City gates - a right royal pain in the bum

[SpencerH]

My pet hate at the moment is the city gate system.
....... The General weeps into his helmet.
(this was a compilation of events brought to you by RTW - The return of the pants)

Very funny :LOL: The only problem is that its all too true. I never assault gates, I always knock down the walls with onagers or sap them.

[drone]

Posted by eadingas:
Hmmm I'm beginning to think a Monty Python Mod would be a good idea... with siege towers in the shape of giant rabbit, and onager missiles looking remarkably like cows...

Don't forget to replace the background music/opening speech with insults in an outrageous French accent!

Definitely open multiple holes, not too far apart so that you can support both going through the walls. The AI will move units as you enter, sometimes not exactly in a tactically sound manner, but you don't want to have one "beachhead" overrun/crushed. Whichever one the AI goes after, use the other hole to come in behind them.

I think if you set the unit formation to be long/thin, they get through the breaches easier, as long as you stagger the units so they don't show up all at the same time. If they all go at once (especially with horses and other pushy types) it gets pretty messy. Anybody know for sure the best entry formation?

[Mikeus Caesar]

Hmmm I'm beginning to think a Monty Python Mod would be a good idea... with siege towers in the shape of giant rabbit, and onager missiles looking remarkably like cows...

Hehe......give some generals the special ability of making one of their gods feet squash the enemy.....or get the special highland kamikaze squad to attack them.

[rebelscum]

The Life of Brian would be more appropriate.
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Cave...0/lifebrin.txt

My fave bit.

[trumpets]
PONTIUS PILATE: ...Make one large living awea. Ahh.
CENTURION: Hail Caesar.
PILATE: Hail.
CENTURION: Only one survivor, sir.
PILATE: Ah. Thwow him to the floor.
CENTURION: What, sir?
PILATE: Thwow him to the floor.
CENTURION: Ah.
[whump]
BRIAN: Aagh!
PILATE: Hmm. Now, what is your name, Jew?
BRIAN: 'Brian', sir.
PILATE: 'Bwian', eh?
BRIAN: No, no. 'Brian'.
[slap]
Aah!
PILATE: Hoo hoo hoo ho. The little wascal has spiwit.
CENTURION: Has what, sir?
PILATE: Spiwit.
CENTURION: Yes. He did, sir.
PILATE: No, no. Spiwit, siw. Um, bwavado. A touch of dewwing-do.
CENTURION: Oh. Ahh, about eleven, sir.
PILATE: So, you dare to waid us.
BRIAN: To what, sir?
PILATE: Stwike him, Centuwion, vewy woughly!
[slap]
BRIAN: Aaah!
CENTURION: Oh, and, uh, throw him to the floor, sir?
PILATE: What?
CENTURION: Thwow him to the floor again, sir?
PILATE: Oh, yes. Thwow him to the floor, please.
BRIAN: Aah!
[whump]
PILATE: Now, Jewish wapscallion.
BRIAN: I'm not Jewish. I'm a Roman.
PILATE: A Woman?
BRIAN: No, no. Roman.
[slap]
Aah!
PILATE: So, your father was a Woman. Who was he?
BRIAN: He was a centurion in the Jerusalem Garrisons.
PILATE: Weally? What was his name?
BRIAN: 'Nortius Maximus'.
CENTURION: Ahh, ha ha!
PILATE: Centuwion, do we have anyone of that name in the gawwison?
CENTURION: Well, no, sir.
PILATE: Well, you sound vewy sure. Have you checked?
CENTURION: Well, no, sir. Umm, I think it's a joke, sir,... like, uh,
'Sillius Soddus' or... 'Biggus Dickus', sir.
GUARD #4: [chuckling]
PILATE: What's so... funny about 'Biggus Dickus'?
CENTURION: Well, it's a joke name, sir.
PILATE: I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called 'Biggus Dickus'.
GUARD #4: [chuckling]
PILATE: Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find yourself in
gladiator school vewy quickly with wotten behaviour like that.
BRIAN: Can I go now, sir?
[slap]
Aaah! Eh.
PILATE: Wait till Biggus Dickus hears of this.
GUARD #4: [chuckling]
PILATE: Wight! Take him away!
CENTURION: Oh, sir, he-- he only--
PILATE: No, no. I want him fighting wabid, wild animals within a week.
CENTURION: Yes, sir. Come on, you.
GUARD #4: Ha ha haa ha, ha ha ha. Hooo hooo hoo hoo. Hoo hoo...
PILATE: I will not have my fwiends widiculed by the common soldiewy. Anybody
else feel like a little... giggle... when I mention my fwiend... Biggus...
GUARD #1: [chuckling]
PILATE: ...Dickus?
GUARD #1: [chuckling]
PILATE: What about you? Do you find it... wisible... when I say the name...
'Biggus'...
GUARD #3: [chuckle]
PILATE: ...'Dickus'?
GUARD #1 and GUARD #2: [chuckling]
PILATE: He has a wife, you know. You know what she's called? She's
called... 'Incontinentia'. 'Incontinentia Buttocks'.
GUARDS: [laughing]
PILATE: Stop! What is all this?
GUARDS: Ha, ha ha ha ha ha...
PILATE: I've had enough of this wowdy webel sniggewing behaviour. Silence!
Call yourselves Pwaetowian guards? You're not-- Seize him! Seize him!
Blow your noses and seize him!

[lt1956]

Thats why they call those snake paths.

Anytime you siege you want atleast 3 times the number of the enemy. Second you want mutiple Breaches. without them you will loose more men and the enemy can bottleneck you.

I found it you have a mod or fix the hardy heat bugs and then played as they would back then in tactics you will do well. If you play like an RTS and just build and rush you will lose men and possible get AI path issue which will result in maybe you losing a possible overwelming win.

Lt

[Cornflower]

Thats why they call those snake paths.

Anytime you siege you want atleast 3 times the number of the enemy. Second you want mutiple Breaches. without them you will loose more men and the enemy can bottleneck you.

I found it you have a mod or fix the hardy heat bugs and then played as they would back then in tactics you will do well. If you play like an RTS and just build and rush you will lose men and possible get AI path issue which will result in maybe you losing a possible overwelming win.

Lt

Errr... Huh? "hardy heat bugs"?

I suppose there's a link somewhere? Help? Please?

[rebelscum]

What! You mean to say you've never heard of 'hardy heat bugs'! Where have you been man, the moon?

[TheDuck]

The Life of Brian would be more appropriate.
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Cave...0/lifebrin.txt

My fave bit.

[trumpets]
PONTIUS PILATE: ...Make one large living awea. Ahh.
CENTURION: Hail Caesar.
PILATE: Hail.
CENTURION: Only one survivor, sir.
PILATE: Ah. Thwow him to the floor.
CENTURION: What, sir?
PILATE: Thwow him to the floor.
CENTURION: Ah.
[whump]
BRIAN: Aagh!
PILATE: Hmm. Now, what is your name, Jew?
BRIAN: 'Brian', sir.
PILATE: 'Bwian', eh?
BRIAN: No, no. 'Brian'.
[slap]
Aah!
PILATE: Hoo hoo hoo ho. The little wascal has spiwit.
CENTURION: Has what, sir?
PILATE: Spiwit.
CENTURION: Yes. He did, sir.
PILATE: No, no. Spiwit, siw. Um, bwavado. A touch of dewwing-do.
CENTURION: Oh. Ahh, about eleven, sir.
PILATE: So, you dare to waid us.
BRIAN: To what, sir?
PILATE: Stwike him, Centuwion, vewy woughly!
[slap]
BRIAN: Aaah!
CENTURION: Oh, and, uh, throw him to the floor, sir?
PILATE: What?
CENTURION: Thwow him to the floor again, sir?
PILATE: Oh, yes. Thwow him to the floor, please.
BRIAN: Aah!
[whump]
PILATE: Now, Jewish wapscallion.
BRIAN: I'm not Jewish. I'm a Roman.
PILATE: A Woman?
BRIAN: No, no. Roman.
[slap]
Aah!
PILATE: So, your father was a Woman. Who was he?
BRIAN: He was a centurion in the Jerusalem Garrisons.
PILATE: Weally? What was his name?
BRIAN: 'Nortius Maximus'.
CENTURION: Ahh, ha ha!
PILATE: Centuwion, do we have anyone of that name in the gawwison?
CENTURION: Well, no, sir.
PILATE: Well, you sound vewy sure. Have you checked?
CENTURION: Well, no, sir. Umm, I think it's a joke, sir,... like, uh,
'Sillius Soddus' or... 'Biggus Dickus', sir.
GUARD #4: [chuckling]
PILATE: What's so... funny about 'Biggus Dickus'?
CENTURION: Well, it's a joke name, sir.
PILATE: I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called 'Biggus Dickus'.
GUARD #4: [chuckling]
PILATE: Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find yourself in
gladiator school vewy quickly with wotten behaviour like that.
BRIAN: Can I go now, sir?
[slap]
Aaah! Eh.
PILATE: Wait till Biggus Dickus hears of this.
GUARD #4: [chuckling]
PILATE: Wight! Take him away!
CENTURION: Oh, sir, he-- he only--
PILATE: No, no. I want him fighting wabid, wild animals within a week.
CENTURION: Yes, sir. Come on, you.
GUARD #4: Ha ha haa ha, ha ha ha. Hooo hooo hoo hoo. Hoo hoo...
PILATE: I will not have my fwiends widiculed by the common soldiewy. Anybody
else feel like a little... giggle... when I mention my fwiend... Biggus...
GUARD #1: [chuckling]
PILATE: ...Dickus?
GUARD #1: [chuckling]
PILATE: What about you? Do you find it... wisible... when I say the name...
'Biggus'...
GUARD #3: [chuckle]
PILATE: ...'Dickus'?
GUARD #1 and GUARD #2: [chuckling]
PILATE: He has a wife, you know. You know what she's called? She's
called... 'Incontinentia'. 'Incontinentia Buttocks'.
GUARDS: [laughing]
PILATE: Stop! What is all this?
GUARDS: Ha, ha ha ha ha ha...
PILATE: I've had enough of this wowdy webel sniggewing behaviour. Silence!
Call yourselves Pwaetowian guards? You're not-- Seize him! Seize him!
Blow your noses and seize him!

You, sir, have a great sense of humor. Some of the most hilarious stuff I've read on any forum, at any time.

And yes, the Life of Brian is just classic stuff. My personal preference is the whole 'What have the Romans ever done for us?' sequence. Riotous.

[rebelscum]

What have the romans ever done for us?. Sounds like a good title for my next post

[eadingas]

What indeed...

[Celt Centurion]

The Life of Brian would be more appropriate.
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Cave...0/lifebrin.txt

My fave bit.

[trumpets]
PONTIUS PILATE: ...Make one large living awea. Ahh.
CENTURION: Hail Caesar.
PILATE: Hail.
CENTURION: Only one survivor, sir.
PILATE: Ah. Thwow him to the floor.
CENTURION: What, sir?
PILATE: Thwow him to the floor.
CENTURION: Ah.
[whump]
BRIAN: Aagh!
PILATE: Hmm. Now, what is your name, Jew?
BRIAN: 'Brian', sir.
PILATE: 'Bwian', eh?
BRIAN: No, no. 'Brian'.
[slap]
Aah!
PILATE: Hoo hoo hoo ho. The little wascal has spiwit.
CENTURION: Has what, sir?
PILATE: Spiwit.
CENTURION: Yes. He did, sir.
PILATE: No, no. Spiwit, siw. Um, bwavado. A touch of dewwing-do.
CENTURION: Oh. Ahh, about eleven, sir.
PILATE: So, you dare to waid us.
BRIAN: To what, sir?
PILATE: Stwike him, Centuwion, vewy woughly!
[slap]
BRIAN: Aaah!
CENTURION: Oh, and, uh, throw him to the floor, sir?
PILATE: What?
CENTURION: Thwow him to the floor again, sir?
PILATE: Oh, yes. Thwow him to the floor, please.
BRIAN: Aah!
[whump]
PILATE: Now, Jewish wapscallion.
BRIAN: I'm not Jewish. I'm a Roman.
PILATE: A Woman?
BRIAN: No, no. Roman.
[slap]
Aah!
PILATE: So, your father was a Woman. Who was he?
BRIAN: He was a centurion in the Jerusalem Garrisons.
PILATE: Weally? What was his name?
BRIAN: 'Nortius Maximus'.
CENTURION: Ahh, ha ha!
PILATE: Centuwion, do we have anyone of that name in the gawwison?
CENTURION: Well, no, sir.
PILATE: Well, you sound vewy sure. Have you checked?
CENTURION: Well, no, sir. Umm, I think it's a joke, sir,... like, uh,
'Sillius Soddus' or... 'Biggus Dickus', sir.
GUARD #4: [chuckling]
PILATE: What's so... funny about 'Biggus Dickus'?
CENTURION: Well, it's a joke name, sir.
PILATE: I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called 'Biggus Dickus'.
GUARD #4: [chuckling]
PILATE: Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find yourself in
gladiator school vewy quickly with wotten behaviour like that.
BRIAN: Can I go now, sir?
[slap]
Aaah! Eh.
PILATE: Wait till Biggus Dickus hears of this.
GUARD #4: [chuckling]
PILATE: Wight! Take him away!
CENTURION: Oh, sir, he-- he only--
PILATE: No, no. I want him fighting wabid, wild animals within a week.
CENTURION: Yes, sir. Come on, you.
GUARD #4: Ha ha haa ha, ha ha ha. Hooo hooo hoo hoo. Hoo hoo...
PILATE: I will not have my fwiends widiculed by the common soldiewy. Anybody
else feel like a little... giggle... when I mention my fwiend... Biggus...
GUARD #1: [chuckling]
PILATE: ...Dickus?
GUARD #1: [chuckling]
PILATE: What about you? Do you find it... wisible... when I say the name...
'Biggus'...
GUARD #3: [chuckle]
PILATE: ...'Dickus'?
GUARD #1 and GUARD #2: [chuckling]
PILATE: He has a wife, you know. You know what she's called? She's
called... 'Incontinentia'. 'Incontinentia Buttocks'.
GUARDS: [laughing]
PILATE: Stop! What is all this?
GUARDS: Ha, ha ha ha ha ha...
PILATE: I've had enough of this wowdy webel sniggewing behaviour. Silence!
Call yourselves Pwaetowian guards? You're not-- Seize him! Seize him!
Blow your noses and seize him!

This is TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Funny!!!

I am still laughing my head off!

Celt Centurion

[eadingas]

Hehe......give some generals the special ability of making one of their gods feet squash the enemy.....or get the special highland kamikaze squad to attack them.

Could we have the slingers commander have a shout: 'Nobody gets to stone anyone until I blow this whistle!' ?

[rebelscum]

Maybe that would stop slingers standing in front of the closed gates trying to throw stones through it at the guys on the other side. (*pock pock pock* ,reload, *pock pock pock*. Keep it up lads, another million throws and we'll have these gates down)

[Vanya]

...Definitely open multiple holes...

GAH!

Vanya sez... Penetrating multiple holes is what the game is all about! Three per edifice/object has a nice, practical ring to it... One from the front, one from the rear and finish it off up high!



GAH!

[drone]

I have been quoted by Vanya, not really sure I can top this honor!

[Mikeus Caesar]

This thread has gone funny. Almost like the roman roads thread, which believe it or not did start off serious. Last time i checked, we were discussing the issue of whether or not the romans should have destroyed all life on earth through lead poisoning.