Voted for Nessie.
You forgot to add the dogwalker is actually Elvis Presley, who, off course, is still alive. After the event he will sing a duet with Michael Jackson during the Superbowl half time show. Nessie will be doing the backing vocals. Elvis will pull down Michael's trousers during their song, but this cannot be qualified as frontal nudity. It's frontal plastic.
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