Welcome to the Org, RRMike!
There are some mods out there that help lessen the steamroller effect, with some tweaking the AI and overall gameplay can be greatly improved. As for "house rules", some members limit themselves to actions the AI also benefits from. No disbanding units, no mercs, no upgrade/reinforcement training of units, etc., as it has been observed that the AI does not perform these actions.
Have you tried mixing up the game start? Starting in the Late era changes the equation greatly, due to the time constraints there is more of a push to conquer and hold than building up infrastructure and shipping. If you really want a challenge, some factions have fairly difficult starting positions. Try an Eastern faction (the Russians are the hardest I believe) starting in High, 25 years to prepare before the Horde shows up. Or my personal favorite, Swiss/Late/Hard (you have to make a minor text file mod to enable the Swiss).
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