M2TW Bugs (joke thread)

[The Spartan (Returns)]

list the bugs you've found.

[RabidGibbon]

Heh! Now thats what I call optimism

[shifty157]

Heh! Now thats what I call optimism

Well I really cant think of a single game that has ever been released without bugs or gameplay imbalances. Granted this thread is jumping the gun just a little but its only a matter of time until we start getting a steady stream of threads purporting real or perceived bugs.

[wasaaabi]

Seeing that this is likely to be a lively thread, I thought I would offer a somewhat organized way to manage the data. I humbly offer the Binary Incident Totalwar Capture Hierarchy, otherwise known as BITCH. Old timers may recognized this as a updated refinement of the Handy-Dandy whining system from back in MTW days

Please refer to located bugs using the following classification system:

1. In combat, units die (a. too fast, b. too slow, c. without benefit of counsel)

2. Missle weapon ranges are ridiculously (a. short, b. long, c. curved)

3. The AI's diplomatic skills remind me of (a. Gandhi, b. Stalin, c. Bush, d. Benny Hill)

4. My diplomats cannot negotiate (a. trade rights with the Aztecs, b. right of passage through the Black Sea, c. sexual favors from an Italian princess, d. sexual favors from the Pope)

5. Units from [insert faction name here] are fantastically (a. overpowered, b. underpowered, c. dressed, d. endowed)

6. Death to the CA facists that left out (a. Poland, b. Lithuania, c. Texas, d. Middle Earth)

7. [Insert faction name] should have (a. Capriolatian hoplites, b. orcs, c. B-17s, d. laser tanks)

8. When ordered to attack, units move (a. too quickly, b. too slowly, c. without asking, d. without weapons)

9. Yo dude - can i pre-order a l33t PS3 here cuz i rAwK!!!!!

10. The %*&^! game won't run on (a. a processor without SSE2, b. Windows ME, c. a FORTRAN compiler, d. a graphing calculator)

11. Units in the [faction name] are wearing inappropriate (a. armor, b. surcoats, c. secret decoder rings, d. codpieces)

12. The game is ruined, and my life is over, because (a. [obscure city] is on the wrong side of [obscure river], b. Trebuchets were NEVER used after October 18th 1226AD, at about 11:30 in the morning, c. I can't destroy an entire army of [enemy factions uber-unit] with one unit of [my uber-unit], d. &(*#! this history stuff - I wanted Fantasy: Total War)

Feel free to add more as necessary...

[Don Megel]

I had to find my old login details just to say how freaking incredibly funny that post was. It made my night.

[wasaaabi]

Forgot one:

13. I cannot name my (a. faction heir, b. Duke of Northumberland, c. hunting dog, d. imaginary friend)

[Puzz3D]

It might be better not to report any bugs because ignorance is bliss, and CA isn't going to fix half of them anyway.

[Ignoramus]

14. I cannot quit the game without it (a. crashing, b. unistalling, deleting text files, d. being translated into Estonian)

15. My generals keep (a. dying, b. deserting, c. cooking, d. quoting Shakespeare)

16. My palisade walls always fall down because of (a. gunpowder, b. termites, c. battering rams, d. rain)

17. The trees are too (a. tall, b. short, c. green, d. deciduous)

[Polemists]

18. I don't have game yet cause I can't fix this stupid release code on the gamestop site :P

[ENSAIS]

wasaaabi, that is what I call an awsome post!
19. I want my old MTW feature included again (a. civil wars b. titles c. faction reemergence d. jedi generals)

sorry, not really funny like yours... but whatever.
ENSAIS

[econ21]

Renamed a thread to reflect the direction it had taken. We will have a bug thread in due course, but this one seems to have gotten off to a bad start.

[darsalon]

Oh I don't know, having worked 6 years in software support I can appreciate the irrationality of users at times.

Nice one wasaaabi, made me chuckle

[doc_bean]

20. My cavalry keeps getting beaten by much cheaper infantry !

21. Jedi generals !

22. I can't run the game (due to not actually owning the game)

23. I can't play as the Aztecs in the campaign !

[UltraWar]

24. No UltraWar
25. Chuck Norris faction killed in first turn

[Comrade Alexeo]

26. OMGWTF I can't play as the USA?! TERRORIST PIGS! AMERICA ^$#@ YEAH!

27. My ships don't a) go where I want them to b) carry ballistic missiles c) float

28. My princess won't a) clean the dishes b) play with her dolls c) marry the Pope

29. The inquisitors are too strong, they keep sending my sons to a) walk the plank b) stay with Michael Jackson c) stay with ex-Congressman Mark Foley

30. My armies don't a) win b) lose c) it's how you play the game

31. My spy's trained monkey won't dance for me... DANCE MONKEY DANCE!

32. When playing the HRE, the Pope won't accept my invasion of Poland because a) he's a meanie b) he smells of cabbage c) he won't accept my justification of lebensraum "living space", dieses gelbe Stachelschwein! SEHNT SICH PHASENDEUTSCHLAND! PHASEN SEHNEN SICH DAS DEUTSCHE REICH! SIEG HEIL!

[Nebuchadnezzar]

I hope to god CA see this.

[PaulTa]

Wasaaabi-


When I make my millions, I'm going to pay you a thousand dollars per joke on that list.

[Motep]

waasaabi, that is undoubtably one of the funniest posts I have read so far on this guild.

33) When playing the British a) cant invade france b) cant see france) c) france spits at you 3) joan of arc becomes real and destroys your computer for siding with the "British Meanies"

[FesterShinetop]

Very funny this!!!

On the campaign map my agents won't cross
a) Rivers
b) Lakes
c) Mountains
d) Dress