Finding "the one"

[pevergreen]

No I'm not asking advice on how to get a lady.

I have a christian friend. She believes that God will magically come along and show her who she should be with. God created her and him for each other. They were meant to be together.
Some people think that they are fated to be together. It was destiny.

Does it work like that?

I want to say no. From personal experience, as Tim Minchin said "the affection simply grows over time".

Yet I believe that I experienced such an event. I believe that myself and this lady were put there by something out of our control to see each other.

Or am I just being silly?

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

If it makes any difference, that happened around a year ago, so I'm not coming home after it annoyed or anything.

[HoreTore]

No, there isn't a "one", that's rubbish.

It's simply a matter of finding someone you like a lot, and then being together. If she waits for perfection, she will die a spinster.

[Beskar]

God won't come down like the national lottery hand and go "It could be you!"

Basically, in real terms, the idea of "the one" is that there is some one out there who you could get along with. You should show this lady friend a good time, pevergreen and make her feel you are the one.

[Fragony]

Lucky should you find it, friend of mine is one of these incredibly handsome guys, he can get just about every girl, including the hot ones that are smart and funny. But he prefers his rather bland but nice (and she is nice, very smart and funny) girl he met ages ago, she's the one for him. We used to mock him a bit for us taking the pretty ones upstairs but he is perfectly happy.

[Louis VI the Fat]

God helps those who help themselves.

Set up an elaborate 'sign from above'. She'll believe it was a sign from God. You will get married and live happily ever after. And if there is indeed an almighty God, He thus obviously meant it to be so it was a sign from Him in the first place.

[Subotan]

By that logic, non-Christians would never get married.

[pevergreen]

Set up an elaborate 'sign from above'. She'll believe it was a sign from God. You will get married and live happily ever after. And if there is indeed an almighty God, He thus obviously meant it to be so it was a sign from Him in the first place.

I don't believe in screwing with someones beliefs like that.

[Louis VI the Fat]

I don't believe in screwing with someones beliefs like that.

Would I be wrong in assuming you are a Protestant?

[HoreTore]

Yet I believe that I experienced such an event. I believe that myself and this lady were put there by something out of our control to see each other.

This one needs an extra comment:

I've felt that too. In 2005, I met the perfect woman completely by accident, there is nothing that suggests we would ever have met each other if not for that one day(and night...).

3 years after that I finally realized that she's miles away from perfect, and now I just don't care about the b anymore...

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

God helps those who help themselves.

Set up an elaborate 'sign from above'. She'll believe it was a sign from God. You will get married and live happily ever after. And if there is indeed an almighty God, He thus obviously meant it to be so it was a sign from Him in the first place.

That's not really very funny, Loius. Some people really do die alone because they believe they haven't found the "one". Me, I'm still not sure I didn't meet, her, fail to fall in love with her properly, and then royally screw up.

[Fisherking]

Would I be wrong in assuming you are a Protestant?

[Tellos Athenaios]

The sign from above could be as simple as you taking the initiative and asking her, for all we know. It won't happen if you both keep waiting for a written admission from God that “it is meant to be; now get on with it already”. Not even biblical relationships work that way.

[Lemur]

I have a christian friend. She believes that God will magically come along and show her who she should be with. God created her and him for each other. They were meant to be together. [...]

Does it work like that?

In a word, no, and there's no scriptural basis for it. That's some kind of Barbie Dream Pony logic mixed up with the Gospel.

On the Biblical front, the good book describes polygamy and monogamy without ever suggesting that one is better than the other. Even incest and rape are given air time, with no indication that these are bad things. Your friend's belief that Heavenly Father will pick out a perfect match for her has more to do with the movie Pretty Woman and the novels of Jane Austen than anything in scripture.

Taking it from a practical perspective, we're all capable of loving many, many people. Honestly, think about the odds if there were only one suitable match out there for you. What if she was born in Madagascar? What if she dies in a car crash before you meet her? What if she's put in an arranged marriage before you find her? In all these scenarios, you're borked.

No, the truth of the matter is that there are many, many people with whom we can be happy. It's a question of finding such a person and doing the work necessary to have a successful relationship.

This Cinderalla-inspired junk where the girl finds Mr. Perfect and is swept off her feet ot live happily ever after, well, it's a joke that has been selling books, movies, toys and TV shows since the dawn of time. No relationship to reality.

[Fisherking]

I believe in lust at first sight, some times it even changes into love.

I even believe in signs but those are seldom two way and I wouldn’t waste a lot of time waiting around for one.

I even had one of sorts. When I met my wife and we had known each other for a few weeks, she felt she loved me, but could not bring herself to tell me.

One day we were talking and I felt as though I was literally struck by lighting. I blurted out I love you and immediately felt filled with joy and love. This was her opening to tell me how she felt too.

Still through all of that, I don’t think there is only one and you should not wait around for them to show up on your door step.

[Rhyfelwyr]

I'm think she's just conflating other things with her Christian beliefs, it's not uncommon for non-religious people to have this belief in fate and "the one", you see it all over the TV etc.

I do believe that these things work out the way they are meant to, but then again, whenever I pick a blue t-shirt over a red one, I think that is was meant to be that way...

[drone]

Sounds to me like you should give her an intense religious experience.

[Hosakawa Tito]

God helps those who help themselves.

Set up an elaborate 'sign from above'. She'll believe it was a sign from God. You will get married and live happily ever after. And if there is indeed an almighty God, He thus obviously meant it to be so it was a sign from Him in the first place.

Perceptions are reality. Louis is just trying to show how you can make it work for you.

[Scienter]

I don't think 'fate' brings people together. Chemistry does. Or lust. Or a friendship that turns into something else. I don't think there's one and only one 'perfect' person for everyone. If I had never met TinCow, we'd both be involved with other people. It's unromantic but true.

I'm not well versed in the Bible, but I think that your friend is being naive if she thinks that God is going to cause her to cross paths with a man who is perfect for her. Passively waiting for the right man to come along is a recipe for being single.

[Fragony]

If I had never met TinCow, we'd both be involved with other people.

Ow! Tincow you forgot to chain it to the radiator bad idea, now we demand intimate details, say Scienter it couldn't have been that bad now tell everybody what you told me.

[Strike For The South]

The love you feel is a combonation of genetic differences and charictaristices that you find suitable in a mate.

So +1 on this idea

Set up an elaborate 'sign from above'. She'll believe it was a sign from God. You will get married and live happily ever after. And if there is indeed an almighty God, He thus obviously meant it to be so it was a sign from Him in the first place.

God never lays out a guide to dating and to assume he does in naive

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

The love you feel is a combonation of genetic differences and charictaristices that you find suitable in a mate.

So +1 on this idea



God never lays out a guide to dating and to assume he does in naive

...but he did write a sex-manual. Odd, isn't it?

[Strike For The South]

...but he did write a sex-manual. Odd, isn't it?

Sex is power.

[HoreTore]

...but he did write a sex-manual. Odd, isn't it?

Sex-manual?

Explain thyself to us heathens, christ-follower!

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

Sex-manual?

Explain thyself to us heathens, christ-follower!

Well, more like classy porn really. Surely you've heard about the "Song of Soloman"?

[The Wizard]

I seriously thought this thread was about the Matrix or some sort of Arthurian legend before reading the OP.

[Rhyfelwyr]

I seriously thought this thread was about the Matrix or some sort of Arthurian legend before reading the OP.

Here is the one:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

[Beskar]

I seriously thought this thread was about the Matrix or some sort of Arthurian legend before reading the OP.

I thought Prussian Iron was the threads creator.

[Viking]

Does it work like that?

Wouldn't that mean that beaten wifes were meant to get beaten all since their conception? Ouch!

[TinCow]

Ow! Tincow you forgot to chain it to the radiator bad idea, now we demand intimate details, say Scienter it couldn't have been that bad now tell everybody what you told me.

Did you just refer to my wife as "it"?

[The Wizard]

etc