News of the Weird

[Lemur]

I guess they rubbed him up the wrong way.

They should be glad they're just dealing with a genie. Could have been the popobawa.

[Hosakawa Tito]

Amityville Horror Saudi style. You won't see me starring in any possessed house horror film. When disembodied voices tell me to get out....I'm outta there end of story, movie's over.

[Pannonian]

Amityville Horror Saudi style. You won't see me starring in any possessed house horror film. When disembodied voices tell me to get out....I'm outta there end of story, movie's over.

Get out! Get out! Get Ouuttt!!!

[CountArach]

I can't think of any puns better than this title... Students to Teacher: Thanks for the Mammories (Link probably isn't safe for work):

A California teacher sent her fifth grade students home for the summer with a DVD that was supposed to contain beautiful memories, and oh boy did the kids get just that.

Crystal Defanti, a 29-year-old fifth grade teacher at Isabelle Jackson Elementary School, is in trouble for sending her students home with DVD that contained special moments from her class and part of a sex tape. The DVD contained six seconds of Ms. Defanti pleasuring herself on a couch. The tape literally jumped from a group of 10- and 11 year-olds talking about their favorite grade five memories to their teacher moaning and rubbing herself.

As expected, parents are fuming. "It goes from my son, straight to her on the couch," recalled one parent who wished to remain anonymous. "My son's reaction was, 'Dad, is that Ms. Defanti?'" It certainly was. The dad then had to sit down and explain the birds and bees to his distressed son.

An embarrassed Ms. Defanti apologized and called every parent to explain the mishap and asked them to destroy the DVD. The well-regarded teacher is unlikely to loose her job at the school, though she is expected to be reprimanded and embarrassed for the rest of her life.

[Fragony]

nvm

[Pannonian]

The invasion has begun, under the cover of a nearby earthquake. Brave passers-by were repelling them on the beaches and throwing them back into the sea.

[Hooahguy]

The invasion has begun, under the cover of a nearby earthquake. Brave passers-by were repelling them on the beaches and throwing them back into the sea.

i heard that the Humbolts have been migrating north. the invasion has indeed begun.

[InsaneApache]

Sounds more like a Bay of Squids to me than a real invasion. Maybe a recon in force?

[Crazed Rabbit]

Bull Elephants are coming to Denver:

The foul-smelling secretions are a harbinger of a very special time in a male elephant's life, a time worthy of its own young-adult novel, something with a title like Are You There, God? It's Me, Ranchipur. Known as musth, this period can last anywhere from a few days to several months and is characterized by elevated hormone levels, heightened sexual interest and aggressive activity.

Basically, it's like middle school — with 12,000-pound students.

"They're pretty much interested in two things," says Dale Leeds, the curator of large mammals at the Denver Zoo, who's worked with elephants for more than twenty years. "They both begin with F. One is fighting."

More weird elephant facts you never wondered about and don't want to know are in the article.

Also, an IndyCar driver signs a topless fan's boobs. Warning! Probably not safe for work.

CR

[Louis VI the Fat]

Also, an IndyCar driver signs a topless fan's boobs. Warning! Probably not safe for work.

CR

Whoa, those are some truly enormous tits!

That poor woman...
I don't think she herself enjoys these huge hooters. I mean, for me it's just a quick laugh. She, on the other hand, has to deal with it for the rest of her life.

Ah well. And there I was, thinking IndyCar was a big bust. Props to this guy for bringing some funbag to racing.

[Vladimir]

The invasion has begun, under the cover of a nearby earthquake. Brave passers-by were repelling them on the beaches and throwing them back into the sea.

It didn’t take long for the seagulls to swoop in and start feeding on the squid, so beachgoers ran to the rescue and tried frantically to save them by throwing them back in the water. That proved to be a difficult task for several reasons: they were extremely heavy, very slippery, and when the good Samaritans did manage to get them back them in water, the squid didn’t know which way to go and kept washing back up on shore.

You see, environmentalist do-gooders are idiots. Here, our savior, the seagull, once again came to our defense yet these fools were throwing the squid back so they can reproduce and continue to plot our destruction. The true enemy comes from within.

[Lemur]

Gay penguins split up over affair with a female

Linda the penguin has split up two male penguins who lived as a nesting couple for six years at the San Francisco Zoo, caretakers said.

Male penguins Harry and Pepper had been so content together they were allowed to incubate and hatch an egg laid by another Magellanic penguin last year, zookeeper Anthony Brown said.

"Of all of the parents that year, they were the best. They took very good care of their chick," Brown told the San Francisco Examiner in a story published Saturday.

Enter the widow Linda, who began courting Harry in her partner's old burrow shortly after his death this past winter, Brown said.

"To be completely anthropomorphizing, Linda seems conniving," Brown said. "She's got her plan. I don't think she was wanting to be a single girl for too long."

[naut]

Wedding Disaster.

The traditional throwing of a bride's bouquet for luck ended in disaster at an Italian wedding when the flowers caused a plane to crash.

The bride and groom had hired a small plane to fly past and throw the bouquet to a line of women guests, Corriere della Sera reported.

However, the flowers were sucked into the plane's engine causing it to catch fire and explode.

The aircraft plunged into a hostel. One passenger on the plane was badly hurt.

But about 50 people who had been in the hostel escaped unscathed, as did the pilot.

[CountArach]

The plane will be married soon.

[Lemur]

A concise history of Pablo Escobar's cocaine hippos.

[||Lz3||]

I feel sad for the hippos...

But how could they move an elephant and NOT a hippo!

[Vladimir]

Man-eating war machines.

[CountArach]

A gun that shoots alcohol released in Australia. More info:

The Alcohol Shot Gun, as its name suggests, will shoot a shot of your favourite drop straight into your mouth, without touching the sides! (That's assuming you've got your aim right, of course.)

Just load up the Alcohol Shot Gun, it takes 1 and a half fluid ounces (41 millilitres), open your mouth, aim the front of the gun and pull the trigger. Then it's boom! Bourbon bulleting into your mouth, rum ricocheting off your tongue, whiskey whizzing down your throat or even just plain old cola hitting the spot!

Naturally, Latest Buy does not condone binge drinking or the excessive consumption of alcohol – we most definitely encourage responsible drinking - it's just the rather irreverent delivery method we recommend.

[Vladimir]

That's right up there with candy cigarettes.

No, strike that. Combining alcohol with firearms. Literally.

[Ronin]

A gun that shoots alcohol released in Australia. More info:

The Alcohol Shot Gun, as its name suggests, will shoot a shot of your favourite drop straight into your mouth, without touching the sides! (That's assuming you've got your aim right, of course.)

Just load up the Alcohol Shot Gun, it takes 1 and a half fluid ounces (41 millilitres), open your mouth, aim the front of the gun and pull the trigger. Then it's boom! Bourbon bulleting into your mouth, rum ricocheting off your tongue, whiskey whizzing down your throat or even just plain old cola hitting the spot!

Naturally, Latest Buy does not condone binge drinking or the excessive consumption of alcohol – we most definitely encourage responsible drinking - it's just the rather irreverent delivery method we recommend.

Uhm...installing in drunk guys the idea that picking up a gun and shooting it into your mouth will have a good result.....uhmm...

this has the possibility for some interesting "accidents"....I feel another batch of Darwin Awards nominees coming down the pike!

[drone]

A gun that shoots alcohol released in Australia.

Sounds like fun. All you need is some Bacardi 151 and a lighter.

[Vladimir]

Black balls save...

[Husar]

Black balls save...

That was on the big picture blog about a year ago or so. Turns out that's coincides with the date of the article, heh. Looks interesting nonetheless.

[Hosakawa Tito]

Who dares wins....sometimes.

[InsaneApache]

You know you have to pack in the fags when....

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

A man in the United States popped out to his local petrol station to buy a pack of cigarettes - only to find his card charged $23,148,855,308,184,500.

That is $23 quadrillion (£14 quadrillion) - many times the US national debt.

"I thought somebody had bought Europe with my credit card," said Josh Muszynski, from New Hampshire.

He says his appeals to his bank first met with little understanding, though it eventually corrected the error.

It also waived the usual $15 overdraft fee.

"It was all back to normal," Mr Muszynski told his local television station, WMUR. "They reversed the negative balance fee, which was nice."

Debt crisis

His nightmare began when he checked his online bank account a few hours after buying the cigarettes.

He thought he would be a couple of hundred dollars in the black. But his overdraft had pushed him into the red - by an amount equivalent to many times the entire US national debt.

"It is a lot of money in the negative," he said. "Something I could never, ever, afford to pay back.

The 17-digit amount on his online bill shocked Mr Muszynski


"My children could not afford it, grandchildren, nothing like that."

In panic, Mr Muszynski rushed back to the petrol station, but they were unable to help. He says he then spent two hours on the phone with the Bank of America.

Eventually, it assured him it would be fixed - and the next morning, it had been.

But no-one has yet explained to Mr Muszynski how such a astonishing error could have been made.

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/8152278.stm

[Fragony]

sowutehellissut. http://www.dumpert.nl/mediabase/5720...in_alaska.html

dear god whatever

[Crazed Rabbit]

Che, Steven Soderbergh's movie about the killer communist revolutionary, is itself killed;

But it wasn't a resounding smash at the box office, grossing about $30m worldwide. Soderbergh blames piracy ("We got crushed in South America. We came out in Spain in September of last year and it was everywhere within a matter of days. It killed it.") but it probably didn't help that his film is a foreign-language marathon with an admittedly distant and impersonal lead.

By communism!*

And police offenses! This time, only against good taste.

After two area police officers were seen drinking and exposing their buttocks to families, Horry County Police Chief Johnny Morgan said he has "suggested" to his officers that they avoid attending events at The Boathouse Waterway Bar and Grill.

CR
*Maybe not exactly.

[miotas]

sowutehellissut. http://www.dumpert.nl/mediabase/5720...in_alaska.html

dear god whatever

Oceanic skidmarks...

[Banquo's Ghost]

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that someone - perhaps even the Italian Mafia - isn't out to get you.

[Lemur]

Best press release of all time: Our robots do not feed on dead humans

In response to rumors circulating the internet on sites such as FoxNews.com, FastCompany.com and CNET News about a “flesh eating” robot project, Cyclone Power Technologies Inc. (Pink Sheets:CYPW) and Robotic Technology Inc. (RTI) would like to set the record straight [...]

We completely understand the public’s concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission,” stated Harry Schoell, Cyclone’s CEO. “We are focused on demonstrating that our engines can create usable, green power from plentiful, renewable plant matter. The commercial applications alone for this earth-friendly energy solution are enormous."