor region reports that several industrial emmision (including glass splinters, spilled dyes, massive pig fecal matters, aborted or roasted babies, and those stupid smoking Phoenicians) has done harmful things to their life, as approved by their leader, named Eburaknus, before he was silenced by the Phoenicians and their nature loving town was razed to the ground. Ambon's speech including the condemnation of the recent wrong and forceful silencing method of the native activist in Iberia by Karthadastei Soldiers: "They just deliver a peaceful speech on how we should honor the nature, and because the Phoenicians act as they didn't hear their plea, they decide to block the trade route to show their protest, but as the result, almost all of them are massacred by an Army led by Hadrusbaal. After that, the entire town of Baikor was completely eradicated, and the natives was sent to concentration camps."

    After hearing Ambon's speech... Himilco stand and try throw his shoe to Ambon, but Helenos prevent his to do so... The next speech was delivered by someone named Caradog from Aedui, and he condemn about the same thing the Romans done in Liguria... And as everyone's prediction comes true, Lvcivs Cornelivs Scipio stood up and throw his sandals to Caradog... Luckily, the Celt was able to dodge that... And the Roman representative then leaves the summit room.

    Put aside that minor nuissance, The Ambrakia Summit was sucessfully give the Ambrakia Protocol. Featured in this are international agreement to:
    1. Commitments to try to reduce deforestation, and try not to exterminating the native 'barbarians' that try to defend the nature.
    2. Commitments to try to recycle or properly treat the industry's harmful effects and emmisions, and try not to use any of them as siege weapons.
    3. Commitments to try to reduce harmful substances in everyday's lives, including try to reduce weed consumption, and slave consumption.
    4. Each signing factions need to give their annual report on how they treat the nature, and published internationally.

    The Kart-Hadast's official oppinion on this matters are rather simple: "We'll press the lesser factions to sign this protocol, as they still need to learn how to properly treat the nature, and we also need a market, ecology-based protection to the import goods that flows into our country, to protect our Phoenician industries. But... If we reduce our industrial excess and emmision, that way, we also reduce our profit from their productions. That means less productivity, and also less income per capita to spend with weeds.... now, are you try to ban the weeds too? now **** the protocol! We're going home...." (Himilco, at the Ambrakia Summit)

    Below this are the Signers of The Ambrakia Summit:
    1. Epeiros
    2. Lusotann
    3. Aedui
    4. Avernii
    5. Sweboz
    6. Casse
    7. Getai
    8. Sauromatae
    9. Pontos
    10. Saka Rauka
    11. Hayasdan
    12. Makedonia
    13. Baktria
    14. As Saby'n Wal Jau
    15. Pahlava
    16. Syrakousai
    17. Massilia
    18. Boii
    19. Kyrene
    20. Kydonia
    21. Pergamon
    22. Bosophoran
    23. Mauryans
    24. Numantia
    25. Goidils


    And this factions attend the summit, but Refuse to sign the protocol:
    1. Kart-Hadast
    2. SPQR
    3. Arche Seleukeia
    4. Ptolemaioi
    5. Koinnon Hellenon


    ==============================================================

    The Ambrakia summit's result, and how the international community will act on their violators, is undoubtly lead about the upcoming events that befall on those Kart-Hadastei, and their rivals too... Because the "refuse to sign" factions are certain strong and highly developed factions, the international pressures can't do anything to them, but certain thing, the non ratifiers press some of the lesser factions to ratify the protocol... Oh... the Ecology Paradigm....

    PART 2 Finished...

    My Projects : * Near East Total War * Nusantara Total War * Assyria Total War *
    * Watch the mind-blowing game : My Little Ponies : The Mafia Game!!! *

    Also known as SPIKE in TWC

  6. #6
    Voluntary Suspension Voluntary Suspension Rahwana's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Abduct Shinta, and doing something bad with her
    Posts
    649
    Blog Entries
    1

    Default Re: KARTHADAST SENATE GOES HIGH ON WEEDS (Crazy Short Stories of The Kart-Hadastei)

    OH AWESOOOOMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I check this forum again after hearing you write an AAR cutewolf, and hey... this kind of AAR are really SICKLY HUMOUROUS!!!!! as I see you twist today's issue into a terrible shape of EB AAR....

    Well, I'll watch your progress.....
    Angkara Murka di Macapada

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO